What was I thinking? What was I thinking? What the hell was I thinking?

I kissed her...I actually kissed her.

This was a mistake. I big huge mistake.

"I gotta tell her it's all wrong. I never meant to kiss her. We can just forget that it happened. Right?" Walking around in circles, talking to myself.

"Dad." Suddenly I was yanked from my mind and back to reality.

"Yeah." I responded, like I was paying a attention the whole time.

"Do you love mommy?" I sighed, bent down to my knees, and held his face gently.

"I love your mother so much. I will never stop loving her." I told him, then kissed her forehead.

"Then why aren't you two with each other anymore."

"Some things you just can't have. They can be right there for you to just grab, but we all have to sacrifice something." I smiled and stood up. "How about we do something fun tomorrow?"

"Yeah!" That sure got his mind off things.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Swimming!" I laughed in enjoyment.

"Haha, we can do that. But first you have to get your room clean right now, then we can go." He started running to his room. "And I everything put away where it belongs and not under your bed and shoved in your closet mister!" I shouted.

I better do my chores too. This place is kinda messy.

I wrote down everything that needs to be cleaned.

-Kitchen: dishes, sweep, dust, wipe counters

-Living Room: Vacuum, dust, wipe coffee table

-Both bathrooms: Clothes in laundry room, wipe sink+counters, clean shower/bath, mop

-Laundry Room: wash clothes

May seem like a lot, but to be honest, it is. Ugh. But it has to get done. Oh jeez, I sound like my mother.

"Alright Aidan, let see how you did." I looked around. "Nice." I looked under his bed. "Very good." In the closet. "You even hung up your clothes, nice job." I looked every and in every spot. "Good job dude. I very proud. Now come help dad clean the kitchen, it's the only thing left to clean."

"Thank you Aidan for helping me clean the kitchen. You did great. Now, what do we want for dinner?" I asked.

"Pizza!"

"No, you had pizza last time you were over. Think of something different."

"Hotdog!." He said.

"Great idea. Wanna help?" He shook his head yes rapidly. "Go in the fridge and grab the hotdogs." I wish I could grill them, but we live in an apartment and I live in the section where I don't have a backyard.

"Here you go dad." I can't believe he's calling me dad now. I loved when he called me daddy. I guess he's just in that stage where he's growing up more. Ugh, I don't want him to grow up.

"Thank you. Now please get the ketchup, onion, and pickles out." I put three hotdogs on a plate and warmed them up. Then I chopped up some onion for me.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE- "Yeah, we get it, you're done." I grabbed the plate from the microwave and put the hotdogs in buns. "Ketchup?"

"Yes please."

"Onions?"

"No thank you, but I'll take pickles please. Thank you." I handed him his plate and he went to sit at the table.

"Hey dad." I turned my attention toward Aidan.

"Yeah."

"Do you ever think I'll get a brother or sister?" I almost choked on my own salvia, but instead just stared at him. I actually never really thought about having anymore children. Aidan was always my number one priority.

"Um, I don't know. Dad hasn't really thought about it." Nervously, I got up from the couch and walked to the bathroom.

My breath was tense. I almost had tears in my eyes. Do I want more children? No, of course not. Aidan plenty for me. One is just enough. Is it? I mean, I never really got to experience what it's like to have a new born.

"Aidan is the child I will have." I looked in the mirror. My face was a little puffy and red from the slight cry.

Maybe Charlie and Twan will have kids. Yeah. Then Aidan can get a brother or sister.

I shook it from my mind and walked back to Aidan.

"Aidan, just remember that I will always love you."

"Okay, I will always love you too dad."

"Now go brush your teeth. It's almost bedtime." We both got up to brush our teeth.

"Clean as a bee's knees!" Aidan showed his teeth.

"I don't think a bee's knees are very clean." I chuckled at his effort in trying.

"Dad always ruins the fun." I rolled my eyes.

"Do not. Now off to bed mister. We got a big day tomorrow. Want me to tuck you in?" I asked.

"Not tonight dad. I'm a big boy." Oh the pain of those words. It hit me hard. Right to the heart. He is growing up way too fast.

"Alright then. Goodnight." This will be the first night I have never tucked him in. Besides the first three years of his life.

I turned off the light to all the rooms and headed to mine. I closed the door slightly and changed into pajamas.

I don't think I can sleep tonight.

All I can think about is Charlie. Her lips were as soft as the day I first kissed her. Her hair still smelled like the same strawberry rose shampoo she has been using for years. Everything about her was the same, but yet so different.

Can I ever move on from her?

One day she'll marry Twan, have more kids, and have her own big happy, perfect family, while I'm probably still going to be stuck here, lonely and afraid to love someone else.

Since Aidan's growing up so fast. What are we going to do when he's ten? Thirteen? Eighteen? Am I still gonna be in love with the same girl for the rest of my life? A father to a boy who will most likely catch my loneliness unless he's surrounded by a big loving family.

Pull yourself together Ashton. You can do this. Your son loves you. We wont abandon you no matter what age. He will- BAM!

I looked outside my window and saw lighting. Then heard a huge thunder sound. Rain was pouring down hard.

Just then I heard screams and running feet stomping their way closer to my bedroom.

"DADDY!" Aidan screams and jumps onto my bed under the covers as close to me as possible.

"It's alright Aidan. It's just a storm." I rubbed his head.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Of course. Hold on." I got up from Aidan's tight grip and closed my door and locked it. I tried turning on the light but it looks like the power went out. "Okay, come on, get comfortable." I got back in bed and Aidan went right back to my side. He held onto me pretty tight as I did the same. Making him feel protected.

My eyes opened and I couldn't see anything. What time is it? I quietly grabbed my phone without waking Aidan up. eight thirty-five. What? Is it still storming? Yes. I checked the weather on my phone.

It's suppose to storm all day and for the rest of the week. Well that's just fantastic.

Is the power back on? I tried plugging my phone in but no charging signal. Hm, must not be yet.

I just put my phone back and feel back asleep with Aidan in my arms.

RING RING RING! RING RING RING! My eye woke once again, but to my phone ringing. I picked it up and answered it. "Hello?" I said softly. My voice was barely there.

"Ashton, it's Charlie. We need to talk. Can I come over?" I was barely understanding what she was saying since I just woke up. I got out of bed of care as possible. Aidan only moved slightly, then stopped and was still sleeping. I walked into the bathroom to get more privacy.

"What? Sorry, I just woke up." I looked at my phone screen for a brief second before putting it back on my ear. twelve seventeen.

"We need to talk. Can I come over in ten?" I didn't know what to say, since I was still half asleep.

"Uh, sure. The key is under the mat." I hung up and walked back into the dark bedroom. I set my phone on my nightstand and went back to bed. I'm so tired. I can sleep for just another ten minutes right? Ten more minutes won't hurt anybody, and with that, I was out cold.