《Parenting 101》SIX - Are We Even A Family?
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They say that when a mother forgets all the pain of giving birth the moment she holds her child in her arms and looks at her baby. All she sees is her baby and how she silently swears to herself to keep her baby safe from all harm's way. That's what I felt like when Blake came by and dropped Chris off. The moment he smiled at me and jumped in my arms, it felt as though all the things I was worried about had disappeared.
Blake had called earlier saying he was going out with his friends and he couldn't take Chris along, also that his family won't be home so he couldn't leave him home. "Plus I really think that you should spend some time alone with him. I know he really wants that" He had said over the phone, so I said yes.
My dad was out of town on 'training', he had called it. He had said the previous vice president would show him how things are to be done in meetings and all the other vice president duties so he would be gone for a day or two, so of course I said yes to Blake because believe it or not, I loved Chris and I really wanted to spend time with him.
"Mommy, can I ask you something?" Chris picks his head up from my lap and looks at me, stopping me from playing with his hair. I nod, encouraging him to go on. "Why are you never with daddy?"
"What do you mean?" I put his head back on my lap and continue to play with his hair.
"You're never with him. I never see you guys together anymore. You guys don't kiss anymore. Did you guys have a fight? Is it cuz of me? I didn't mean-" He starts to shake and I rub his back in an attempt to calm him down.
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"Chris, baby calm down. It's not because of you. Your dad and I, we're just a little busy so it's hard but everything will be OK soon alright?" I kiss his cheek as he nods.
Truth be told, I wanted Chris to be happy. I wanted him to be able to get back to the really happy family that he describes, but is it bad that this part of me does not want to let him go. I want to stay with him. He's filled this emptiness in my heart and if he leaves... It would be like losing a part of me. I don't know what I want anymore. Do I want Chris to find his family as soon as possible and be happy so it's easier to let go? or Do I want to have Chris all to myself and him continuing to wonder why his 'parents' don't love each other, I won't have to let go. It's selfish, but I can't help it.
"Come on baby. Let's go. We'll go out to eat. What do you want?" He smiles bright and starts jumping up and down as he repeatedly says "I'm Lovin' it" and as soon as he has his shoes on we're out the door.
Rootsville was warm all year long and I guess it was nice but every now and then I would love to see some snow. A white Christmas would be nice but that's impossible for Rootsville.
We go to McDonald's and get in the long line. When it's finally our turn, Chris orders a happy meal while I get a burger with fries. As soon as we get our drinks and order we find ourselves a seat and sit down.
"Mommy, will you and daddy ever make up?" He looks up at me from across from me as he eats nuggets. I smile at him.
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"Chris, we're not in a fight in the first place" I reassure him again. "Why do you think we're in a fight?"
"We don't do things as a family anymore" Sometimes when he talks, I forget he's three years old.
I can't think of anything to say to him. All I do is give him a small smile and nod.
"So do you like Lucas?" I ask him, remembering Blake's brother's name. He smiles big and nods and goes off on their adventures, as I stir my drink with the straw. When I look up, I see Blake walk in with his best friend Caden, and... Lottie? I was surprised. I was... confused. Since when did Lottie start hanging out with those two?
Lottie catches my eye and gives me a big grin. She says something to the boys and quickly runs over to me and gives Chris a big kiss on the cheek, and slides in the booth, placing herself next to Chris while I just look at her with my eyebrows furrowed and one of them raised.
"Ok, don't look at me like that. I was going to come by your house after this and tell you all about it but you're here and that's even better!" She chirps.
"I missed you, auntie Lottie!" Chris hugs her with ketchup all over his mouths. Lottie looks at him with a smile and ruffles his hair.
"So what were you gonna tell me when you came by?" I ask her amusingly.
"I think you should hang out someday with just Blake and Chris." She gives me her serious face, reassuring me that she was not joking in any way.
"Oh mommy, please! We can go to the park! Please talk to daddy! And tell him not to bring Mrs. witch!" Chris looks at me with pleading eyes which makes Lottie and I crack up.
"Mind if we join?" Caden asks, but the two boys take a seat anyways. Caden gave Lottie her food and sat next to her as she.... bit her lip.... while Blake took a seat beside me.
"I love this! Mommy and Daddy and then Auntie Lottie and Uncle Caden are all here!" Chris clapped with ketchup covering his hands, which by instinct I grabbed some napkins and cleaned.
"Yeah, buddy!" Caden roared as he put his arm around Lottie, which she shrugged off as he gave her a cheesy smile.
"So.." Blake starts but doesn't finish. He just gestures with his head, asking Lottie something, which she only nods to.
"So are you..?" Blake turns to me and has trouble finishing for some reason. Lottie looks at me with a look and I understand what he wants to ask.
"Do you want to take Chris to the park tomorrow? I think it'll be nice" I finish for him. Blake gives me a chuckle and finally says "Ya that will be nice"
We both look at Chris with smiles on our faces as he put a chicken nugget in his mouth.
I want you to be happy Chris. Even if it might not be with me.
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