Thea

Despite absolutely loving my freedom and embracing my independence while at school, I seemed to find myself becoming homesick every once in a while. My family (including my extended family) has always been extremely close. Growing up in my household and raised by immigrants, it was always encouraged to do your best in school and to work hard. This will then help you with your career.

My family has always promoted education and my dad will always ask me how I'm doing in school and if I see myself on the path to finding a job with an overall successful career. I'm not going to lie, it does get annoying at times; constantly hearing about how I will handle my future. He just wants the best for me, to not have to work as hard as he did when he first arrived to the United States and face the struggles he did when building himself up to where he is now. My mother feels the same but she lectures me less while my aunts and uncles are rooting for me, giving me so much love and support.

Everyone in my family has become extremely successful. From arriving in the United States with nothing but a shared suitcase between a family of eight (my mom's side) to living in a tiny house in a not so great area. With the many challenges they faced, they have truly worked hard and dedicated so much of themselves into their careers which has allowed me, my brother and my cousins to live a more privileged life than they have. Every day I am tremendously grateful for all the opportunities they have given me. However, with all of their amazing achievements to becoming great business men and women and working in high positions it sometimes leaves me with this high standard that I do my best to live up to.

These standards often make me second guess myself and wonder if I am doing enough. I love my current major and am satisfied with where my goals are heading, however, I sometimes feel the pressure of living up to this standard correlates with my confidence in myself which can be low at times. If I don't do well on an exam or project, I really beat myself up for it. In addition to this, I am surrounded by very confident roommates who seem to be exceptionally self-reliant in not only their studies but in their appearance, personalities, etc. They're amazing and always boost my confidence but there's still that itch in the back of my head that I can never completely stray away from.

Growing up in a white dominant area never allowed me to fully embrace my own skin and my asian background. I was also less desired than my white female peers and it led to some of my insecurities. Coming to a more diverse college in comparison to my highschool has definitely allowed me to embrace my own background more. Guys show more interest in me than in my old neighborhood, however, sometimes I still find myself questioning if the cute guy in class or the cute guy working the library help desk that I spotted first would like my Southeast Asian features. I find him attractive, does he find me attractive?

I know that I shouldn't care if I am appealing to any man and that I should truly embrace who I am, but I went 18 years of my life being physically different from my peers and not as accepted as I am now. I've been doing my best to stay out of that mentality and to step away from my insecurities. With all that being said, I am currently back in my hometown 2 hours away from school at a family get together back at home, surprising everyone here because of my homesickness.

I took a bus back home and my cousin picked me up from the station 15 minutes ago. As Vivien pulls into my childhood driveway, heads look through the window from inside. I can see my aunt yelling "Thea's here!"

"Aww, they look happy to see you" Vivien says, with a soft look on her face. Vivien is four years older than me and one of my closest cousins. I confide in her with many things and she's overall like an older sister to me.

"Yeah, it's nice to be back home. I needed a break from the dining hall food."

Walking through the porch inside, I greet everyone in my path, giving kisses to my aunts and little cousins and waving to my uncles.

"Hi Thea! I missed you. Are you hungry? Go get some food." My grandma says in her native language, smiling at me and giving me a kiss on my cheek. I've missed her so much, she's the kindest lady I know. I smile at her with all my affection.

"Hi, Yay. I missed you too."

My stomach grumbles and I almost tear up a little. I've missed home cooked meals so much. I wave at my parents who are at the stove frying something in the kitchen. They're not the most affectionate when they see me, but the rest of my family makes up for it.

Vivien and I make our way to the table with several different trays of different food. Eggrolls, fried rice, vegetable stir fry, hamburgers, hot dogs and many more. My family is pretty americanized so we like to have asian and American dishes. Especially for my younger cousins who mainly eat American food. We grab a variety of different foods, despite it being a little weird to eat an eggroll and a hamburger in the same meal and find a seat with my nosey aunts at the dining room table. One of them is the very same one who snitched on me about my tattoo, but I love her with my whole heart.

I toss my travel bag under the table and place my fall coat behind my back.

"How's school Thee Thee?" One of them questions

"It's good. I'm excited for the short Thanksgiving break but I think I'm going to stay on campus if we get any snow. I don't want to make my parents drive through a blizzard since we seem to always get one right before Thanksgiving" I say, while taking bites of food in between my words

"Lets cross our fingers and hope we don't get hit with anything. Everyone will be sad to not have you with us this year. So, have you met any cute guys?" She says sitting up to hear if I potentially have a boyfriend.

Will immediately comes to mind. It's been two weeks of us walking to class and his practice together in the mornings. We alternate between paying for each other because there was no way I would let him pay for me each time. He's great company and we've hung out a couple times outside of our morning walks. I have officially stuck him into the friend list in my head as hard as it was. Plus, he's not really flirty with me anymore and as much as it would be nice to picture him as something more, he doesn't seem like the relationship type. I wasn't lying when I told him this first year for me is really important in maintaining my grades too.

"Eh, not really. I'm not looking for anything anyways. Plus, my Dad keeps reminding me about my scholarship and how important it is to keep my grades up this year so I'm not really looking for anything."

Vivien turns, pointing a fork at me, "T, it doesn't hurt to have fun. I know you go out and stuff with your friends but having a boyfriend wouldn't hurt. I know you, and I know you'd be able to manage everything. That's if you're interested in someone like that."

"Yeah, I guess. It's just that it makes me anxious thinking of potentially losing any money and disappointing my parents. I'll loosen up more by the end of next semester. I promise."

My phone goes off with a text and I look down to see a message from Will.

Heard you were gone for the weekend. I was gonna ask if u wanted to come out with me and the guys tonight with ur roommates.

Vivi sighs. "Whatever you say, I just want you to live your college life to the fullest. You deserve to have some fun. Even if you do get a boyfriend, we can keep it a secret from the fam." She says, whispering the last part so our aunties don't hear. Even if I told them about a boyfriend and told them not to tell my parents, one of them would accidentally slip. They like to gossip with Mom.

I swipe my phone back open to reply back to Will.

Sorry, thought I mentioned it to you. I missed home and my family too much. I'll tell the girls they can go on without me. Have fun :)

Fine. We only have a few more chances before winter break, after Thanksgiving. I'm dragging you out. You'll be my perfect wing woman. The guy's suck right now and don't wanna help me get laid

Since when did you need help getting laid?

Never, but I still want to hear what you you'll say to keep them impressed;)

I'm rolling my eyes rn. You don't need anymore of an ego boost. Go away or I'll cock block you next time we're out together

You wouldn't.

Try me, you manwhore

Fine, have a nice weekend home

Ty

I settle into the chair making myself more comfortable just as one of my aunt say "Did you hear that Cece's husband cheated on her. Heard she's only 22 and he's in his fifties."

We all gasp in shock.

"No, way! Isn't their daughter 23?"

It's good to be home.