I gently brushed up my hair as I peacefully sat down on my bed while humming some soft tune when suddenly someone uncontrollably knocked on my door. I stood up and make my way to open it up.

I already know it was Hanji because she's the only that I knew who will do it.

As I opened a door I planned to greet her with a smile, but she swiftly hugged me tighter.

"Ha... Hanji?! What's wrong?! Why did you looked like a maniac again?!" I insisted and hug her back, but slowly pulled her inside my room to locked up the door.

Well she's totally got that maniac face like usual so it's not new to me.

She let go of the tight hug and held both of my shoulders with her firm hands as she look at me straightly yet creepily on the eyes.

"(Y/N)!!!"

"Wha... What?!"

"(Y/N)!!!"

"What is it?! You're scaring me Hanji!!!"

What's going on with her? I never seen her like this before.

"(Y/N) (L/N) YOU HAVE TO FREAKINGLY CONFESS YOUR DAMN FEELINGS TO LE-" She shouted, but I quickly cut her off and covered her mouth using my palm before she could ever dare to say the name.

"Quiet down Hanji! You promised me not to let the others knew about it" I whispered shouted to her then I let down my hand to freed up her mouth. She gasped and calm her self down before turning to grabbed both of my shoulders again.

"Even if we won't tell the others they already did know that you're having some sort of frickle frackle with Levi" She said and tried to keep her voice down. I frowned upon her words.

"Frickle Frackle? I didn't imagined him in that way" I complained and Hanji laughed nervously while scratching the back of her neck.

"Heheh sorry, but..... I'm freaking serious that you really have to confess to him right now, right this day and right this time because tomorrow is the expedition and it wasn't the one that we're getting used to, it is more difficult than before" Hanji exclaimed as she crossed her arms above her chest.

She's right tomorrow is an another day of expedition were the list of deaths are going to be unacceptable again.

"Hanji... I've been fighting for at least a few years by now so you don't have to get worried so much and today wasn't the right time for confessions... Maybe when the expedition is over" I insisted while fixing my bed.

"But (Y/n) you promised me that you'll going to confess to him before the expedition" She whined and I corrected her.

"I'm pretty sure that I told you it was after the expedition"

"Oh... But (Y/n) please you really have to do it right now before....."

"Before?"

Hanji bite her lower lip and averted her gaze on the floor while fiddling with her fingers as she hesitatedly replied in a low voice, but it's enough for me to hear it.

"I... I saw one of your team mate flirting with him"

"Oh you mean Petra? Yeah I already knew about it..."

Petra has the same thing as mine when it comes to Levi, but I had a deep reason to love him. But the worst for me is...

I think Levi has the same way, but it was for her.

No this cannot be happening he kissed me so I have hopes to claimed him again.

"(Y/n)!!! I'm begging you please tell it to him!!!" Hanji whined while crying like a child as she hugged down my legs.

"Okay fine! I'm going to do it..."

"OH YEAH!!! Good luck with that!"

I sighed and get some casual dress and wear it over my night gown then I make my way outside my room as Hanji followed behind.

"(Y/n) whatever the answer he will gave you I want you stay positive okay?" Hanji said before running away.

"I'll try..."

I sighed again and proceed to go and find Levi's office.

Actually I got a lot more nervous by now and my legs are trembling along with my hands. As soon as I got closer to his office the more closer I became so anxious.

My palms are sweating and I felt like my stomach is twisting.

I inhaled and think of a possible thing.

"You can do it (Y/n) just trust your self" I mumbled to my self.

This is it...

I reached his door and nervously knocked on it.

"State your name and your business" The voice called behind.

"Uh... It's (Y/n)... Sir... I just came here to..... Discuss about something" I said and he approve it.

"Come in..."

I opened the door revealing his neatly clean office. I slowly make my way towards the front of his desk. He was doing his usual paper work so he doesn't dare himself to look at me on the eyes.

"Speak now cadet, I don't have all day" He monotonously stated still not looking directly to me.

I felt like my tongue is going backwards to my throat. I gulped and bring out my courage to speak.

"Ca... Captain I need something to tell you..... I... li... Like you... No that wasn't the right word... I mean... I love you" I stammered and he finally averted his gaze towards me, but with a frown on his face.

That look means rejection.

"I... I know this is not the right timing for confessions, but tomorrow is an another day of expedition and I was really afraid due to it's difficulty and maybe it could be my last... So I decided to tell it to you now and I hope you'll consider it" I nervously explained while he'll just stoicly stared directly to me without any emotion.

I can tell he was really going to reject me.

"Sorry, but... No" He bluntly replied as the tears are threatening to come out of my eyes, but I tried to hold it back.

"But... What about the kiss?" I asked. I felt that my body is getting warmer because of the sadness that I was holding and what I heard next makes my single tear to fall down on my cheek.

"It was nothing..."

It was nothing? It was all nothing? I thought he feels the same way because he do that to me.

The way he kissed me was a great meaning that he shows affection to me, but I thought wrong.

It was all nothing, but a blind kiss.

"Cadet... I'm sorry" He apologized, but he kept his stoic composure.

"No! I should be the one to apologize for giving you some troublesome" I tried to act calmly, but I guess it was impossible.

"No... It is because-" He was interrupted by the sound of door that opens.

"Hey Levi, Commander wants to-" She stopped after seeing the two of us.

Petra?

What's going on? Why is she calling the Captain by his first name? Why she didn't knock before she could enter?

What's going on?! What's going on between them?!!

Could it be...

No... Please no!!!

"Oh I'm sorry I thought no one is here except the Captain himself" She sarcastically insisted and I could see a smirk forming on her lips.

I stared blankly to her and to Levi as I firmly clutched my hands. I kept trying my best to hold back the painful feeling inside me and specially inside my aching heart.

"Cadet (L/n) I want you to keep what you encountered as a secret... Can I trust on that?" Levi asked and I hanged my head low as his words are making my feeling more painful.

"Ye... Yes Captain" I replied and my voice sounds cracky.

"You may leave now..." He said and I sloppily brings my fist above my chest to salute as I obliged his orders.

"Sorry for bothering you... I'll take my leave now Captain Levi, Petra..."

I groggily make my way outside his office and headed towards my room. I wasn't my usual self anymore.

I looked terrible and desperate and depressed and whatever it is I looked awful.

I plunged my self over my bed to let my feelings to release and cry my eyes out.

This is so much painful.

I can't believe he's in a hidden relationship with the girl I really despite the most.

Petra... She's been acting so kindly to the others except me. She knows that I had feelings to Levi like hers.

But I loved him more than anything in this world.

I loved him for a very deep reason.

I loved him ever since the day that I was born.

I loved him a thousand years ago until now.

I waited for him for such a long time.

He promised me...

He promised me that he'll be born so we can be together again.

He told me that loved me.

But why?! Why did he lied to me?!

I thought he kissed me because still he remembered and loved me.

But he gave me a lot of hopes for nothing.

Or maybe he really didn't remember anything about our past.

Levi...

Why?!.....

*hands it to you*