There's no way to describe the passive look on Cameron's face.

Carefully veiled frustration is mixed with forced happiness and it quickly causes my excitement to fade.

Yesterday, when I asked what we usually did for his birthday, he explained that we had traditions for each birthday in the house.

Xander goes to the batting cages each year.

Zoey likes to watch the princess bride with her lunch from Mazzios.

Ryder likes fireworks go off at 10:09 at night, the exact time of his birth.

Theo likes to have cheeseburgers for breakfast.

Mayzie always wants to go to the park after dinner for ice-cream.

But when I asked about his birthday tradition, he paused before smiling sadly and waving me off. So I went ahead and planned the whole day.

And now he's standing in the kitchen, looking at the list of things I planned for the day, a very stoic look on his face.

"Or we could do other things." I quickly add, seeing that he's clearly upset.

The kids making breakfast for him, maybe that's not as sweet as I thought.

"Did you get this list from Meghan?"

"No."

Pizza at the office.

"Then how did you come up with these?"

Dinner as a family.

I shrug in response to his question. "I just thought of them. They seemed like fun, family things."

Sending the kids of to Aunt Meghan and Uncle Isaiah's for the night.

"I'm confused, Cameron." I mutter, approaching him as he continues to stare at the small post-it. "Are you angry?"

I watch as he sets the note on the counter. "Those are my traditions." He responds quietly before gently pulling me toward him. "These are the exact things we've been doing for the past ten years."

There's a happy glimmer is his eyes. It makes me want to lie, to say I remember, but...

"I don't..." I start as I pull away. "I don't remember."

"I know." He smiles down at me, the skin around his eyes crinkling in the the most adorable way. "But your subconscious does and I think that's just as good."

A content sigh leaves me as he holds my body against him, his hand resting on my protruding stomach.

"Happy birthday." I whisper, turning to rest my head in the crook of his neck. The musty pine scent I've started to love fills my senses and I feel at home.

"Thank you."

"What are you gonna wish for? If you tell me before the candles are lit it'll still come true."

"I just want you to be as happy as you were before."

His honest answer surprised me. I had assumed he would give me a sarcastic answer or, if he was being honest, wish for my memory to return.

"What about you?" I question in response, my heart starting to race as his thumb starts stoking my stomach, his heat quickly going through my thin shirt. "Don't you want to be as happy as before?"

"My happiness lies with you." He whispers, his breath fanning my ear.

He frowns when I quickly pull away, my heart wanting to beat out of my chest, wanting to be closer to him.

The simply, three word, sentence I know he wants to hear sits at the tip on my tongue, wanting to jump from my lips. I bite them back, now is not the time. Tonight. Tonight, I'll show you. I silently promise him, before bouncing to my tiptoes. Even with my added height, he's still inches taller.

He gasps when my body falls against him. My hands cups his cheeks, his scruff scratching my palms.

"Happy birthday." I whisper for the second time this morning before lightly tugging his face down.

When his lips connect with mine, all reasonable thought flies out the window.

Everything he does for me, how he daily holds himself back from acting on the things a husband has a right to act on.

I'm so caught up in my thoughts I don't realize that he's lifting me until I feel the cold granite of the kitchen island underneath my thighs.

Cameron's hands refuse to move from my hips, and my hands, which have been limply hanging at my sides, move to his chest.

As soon as our skins connect, his hands come to my wrists and he pulls away, just slightly.

"Happy birthday to me." He pants against my lips and I can't help but laugh.

"Are you guys coming or what?" Zoey's voice calls from the dining room and Cameron's face forms an 'oops' look.

"You go first." He helps me off the counter, allowing me to quickly kiss him. "I need a second."

-

"How was lunch at the office?"

"Fine." I reply to my best friend, as I take the bag she's handing me. "Thank you, again, for watching them. And for picking this up."

She smirks. "Mhm. Have fun." Her face suddenly becomes serious. "Please tell him. He needs to hear it."

"I will," I assure her, hugging her quickly. "Sometime tonight. I will tell him."

-

"You look beautiful." Cameron says, sliding my chair out, allowing me to sit.

"Thank you." I mutter, fiddling with the lace gown that tightly hugs my bump.

"Black is my favorite color on you." He says, sliding my chair in before sitting in his.

"Why?" I find myself questioning as I remember the approval that flickered in his eyes when I walked into our candle lit dining room.

"It's makes you skin look even more delicate." He whispers, and even in the dimly lit room, I can see his cheeks flush. I'm ready to forget dinner and move to his surprise when he clears his throat. "Thank you for making the lasagna for tonight."

"Of course." I watch as he happily takes a bite of what he claims is his favorite meal.

We talk about small, trivial things and I try to focus but my mind continues to wander.

Will he be gentle? Has it been so long that he'll lose himself in reckless abandon? Do I want him to?

After we get dinner cleaned up, he excuses himself to shower before our 'movie' and I start working on the next part of the night.

More candles in the bedroom. Soft music. Black lace lingerie.

Im sitting on my bed, my dress unzipped, when he opens the bathroom door, wrapped in nothing but a towel. My nerves cause my hands to shake but when his jaw drop, confidence fills me. This man loves me, he's worshiped my body before, he deserves to do it again. I love him, there's no reason not to show him.

"Amelia." He gasps as I let the evening gown fall. The steam that spills out from behind him carries his scent and I follow my instinct to get closer.

Like magnets, our mouths snap together. My eyes closed, I allow my body to remember for me. My hands travel across my husband's body, relearning him as he walks me back toward our bed. I let myself fall back as the backs of my legs hit the mattress. His lips travel my body, spending time on my sensitive breasts and protruding stomach.

"Are you sure?" Cameron asks, his hands halting their movement on my skin. "I won't go back to the way it was once we do this. I want you every night, whenever, wherever. I want you to be mine again."

"I know." I whisper in response, my fingers threading through his dark strands as I pull his head down to mine. "I'm ready. Make love to your wife."

Those must be the words he wanted to hear because a guttural moan leaves from deep with in him. His hands finding the last bit of clothing, ripping them away, before he moves down and shows me all there is to know about making love. My body remembers everything, forgetting any type of pain and only noticing the pleasure it's used to.

When we're finally one, I realize this is how weren't meant to be. I want to cry out from the relief I feel being with him.

Moans, groans, and 'I love you's fall from my husband's lips but I'm too far gone to respond.

We both let go at the same time, both of us falling over the edge of pleasure, and when 'I love you' starts falling from his lips like a prayer, my only response is to cry out his name.

They say actions speak louder than words and I can only pray this act spoke the most. I hope realizes how much I love him, how much I need him in my life.

Hours later, when his breathing has evened out into slow, unconscious breaths, my tears start to fall.

There may have been a part of me, larger than I thought, that was convinced that, once I crossed this line, my memories would come flooding back.

And now that they're not, my heart is slowly cracking.

It's not fair. Not to me, not to him, not to our children. I just want to remember us.

In response to my sniffling, Cameron shifts, his arms tightening around me. So I make the decision to slowly slip away. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I make my way out of the house, to the rocker on the front porch.

My thumbs are quick to open up the text I received two days ago but never answered. Without much thought, I press the call button. I need an outside opinion. I need someone who's not close to the situation to tell me what to do next.

"Amelia?" Ryan answers on the second ring. "Are you okay? It's four in the morning."

"I'm fine. I'm sorry."

"You don't sound fine." He instantly responds. "You sound like you've been crying."

"It's just not fair." I suddenly cry out. "I still don't remember. He deserves a better wife. I'm a terrible one, and a terrible mother."

"Amelia." He sighs, and I hear shuffling. "Cameron deserves to me with a woman who loves him. Do you?"

"I do. So much."

"Then tell him. He doesn't need you to remember. He just needs to know you want to make new memories."

"But Ryan." I sob, unable to control myself as I think of how patient Cameron has been these past five months. He continually gives and gives without asking for anything in return. His actions are always the the definition of selfless. He loves me so much. I wish I could read his letter.

"Ryan, I need you-"

"Shhh." Ryan whispers from the other end of the line. "It's Amelia, I'll be back. Sorry, Mia, that was Kim."

"Oh, Ryan, I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it. We were both up with the baby."

My mind, temporarily distracted, moves to baby talk, and we both discuss how much we're enjoying parenthood.

"Ryan, I need you to mail me the letter."

I need to know what it says. I need it assure me that I'm all he needs, memories or no memories we can be happy.

"I can do that." He responds quickly. "I'll express mail it to you tomorrow."

"Thank you. I better let you get back to your wife."

Ryan laughs lightly in response. "I'll talk to you later."

Silently, and with a happy heart, I make my way back into the house.

"You scared me." I suddenly jump, my hand going to my chest when Cameron moves out of the room. I frown when I notice that he's showered and dressed.

"I have to go to the office." There's tension radiating from his body when he looks at me and I frown. It must be serious.

"Okay." I move to kiss him but he rushes past me and down the stairs without another word. "I lo-"

The front door slams before I can finish.