《Remembering Us》"More Than Life Itself"

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Zoey stares expectantly at her brother who looks sick.

He suddenly launches himself from his seat of the dining table, looking like a tightly coiled spring that's just been released.

"Well I guess they considered it breaking news." Cameron mutters, meeting my eyes across the table.

"Was that his proof?" Isaiah asks, looking out the dining room window at the taillights of Xander's car as they quickly leave the driveway.

"Yes." Cameron responds, again looking at me, this time with a grim frown.

Audrey Rush did nothing wrong. My heart aches for the time my boy lost with the love of his life. To think that I've played a part in it makes me want to cry out. She never deserved whatever I said to her three years ago. I don't know what I told her, but Cameron said it was enough to make her disappear from our lives. Three years, three years of love and happiness taken from both her and Xander. It makes me think of the twelve years I'm missing. I'm missing twelve years from a man that loves me more than anything else.

"Excuse me." I mutter, trying to keep the trembling from my voice as I stand from the dining table. "I need a second."

I walk down the hall, quickly checking on the little kids in my way to the stairs. They're so focused on their silly movie they don't notice me as I rush up the stairs.

Walking into the room, I quietly close the door behind me and move to the dresser to look at the photos sitting there.

The first, on the far left, is from our wedding. I'm holding a giggling Zoey, her burgundy dress standing out against my white one. My face is turned up to kiss Cameron who is standing next to me. He's bent down but is holding Ryder on the hip next to me and Xander on the other.

The next is from when Theo was born. Zoey and Ryder are sitting in the hospital bed, one on each side of me, as we stare down at the small bundle. Cameron and Xander are standing together on the side, also looking at Theo. There's so much contentment, love, and happiness in the photo, it brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could remember.

The third one makes we cringe. I must have been taken just moments after I gave birth. My hair is a mess, I look sweaty and exhausted. What's so special about the photo is Cameron smiling down at the pink bundle, a lone tear on his cheek.

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"You hate that photo." Meghan walks into the room, looking from me to the frame in my hand. "You say you hate how it makes you look like a zombie. Cameron loves it."

"It is a good photo of him and Mayzie." I nod, setting the frame down. "He loves his children, that much is clear."

"He loves that photo of you." She walks next to me, picking the frame up. "It's a guy thing, Isaiah feels the same way about my sweaty afterbirth photos."

"What way?" I question with a frown.

"Pride." She responds, looking at me with a gentle smile. "You just went through hell and back for him, to make him happy because you love him and it fills him with pride. Sometimes arrogance." She shrugs, her grin growing. "I'm surprised Cameron has been able to keep his hands to himself."

She sees the question in my eye and laughs, knowing she piqued my curiosity. She moves to sit on Cameron and I's bed, patting the spot next to her before pulling her legs up in the bed, crossing them Indian-style. I move toward the bed taking a few minutes to get comfortable as I rest my aching back and feet. Everything g hurts now.

"I've heard Cameron gives the best back rubs."

My eyes, which I didn't realize I had closed jolt open. "Who told you that?"

My best friend bites her lip before bursting out in laughter. "Um, you?" She continues chuckling, grabbing her red locks, and twisting it before tying it up in a bun. "I miss our talks." She suddenly whispers, frowning, and I can see the sadness in her eyes.

"We can still talk." I whisper back, reaching forward and grabbing her hand. "I'm still me. Like I tell Mayzie, just remind me if I forget." I try to smile but Meghan looks so distressed it's hard. "I still love you. I still want to discuss everything you have to say."

She has a small, sad smile. "Cameron said something similar. He told me I should remind you of the struggles of marriage and the joys of parenthood."

"And everything in between." She seems to be considering my worlds when I question I had earlier comes to mind. "Did I ever tell you about the time I fell in love with Cameron?"

She nods, more to herself than me before moving to rest her back against the headboard like me. "After dating for a month, you walked in on him asleep in Zoey's bed, she had had a nightmare and he went to comfort her. You woke him up and told him right then." She starts chuckling. "He screamed it back so loud he woke Zoey up."

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I laugh at the thought of a shocked Cameron telling that he loves me.

My mind goes back to today, his face wore the largest grin I've ever seen when he found out the baby was a girl. I realized two things in that moment. One of his bottom teeth is slightly crooked,giving him a boyish charm, and I am completely in love with him. "I'm in love with him." I whisper and Meghan squeals as my heart starts to speed up. I want to be married to him, I want to have his children, I want...

"Do you know why I was going to meet Ryan?" I should have asked her to begin with, the old me would have told her.

"How did you find out about that?" She questions sharply, frowning as she turns her whole body to look at me. "Did that jackass call you?" Her eyes spark with anger.

"No," my head starts to swim with why she's so angry with him. I guess it's the same reason Cameron does, he cheated on me, broke my heart and left with out apology. The funny thing is, I don't remember it. "No, he didn't call me. Kai found note about where to meet Ryan at in my car."

"You can't tell Cameron that I know." She begs, wide-eyed. "He'll blame me for the accident, saying that I should have told him."

"Why didn't you?"

"You asked me not to." She shrugs as if it's enough, and I know it is. "When we graduated high school, the same day Ryan asked you to date him, Cameron dropped a letter off." She starts explaining and I frown, trying to remember if Cameron told me about a letter. "I don't know what it said, but Cameron makes it sound like it was some gushy love letter every girl dreams of getting from a man." She pauses, grinding her teeth and I can tell she's trying to be careful with her wording. "Ryan stole that letter."

Confused doesn't fully explain the emotion I feel. Hurt, anger, betrayal all mixed into some anxious concoction.

"He was in town to sell his parents house and contacted you, he said he found it in an old box and wanted to give it to you. You knew Cameron would say forget it so you were waiting until he went out of town."

"So why'd I'd go at two in the morning?"

"To avoid press."

The amount of relieve I feel causes me to start laughing. "I thought I was cheating."

The look she gives me causes me to laugh even more. "He's married!" She starts laughing too. "His wife was gonna be there!"

Our laughter continues for a few moments, until Meghan sobers up. "When are you going to tell Cameron about your feelings?"

"When the moment is right." I respond instantly, I don't want to just blurt it like I apparently did the first time.

"Honey," My best friend grips my shoulders, giving me a serious look. "Your husband needs to hear it, just tell him and a moment will form."

"I can't." My head starts shaking. "I want..."

"His birthday is next week." She interrupts me, jumping off the bed and pacing back and forth. "Tell him then, please, Amelia, don't make him wait any longer." She freezes, looking at me, and her next words make me want to run out of the room and tell him then. "There's a part of him that's dying inside, hearing those words is the only thing that will revive him."

-

"Meghan said you're birthday is next week."

"Is that what you guys were talking about?" Cameron questions, pulling my silk covered body against his.

"It came up." I mutter in response, wiggling to get comfortable.

"Amelia." He groans into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "You can't do that."

Realizing that in my effort to get comfortable, I was grinding my backside against his front, I freeze, squeaking an apology. Although the thought of what that could lead to doesn't make me nervous, instead I get an entirely differently feeling along with a tug in my lower stomach.

While his hands rest on my stomach, I can't help but wonder how they would feel in other places, exploring, memorizing, worshiping.

"I love you." I hear him sigh into my ear. "I love you more than life itself."

"I-" I'm ready to say it back but an idea stops me. "I know."

I'm ready to love him, to make love to him, and what better way to tell him than on his birthday. It'll be the perfect way to create the moment I want. When I do tell him, I want him to know that he's succeeded, that he's won me over a second time.

My last thought as I drift of comfortably in my husband's arms is that I'm ready to be wholly his again, forever.

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