"What troubles you Nerida?" Ivar asked as he awoke to find his wife clothed and sitting in a large chair by the fire. Just hours before they had made passionate love, both passing out from pure exhaustion after reaching their beautiful finish.

"Many things husband. Many things." She sighed as she stood and grabbed her large fur cloak from the bed, her body shaking as she avoided Ivar's gaze and his questions. She loved him, but even while they made love, she could see in his eyes that something had changed.

"I have many blades to fix and armor to make. You must meet with your brothers, Ivar and come up with a plan for when we reach Wessex." She said sternly as she adjusted her eye patch before quickly grabbing her daggers and leaving their home. Nerida's legs walked fast as she hurried to the blacksmithing hut, her mind a mix of chaos and rage.

She slammed her hammer down on the anvil in frustration as she just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. She wanted to tell Ivar she was pregnant with their child and she wanted to see his love for her shining out through his eyes, but that was slowly fading. She slipped her hand over her tunic just above her belly, her eyes closing as she imagined what it was going to be, something only the gods knew.

Nerida was covered in dark soot by the time the sun rose, her arms aching and her mouth dry as she knew that she needed to rest after hours of work. She placed her tools down and wiped her face with a small piece of cloth from the table, her hands completely black and leaving harsh streaks over her face.

"Nerida." Ubbe said causing her to pull from her thoughts, a smirk on her face as Hvitserk threw her a damp piece of cloth for her hands and face. She wiped her face and hands the best she could, knowing it was in vain.

"What do you need?" She asked in an almost annoyed tone, since she had to make more armor for some of the men who had just arrived from Denmark.

"Ivar thinks he should be the leader of the great army, said that our father chose him. I want to know what you have to say on this matter." Ubbe said in a quiet and hushed tone, Nerida knowing that in this moment she had to put her love for Ivar aside and think of the battle ahead.

"Ivar is not ready yet, his mind is not ready and his lust for revenge and blood will only shed more blood than needed. Bjorn will lead your army, and I will lead my men by his side. If Ivar talks more on the matter---tell him where I stand." She said sternly watching as Ubbe and Hvitserk's smiles faded, as they clearly were not expecting her to not side with her husband.

"Nerida! Your bleeding!" Hvitserk yelled as Nerida looked down and saw dark blood staining the front and side of her breeches. Her eyes went wide as she reached down and touched her blood-soaked fabric, the blood filling her hands as everything around her began to spin.

"NERIDA!" Hvitserk yelled as Nerida felt a hand under her head as she fell to the ground, everything around her turning dark.

***

Nerida's eyes fluttered opened as everything around the dark room looked blurry. "Hello?" She whispered in a raspy tone as she saw the outline of a figure sitting at the edge of the bed, her eyes coming to focus as she realized it was Ivar.

"Why did you not tell me about our child? Floki told me that he suggested you not tell me, but why?" Ivar asked in a weak tone as a single tear fell down his cheek. Nerida turned her gaze away from him, a guilt and sadness rising inside as she knew in her heart, that her baby was gone.

"I was not sure, you were ready. Ivar your mind has been in a hateful place and a revengeful place. I was scared that if I told you of our child, it would frighten you, or take your mind away from the battle." She admitted as she turned to look at him again, his gaze dark as she knew that he was angry with her.

"You also told Ubbe and Hvitserk, that you do not believe that I will make a great leader of great army."

"More than half of those men are mine, Ivar. To them I am the King and the Queen, and they will follow my orders and mine alone. I love you my sweet Ivar, but what you are becoming is someone that I cannot love. I know that you want revenge on Lagertha, but that revenge is turning you into a man I do not recognize." She confessed as she Ivar looked away from her, his hand wiping the tears from his cheeks as Nerida felt his anger.

"When I found you on the beach that day, I was sure that the gods had sent you to me—but now I am not so sure." Ivar hissed as he quickly moved from the bed and quickly crawled away and out of the room, Nerida unable to stop her sobs as she felt her heart shattering in more ways than one. She had lost her child, and the only man she had ever loved.

For two days all Nerida did was rest and listen to Floki and Helga's tales of the sea, her mind growing anxious as she finally forced herself from the confining bed and replaced her sleeping gown with her breeches, tunic and leather vest. She pulled her long hair from her face and into a tight braid that rested over her shoulder, her daggers finally resting on her hip as she walked from Floki an Helga's home.

The entire city as buzzing, from news of Ubbe and Margrethe's pending marriage to the whispers of her losing another child causing Ivar leaving her. He had not been back to see her since that first night, but Helga had told her he was spending time in the blacksmith hut, making new legs. Nerida had expressed her worries for the young girl Helga had brought back to Kattegat, since she knew that most lands saw the Vikings as mongrels.

"I thought you were resting?" Bjorn asked as their eyes met as he was walking towards the docks, Nerida ignoring his question as she pulled her fur cloak tighter, the air cold and full of dry snow. Part of her wanted to find Ivar and try to speak to him, but she knew that it was no use.

"I have rested long enough; I need to speak to my men." She harshly said as she walked from him and towards their encampment. She was not shocked that Bjorn was following her, Nerida trying to push those thoughts from her mind as she knew that she needed prepare for the greatest battle that Wessex had ever seen.

***

"Tomorrow we set sail for Wessex! A land that most of you have traveled, a land that most of you bear horrendous scars from. This battle is not only for the great King Ragnar, but for the men and women that we have lost at the hands of those dirty Christians! We will storm their lands! We will take back what they have stolen from us and we will bathe in their blood for centuries!" Nerida screamed as the air became filled with the thunderous roar of hundreds of Pirates under her command. "Will you stand by me? Will you stand by Bjorn Ironside, son of King Ragnar? What say you?" She yelled, listening as they all cheered in thunderous chants.

She grabbed Bjorn's hand and interlaced her fingers with his and held them up in the air as the pirate's chants became louder and stronger. She took her dagger and sliced her hand, watching as Bjorn sliced his, their hands joining together as Hvitserk tied a red piece of cloth around their bleeding interlaced hands.

"I, Nerida the vile, hereby promise that I shall give my life for Bjorn Ironside. I shall stand by him in battle and lay down my life for him and his men."

"I, Bjorn Ironside, hereby promise that I shall give my life for Nerida the Vile. I shall stand by her in battle and lay down my life for her and her men!" He repeated as the thunderous roar almost became deafening. Bjorn had agreed to take part in the bonding ritual that had been taught to her when she was a small child, if she agreed to stand by his side during the blood sacrifices.

"Stay with me tonight." Bjorn whispered in her ear as they pushed through the celebrating crowd of already drunk pirates. Since news that Ivar had left Nerida had flooded Kattegat, Nerida had been overwhelmed by the invitations from many of the men to share a night in bed. Bjorn had been finding an excuse almost everyday for two weeks to speak to her, but this was the first time he had offered his bed to her.

"If after this battle you and I still hold breath, I will share a bed with you, but until then leave me alone." She hissed as she pushed from him and ducked through the crowd until she finally found a lone pathway that led out of Kattegat. It had been too long since she could be on her own with her own thoughts. She wrapped her bleeding hand in her red sash as she walked the roars of the celebration becoming lost on the wind.

Nerida walked from the city and up onto a tall hill, the city below her as she sat on a large rock. The sky was dark, and snow was falling overhead as her body began to shiver and her teeth to chatter.

"Ragnar—I failed you. I loved him when he didn't deserve it an I took care of him when I could and yet—he does not love me. I'm so sorry Ragnar, I have failed you. He is not the great leader you saw Ragnar, someone has poison his mind and turned him from me. I will stay by his side for as long as I can, but Ragnar after the great battle, I will take my leave from Kattegat—and I do not plan to return."

"Nerida." Ivar said as Nerida jumped from the rock, her dagger in her hand as her mind focused on Ivar walking towards her. His legs held long metal braces that allowed him to stand, a wooden crutch under his left arm allowed him to finally walk and stand tall.

"I see you made legs—well done." She smiled as she sheathed her dagger and turned from him, hoping he did not hear her prayers to Ragnar. "You are taller than me." She smirked as Ivar stood in front of her his eyes burning into hers as she felt her heart skip a beat.

"I am sorry for what I have done. Last night I dreamt you sailed away—and I could not follow." He said as his stern face softened, his hand grabbing hers as Nerida feared that the rumor swirling around her had been true. Ivar wanted her by his side, so he could control her army. She wanted to believe that he loved her, but what she used to see in his eyes was now gone and burned out.

"Would you die for me Ivar?" Her question catching him off guard as his brow furrowed and a smirk went over his face. "I would die for you, even now. I would throw myself on my sword if it meant you would draw just one more breath. I love you Ivar, and I promised your father that I would always love you, but in yours eyes I see nothing but revenge and anger." She whispered as she walked from him, not surprised to see his horse and chariot waiting for him down the path.

Nerida knew in that moment that she had to break her promise to Ragnar, and she hoped with all of her heart, that he would forgive her.