《Khalifa》38 Past

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All this time I drank you like a cure when maybe you were the poison.

"Do you know the price of betrayal? I cannot think of one better than death."

He watches the traitors presented before him. None of them dare to look him in the eyes. They know their fate is inevitable. They know begging him for mercy is a futile effort.

He extends his hand to one of the soldiers who passes him over his axe. He holds it up and the metal glints from the glow of the torches.

"So neat. I almost don't want to stain it bloody. But then what good will be the weapon to me?"

He twirls it in his hand skillfully and gestures to the guards to bring the prisoners one by one.

"Bismillah (in the name of God), let us rid of the hypocrites among us."

"Here, hold your sword like this."

She remembers the first time he had taught her how to swing a sword, she could focus less on their lesson and more on him. The feeling of his hands over hers was rough, but she found his hands warm and strong. His fingers, agile and nimble, ran over hers to adjust them.

"Eyes on your opponent, Nour. Judge their movements. One slight distraction can come at the cost of your life."

Her eyes were on him, but certainly in no way as he was teaching her to. He was her distraction, and not slight at that. He could very well cost her that life he was speaking of.

"What is life at the palace like, Eskander?"

"Not as fine as you would suppose it to be."

"Why? There must be many beautiful women there, isn't it so?"

He would always chuckle at her queries. He would always found a way out of them-- palace, women, and his services to the kingdom, he preferred not discussing them. If anything, conversations with him would end up in rather fascinating stories that she would forget about her doubts of him ever drifting away towards another one-- that she would believe what she shared with him, no one else ever can.

"Did I tell you about my stay in Gilan during this one journey? It was heavenly there-- the valleys, forests, lakes. Everything."

"Really? I wish I could see it too."

"Someday I hope to take you with me to show you."

"Will you?"

"I would love to. And to the Valley of Stars on Qeshm Island. It's bedazzling. The locals have really interesting tales to tell about it."

"Narrate them to me then."

"Well, it's believed that a star fell there once..."

The rain is falling in light droplets. The sky is overcasted by a blanket of gray clouds tailed by more over the horizon that are darker and angrier, promising heavy shower to come. She sits on her window seat and stares outside to where Adam is teaching Arwa archery. They're oblivious to the weather and the queen has her hood pulled over her head as her guard guides her.

She can never understand them. Neither Arwa's fondness of Adam whilst married to Yusuf bin Khalid, nor Adam's closure to his lady whilst claiming to be loyal to his master. What goes on behind the veils, she doesn't know if anyone is aware of it. Or how could the Khalifa allow it except that he trusts his slave with his wife.

But the irony of life is that betrayal comes from where it is expected the least-- from those you love the most, it hurts the most.

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"Habibti, come here, sit with me. Eskander, you too, my child."

The day is a blur with improper outlines, faded amidst the myriad memories that home her head. It dates back to when her father was alive and she was a little girl-- back when Eskander had lost his father to the war.

"Noura, the light of my eyes." Her father lifts her on his lap and kisses her forehead before doing the same to Eskander. He sits them both on each of his thigh. "Eskander, my brave son. Listen to me you both."

Arwa shoots her target and Adam says something. She cannot make out the queen's face but she can see the smile on Adam's. Rarely she sees him enjoying someone's company. Arwa is one of those fortunates.

"Noura, Eskander will live with us from now on."

"Forever?"

"Yes. He's your brother and you've to take care of him."

"But he's my friend, baba."

"From today onwards, he's not only your friend but your brother too. Will you be nice to your brother?"

"Yes! I like my brother."

"Eskander, we're your family now. I'm your father and your friend. If you ever need someone, you can always come to me. Nour is your sister. You both take care of each other. And you've got a mother to love you."

Her mother had always loved him like her own. He was the son she never had. And Eskander had loved her back the same, for she was the mother he never had.

"Hard times come in life, azizi, but hard times create strong men when they don't give up against them. Be patient, your Lord will reward you."

The glass of her window begins to mist, so does the memories start getting foggy, merging with each other. She doesn't remember the details of them, but the bits and pieces of them that have lingered. They starting mixing up, and she cannot make out the order anymore.

"If I live to see you grow into your youth, I hope to see you grow into a good man, and you'll find my shoulder besides yours. Always put your faith in God, always seek His help, He'll guide you and make your affairs easy for you."

"I'll make you proud, baba jan."

"You've my blessings, Eskander."

Lightning streaks the sky in bright colors, once, twice, followed by deep rumbling of clouds. Then the thunder roars and the rain gets heavier. Adam leads Arwa inside the palace and the guards begin to put away the things. She stays sitting on the window seat watching the rain fall.

It has been a few days since her encounter with Eskander. She hasn't seen him again, him probably not even aware of what happened between them and too busy sorting out the mess Al Shafay created for him. She hasn't bothered encountering him either, letting the bruise on her heart heal first before she can take anymore of heartache.

"Esh-kan-der?"

"It's Es-kander, with ssss, not shhhh."

"Your name is very long. There are so many people at the palace, I don't remember anyone's name. I give everyone my own. So I'll keep calling you soldier boy. You want to be a soldier when you grow up, don't you?"

"Nour, janem, you can call him dadash (brother)," her mother instructs.

"Maman, and what do I call her?" Eskander asks. "Can I call her janem too?"

"No!" Noura he protests. "You call me Malika. I'm going to be a queen."

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Her mother laughs at her. "Eskander, azizem, please make sure she doesn't get in trouble again."

"I will! She fight with the boys all the time. I tell her not to but she doesn't listen to me."

"I don't get in trouble, maman! He plays with the magic prince and they get in trouble. I try to help them and then he scolds me," she complains. "I play with Joojoo. He's a good boy. He gave me his sword too. He said I can be a queen. I like Joojoo."

"Who are magic prince and Joojoo, Nour?"

The memory dissolves again. The fury of rainfall drowns out everything. The past remains nothing but a tinkering bell the sound of which is too faint to make out and follow. She sighs and gets up, walking towards the table where a paper with quill and ink are lying.

"I don't know who they are," she mumbles to herself. "I don't know when everything changed. I don't know where all of it has gone."

She sits down to write a letter.

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent and the most Merciful.

To Al Shafay,

My Khalifa, I pray my letter finds you under fair circumstances. I'm writing to you with hopes that the request I make to you will make its way to your graces. Your palace is beautiful and maybe its luxuries comforting to some, but I feel nothing more than a slave here. My mother has been stripped of her family and left alone. And I've been accused for a false theft and imprisoned here. I wish to be freed and returned to my home to my mother. I'm not happy at your palace. I hope you'll consider my will.

Noura Al Makhzum.

She lets the ink dry, then rolls it and puts it in the letter case. Taking it with her, she goes out of her chamber to find Adam. Only he can help her get it to Al Shafay.

"Sayidati,where are we going?" Faris asks.

"To find Adam."

"What for?"

"I've to give him this letter to deliver it to the caliph. So unless you can do it for me, don't stop me."

He doesn't, but he couldn't have anyways. She asks around and is told that Adam has retired to his room. So when they arrive there, she asks Faris to stay behind and goes up to his door, knocking on it.

"Come in."

Noura pushes open the door and steps inside, closing it behind her.

"Did you send my message to Taha?"

He's sitting on the floor by the fireplace, spreading his wet garments to dry and having changed into cleaner ones, the fire still unlit, the room nursing barely enough glow from the remaining twilight, the clouds now dispersing to give way to the waning light of the setting sun. He probably was expecting someone else, and so he doesn't turn to look in her direction, until she speaks.

"Pardon me, sayidi, but I wasn't informed to."

His head snaps to her, surprised. "Noura?" He stands up, lifting his slit brow inquisitively. "I thought it's Daud."

She smiles as she moves towards him. "Well, I've a message for you to deliver to the Khalifa."

"Yusuf bin Khalid?"

"Al Shafay." She holds out the letter case to him. "Will you give it to him for me?"

"What is it about?" He takes it from her, eyeing it curiously.

"It's for him to know. You'll know too if he actually considers it."

He just nods and puts it down on the chair besides him. "I'll deliver it to him."

They stand in front of each other silently. He doesn't say anything more, and she doesn't know what to say either. It starts feeling awkward, for unlike how he lately has been around her, he seems withdrawn and detached, avoiding proceeding the conversation than what's necessary to be spoken-- like how he was when she had first met him.

"It's cold," she comments sheepishly. "You don't plan on lighting the fire?"

"Is there more to say?"

"You want me to leave?"

"I didn't mean that. You staying around me would only result in my presence hurting you more. I don't want that."

His words sting her, bitter than poison and sharper than a dagger. She purses her lips. What she had said to him in her state of grieving, she comes to regret it. Noura peers at him through her eyelashes.

"You're upset with me?"

He shakes his head. "I don't think you ever gave me that right over you, sayidati. So what good will it do me to be upset with you when you don't care?"

The day is dwindling to die, and its dying light comes through the open balcony and small window to bury and decay in the black of his eyes. Nothing remains in those orbs-- nothing ever do. They always seem to take in the world into their murk and whisper back otherworldly secrets she can never understand. Such an enigma is he to her.

"Maybe I shouldn't really care," she says, rubbing her palms against her dress nervously. "But I do, Adam. I don't care what other speak of you, I trust you. When I need someone, I come to you. Will I regret it? Maybe. But tell me if I don't have that right over you."

"Noura, I gave you every right over me." He reaches out to her and she doesn't shake him off, letting him graze her cheekbone with his fingertips. "I ask for nothing in return. Your heart is yours to keep, I cannot forcefully take it from you. But can you at least let me be any closer to you instead of always trying to push me away?"

Her gaze flicks away from him. She chews uneasily on her lip, the turmoil of emotions within her beyond her comprehension. She cannot explain it to him. He infuriates her in ways intangible. She has no name for their relationship, for neither can she call him her own, nor allow him to be with another woman. It disturbs her. And maybe as long as their marriage remains, she cannot let it be.

"Did you buy the queen a gift on the occasion?" she asks gingerly, not knowing why it matters but that it does to her.

"I did," he affirms.

"The earrings?"

"Yes."

"They were beautiful."

"Sit down. I'll get you something to warm yourself. I'm out of logs for the fire. I've send Daud to get them but he's running late."

He effortlessly steers the topic away from Arwa, but she doesn't press it either and goes to sit on the bed. He gets her his cloak and she wraps it around herself. Then he goes to shut the balcony doors before turning to her.

"I can get you similar earrings," he suggests and she frown in disapproval.

"That's not what I meant."

"But you liked them."

"I still don't want them."

"Why not?"

"I'm not queen Arwa for you, Adam. What value would your gift hold to me?"

The last rays of the sun remaining in the sky seep in through the window in hues of orange and gold. They're confined to a small area, the rest of the room bathed in dark, no candles lit, creating a strangely mesmerizing effect. She has always loved the hours of dusk and twilight, the time when the day meets the night. But today isn't the day she's out under the sky watching the union. Today it's him demanding her attention.

"Tell me, why don't you just admit it?"

"What?" she asks, looking at him standing where the fading sunlight colors him too, half of his body blending into its glow and the other half a shadow concealed in the dark, until he steps forward towards where she's sitting at the foot of the bed.

"That you're jealous." He smirks, leaning over her and putting his arms on both sides of her, trapping her like he always likes too, disarming her, his hands dipping in the mattress beside her. "That you fancy me, little butterfly."

Her pulse jumps, her heart going erratic like a frenzied animal in its cage. He seems only a touch away, a breath away, within her reach if she gathers enough courage to reach out. The thought is suddenly tempting to her-- his presence is intoxicating to her. He numbs her rationality to death and dust. She might be high on the moment.

"You dream," she chokes out, her voice taut with tension and his smirk turns into a grin.

"I dream," he whisper and her face heats up. "You're blushing, habibti. Are you shy of me now?"

"N-no," she stutters, edging away. "I'm... feeling angry. You're bothering me."

"Already?" he teases, bringing his fingers to curl around her nape and tugging her to himself. Her nose nearly goes crashing onto his lips but he tilts his head and they fall on her neck instead.

"Adam," Noura gasps, her hand grasping his lying besides her in a tight hold. "What... what are you...?"

He pulls away and their eyes collide. They swallow her altogether and any remaining logic of hers is nothing but ashes in the wind.

"Adam." She gulps thickly.

"We don't want you getting any angrier, now do we?"

He straightens back, the distance suddenly too wide for her, hitting her like an ocean wave. She blinks, coming out of her daze, like always left abashed at being so smoothly disarmed by him. She scrambles to her feet.

"Adam, I, well..." She fakes a cough and looks away.

"Adam, Adam, Adam. Keep saying that." He takes her chin between his fingers and tips it up, placing a hand over her waist to hold her closer. "My name was only yours to turn into an arrow and bury it into my own heart."

She stares at him, speechless. His gaze goes raw and needy towards her.

"Say it again. Why have you stopped?" He dips down his head to hers. "Adam is only yours to call to, Noura."

"And the queen--"

"No."

The door bangs open and Daud walks in with his arms full of logs. He sees them together and Noura quickly pushes him away from her, shuffling to a side.

"Sayidi," Daud utters after gaping a few times in mortification. "My apologies, I uh... I didn't know you were having company."

Noura gathers her dress and escapes the scene before she could go through anymore embarrassment than what is already killing her. She arrives at her chamber, locks the door, and goes to fall face first on the bed, fisting the sheets in her hands.

"Ya Rabbi, what is all this that's happening to me? I don't understand."

The sun goes down. Another day ends. She doesn't realize when sleep takes her, but she drifts into nothingness until a loud noise brings her back to reality. When she wakes up, the night is already half gone. But there's someone knocking on the door.

What frightens her isn't the knocking at midnight, but the fact that it's on her balcony doors rather than the chamber doors. How did someone climb up to her balcony?

In the dark, she searches for her dagger and takes it with herself before moving towards the balcony, considering informing Faris instead of checking herself. But then the person on the other side calls her name, and she gets thrown into an abyss, utterly shocked and terrified.

"Noura? Open the door. It's me," he speaks lowly, as if trying not to alert anyone.

She puts away the dagger and runs to the door, opening it to let him in quickly, for if he's seen on her balcony, it will bring her more problems than she's already dealing with.

He grins at her with a childish mischief as he invites himself inside. "Thank the Lord. I thought I was at the wrong chamber. Could've gotten myself in trouble."

"What are you doing here, Hadi?"

If you've been following me on Instagram, you'd already know, but to those who don't: Khalifa will have a sequel, Malika.

This book is winding up, but the story is yet to be told. Keep your theories building and coming.

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