Come blend into my death.

—

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"What does this marriage change for me? I cannot let her be."

He watches him pet Buraq like one loves their child-- he knows he's special to him. He runs his hand down his mane to his back and pats the horse. He had always had an inclination towards horses and swords. Sometimes he wonders as if he was made for it-- for something beyond ordinary. Something powerful. He knows he has the skill in him.

Though he has aged a little, he's still a man in good years of his life. He has no doubt he's as good a fighter as the last he had seen him on the battlefield. And maybe the wars he has fought have left marks on him, taken away too much from him, one thing they couldn't change is his heart-- he's still the same man carrying more kindness in him than anyone else in his circle of hypocrites. That alone is a reason enough for him to always stand by his side.

"Tell me," his friend says without looking at him, still busy with the horse, "do I call you cunning for planning what you planned or do I call you wrecked for suffering the way you suffer?"

"Who wins the battle?"

He hears him laugh lightly. "The one who wins her heart, akhi (my brother). Not you necessarily."

She had never seen him smile so genuinely before now-- she never thought she ever would. He just isn't the kind of man to have smooth edges. All of his edges are sharp and cutting to her. Soft smile on his lips and tender look in his eyes surprise her. And though they may suit him, she admits in her heart, making him appear gentler and kind, it is the sly side of him she's used to-- the one which is crooked and sinister.

Noura tears away her gaze from where the queen is strolling in the garden with Adam besides her. Whatever she's saying to him which is making him smile like that and bringing out this side of him intrigues her. But she doesn't bother contemplating over its reasons as the one obvious in her head comes forth. Love.

What more could it be to bring a man like him to his knees?

And though the thought unsettles her, she cannot deny, it's only a prick of pain and regret grazing her mind before she suppresses it. Maybe it's only natural over one's spouse, whether love between them or not, this something nameless she feels. Maybe that's why Adam put up the condition between them, to not be in another relationship as long as they remain married. But with her heart after Eskander and his heart after Arwa, she doesn't know how far can they take it before their bond is broken.

She looks down at the bundle of jasmines in her hands. Their fragrance envelopes her entirely. And despite her disapproval to their sender, she can never bring herself to throw away the flowers. They remind her of her childhood in Baghdad, what little she remembers of it. They remind her of her father and her home here, and how her mother loved this particular flower.

A knock at her door brings her out of her reverie. She grants permission to whoever it is to come in. Hafez opens the door, and princess Maysoon walks in. Noura sits straighter in attention.

"Amira, marhaba (welcome)," she greets her.

"Thank you." Maysoon smiles and comes to sit with her on the window seat casually, the air around her easy like usual, making her relax back too. "It's been days since we've spend time together. I was starting to wonder if you've left the palace."

"I wish," Noura comments with a woeful smile. "But I'm just trapped here."

Maysoon looks at her sadly, reaching out to hold her hand and squeezing it to comfort her. "And I wish I could do something for you, Nour."

"You already have done much for me."

"Anything for a friend." She sits back, gesturing to the flowers in her lap. "They're beautiful."

"They are." Noura grazes her fingers over them. "When I was a child, we had lots of jasmines growing out of our house in Baghdad. My father planted them for my mother."

"That's sweet." Maysoon folds her hands in her lap. "It touches me how such simple things can hold so much love."

Noura stares at the flowers, this time the gesture of their sender igniting something strange in her. She replays Maysoon's words in her head. What does this gesture hold? What does he want from her?"

"Your friend from your childhood sent you these?"

Noura looks up at the princess, taken aback by her question. She manages to keep her expression still as she asks in return, "What makes you think that?"

"I gathered from the note."

Only then she realizes the note sent with the flowers still lies unfolded by her side.

So long later, still so fierce.

She takes it in her hand and slowly crumples it. A playful smile adorns Maysoon's lips.

"A secret admirer," she teases. "He must remember these flowers from your childhood."

"But I don't remember him."

Noura looks out of the window. Adam and Arwa are still in view. Her eyes absently trail them. Maysoon follows her gaze.

"But he remembers you," she mumbles and Noura blinks, tilting back her head towards her. But Maysoon keeps her pupils fixated outside.

"The palace has many mysteries, Nour, maybe of you and I too. But he's the most eccentric one to me."

Noura doesn't ask to elaborate. She gathers the princess is talking about Adam. Although she cannot fully comprehend her meaning, feeling as if there's more to it than she's letting on.

Maysoon finally turns back to her, asking curiously, "Have you ever been in love, Nour?"

She's once more startled by her question, silent for a minute to let it sink. Noura doesn't know how to answer her-- what is bold to say and what is wise to hide. She doesn't have a heart to be judged for her feelings for Eskander. So she simply shrugs and smiles in deflection.

"Have you been, amira?"

"Yes," Maysoon replies frankly, stunning her with her straightforwardness. "It was a long time ago, back when I was living with Sulaiman in his palace in Dimashq." Her brilliant orbs fill up with longing and nostalgia. "Such beautiful days those were."

"He must have been a charming man for you to fancy him," Noura comments.

Maysoon chuckles softly-- sardonically, carrying a hitch in her voice. "He left me, which doesn't make him sound so charming. But to me he was a lovable man nonetheless."

"One of the governors or viziers perhaps?"

She shakes her head. "One of my brother's soldiers."

"Ah." Noura absently twirls a jasmine between her fingers, her mind connecting the dots on its own. "So prince Sulaiman didn't know about it?"

"Of course not."

"Is that why the man left you? For the fear of the prince?"

Maysoon nods. "Our secret was discovered. And even though I was ready to sacrifice my all for him, he wasn't ready to do the same for me. He chose my brother over me."

"He was a coward." Noura scoffs.

"No, Nour, he was a rather daring man. If he truly loved me, I'm sure he'd have taken the risk for me." Maysoon sighs, once again blankly staring outside the window. "I've always been afraid to admit, because it still hurts me, but maybe the truth is that he just never loved me at all. Maybe it was me who did that, and fooled myself into believing that he did too. Had he given me a chance, I'd have gone miles fighting for him."

Noura let the quiet settle between them, unsure of how to proceed the conversation, or if to do so at all. After a well stretched moment of silence, she reaches out to squeeze her hand reassuringly.

"You'll find someone worthy of you, amira."

Maysoon smiles and puts her hand atop hers. "Thank you. It's just that we're silly enough not to consider what we're worth, but rather what we want. And by any miracle, I still want him."

"Whoever he is, is no more charming in my eyes. Forgive me for calling him that earlier," Noura remarks lightheartedly, making the princess grin.

"But the standards of charming differ for everyone, don't they?"

"True, but the standards of love remain the same. So maybe you're willing to sacrifice for him, but it might not be charming to him if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings."

Maysoon gazes at her, a fond gleam in her orbs, and Noura arches an inquisitive eyebrow. "Do I speak like a lover now?" she jokes.

"You give me the impression of one." Maysoon glances down to the flowers. "Whoever it is that you like, he's a fortunate man to have your affection. If I ever get to meet him, I'll ask him to treasure you."

She glances away shyly, her eyes once more catching Adam. He still looks to her unlike himself-- more like a human, less like a devil. She doesn't know if that's a miracle of love too.

"Whoever it is that can heal your broken heart, may God make him your destiny." Noura looks back at Maysoon. "May you find love again, amira."

It is the scars one carries in their eyes that tell you their soul is bruised. It is the same open wounds Noura sees in Maysoon's eyes that tell her she's suffering too. Despite the smiles one carries or laughters that float around them, who knows what the heart has to bear beneath the cage and skin-- beneath the veils that guard it? Only the Creator knows, and He's benevolent enough to hide one's scars and heal all wounds, replacing with the best for us all our unfulfilled desires.

The sky is dusky when she decides to go to the bazar to meet Abd al Hadi. The notes and the flowers are becoming a noose around her neck that might get them both killed if discovered. And even though she has warned the man, he seems rather careless to the consequences of his actions. She must be more stern in explaining the situation to him.

When she arrives at the stables with Hafez, Annas like usual is there, feeding the horses. He greets her and Noura returns his greetings.

"Bring me my horse, Annas, I need to go to the bazar."

Annas hesitates at her command, gaze flicking between her and Hafez before he lowers it.

"I'm sorry, sayidati, but you aren't allowed to leave the palace without the permission and the guards."

Noura stares at him incredulously, unable to believe what he's telling her. "What permission? And what guards? I'm taking Hafez with me."

"The situation at the kingdom is unsafe. You can go outside only with royal guards from the caliph's special troop."

"And who gave these orders?" she demands, seething in rage.

"Khalifa, my lady," someone else answers for Annas, and Noura clenches her fists at his voice.

She cranes her neck towards him, the ease on his face from this morning completely overshadowed by the darkness of his personality. Adam walks towards her and tips his head in a greeting.

"If you need to go somewhere, I can escort you," he proposes calmly.

"Why would you?" she spits, barely restraining herself from snapping.

"Because I'm one of the royal guards."

She grits her teeth, trying to compose herself, before nodding to Hafez to give them a moment. He leaves them alone and Annas follows after him without waiting for a signal. Noura turns her attention back to Adam.

"How can the caliph imprison me like this?" she asks. "Why didn't you do anything about it?"

"Because the situation at the kingdom really isn't good. And though you see me as wicked, I'm still less so than allowing your life to be endangered."

She peers at him in distrust. "Am I to believe your goodwill?"

"The choice is yours."

"Every day I spend at the palace, the Khalifa only tries to make my life more miserable," she complains.

Adam inhales deeply, as if to hold back whatever he wants to say next. Instead, he asks, "Where do you need to go? I'll take you."

"To the bazar," she replies, "but without you."

"Then what is it that you need? I'll get it for you."

She scowls at him. "No, thank you."

Adam glowers at her suspiciously. "Why, sayidati, I've noticed you going to the bazar too often. Any special reason?"

She feels a shudder run through her at the possibility of her secret uncovering. No matter if she's innocent or not, she's aware of the direction in which it can go-- against her favor. And she's already in much trouble than to be adding more to the pile.

"What are you doubting me for, Adam?" she dares, confidently staring into his eyes, challenging him if he'd accuse her of a sin she hasn't committed.

He frowns and shakes his head. "Nothing. But it's perilous out there."

"And you care?" She smirks in disbelief. "Why waste a chance to get rid of me?"

"Noura," he warns, stepping closer until it's only inches between them. "Despite the disagreements between us, know that I don't wish any harm upon you."

"Because of the fear of the Khalifa," she points out openly.

"Silly woman," he scolds gently, "if I feared anyone, I wouldn't have married you."

"So you say you married me out of your own free will and not for your cover to be blown?" She fakes a laugh. "As if I don't know of your affair with the queen. So stop acting mighty."

"What difference does it make whether my relationship with you is exposed or the one with Arwa is exposed?" He huffs out a laugh too. "It remains the same to me-- I'm walking on a double edge sword. To save one secret, I take risks and make more. But in all of this, it's my life hanging by the thread in attempt of saving another. And you think I'm scared of my fate?" He spread his arms, gesturing around, smiling his signature smile-- as if tainted by something illicit. "Go, go tell everyone my secrets. Tell them how bad I am. Ask them to punish me. You think that scares me?" He clicks his tongue in mockery and dismay. "Find something stronger to threaten me with. Not the caliph or death for I've spend my life with them-- having the trust of one and fearlessness of the other. I'm more destructive than the destruction you scare me with, Noura."

"You think I don't know your vulnerability?"

"I think you know me way too wrong." He dips down and suddenly his face is too close to her for her to breathe fine-- he paralyzes her. "Way too wrong, habibti."

She keeps drowning into the ocean of his orbs, to the depth where there is no light, to the point her own name loses its meaning to her. It's dark, and it's endless, with a labyrinth so twisted that it might take her a lifetime to find her way back. Her skin covers in goosebumps-- Adam mystifies her. Suddenly, she realizes why Maysoon called him eccentric-- she can never understand the man fully.

The distant sound of footsteps makes him pull away from her. Noura comes out of the trance when there's space between them. Adam turns to look who it is, and she doesn't waste a second rushing in the opposite direction.

Confused and lost, she doesn't remember taking Hafez with her and ends up by the pond she has developed a new found liking for, watching the fish swim beneath its crystal blue surface.

The day is ending, the faded rays of the sun falling in shades of orange and gold around her. She keeps sitting on her knees by the water, her gaze oscillating between her shadow and the fish, though her thoughts still revolving around Adam like moon around the earth. She cannot get him off her mind. Not until she notices another shadow form beside her-- a man with a sword in his hand.

It's already too late to react before he puts the blade to her neck, stilling any attempts from her to get up or face him. Noura once more finds her breath hitching, her heartbeat going berserk all at once as she curl her fingers around her own dagger.

"Don't move," he says, and his voice instantly hits her like hammer on her head-- a voice she's certain to have heard before but in her panic cannot recognize. "You aren't supposed to see me, Malika."

✵

Guess who?

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