The peace was short-lived. With the lack of problems keeping me busy and stressed, I've now come face to face with an identity crisis.

If I was being honest, life as it was bored me- minus the annoying problems that tended to appear. The only things I did besides schoolwork were reading, talking with Elliot, writing, and sometimes talking to other people. Sounds boring, no?

If I passed all my classes, I could graduate this year. The problem is, what do I do after that? Since I have no intention of becoming Duke, Tabius will work with father and inherit the Duke position. And I'm not sure what I want to do. I'm torn between numerous ideas and can't decide which one is best for me.

It's ironic how I believed I was the one best prepared for adult life when in reality I'm the one with no plan for the future. Ezekiel, Tabius, Christopher, Zachary, Prince Harvard, and Jackie were inheritors of their fathers. Even Elliot has begun a career as an author- under a pen name, of course.

Then there's me- no inheritance and no clear aspiration. Lovely. There's no way in hell I'm living off of father, so I need to figure out what I'm going to do soon. Being an author sounds fun, but my writing skills aren't good enough and income would be spotty. I'd be good as a knight, but I don't desire a career like that.

The coffee beside me grew cold as I pondered. In the end, I wasted an entire hour for nothing. If anyone told me "it's not hard to choose a career, just choose what you like." or anything similar I'd smack the shit out of them. I don't care what others say, choosing your future is one of the hardest decisions a person will go through.

"Adulting is hard," I frowned at the cold coffee, "wish I knew exactly what I want to do like some people." Five years ago, I didn't have to worry about this stuff and I felt... fulfilled? Back then, I was content and accomplished stuff like befriending people, learning new skills, etc. Now I'm always slumped in a chair or bitching about people and my problems.

Wait, isn't this like a midlife crisis? Here I am, reminiscing, questioning my worth, and I've been in a permanent state of fatigue from my nonexistent sleep schedule. At this rate, my face will be lined with wrinkles before I'm thirty.

And on the topic of troubles, I received a letter from Hunter this morning. I knew another problem was coming my way, and it'd be bigger and more troublesome than the others. Hence why I haven't opened it yet. Ha, the messenger from the Poland manor got offended when I didn't open it right away. Anyway, I can't ignore it forever, but- knowing Hunter- it could be anything. I opened the letter, it was surprisingly short.

Randall Howell,

I implore you to come visit the Poland manor. There's something important I have to discuss with you. Please send a reply as soon as possible.

Hunter Poland

Huh, I can't tell if this letter is formal or informal, just like Hunter himself. Might as well write a reply.

I will visit tomorrow at noon.

Short, but I refuse to waste energy writing a flowery letter full of unnecessary words. Besides, I can tie this small paper to my messenger bird. It'll be much faster and a bird won't try to nose around. With a sharp whistle, a hawk perched itself on the windowsill. I secured the paper on one of the legs and it flew off. Don't ask me how it knows where to go.

Tomorrow was Sunday, so I'd have plenty of time to hear what Hunter had to say. For today, I get to spend some time speculating about father's mystery lover with Tabius during lunch in his room. I'm surprised Tabius took the initiative and invited me himself right before breakfast. We aren't close at all, but I suppose our mutual curiosity will be a temporary truce until it's sated.

For now, I'll take a bath and read. I had almost two hours to waste before lunch. I rang the bell and a maid arrived promptly. Ah, the joys of luxury. "Prepare a bath for me."

"Yes, young master." I sat back in the chair and waited for the bath to be ready. Man, I wish Wednesday could come faster. These maids were good at their jobs, but I missed Belle a lot. Even though she was the one who left, I felt homesick during her absence- though I'd rather die than admit that to anyone.

"The bath is ready, young master. Would you like some assistance?"

"No, you may leave now." I stripped when the maid left and sank into the hot water. I opened the herbalism book Zachary lent me yesterday and enjoyed the relaxing atmosphere.

~

I finally got out of the bath when the water became tepid. By then it was almost lunch, so I dressed in a loose sky blue mid-sleeve shirt and jeans. Tabius told me everything would be prepared in his room, so I headed straight for his room. For once, I knocked on the door instead of barging in.

"Come in." Tabius raised a brow after I sat down across from him at the table. "I'm surprised you knocked this time."

"Don't get used to it." I stabbed a croquette with a toothpick and slowly ate. "So, any clues?"

"It's definitely not these five. I suspect it's one of the servants, not business partners."

"What makes you say that? I agree with you, but how are you so sure it's not another noble?"

"Father tends to avoid one-on-one meetings and I have yet to see him with one of the noble candidates outside of business gatherings. None of them have any intimacy with father."

"Makes sense," I grinned, "then there's one person who best fits the spot of father's secret lover." Tabius had a similar grin on his face, knowing exactly who I was talking about.

"Velan, the only one who accompanies father everywhere."

"Exactly. If father was having an affair, Velan would be the top candidate since he's the one who has the most alone time with father."

"We should keep a close eye on them ourselves, since asking a servant would be too risky."

"When Belle comes back, I'll ask her to keep an eye out when we're not present. I know she won't rat us out." Tabius nodded and we ate our lunch in silence, with an occasional comment on what we could do.

After the table was cleared off, we migrated to the couches and began discussing our plan if our theory was right.

"If it turns out Velan and father have something going on, what should we do? Stay out of it? Try to help them? Separate them?" Tabius sipped his tea- which he brewed himself. "Do we let them know we are aware?"

"I don't know, but we shouldn't try to separate them. That wouldn't do us any good. I suggest we just observe for now and decide what we should do later."

"I suppose so, but in the meantime how do we get father...well... back to normal?"

"No idea. There aren't many things we could do without arousing suspicion. Besides- if the cause was his relationship with Velan- we don't know WHY he's like this. Velan could have upset him, or it could be the other way around. There are endless possibilities for what it could be."

"So, in other words, we hang back and watch?"

"That's really all we can do."

"Man, we're pretty much at square one," Tabius groaned. "If father keeps this up, I'll get it out of him with brute force."

"I'll help, I want to get this whole thing over with." I laid on my side. "It's weird to imagine those two in a relationship, they're both...not touchy-feely."

"You never know," Tabius shuddered, "I'd prefer to not think about father in any intimate situation." As much as I liked gay stuff, I agreed with Tabius. I don't think many people would want to think about what their fathers did in THOSE types of scenarios. Especially if their father is a cold-hearted Duke like ours.

"Nope, not even gonna go there. I'm going back to my room. I'll see you at dinner." And try not to think weird stuff, I mentally added.

~

The visit to Poland's estate came much faster than I expected. It wasn't something to look forward to. Even as I sat down on a chair in Hunter's room, I toyed around with the thought of canceling and going back home.

"Thanks for coming," Hunter had a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. "Do you want some coffee or tea?"

"No need. I'm not here to hang out. Spit it out, what did you need to talk about?"

"Uh, well, I'm sure you've heard about my father adopting Hailey-" Oh great, nearly forgot about that obstacle.

"Just tell me what you want already."

"...Could you please watch over Hailey at school?" ...Um, what? Did he really just ask me to watch over the one person I don't want to be around?

"Why are you asking ME of all people?"

"Well, I know you for one, and you'd be able to keep those creeps away from her. Oh, and don't worry about her falling for you or trying to get close to you. You're not...her type." Hunter kept his gaze firmly trained on his hands.

...Did he really just insinuate I'm not desirable? I know I'm not a ray of sunshine and not very approachable, but I had SOME pride about my... desirability.

"Let me get this straight. You had me come over here so you could ask me- the son of a DUKE- to be the bodyguard for an adopted daughter of a marquess because I'm not her type?"

"Well... when you put it that way it sounds a lot worse." Hunter looked sheepish, but it did little to appease me. "Could you please consider it? I really need your help."

"Hell no, find someone else." I stood up and fought back my temper. "After over a month of not hearing from you, you think I'm going to let you insult me and do whatever you ask? Next time, I won't bother to read any letters you send since you like wasting my time."

"Wait what? No! I didn't mean it like that at all!"

"Then what did you mean by it? I might not be the best at reading between the lines or thinking like a noble, but what you're asking of me is insulting. You want me to lower myself to a mere guard of some girl and tarnish the Howell name because you've deemed me undesirable to the girl in question." I scoffed and stormed out of that damned room. The audacity of that prick! I take back any kind word I ever said or thought about him, he's just a prick like other nobles.

I ignored the Marquess and Marchioness when they tried to talk to me at the front door. I had enough of this entire family and I had no desire to come back. Ever. My pride was bruised after being so blatantly insulted.

I fumed the entire way back. Apparently, my sour mood was obvious because the servants were wary when they saw me and stayed at a distance. Hunter had some nerve, wasting my time like that. I may not be everyone's type, but I'm plenty desirable...right?

A few girls frequently clung to me and flirted whenever they had a chance and a few others observed from afar. But how many of those girls only desired the title I came with? Did any of them find me attractive? It didn't matter much if the girls liked me because I was gay, and no one has caught my eye. So why is this bothering me now? I don't hang out with many guys because I don't take swordsmanship classes at the academy, so I'm not sure if I'm liked or disliked by other male nobles.

...This is bothering me way more than it should. My lack of a love life now felt like something to be embarrassed about. Godammit, this is why I don't like being nice because all I get is more issues!

...Maybe I should branch out a bit. It'd be a pain, but I might get a few allies out of it.