So, Jamal didn't have Sara's number, but he knew someone who did, and, as luck would have it, she was in our neighbourhood, visiting her grandma and instead of wanting to talk over the phone, she said she wanted to meet me in person.

That's how I ended up walking into a coffee shop at 1 in the afternoon, looking and feeling shitty but I just kept on reminding myself that I was doing this for Haydn. But I do have to admit, when I saw Sara, I wanted nothing more than to leave because while I look like a just lost a fight to Blanca and a hive of bees, she looked like she just stepped off the catwalk- extremely beautiful with white-lined blue eyes and a tight, high ponytail as she drank a cup of coffee in tight fitted clothes.

Basically, she looked just as beautiful and glamorous as she did the last time, I saw her and for a second, I forgot why I didn't like her.

"You look like shit." She smirked as I sat down at the table and suddenly, I remembered.

"Look if you're going to be a bitch I'll just leave." I rolled my eyes as I went to get up and she sighed as she stopped me.

"Okay, I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. But it's not like it isn't true." She said, her voice laced with concern as she pushed the second cup of coffee towards me. "I ordered for you, figured if you were texting me about Haydn, you'd need this."

"Thanks." I sighed, gingerly grabbing a sugar packet before pouring the contents into the cup. "Has she called you or texted you recently?"

"You mean did she call me to confess her undying love and suggest we run away together?" She smirked as she shot up an eyebrow and I felt my insides turn at the possibility. "No, she hasn't." I sighed in relief. "She's ghosted you, huh?" She asked and I shrugged.

"In a way. She disappeared last night, and we don't really know where she is." I admitted and she nodded.

"She did this pretty often back when we were still friends, disappearing when life got too hard or she got uncomfortable, she'd withdraw into herself for weeks- but she always came back." She shrugged as she took a sip and I frowned.

"Until she didn't." I pointed out and she nodded slowly with a small smile.

"Until she didn't." She agreed slowly before I cleared my throat.

"Haydn didn't actually distance herself from us though, she disappeared- like we don't know where she is. Has she contacted any of your friends maybe?" I asked and Sara's eyebrows shot up in surprise as she shook her head.

"No, sorry, I haven't heard anything from her in months actually. Haydn basically burned our bridge when I tried to kiss her." She admitted.

"Yeah, I remember that." I nodded a little bitterly and she shrugged.

"Yeah, well, I've learnt that if you just give Haydn space she usually comes back." Sara shrugged and my heart broke for my girlfriend.

When her life was difficult and uncomfortable and she was obviously struggling, their answer was to ignore her until she was okay again? Makes sense why she didn't want to be friends with these people, they probably ignored her and "gave her space" when Luna died too.

"Um, no offence, but I'm not about to take relationship advice from my girlfriend's ex, I just needed to know if you heard from her or if you knew where she is," I said taking another sip of my coffee, a surprised look on her face.

"You're Haydn's girlfriend?" She asked a little taken back, and I nodded. "I actually didn't get that far with Haydn before she left us. Don't get me wrong, I tried, but it's like she always had her walls up like-like-"

"Like she was holding her breath?" I offered, thinking about the horror stories Haydn and Luis told me and Sara nodded.

"Yeah, exactly. I still loved her though. I loved her for a very long time actually, but I guess she just never felt the same way about me." She shrugged a little sadly and I felt a little weird hearing it. "But I'm over her, I moved on. I'm happy for you though, I don't know how you did it, but you accomplished the one thing I couldn't."

"Is that why you were such a bitch to me when I met you?" I asked bluntly and she sighed.

"I guess it was out of shock. I went from not seeing the girl, I was in love with, for months to suddenly seeing her on a proper date with someone else- it was a lot for me to handle. So, I'm sorry about that." She said sincerely.

"Thanks, but I think you owe Haydn the apology, I'm not the one you tried to kiss forcefully," I explained, and she sighed.

"Good point. I'm sorry, I couldn't be of more help though." She said honestly and my heart fell, I was hoping she had something useful for me.

"It's okay, I think I should get going though, we're still trying to find Haydn," I said as I stood up and she nodded understandingly. "I'll see you around."

"Wait, um, there might be someone who knows where she is." She said and I halted in my movements. "There's this guy she would always call looking for a party back in the day, his name is Bea, but that's all I know- I never actually met him."

"Thanks, Sara, I'll let you know if we find her." I smiled before making my way out and into my car.

I immediately drove back to Roxanne's house and had barely parked the car before I was climbing out and almost running into the house. Everyone was exactly where I left them- brainstorming on the couches and floor, some were calling around while others were searching for social media.

But still nothing.

"Hey Cris, what did Sara say?" Jamal asked, noticing me first.

"Not much, just that she hasn't heard from Haydn, she was in love with my girlfriend and that some guy named Bea might know where she is." I sighed as I collapsed into an empty seat.

"Well, that's something right?" Logan smiled optimistically and I nodded, rubbing my temples.

"I guess," I murmured, as Blanca reassuringly squeezed my knee. "It feels like I'm stuck in a nightmare."

"It's okay, I'll start looking to see if she follows anyone named Bea and you go get something to eat. There's pizza in the kitchen." She said writing Bea in big, capital letters on her notepad.

"No, I'm not hungry, I need to help." I insisted as Roxanne came over and got level with me.

"Cris, you already got us a name. Go eat and then you can help Tabitha and I calling gas stations to try and see if we can find which direction, she's headed in." She offered, gesturing to the girl I saw with Jamal outside the Library a few weeks ago, Tabitha, and I nodded my head. "Don't worry Cris, we'll find Bea and DM him and he'll tell us where Haydn is."

"Fine." I huffed as I got up to go eat- I couldn't argue with Roxanne's logic.

My friends were right, we'd find Haydn soon and everything would go back to normal.

* * *

Haydn had been missing for 72 hours when Luis sent me a message to say the police had found her abandoned car across the street from a police station THREE HOURS from here. I wasn't going to lie; I was a mess and even though I found the strength to go back to school (along with everyone else) my mind was everywhere else besides in that building.

Turns out, Bea didn't exist, or if he did, he didn't have any social media to his name. It was heartbreaking, especially since that was the only thing we had to go on and to make matters worse, ever since Haydn left my anxiety had skyrocketed. My insomnia was back, I had constant intrusive thoughts and I started to freak out for everything: crowds, loud noises, stares- it was terrible, being without Haydn was terrible and not to be dramatic but I felt like fucking dying.

However, our luck seemed to change when 20 minutes into a very boring math lesson, at the end of the day, I got a text from Blanca: GET TO THE LIBRARY RN.

The message seemed important and, like everything else in my life at the moment, the not-knowing made my anxiety spike, so with a rapidly beating heart I quickly excused myself to the bathroom and once outside I hurried towards the library. I silently slipped into the large room and snuck across to the outdoor area, slightly confused when I saw all my friends and Jamal waiting for me.

"What's going on?" I asked a grinning Blanca.

"Cristina! I fucking found her!" She grinned as she held up her phone.

"What? How?" I frowned, her words making me feel as though I was dreaming.

"Well, this morning, in chemistry, I was thinking about how we could find this Bea guy, which didn't seem realistic, but then I realized that what if Bea wasn't his name but his initial." She smiled as her words clicked. "So, I scrolled through all the people she was following but couldn't find him- or someone I thought would be him- until I clicked on the pictures, she was tagged in. I had to scroll to the bottom but a few years ago she was tagged in a photo with a guy named Bones. I clicked on his story and there she was, under some purple neon sign of a club three hours away." Blanca grinned as she showed me the screenshot and my heart stopped.

Haydn was unrecognizable, haphazardly leaning on the wall under the purple sign. She had on black jeans and a black shirt (with the sleeves hacked off) as she lit a joint between her lips. Her hair was chopped short as it fell around her forehead in slight waves while the sides were cut shorter, there seemed to be metal in her septum and there were a few new tattoos wrapped in cellophane on her arms. However, what shocked me most were her eyes. From the golden colour and long lashes I knew it was Haydn but with dark circles, a slight red tint and full of sadness it didn't look like herself- she didn't look present.

She was slipping.

"Oh my god," I whispered as I looked at the girl who looked nothing and everything like my girlfriend. "I need to go."

"Woah, Cris, we need to tell the police and Luis, let them handle it," Roxanne said cautiously. "We don't even know where she is exactly, just the general area." She pointed out sadly, but I shook my head, something didn't feel right.

"No, I need to go get her- right now! Something's not right Roxanne, she doesn't look okay. She's on the edge and I need to get to her before she fucking falls!" I said desperately as I looked back down at the picture.

"You don't know where she is!" Roxanne stressed but I shook my head, she couldn't be so close and yet so far out of my reach.

"Well, I actually might have an address," Blanca said softly and we all turned to her expectedly.

"Yeah, you think, you don't know-" Roxanne pointed out and while I understood she was worried I couldn't care.

"Shut up Roxanne!" I snapped, shutting her up instantly before I turned to Blanca to continue.

"Um, the club is in a town close to where they found Haydn's car. So, I searched this Bones guy's Twitter and saw that he tweeted a picture of a sunset from what looked to be his apartment in the same area." Blanca started to explain, and I felt relief start to flood over me. "There were some girls asking him in the replies if he was going to an Airbnb party of a friend, Frankie and he said yes. Then I looked up Frankie on his Instagram and as luck would have it, he made a flyer for the party and if you swipe left, you'll see a screenshot of it with the address for the party tonight."

"Oh my god, you found her. Thank you so much, Blanca, thank you so fucking much." I whispered still in shock, almost crying as I pulled her in a hug.

"Of course, Cris, we're all worried about her." She reassured me and I quickly checked the time on my phone and saw that if I wanted to get there before it was too late, I'd have to leave immediately.

"Cris, you can't really be thinking of going, you don't even know if she's going to be there." Roxanne groaned.

"I don't care, Roxanne, if there is a chance she'll be there, I'm going," I said decidedly, knowing they were not about to change my mind.

"But you can't go by yourself, Cris, you don't even know where you're going or what you're stepping into- it could be dangerous." Logan tried to reason but Jamal came to my rescue.

"I'll go with her." He volunteered and I smiled in thanks.

"But it's far-" Logan started, but Jamal shook his head.

"It's only three hours, we'll be okay." He reassured her.

"Can you leave right now?" I asked him nervously, already thinking about the drive ahead of me.

"Of course." He nodded. "Let me go get my stuff." He said before hurrying off.

"Roxanne, please call Luis and tell him what Blanca found, but don't tell him we've gone already," I asked desperately, and she sighed.

"Fine, just be careful, okay?" She stressed, Logan also looking a little nervous at the thought.

"I will, I'll even share my live location so you guys can see where I am," I promised, before pulling them all into a group hug.

So as Blanca sent me the address of the Airbnb, Jamal and I said goodbye to my friends, and I sent my parents a quick text before we drove off. We had no idea what we were driving into, but I knew couldn't sit by and do nothing- I loved her too much for that.