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" The strongest drug that exists for a human is another human being. "

-UNKNOWN

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A loud, sharp noise cut through the air, catching my attention, "Leon, what the hell? " My coach comes to me with a noticeable frown on his face.

"You have your head in the clouds, again." He was right; my head was in the clouds, again... filled with images of Emma in ways that made me want to go and find her and act out all those dirty images that had been popping inside my head for a while now. The more images of her I got like that, the more ashamed I felt inside.

"Go take a seat and get your head on straight. When you're ready to focus on practice, then you could rejoin us. " He huffs out in anger as he blows on his whistle that is wrapped securely around his neck.

He refocused on the other players who seemed out of breath and in need of a cold water bottle to regain some energy in their system. Of course, it was too early for this kind of practice, but it helped when I wanted to blow off some built-up steam.

Kevin's curious dark eyes settled on me as if he's trying to decipher what is going through my head, that my focus is suffering for it with just one look.

He wouldn't understand even if it was written down on paper. He might be my brother, but it's never wrong to be too careful about spilling those kinds of thoughts to him.

Plus, he sucked on giving good advice. Last time, his advice almost cost me my life.

I gradually made myself across the enormous greenfield and sat on the first white bleacher. The sun today wasn't shying away behind the thin white clouds, instead, it cast its heat down on us. Made today's training feel like we are walking through hell barefooted while carrying an enormous rock on our back.

Taking off my helmet and placing it next to me as my attention goes back to the guy's, seeing how the couch unscrewed the cap of a cold water bottle as he started yelling at them to move faster. Of course, nobody protested to not spend more hours stuck here.

And just like that, my mind began wandering off back to Emma and those stupid forbidden dreams.

There is this one odd dream that has been haunting me at night, ever since I saw Kevin touch her under the table... four days ago.

The strong urge that rose through me at the moment that I caught a glimpse of his hand on her thigh made me want to cut his handoff. Since then, I have had this awful emotion of envy stuck in my chest and it wouldn't go away no matter how many days have passed by.

It was hard to understand why this feeling of complete jealousy kept growing even more whenever Kevin got too close to her or whenever her cheeks would slightly redden when he got too close to her personal space.

This never happened to me before with anyone else when we both shared a toy... Maybe it is because, for me, she's not a toy but someone I see a future with. Oddly, for me, she was more of an angel with broken little wings that needed someone else besides her to help her survive on earth.

And selfishly, I wanted to be the only person she needed and wanted. Was that too selfish of me to know that Kevin wanted her first for himself? It's like he knew that I was going to get attached to her if I became interested in her. And that's why he wanted from the beginning for me to back off and set my attention elsewhere.

It's not my fault... He should have admitted that he felt differently for her when he had a clear chance to make me back off. But that is not going to happen anymore.

Just thinking about it pisses me off that she kept calling his name over mine in that one specific dream that has been plaguing my sinful dreams every single night... A short chuckle passed my lips as I analyzed the crazy odd dream even more.

The way she simply outright rejected me made my blood going through my veins boil. But it calms me down whenever I remember how her soft lips tasted inside my dream. Damn it, I was going insane. That now I just can't keep my head on not wandering back to her.

I don't even know why this feeling of anger consumes me when she's not even mine.

I even held a gun to her out of frustration that she wasn't showing me the same need she was showing my brother in the damn dream.

I shouldn't even feel this way... but I do. And this unknown feeling of guilt doesn't go away when I saw how her face morphed into fear when I lashed out at her in the stupid dream.

Yet... That stupid dream felt so real that it always makes me wake up in a cold sweat worrying that she saw a side of me that she hadn't seen before. A side of me that I don't want her to ever know about.

Maybe, if I kiss her, this awful feeling might go away. And everything will return to normal.

Even looking at my own brother right now was starting to piss me off. How does he not feel guilty doing the things he does to her? Maybe... He doesn't like her as much as I do. Maybe the only one who is really into her is me.

Someone sits beside me and my mind quickly recognizes who it was without even looking at him. It was not the first time he had done this... Whenever my mind doesn't focus on the game, he is like a free therapist who loves listening to other people's problems and fixing them if he can.

Plus, he's the captain of the team, after all, so he has this sense of responsibility for his team members, even if he doesn't have to care about them.

He's considered as the golden boy of the school. Good grades, good at sports, and having a good attitude towards anyone who needs his help. He's basically everyone's friend.

"What's wrong, dude? Having girlfriend trouble again? " Mike questions me as he takes off his red helmet and pushes his light, almost golden, strands away from his face as his curious gaze settles on me.

"Yeah... kind of." Without thinking, those words came out of my lips as my left hand gestured for him to pass me one of those cold water bottles from the red bottle's ice cooler. He got up without complaint and got two out of there, one for me and one for himself.

"Don't tell me she caught you with someone else again? " He said when he sat right next to me and uncapped his drink as he took a swing of his cold beverage while eyeing me for a response.

"No." My focus goes back to the field as my answer was kept short.

Everyone was now separated into two groups.

Kevin was in the best group out of the two. He knew who was good and who sucked at playing the sport, and the majority of those who sucked at playing the sport were grouped into the other team.

No doubt, in my mind, they have already lost this game without even starting. Kevin liked to win, especially when he saw something he could win, and he was definitely going to bet on something with those idiots who were hoarded around him, probably coming up with what they could bet on.

"Then what is it?" Mike questions me, bringing my attention back to him as he takes another swing of his cold drink. Ignoring everything that was happening in the field.

"She has been acting kind of weird lately,-"My words stopped for a moment, debating if it was really okay to spill my worries on to him... or not. He wouldn't know who I was referring to anyways. "- Like avoiding my eyes whenever we make eye contact and physically tensing up whenever I enter her personal space.

She seems scared of me for some reason that I just don't know. And honestly, I don't know how to fix it... I have tried everything that comes to mind, but it just doesn't fix this weird atmosphere that has started to appear between us.

The last thing I want is to lose the progress I made in this relationship... if I could call it that." Ever since I went to that stupid party, she has been acting differently with me. Something in the back of my mind tells me that something did happen that night, but knowing how she is, she wouldn't tell me. No matter how much I pestered about it... She wouldn't spill a thing.

Kevin wasn't helping me either when he flat-out started ignoring me whenever I interrogated him about what the hell happened that night.

"First of... This is the first time I've heard you're so distressed by a girl. Especially your girlfriend ... Usually, she's the one who is always having trouble focusing on her cheerleading practice and whining about you to my girlfriend. " He chuckled, letting those words spill out of his mouth. If he wasn't Mike, I would have punched him in the face by now for finding this situation funny.

He continued when he collected himself. "If I was in your shoes, I would probably buy her some flowers. And some chocolate... scratch that, buy her a lot of chocolate from all different kinds of it and don't forget the ice cream. Believe me I know. My girl eats a ton of those when she's angry.

Just ask for forgiveness even if you don't know what you are asking for forgiveness for." Will that even work on Emma? She doesn't forgive people that easily, especially people that did her wrong. And the last thing I wanted was to be on that list.

And she's hard to read, sometimes. I just never know what is going through her mind the majority of the time when she's with me. She's like a hard puzzle to piece together. It would be nice of her if she opened herself up to me a little more. Maybe even be more vocal about the things that troubled her.

"If that doesn't work, then..." He goes quiet for a moment, making me shift my attention to him. Who's... right now, seemed dazed out. Here we go again.

Whenever he thinks of something funny or interesting, he always spaces out in the middle of a conversation, no matter how important the conversation is. This was one of the weird shit this guy does without knowing and people accepted that without questions.

"What is it?" Now it was my turn to question him, and why he had such a stupid expression on his face. He better not be thinking about global warming, because yesterday all he talked about was that.

How the world won't even make it past the next few centuries... as if I care. Let's be honest, both of us wouldn't be alive to witness that shit.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you. It was something crazy that passed my mind for a brief moment. " His goofy smile grew bigger and amusement shone in those bright eyes.

"What is it?"

"There is this girl in my last class that has been on my mind for days... She's so small and feisty. If you see her, you will like her too.

I enjoy teasing her whenever I get a chance too. " He chuckled as he reminisced for a bit about the girl. This was out of pocket, coming out of him. He usually never speaks about another girl other than his girlfriend, Jule's.

"I feel kind of a dickhead to admit this, but fuck I would be lying if I said she hasn't captured my interest. " His smile widened. If his girlfriend hears him say that, she will definitely go after the girl. And destroy that girl's life.

"Really... well don't mention that to your girl. If you don't want to cause that poor girl a big problem, "' Knowing how that bitch and all the cheerleaders are. No doubt in my mind they're going to start harassing that girl if they get wind of this.

"Why?" He questioned. Mike was smart in school, but in the real world, he lacked self-awareness of his surroundings and awareness of other people's true behavior.

''Because I just wouldn't. Wouldn't you be a little pissed if your girl came up to you talking about how she'd "caught interest" in another guy? "

He analyzed my words and nodded as he let out, " True, I never thought about it like that."

"You know what...You should pursue her, if you're that interested in the feisty girl." Mike looks at me like I had two heads when I let those words out. He looked so baffled by my suggestion.

"Are you crazy? "

"No, but do you really want to regret it... I mean you clearly seem interested in her... Maybe, you don't like your girlfriend as much as you thought..."

"You crazy bastard, is this what goes through your head when you cheat on your girl...?"

"... yeah,"I admitted without shame.

"Wouldn't that be cheating on my girlfriend?"

"I mean, no... You are just testing the waters. It's not like you're going to fuck her, the moment you get the green lights. If you feel that your emotion it's much stronger with the feisty girl then with your girl then you break it off with your girl. And pursue the feisty one. But you have to make sure she is as interested in you as you're of her... before doing anything too serious."

He nodded. Taking everything I say into consideration

I mean, it's good that he started to get interested in another girl. If he gets infatuated with that person and breaks off with Jule's, then things will go back to normal. And if anyone ever finds out that his girlfriend cheated on him with Kevin. And he got wind of that news then... Maybe, He wouldn't feel so hurt and betrayed about it.

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My mind wouldn't stop thinking of what Mike suggested at practice about buying her some flowers and lots of chocolate. Maybe a little extra gift just to make sure if the first two don't spike a smile to emerge on her face.

The last thing I want is to make her feel burdened with such things. But fuck this odd situation between us needed to be fixed fast before my crazy thoughts ate completely away at my sanity.

My eyes stilled on the rearview mirror again when I stopped at a red light.

Emma was now taking a little nap. Her hair slightly covered her face as she had her dark orange hoodie on.

These past few days, she has been looking so exhausted and emotionally drained. Something is bothering her, but she doesn't come to me anymore to spill out her worries to me.

It simply saddens me. Because it's a good feeling being needed even if all I have to do is listen.

It would be nice to know what keeps her up at night.

It always brings me joy when she used to confide in me, with her many worrying thoughts that wouldn't leave her function throughout the day.

It makes me feel a bit closer to her and of course needed.

If only I could read her mind to know what to do next, it would make things so much easier to know what goes through her head when she spaces out in her little safe bubble of her mind.

When she gets trapped in her little world, it is hard to get her out sometimes. She overthinks everything.

A loud, annoying, sharp chord bellowed behind me, making me refocus on the road ahead.

Kevin, as always, was texting away on his smartphone. Just seeing him here acting as if nothing happened irks me. He knows something that I don't know about that night. And that alone is extremely dangerous because he could easily control the narrative of the situation in his favor.

All I hope is that I didn't show her a bad side that I tried to hide from her. The last thing I want is for her to fear me.

Finally arriving home, I carefully parked the vehicle in the driveway, as I hastily proceeded to kill the engine.

There seemed to be nobody at home... every light was turned off. Good. The last thing I want is our mother down our throats.

Not wasting any more time I exited the vehicle, Kevin did so too. When Kevin was about to open the passenger door where sleepy Emma was pressed against, I stopped him.

The last thing I want is Kevin causing more problems with her. She seemed too tired to deal with him... or it was just seeing him touch her body that wasn't sitting right with me.

"What?" He looked irritated by my intervention. Does he seriously think I'm letting her out of my sight?

"Nothing, today I'm taking her upstairs to her bedroom." He moved back when he saw that my words came out with a hint of seriousness.

He didn't say anything at all. All he did was stare at me like he was trying to figure out what had been happening to me lately.

I gently unbuckled her seat belt, and let her body lay on mine. As gently as humanly possible just to not startle her, I plucked her out of the passenger's seat.

My sour mood began subsiding when she was in my arms. It's been a long time since I had any physical touch with her. It sounds weird, doesn't it? The way I word that.

But it's true, I've been deprived of her touch and warm smile for a while now.

Besides, I wasn't as bold enough to touch her as Kevin. Sometimes, I envy him for that. He always finds a way to touch her and get her attention, good or bad.

It is laughable that this is what goes through my mind whenever Kevin gets too close to her.

He would certainly never let me live that down. If he ever hears that from me.

Kevin opened the front door and gently pushed it wider for me to carry her inside. Kevin began turning on the lights, chasing the darkness from the hidden space that was hiding away from the tall windows.

Then we made ourselves upstairs, Kevin opened Emma's bedroom door and watched me stroll in.

I took her to the farthest side of the bed. She usually likes sleeping closer to the window for some odd reason.

I gently laid her body on the mattress. She moved a little as if she was noticing her surroundings had changed. As gently as possible, I take off her shoes and place them down next to her nightstand.

It was tempting to just lay down next to her and wait until she woke up from her heavy slumber just to talk with her a little about everything and nothing... But that would be a little too much.

Just imagining how she would react to seeing me staring at her while she slept got me wiping that stupid idea from my head at quick as it came.

Oddly, she has made friends, I thought she was going to have a hard time with her shyness always taking over whenever she meets new people.

One side of me feels left behind, that I'm not the center of her attention. The other side of me feels proud that she is not shying away inside her hard shell and making progress in opening up to more people.

I'm not too worried about the friend group that she made. Of course, I'd dug up some information about her new friends.

None of them has a serious problem with smoking any form of drugs or drinking.

Nothing out of the ordinary, except that one of them has a fascination with earning themselves speeding tickets.

The only one who didn't need a whole complete background check is Asher.

He didn't need one because he was just like Mike, a good guy. Or even worse than Mike in terms of having his morals above everything. The only difference between him and Mike is that he didn't want to mix with people who have a bad reputation.

Besides, I suppose he doesn't want to make his girlfriend think that he is the same as us, who has no morals and respect for others' boundaries or relationships.

He was the person who liked the sport but hated the people playing with him. If he could, he surely would've dropped out of the team if Mike wasn't captain. The only one he got along with was with Mike and some other two guys on the team.

Never become acquainted with him because I am trying to save him trouble from my brother who likes touching things that belong to others.

Moreover, he's one of the promising players in the team, always on time for practice, and never complained about anything.