The next few days after the picnic are uneventful since it went so well. I've been trying to work extra hours so I can afford Charlie's ring. He doesn't like that.

Especially because on days like yesterday, I come home and collapse into bed immediately, unable to spend time with him. I only do that once a week though, I couldn't bear it if I did that to him every night.

So when I wake up, I fully intend to spend the day with him, but after checking my phone, that plan flies out the window.

Help.

I read the time sent.

"4:18 AM."

It's currently a quarter till noon. Fuck.

Worried, I pick up my phone and call him.

"Hi, this is Xander. Please leave a message unless you're a telemarketer."

"Dude, please call me back and let me know if you're okay." I say then hang up, tapping my foot. Xander wouldn't just ask me for help unless there was a big problem.

I start spam texting him.

I'm left on read for a while until I see the bubbles come up just to disappear. Two minutes pass and it happens again. He's typing, but he keeps stopping.

Don't call Ry.

My brows furrow.

why not? what's going on? are you okay? do you still need help, i can come right away

I don't want him to see me like this. You don't have to come if you don't want to. I'm just used to having someone helping me. It's whatever.

it's no problem, charlie and i can come rn

I don't know if I want Charlie. I don't want to stress him out. He's still in recovery.

I bite my lip, but I have to agree. Charlie deserves some peace right now.

i'll come alone then. anything you need me to bring?

Um. Kinda.

what

Don't tell Ryder. Just bring crackers and real ginger ale if you can. Maybe a movie.

okay on my way

I really don't like that he's keeping secrets from Ry. If anything, Ryder should be helping him through this, supporting him like I know he would.

I sigh and get dressed, shoving my phone in my pocket and leaving the room. "Charlie, baby?"

He tackles me and kisses my face. "You're up! I made breakfast!"

I kiss him back and smile nervously. "Thank you so much, love, but I actually was gonna go out for a bit."

Charlie deflates. "Can I pack it for you?"

"I'd love that." I smile and kiss his forehead before getting up and going to the pantry. We have crackers and I can grab a ginger ale at a gas station. I pull out the package and tuck it under my arm before returning to Charlie.

"It should only be a couple hours, I'm going to hang out with Xander. It was a last minute thing." I explain to soothe any anxieties he might have.

He nods and hands me my lunch box. "I need to get used to you hanging out with people. Not just leaving for work." His voice comes out a whisper. "Just don't fuck my brother." He laughs to try and lighten the mood.

I roll my eyes and pull him into an embrace. "I wouldn't dare. I love you, Charlie. I believe in you. If you need me, just text and I'll be there."

"Well, I'd feel guilty stealing you from Xan." He runs his fingers through his hair and I notice he put on makeup.

"No need for guilt. Your mental health is most important." I promise him.

"Xander's is more important than mine." Charlie starts cleaning. "He has problems too. He just doesn't like to show it."

I nod. "Okay," I kiss him one last time. "I love you. I'll text you when I get there and when I come home."

"I love you too. Be home when you can." He kisses back.

"I will be." I promise and head out. I pick up the ginger ale on the way and park in the Kings' driveway. Gathering the things, I get out and let myself in the house, going straight to Xander's room and knocking. "Hey, buddy, it's me."

"You can come in," he says, voice low.

I do and close the door behind me, going to sit on the bed. I put his stuff down and search for his head to start combing my fingers through his hair. "I brought everything."

It's so dark that I can't see Xander's face, but he sounds relieved. "Thank you."

"No problem. I take care of my family." I assure him lovingly. He may come off as super tough, but he's still Charlie's, and soon my little brother.

"One day I'll pay you back," he promises.

I chuckle. "There's no need."

"I feel bad. Charlie probably wanted to go on a date or something." He buries his face in his pillow. "But then I got... sick..."

"You don't know that, that's a pretty specific assumption." I watch him. "Is that what's wrong? You're sick?"

"Kind of. It's nothing contagious. I might throw up if I'm forced to eat actual food, so Charlie would have a panic attack."

I nod. "Good thing I didn't bring him." I lay down on my side and try to see his face. "Why are you keeping this from Ryder? He'd love to help you, he loves taking care of people. He'd never judge you for anything."

I notice the bed shaking. "Not with this. He can't see me like this." He pants.

I sit up and pull his head into my lap and grab his hand. "He won't think any less of you. He really likes you."

"He doesn't love being in a depressive state while going through withdrawals." Xander wipes the sweat of his face.

I pet him. "He would love you regardless. I know that for sure."

I debate whether to ask him about the withdrawals or not. Charlie once told me that Xander struggles with an addiction to his drugs. I don't know which ones though.

"Ryder has made his views on drugs clear. I don't want to ruin our relationship."

"What views?" I scoff. "Telling him would not ruin your relationship. He cares for you, he wants to help you. It'd only be hard for him if you wanted to continue using and not address it." I explain.

"I am addressing it. I flushed everything and got rediagnosed so that I couldn't get them again. I've been going to meetings. I'm trying my best," his voice breaks towards the end.

"Holy shit." I hug him closer. "Xander... I'm sorry."

Tears fall silently. "I didn't think I'd get double whammied." He chuckles brokenly.

"Yeah, that's fucking rough. You're a fucking badass though, even though it's kinda dangerous to just quit cold turkey. If you can make it through this, you can make it through anything." I hand him some tissues and continue petting him. "Ryder would want to know. He'd want to be here for you."

"I'm scared."

I nod. "That's natural, you care for him a lot. It's scary to tell our secrets, but the people who truly love us will never leave over them. The fact that you can trust him with this would mean the world and he'd do everything he could to honor that gift of trust."

He bites his lip. "I don't ever want to see me as weak," he whispers. "I want him to have full faith in me. I want him to feel like I can protect him no matter what."

I move to rub his back, nodding. "I get that. I felt similar. But you're not weak, even now you're being so strong by resisting your urges and taking control of your life. Ryder would see you being brave. I've had vulnerable moments with Charlie, and never once had he ever doubted me afterwards. It's okay to feel emotional, it's okay to not be okay, and a partner is there to hold you up in your dark times, just as you're meant to hold him up in his dark times. A relationship is an even trade, you can't expect vulnerability from Ryder if you aren't willing to give him yours."

"It's not like that." He protests. "I want to be dependable. Like, I know I'm not good enough for him because he's... relatively innocent, but I'm not. I haven't killed anyone or anything like that, but I know your family would rather someone a little more like Charlie be with him," he rambles. "I don't feel like I'm allowed to have him take care of me."

I make him look at me. "Xander. You are every bit as worthy as Charlie. Ry didn't fall for him, he fell for you. I can promise you from experience that when you love somebody, you love them for them and everything being them entails. I wouldn't want Ryder with anyone else. You make him so happy, I'm proud that he's chosen you. I trust you with him."

He looks at me, green eyes glowing. "Really?"

"Yes, really," I assert. "And Mom loves you too, she texted me after the picnic to talk about how much she likes you and how cute you and Ry are."

Xander blushes slightly. "Ryder is really important to me."

"Good. You're important to him. You're the only person he's trusted this much."

"Makes sense since you only have your virginity once." He sticks his tongue out.

I roll my eyes and shove him lightly. "You should trust him too, Xander."

"I do." He argues. "It's not a trust thing."

"Trust that he won't see you differently. Trust that he won't leave you." I reiterate.

Xander exhales. "I trust him. I trust Ryder. I want to be with him, but I'm ashamed."

"There's nothing to feel ashamed of. You're going through hell, even before the medicine, and addiction isn't kind to anyone. You chose to make a change on your own, even I couldn't do that. You're strong, not shameful."

"Charlie's basically an extension of you, so you did change on your own. Plus, he couldn't force you," he explains.

I chuckle. "An extension of me?"

"Yeah. Like, soulmates or some gushy crap. You're on the same wavelength."

"So you don't think you and Ry are on the same wavelength?" I ask.

"Not yet. I do feel a deeper connection. But you two have been through a lot. Near death experiences kinda sped you along."

I nod. "You'll get there. You know, having deep talks and sharing your vulnerabilities is a step in that direction." I smirk.

He hits me. "Vulnerability isn't my strong suit."

"You're being vulnerable with me, aren't you?" I quirk an eyebrow.

"To an extent." He pouts. "But I'm supposed to be a sexy dom."

"Sexy doms deserve care too."

"Sexual care." He wiggles his eyebrows.

I push him again. "You ain't getting that from me."

"Eew! No!"

Laughing, I pull him back into my lap and cuddle him obnoxiously.

He laughs, squirming around. "You're so touchy."

I shrug. "I'm used to Charlie wanting constant touches."

"Sounds like my brother. I do like affection too. I'm just not as accustomed since the girls I was with saw it as a one-way street."

"She sounds like she sucked." I huff.

"Yeah. She also cheated on me." He holds his hand up. "Welcome to the club."

I look down. "Yeah, That shit's no fun."

"Now we have great boyfriends, so I'm over it."

I smile. "Yeah."

Xander opens a pack of crackers and eats one. "Charlie's pretty wild, so you could've possibly left him with vibrator in him."

I raise an eyebrow. "Would that alleviate his anxiety?"

"His? Well, he's needy, so he was probably prettied up. He's been telling me that he misses you a lot, but doesn't want to be overbearing because he's so proud of you."

"I'm definitely planning to spend more time with him. I've missed him too." I admit. "I just want to make enough money for his ring."

Xander grins widely. "I can't wait to see it in person."

His grin is contagious and I end up smiling just as wide. "I can't wait to see Charlie's face when he sees it."

"He'll die and you'll have to revive him like Snow White."

"Not a problem." I smirk.

"You two are honestly a great couple. I'm glad you're in his life." Xander wipes his eyes. "And I'm glad we got him back so that when the time is right, both of you will die fulfilled."

"Me too." I agree, rubbing his back.

Xander closes his eyes. "I'm also glad that I get you as a brother."

That hits me hard and I smile lovingly, feeling pretty emotional. "I'm glad I got you as a brother too."

He grins back, his eyes lighting up. "Good."

"Good." I agree and get comfortable. "You wanna watch that movie now?" I hold up one of my old cowboy flicks.

Chuckling, he nods. "Yeah. That sounds nice. After, you can go back to Charlie. I'm already starting to feel better."

I smile. "I'm really glad I could help."

"Thank you." Xander leans against me. "I'm glad you came."

"Me too. I'll always come when you need me, Xan." I promise him.

"Expect the same from me."

"Really?" I raise my eyebrows. I haven't thought about myself once since I got here. Like Xander, I don't usually ask for help when I need it. Nobody's ever bothered before. It's almost jarring to hear him say that.

He nods, his expression absolute. "Anything except you cheating on my brother or killing him. Pretty much anything else."

"I'd never do that, I'm more loyal than a dog." I wink.

"Good. Then you know that you can come with me for anything."

"Thank you." I smile warmly. "I love you, man."

"I love you too." He eats another cracker. "Dorky personality and all." He sticks his tongue out.

I gasp, "Dorky?!"

"One hundred percent."

Shaking my head, I flick both his ears. "Shut the hell up. I'm cool as fuck."

"Cool in the history department maybe."

I pout. "Charlie says it's cool."

"You being yourself is cool, but you gotta embrace the fact that You're a Dork with a capital D."

"I will not." I fold my arms and huff.

"Small dick energy you're giving off."

"Doesn't matter, my dick's already got a partner for life." I smirk.

He rolls his eyes. "Just press play, Mr. Archeologist."

"Fine, fine, Mr. Psychology." I start the movie and relax.

"Ethan?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks again."

"You're welcome. Again." I smile and settle in to watch. I definitely feel a lot closer to Xander after this. I'm glad I came and I'm glad I could be here for him today.

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