I sit down in my seat in class, strangely early. The teacher gives me a weird look and I just sneer at her. I'm not in the mood to be questioned today.

I've been carrying this tension around with me since yesterday and I don't know why, but it's fucking annoying. Every little thing pisses me off. I even snapped at Scout last night when she texted me, asking if everything was alright. Damn witch doesn't have any place in my business.

Charlie sits down in his spot, his expression light and unbothered as he rifles through his bag, causing me to notice something by accident.

Charlie's neck is covered in hickeys.

I stare as I process before turning around, the tension increasing so much so that I snap my pencil. I shove the pieces in my pocket and throw my feet up onto the desk so I can settle into my signature position of 'I don't give a fuck'.

"Hi, Ethan. You're here early." Charlie grins.

I close my eyes and force myself to relax. The last thing I want to do is snap at Charlie. He might not be able to take it like my friends can. "Hey." I pull out a toothpick and stick it in my mouth. "Had a rough night, so I came early to get out of the house."

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"Just peachy, love." I flash him an annoyed smile, my eyes catching his neck again.

That's what's bothering me, it has to be. I'm bothered because he left me yesterday, left to skip with some guy, just like he'd done with me. Apparently, I'd read our relationship wrong. What we did wasn't special to him, it didn't mean a damn thing. He didn't want me, he wanted my dick and when he didn't get it, he was perfectly happy to just move on without a second thought. I don't mean jack squat to him.

"Ethan..." Charlie opens his mouth to say something else before deciding to drop it, his straight and confident posture now slightly slouched and crumpled as he writes in his leather journal.

I stare straight ahead, feeling trapped in this tiny classroom. I need to get out of here, blow off some steam, get my shit together.

I grab my bag and stand up suddenly, leaving the classroom and going into the nearest bathroom, the same one we'd been in yesterday. I toss my bag on the counter and throw out whatever guy was washing his hands. I pull a cigarette out and light it, rolling my shoulders.

The bathroom door opens to reveal Charlie. He walks in and takes a look at my cigarette before shifting awkwardly. "I... If you're going to smoke, can we go outside? I'm kinda... asthmatic..."

I look at him and sigh, some of the tension leaving me. "Yeah, okay." I grab my stuff and lead him out back to the field and under the bleachers.

He leans against them, out of the way of the smoke. "What did I do?"

I shake my head. "Nothin'."

"Liar."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Why are you here? Don't you have better things to do?"

"I'm here because I want to be here. I'm here the same reason I showed up to class yesterday instead of skipping all of my classes, to see you." He rolls his eyes.

I blow out a puff of smoke. He wanted to see me? Why? I'm no use to him. I hang my head, feeling confused and filled with an anger I don't know how to deal with or even who to direct it at. "Okay." I manage to say.

"Tell me." Charlie crosses his arms. "I'm not a mind reader."

Neither am I, but I sure wish I was right about now.

I finish my cigarette and pull out another, trying to figure out how to put this feeling inside me into words but no matter what I do, it all ends up looking like the same thing.

Jealousy.

I'm just mad because I thought it was special, I thought I was special, but now I know I'm not. I shouldn't have been so stupid.

And I can't tell him because I'll sound clingy or like I'm in love with him (which I'm not) and he'll probably leave me.

"I can't, Charlie."

"Are you scared of your friends finding out...?" Charlie exhales shakily. "If that's what it is, I can pretend that I don't know you..."

"Finding out we're friends?" I shake my head. "No, dude, that thought never even crossed my mind." I look at him; he looks sad, defeated, and it makes me sad too. Sure, if my friends found out what actually happened between us, then I might get a little freaked, but who cares if they see me hanging out with Charlie? I can defend myself just fine. I can defend him too and if they get uppity about it, I know how to shut them down.

I stomp out my cigarette and grab Charlie, my previous anger forgotten, and pull him into a hug. "I don't give a damn what they think. I like you and they can deal with that."

Charlie hugs me back, wrapping his arms tightly around me. "Thank you, but please tell me what's going on."

I sigh. "I don't know. It's stupid."

"Just tell me."

"I just..." I run my fingers through my hair and sit back. "I just thought that like, when we skipped and hung out, I thought I was like... special or wanted and then the next day you go do it with someone else and it just made me feel kinda... like I didn't matter to you at all." I confess.

"I left that first day with you for you, to make you feel better, because I cared. Yesterday was just me trying to sort out some things. It wasn't the same. It was for me. You aren't Michael and I can't make you Michael." He pulls at his straightened hair, biting his lip.

I stare at his neck. "Michael as in your ex Michael?" I grab another cigarette. "Are you two like, back together?"

"Not like we were. It's casual. It's not like how it was in high school."

"You wanted to have sex with me that first day." I blow out a circle of smoke. "Is that all you want from me?"

"You're my friend. We don't have to have sex, Ethan. I only meet up with Michael and Jamie for one thing: sex. It's different. Plus, you're not even gay." He grabs the cigarette from my hand and breaks it. "Stop smoking so much like that when it's over me."

I glare at him. "Those aren't free, you know. It's rude to waste shit that ain't yours."

Charlie's face and ears burn red and he shoves a twenty in my hand before stalking off. "Find me when you know what you want, Dechart."

I watch him go, frustrated. I don't want him to and I instantly feel ten times worse without him close. It always ends like this when I'm angry. I always ruin things.

My phone buzzes and I pull it out to see a message from Scout.

k♥️⚠️?

I sigh. She only ever communicates in vague letters, Morse code, or emojis. The best I can interpret this meaning is: king of hearts, trouble?

Since I'm feeling super great right now, I respond very maturely.

go away

I finger my lighter and throw it back in my pocket along with my box of cigs.

🖕

I scoff and grab my shit. I don't know where I'm going, but I sure as hell can't stay here. I stand up and see Scout coming out of the building. She smirks when she sees me and I growl.

"What the fuck do you want?!" I call as she approaches.

"Come." She grabs my hand and drags me to her bike, a bicycle bike. She gets on and I sigh and follow since the seat is big enough for two.

The ride is about twenty minutes and when we stop in front of a forest, I feel incredibly confused, but I just follow along, trusting Scout to know where the fuck she's going. After walking for at least five minutes, we stumble upon an old house, broken down and covered in foliage.

Scout points to it. "Home."

I raise my eyebrows. No one's ever seen where Scout lives, we barely know a thing about her, and she decides that now is the time to show me her secret life?

I chuckle. "So you literally live in a hut in the woods? Wow."

She kicks the door open. "Your judgment is not appreciated."

I follow her inside. There's barely any furniture, just a torn up couch and a small circular table with two chairs that look about ready to collapse. Scout grabs a baseball bat from under the sink and hands it to me.

I stare at her. "What do you expect me to do with this?"

Scout blinks. "Let it out."

I grip the bat. "What do you mean?"

She kicks me, hard. "Let it out!"

I glare at her and swing the bat. She ducks easily and backs out of the way. I feel my anger returning and I swing at the wall, smashing the plaster. I shout and swing again and again until there's a hole. I move throughout the house for the next twenty minutes, swinging at anything that comes within range. It feels good to get my feelings out, and by the time I'm done, I feel better, like a clean slate. I'm more focused, more energetic, and more relaxed.

I drop the bat on the floor and plop down on the couch. Scout comes over and perches on the armrest. "Feel better?"

I nod. "Thank you."

"Talk to me."

I sit up. "I can't."

"I won't tell Carmen or Tony."

"How did you know?" I ask. "That I was upset with Charlie?"

Scout smirks and pulls a card out of her sleeve. "I know all."

I shake my head and laugh.

"I want to help." Scout says. "Talk to me."

"I'm just ruining things, like usual." I sigh. "I got pissed because—"

"No." Scout interrupts. "That's little problem. Talk about big problem."

"Big problem?" I wrack my mind. "What's the big problem?"

Scout growls frustratingly and pulls out the king of hearts card, which represents Charlie, and the ace of spades card which she always uses to represent me. She puts them together. "You like him."

I stare at her, there's no way in hell she should know that. "He's my friend—"

"No. You like him. Or... his ass, at least."

I stand up. "No, I don't. I didn't come here for your bullshit, Scout."

She leaps off the couch and grabs my arm before I can storm out. "You want something. Take it or you will lose him. Don't think about your choices, follow your instincts. There's a party being thrown by one of the plastic girls. Invite him."

She lets go of me and heads upstairs, leaving me alone in her creepy house. I stand still for a minute before leaving and pulling up a gps app on my phone so I know where the fuck to go.

I open my messages and send a single text before fear can get the better of me.

hey, so there's this party coming up...