We all stand there, paralyzed as Kevin walks away from us, leaving us standing in the woods.

''I can't, I literallly can't,'' Billie suddenly says, crouching down on the ground before burying her face in her hands. Her voice is cracking, making me realise that she's about to cry.

I gasp before crouching down in front of her, grabbing her wrists softly. She lets me pull away her hands from her face and I was right. Tears are desperately trying to get out of her beautiful diamond eyes. I sigh sadly before wrapping my arms around her torso, rubbing her back softly while she cries into my chest.

''Please, don't leave,'' she whispers, almost so quiet that I can't even hear her.

''Why would I?'' I ask into her hair before resting my chin on her head.

''Everyone does.''

Her sentence is powerful. Travis and Kevin have both left us in a matter of weeks. Everything just changed from being perfect to horrible. The nights where we would just sit in front of the lake, hanging out and just living. Those days feel so far away now. Why does everything good have to end? As I think about that, it feels like a dagger stabs me in the heart. I couldn't live without Billie, but I know that we will be over some day. I don't know when, but nothing lasts forever. Suddenly, I let out a quiet sob as well, holding on to Billie so tight to get comforted and to comfort her at the same time. Why do we even live? Everything will be over soon, so what's the point anyways? Sure, you could surround yourself with happiness, but in the end you will just be there with yourself. The person that you created. I will be all alone with my broken soul and feel so lost. These thoughts just create a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach and I usually try to ignore it, but sometimes it's just too much to not think of. When I feel how Julia sits down next to us, pulling us both into her arms, I start to cry even more. I don't want to be here. Why am I me? I hate this so fucking much. I always joke about my struggles, but it's so fucking real and when that fact hits me, I just break down. I hate myself.

It takes a while, but Julia eventually makes me and Billie calm down and we decide to go home but not after calling the hospital multiple times. The answer is always the same: ''Hey guys! We understand taht you would really like to see your friend but unfortunately we don't allow visits until tomorrow!'' and it annoys the shit out of me. I just want to be by his side through this. I failed doing just that before because I was stupid and thought about myself all the time. Why do I never understand how bad things are until they happen to me? As we sit in Julia's car, I lean my forehead against the window and I realise how it starts to rain, giving my flashbacks from that september night. I push the thought away, realising that it would be too much to have that on my mind as well.

''Is it okay if I stay with you tonight?'' I ask Billie quietly, making her smile weakly before nodding,

''Of course, Baby.''

Eventually, Julia drops us off at Billie's apartment and I give her a big hug before exiting the veichle.

''Bye, promise to take care,'' I say, making her nod.

''I will. Bye, I love you!''

''Love you, too.''

As we enter Billie's hallway, her family is standing there, looking at us with sad face expressions.

''Are you guys okay?'' Maggie asks, grabbing Billie's shoulder while looking into her red and puffy eyes, similar to mine.

''Yes, mom. They found him,'' she says, her voice shaking as I realise that she's about to break down.

''Come here,'' Maggie mumbles, hugging her daughter while I watch, trying to stop myself from crying. It's so hard to see Billie in so much pain. Her heart hurts so much, and there's nothing that I can do to stop it. I feel how Finneas puts a hand on my shoulder, looking at me with a apologetic face expression. I just turn around towards him and hug him, carefully.

''I'm so sorry,'' he says quietly.

''Can me and Ember just go into my room now? I just have to... think,'' Billie says, making her family nod, understanding.

As we enter her room, Billie immediately lays down on her bed with exhaustion and sadness written all over her. I sigh sadly before putting a blue blanket over her, laying down under it next to her.

''Hold me,'' she whispers, making me nod before carefully moving closer to her. She rests her head on my chest, sobbing quietly as I have no idea how to calm her down. I place my hand on her head, stroking her hair just because that's how she does to calm me down at it seems to work on her too.

''Will it be okay?'' She asks, weakly before looking up at me.

''It will. I promise,'' I whisper, stroking her hair once again.

''I just want it to be like before,'' she mumbles.

''Then, let's make it be like before,'' I suggest.

''How? How are we supposed to live the way we want to when there are obstacles everywhere? It's like everyone and everything want me to fail. It's like I keep fighting a battle that I know that I will lose, but I keep fighting without a reason,'' she explains.

''Without a reason? Every happy moment in your life happens because you decided to keep fighting in the first place. We wouldn't have met each other if it weren't for your way of fighting. You sing and perform. You're a role model to thousands of people that look up to you everyday and you never disapoint them. They love you. I love you. We all love you,'' I say, making her look up at me once again.

''Dude, I love you so fucking much,'' she says, placing her lips on mine carefully and I kiss her back in the same way, just trying to make her feel okay. More okay than now, at least.