I open up my eyes in confusion, closing them again when I feel how dry they are. I try to move my arms to rest on my elbows but the muscles are too weak so I keep laying down with closed eyes. In general, my body is aching and the soft sheets are brushing against the sensitive skin. Wait, sheets? I force my eyes open, realising that I'm laying in a bed in a familiar bedroom. I literally have no idea what happened and I don't even get to think more because the door opens up, making me look at the doorway where Julia stands with a tray in her hands. She puts it down on the nightstand before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" She asks. Her concerned voice makes me realise more and more what went down. I was flying home to get to the hopsital where... she disappeared. My mom is dead. I did nothing to stop it.

''Mom,'' I breath out, almost thinking that everything that happened was a nightmare. Julia furrows her eyebrows and crawls next to me on the bed, wrapping her arms around me and it actually makes me cry when I think about the death of my mother. She did it because of me. I let out a sob, my tears sinking into Julia's shirt. She's whispering reassuring words in my ear, rubbing my back.

"I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye, Julia," I manage to say between several sobs.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbles and I appreciate that she doesn't even try to put words on this or give me advice, that would just make the situation seem as something that can be solved just like that.

''What happened?'' I ask, referring to yesterday.

''We looked for you everywhere and Kevin suggested that you were by the lake,'' she explains, holding her hand over mine. As she mentions Kevin's name, I start to think about the brown-haired boy who actually lost someone as well.

''Can you tell him to come here?'' I ask Julia and she looks at me a bit confused but eventually nods.

''Okay, hold on,'' she says before leaving the room. After a while, Kevin enters the room, closing the door after him before sitting down on the edge of the bed with his hands on his knees.

''Hey,'' he says, furrowing his dark eyebrows.

''I was just wondering if you would like to give me some advice when someone... when someone passes away, you know?'' I say quitly, looking at him. He smiles weakly before resting his head in his hands.

''I don't think that there's anything that we can do. Of course, we can do things that makes us feel better for the moment and slowly get happier, but the one that we've lost will never come back and we just have to accept it. It fucking sucks, and we will never stop thinking about it, but something positive comes out from it as well. Ember, you will learn to appreciate good things more than anyone in this world will. You're the definition of going through something terrible, a nightmare to be honest. It won't change, but it's better to appreciate the small moments of happiness than laying in bed all the time. I get that it's hard to just be happy and act as if everything is fine, but life is short, and sometimes it's shorter for some people than for others and it's unfair.''

I feel how a lonely tear calmly makes it's way down the skin on my cheeks as he talks to me like this. Everything that he's saying is so true, so why does it hurt so much? Without answering, I pull Kevin into a hug, appreciating how honest he is. He sighs a bit before hugging me back, burying hios face in my shoulder. After a while, we pull away and he smiles at me.

''Thank you,'' I say quietly.

''No problem. I'm always here if you would like to talk again, but I think that you should rest right now,'' he says before squeezing my shoulder and leaving the room.

Just like that. There is nothing left in my life. My family is dead, no one is left. Why is life so unfair? Everyone keeps telling me that I'm not doing anything wrong, but how should I believe them when everything bad is happening to me, as if I'm being punished? I close my eyes, trying to fall asleep in hope that I won't wake up tomorrow. I have nothing left to fight for. Not even my friends or Billie. Does Billie know? I'm too tired to tell her. Feeling so exhausted and tired, I relax while drifting off to sleep.

I'm stuck in the ceiling of the hospital room where my mom lays and I try to get to her, but I can't move. Suddenly, two men walks into the room and look at each other before saying some things I can't hear, except some sentences.

''Her daugther stopped visiting her, that seems to have been the reason to giving up,'' one of them say and I immediately feel a pain in my stomach. No, it can't be true. I'm so fucking stupid, I killed my own mother. In anger, I manage to jump down and throw everything around me. No one notices as I throw the IV-stand at the floor, making it crasch. Suddenly, everything gets louder and louder, making me look around in confusion. As I look at the bed, my mom is now awake, looking at me in an intense way. At the same time, she looks sad and it breaks my heart. She is accusing me of killing her, and she is right. Out of the blue, everyone start to whisper things, but I can't hear what they are trying to say. The noises make me sit down, pressing my hands against my ears and scream loudly.

I shoot my head up, panting as I realise that I'm in the same bed as before. It was just a nightmare. I keep panting and I can't seem to calm down as my gaze move all over the room. I cover my face with my hands and I try to cry but nothing comes out. After a while of panicking, I grab my pillow and stand up on the wooden floor before walking over to the door.

I touch the cold handle before carefully opening the door to Julia's room and I find her laying on the bed, sleeping. Kevin probably left because he is not on the right side of the bed as he uses to. Quietly, I walk over the floor before slipping under the blanket next to Julia. The bed squeeks and that is enough to wake Julia uo as she looks at me in confusion.

''You okay?'' she mumbles.

''Nightmare,'' I say and she sighs before wrapping her arms around me and stroking my hair. I relax and try to breath as the girl that I see as a big sister comforts me.

''It's going to be okay, Ems.''

-

I open my eyes and yawn as I realise that the bed is empty. My head feels heavy and I feel lightheaded overall. I place my hand on my head to steady myself before standing up. The pain in my head increases as I walk over to the door, making the process slow. Eventually, I head downstairs, realising that Julia is sitting by the table, looking at her phone.

''Good morning, Ems. Your sleepy ass has finally woken up!'' She says, probably trying to cheer my up before walking over to me and pulling me into a hug. I smile before hugging her back, almost falling asleep again on her shoulder.

''Do you want anything for breakfast?'' She asks, opening the fridge.

''I feel a bit sick, I think that I'm going back to bed again,'' I say truthfully. Since that nightmare last night, I've been feeling like shit. She looks at me to see if I'm lying but I guess that she decides that I'm telling the truth, because she walks over to the sink and grabs a glass before filling it with water and handing it to me.

''Okay, I'll be downstairs if you need me,'' she smiles, squeezing my shoulder before sitting down in the couch and turning the TV on.

''Thank you.''

I head upstairs again and walk over the wooden floor to the room I sleep in. I wish that Billie was here to comfort me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, even if it's not. Lazily, I throw my body onto the bed, not bothering to slip under the blanket before falling asleep almost instantly. I hope that I won't wake up tomorrow.