After a while we finally arrive at the hotel. It's a big building made out of stone or something so it's pretty old but really dope. We all exit the bus for the first time in a while and it feels pretty good to just inhale some fresh air. I follow Billie into the lobby as the others check in.

''Yo, I'm so fucking tired,'' Billie says, leaning her head on my shoulder. I unlock my phone and show her.

''Eleven pm? Bro, I want to sleep,'' she complains, making me chuckle.

''Yeah, let's sleep as soon as we get into the room,'' I say before the others approaches us.

''You guys have room two hundred and thirty two, we'll have the room next to it,'' Maggie explains as we all walk towards the elevator but suddenly, Billie pulls me away by my arm.

''We're walking up the stairs!'' She shouts. ''The one who comes up first wins!''

She rushes up the stairs and I run after her, laughing.

''Weren't you tired?'' I laugh as I try to get up first.

''Not anymore!''

When we're at the first floor, I manage to lock my arms around her waist, stopping her before running past her.

''You fucking asshole!'' She shouts as I run faster, hearing her footsteps not far from me.

After running for a while, I manage to get up to our floor first and I pant so much that I lay down on the floor on my back, trying to catch my breath. Billie shows up, looking all sweaty.

''I was first,'' I pant, laughing when I see how mad she looks.

''You were lucky! I didn't touch you,'' she outburst and I shrug. After a while, I stand up and follow Billie to the hotel room.

''I'm tired again,'' she says as she holds the card in front of the lock, making it open up.

''Let's sleep,'' I say before immediately throwing my suitcase on the floor and laying down in the soft bed, pulling the blanket over me. Billie soon joins me after putting her hair up in a bun, resting her head on my arm that's laying across the mattress.

''Billie?'' I ask. She doesn't answer. In confusion I look to my left, smiling when I realise that she's fallen asleep already. How the fuck could she fall asleep so fast? I giggle before kissing her forehead. Suddenly, I realise that this is my time to get my revenge on her. I laugh to myself as I take a picture of her, uploading it to my story on snapchat. After that, I put my phone down and rest my head against the pillow, closing my eyes.

-

Today, I feel pretty anxious overall. I don't know why, I just want to be at home to be honest. The problem is that I don't even have a home anymore so it's weird that I miss something that I don't have. This morning, I was acting as if everything was fine and I think that Billie believed me. I would like to tell her the way I feel but I really don't want to bother her. The things that she told me yesterday were really sweet but the problem is that it had the opposite effect on me. If someone tells me that I'm not a burden it makes me think that I am a burden anyways, so it's pointless.

Later

As Billie perform her first song, I start to think about my mom a bit. What's going on with her now? Is she okay? Everytime that I think about her, I feel so incredibly guilty. I should be with her now. I should sit next to her all the time without leaving the room. The more I think, the more sweaty I feel and the lump in my throat just grows. When Billie's done, the fans scream their lungs out and the noise mixed with my thoughts makes my anxiety come at me. Fuck. Where is the closest exit? I don't know anyone here, what should I do? I back off from the railing, looking for a bathroom and finally, I see a sign with ''WC'' on it. I enter the small bathroom, locking the door before leaning against the sink, looking at myself in the mirror.

I'm panting and I feel reall sweaty. I'm not having a panic attack, or I don't think so at least. I lean against the wall, sitting down on the floor. I don't care if it's dirty, I'm way too exhausted to stand up right now. I want to go home. I miss Julia. I miss my mom. I miss Evan. My tears almost escape my eyes as I think about it but I stop myself from crying, trying to be thankful that I'm here right now. With trembling hands I manage to deal Julia's number. I don't want her to know that I feel bad, I just want to talk to her. I sigh in relief when she answers.

''Hey, Ember!''

''Hey,'' I say, trying to sound as happy as I can, but it's pretty obvious that I'm not having a great day.

''Are you okay?''

''Yeah,'' I answer.

''You're not.''

''I miss home, Julia,'' I admit, biting my bottom lip. I don't want her to feel bad for me.

''Aww, I'm so sorry. You'll be home pretty soon,'' she says, sounding a bit sad.

''Yeah,'' I say but actually, her words didn't help me at all. I have to wait a long time before I can return home.

''Where's Billie?''

''She's performing right now. I felt so anxious, Julia. I thought about everything with my mom and then her fucking fans started to scream and that together made me feel liek shit,'' I explain. I don' have anything against her fans, they are just really loud and that can be scary.

''Ember, I know that it's hard but you need to trust the doctors. I now that it's scary that you don't know so much, but nothing will happen because you're not home. It's not like something will change just becaus you're leaving,'' she says.

''I guess that you're right,'' I sigh, looking up in the ceiling. ''I think that she's done soon, I must go.''

After that, I hang up and splash some water in my face, covering up any signs of me crying. I open up the door and walk back to the stands were both Patrick and Maggie are standing now. I join them, making them both smile.

''Hey, Ember!'' Patrick says.

''Hey,'' I say back with a smile. I'm jealous of Billie because her parents are so nice. I wish that we had the same parents, or... nevermind because then we would have been sisters and that would be weird. Too weird.

When Billie is done, I walk towards the stage to meet her up backstage. She shows up, smiling when she sees me and pulls me into a hug. Something about the hug makes me feel as if she saw me leaving or something because she hold me extra tight.

''You good? I saw you leaving,'' she mumbles into my head. I told you.

''I'm fine,'' I say as we pull away. She keeps her hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes.

''Are you sure?''

''Yes, Billie,'' I sigh.

''We need to talk at the bus, man. We're going to Paris tomorrow and I want you to be okay,'' she says quietly so no one around us can hear before putting her hand on my back.

Later

I lay down in my bunk, hoping that Billie won't join me because I don't want to talk to her about me. Unfortunately, she opens the curtain and crawls into the bunk, laying down next to me.

''Do you miss home?'' She finally asks as she realises that I won't be the first one to speak. I keep quiet, looking at my phone. I feel her glance at me before she grabs my phone, putting it down by her side.

''Answer me,'' she repeats, leaning her hand in her hands.

''I'm fine,'' I mumble, making her sigh.

''Ember, you can talk to me, okay? No more secrets,'' she says, frowning.

''I'll maybe tell you tomorrow. I'm tired,'' I mumble, turning around in the bed so I'm not facing her. She sighs, starting to leave the bunk.

''Good night,'' she mumbles.

''I love you,'' I whisper and I hear how she stops climbing the ladder, instead crawling into the bunk again. She puts her hand on my shoulder, placing a soft kiss on the side of my head before leaving again.

''I love you too.''