''MOM!'' I cry out, crouching down next to her. She's unconscious on the ground with one hand on her stomach and the other one by her side. I lift her head up, shaking her. No response.

''Fuck, fuck, fuck! Mom please, wake up!'' I yell out with a sob. I put my trembling hand under her jaw, trying to feel her heartbeat. She's not fucking breathing. I run a hand through my hair before picking up my phone, almost dropping it because I'm shaking so much. I manage to deal 9-1-1, pressing the phone to my ear.

''911, what's your emergency?'' The operator asks.

''Come here, fast! My mom is not breathing'', I cry out, feeling how my eyes ache from the tears that are desperately trying to get out. I try t osay the sentance and give the operator the information as fast as I can so they can get here immediately.

''Try to relax, sweetie. We are on our way, alright? Do you know anything about what happened?'' She asks clearly, trying to reach me.

''I don't know. I just got home and I found her like this I-'' I pause when my eyes lock on a wihte plastic bottle of pills next to a piece of paper. The operator tries to say something to me, but I can't hear her voice right now. I put my phone on the ground, picking up the paper.

Ember. If you see this, I'm so sorry. I am not good enough for you. Our family fell apart the day me and your father got married. We were not meant to be together at all. That rainy day in september was the beginning of my abuse. I couldn't blame myself, so I blamed you. I am sorry for that. I've tried to be a better mother, but it's not real. I am not a good person, you can't trust me. This is the best way out. I-

Before I can finish reading the letter, I get pulled out from the room by my waist. There are paramedics all over my house and I try to get into the room again, but there are too many people in there.

''Let me in!'' I scream, desperately trying to push the paramedics away but they ignore me. This is a dream. It's not real. Please, can I wake up now? Please? After a while, the paramedics walk out with my mom on a stretcher.

''I need to go with her!'' I yell, trying to keep up with the pace that they have.

''We can't let you go with her, but you need to stay with someone. We can't let you be alone, do you have anyone you can call?'' A woman explains, trying to keep calm.

''I don't want to be with anyone else, I need to be with her!''

''You can't! I can call the person for you.'' She says, putting a hand on my shoulder. With trembling hands, I deal Julia's number before handning it to the woman. She presses the phone to her ear, waiting for Julia to pick up.

''Hey, I guess that you are friends with-'' She starts while looking at me, wanting me to say my name.

''Ember'', I breath out, my eyes locked on the wall. I can't believe that this is happening.

''Ember. You need to come here and pick her up.'' She continues. I can hear Julia's voice in the background asking why. ''We don't have time to tell you, come here as soon as you can'', she says before picking up. The ambulance has now left our street, driving away with my mom in it. Suddenly, everything sinks in and I start to cry. My tears stream down my cheeks and I almost chokes from all the crying.

Julia lives pretty close to me, so it doesn't take long until she knocks on the door. I run to the door, opening it before practically jumping into Julia's arms. She immediately hugs me tightly, letting me sob into her shoulder.

''Ember! What's going on?'' She asks with a panicked voice. Now I see that Kevin is behind her, looking as scared as Julia.

''My mom-'' I start before tearing up even more. I can't speak.

''She found her mother unconscious in the bathroom. She has probably overdosed on pills. That's what we know right now.'', the paramedic says, making both Julia and Kevin gasp. ''Will you take care of her? Try to calm her down, let her sleep.''

Julia nods before pulling away from me, but leaving her arm wrapped around my shoulder, leading me to the car.

''It will be okay, Em! Everything will be okay!'' She says, trying to calm me down, but her voice sounds stressed.

''Don't lie'' I manage to say, my voice cracking. Kevin runs to the car, unlocking it before basically jumping into it. Julia leads me to the backseat, sitting down by my side and pulling me into her embrace again. Her right arm is wrapped around my shoulder and the other one is placed on my head, pulling me close to her chest to calm me down.

''Schhh, it's okay'', she says, but I can't listen. Is she dead? She was not breathing, does that mean that you're dead?

When we finally arrive at Julia's house, she leads me into the house. Fortunately, her parents are not home, so we don't have to explain anything. We sit down on Julia's bed and she tries to calm me down again but I keep choking from all crying so much.

''Em! I need you to breath, you're gonna suffocate'', she says, as clearly as she can, but I can tell that she's horrofied. When she realises that she can't help, she runs a hand thrrough her hair, yelling for Kevin.

''Kevin! I can't fucking calm her down! What should we do?''

Kevin comes into the room and whispers something in Julia's ear, making her nod.

''I'll call her'' Kevin says before running down the stairs again. Julia pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back. After a while, I manage to calm down a bit.

''What happened?'' Julia finally asks after some minutes of silence.

''I... found her on the floor and she wasn't breathing. And she had-'' I start, feeling how my eyes start to ache again.

''What?''

''She had a letter, Julia'' I say, my voice cracking. Julia bits her lip and looks away before looking at me again with tears in her eyes.

''We're going to get through this, okay?'' She says with a shaky voice but I keep quiet.

''Okay?'' She repeats and I finally nod.

''Okay.''

''You should try to lay down and get some rest, it's late. Billie's on her way here'', she says, creating a knot in my stomach.

''I don't want Billie involved in all this-'' I start but Julia cuts me off.

''She will help you, I promise. It's not your fault'', she says softly. Right then, I hear a knock on the door and only seconds later Billie practically jumps on the bed, throwing her arms around me tightly.

''Thank's Billie'', Julia says, patting her back before leaving the room.

''My mom was-''

''Schhh, I know. Just relax.''

''It's my fault, Billie'', I say, making her pull away. She keeps her hands on my shoulders before looking me right into my eyes.

''Don't you dare, Em. It's not your fault'', she says firmly. ''You can't blame yourself for this, it's way to much.''

Before I even get to think, I confess it.

''I'm used to it.''