I spent most of last night awake, finding it extremely difficult to sleep with the countless thoughts that were going through my mind. It was the first night in a long time where we didn't sleep in the same bed, and waking up to the empty space next to me hurt. Seeing that side of the bed completely untouched since it was last made was just another reminder of everything that happened.

I knew I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions at the Halloween party, and if I could take back what I said in front of everyone I would in a heart beat. I guess there's just a part of me that's insecure when it comes to Lizzie. First of all, she's beautiful, and such a great person. Talented too. I could see her and Jayden get along, which explains their years of friendship.

Also I just can't seem to get over the fact that Lizzie came before I did. Once I had a few drinks already down, I guess it enabled the confidence in me, as well as my defensiveness, which prompted the words that left my mouth that night.

Then she came home, and I just completely snapped. She had every right to walk out yesterday. I wouldn't want to be around me either. Thankfully, it gave me time to process our argument and everything going on in our lives.

Working on Hawkeye has been so draining. Even though I'm having a lot of fun, it's probably the most physically demanding project I've worked on. All the stunts and action scenes are intense, and I'm thanking myself for the training and working out I did to prepare for my role as Kate. I come home exhausted, the most I've ever been when on set.

We've only been filming for less than two weeks now, and I feel guilty for already calling out of work. After everything yesterday, I decided to just stay home today to recharge. There was no way I would have been able to wake up at the crack of dawn to suit up and shoot pretend arrows. Thankfully, everyone was understanding, and they changed the schedule so that today's filming would consist more of the Tracksuit Mafia and Maya's scenes.

When I was reading over the script, I found myself loving the scenes with Maya in them. I'm glad I've become closer to Alaqua on set, even though it's hard to communicate with her. Because of that, I decided to enroll in an online ASL class as well as ordering a book on it so I can hopefully learn a little more. Florence gave us the idea, and her and a few others decided to enroll as well so we can all communicate with her while filming.

It's still early in the morning, the clock about to hit 9am. I decide to finally roll out of bed after scrolling aimlessly on my phone. After heading downstairs, I still see the Starbucks coffee cup and bag on the counter, exactly where Jayden left it. I guess I never ate it since I really felt like I didn't deserve to have it anyways. She got it for me when she didn't have to, and instead I was just harsh in return.

But sulking is the unhealthy thing to do. Instead, I threw out the coffee since it was no good, and ate the cake pop. That's one thing I will always love about her. The way that everywhere she goes she always thinks of me, no matter what it is. And every time she brings me my favorite items from whatever place it may be, which makes me wonder how she even knows what I like from a place even if I haven't told her.

As I eat my cake pop, my phone buzzes, and I almost choke on the chocolate frosting while quickly turning around to check my phone, hoping it's her.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw the J in the contact information, but it was just Renner.

Jeremy Renner: Superheroes don't take days off.

Hailee: i'm working on your branding, i'll be there tomorrow

Jeremy Renner: Pizza dog misses you. Hope all is okay, see you tomorrow Hailee.

A smile forms across my face while I read Renner's messages. Sometimes we really do feel like Kate and Clint most of the time. He proceeds to send me a picture of Jolt, the golden retriever we have working with us on set. It's not all smiles though, because when I get home, Teenie smells me wondering who I've been with.

Once I'm done making some breakfast, I feel a little better with some nice food in my stomach. Although there is still a hint of worry in the back of my mind wondering where she could be right now, and when she's going to come home. All I really want is to just clear the tension so we can return to how we always are. But that won't come without a conversation about how we feel.

To pass the time, as well as to distract myself, I decide to see who I can call or reach out to. After scrolling through my contacts, I decide to FaceTime Ella to see what she's up to.

The sunlight from the Hotel window inevitably wakes me up, and I slowly creek my eyes open to finally get up. At first, I'm confused as to why I slept on a couch, but then I remember exactly where I am. A few seconds later, the memories from yesterday flood my mind, and I slightly curse under my breath.

I feel around the pillows trying to find my phone, until I reach my hand into the crack of the couch cushions until my hand makes contact with the plastic of my case. I pull out my phone to check the time, surprised that it's only 9:30am. I really thought it would be later since Billie and I stayed up on the later side.

I stretch my limbs a little in order to prepare myself to stand up. Immediately, I head to the hotel room bathroom since my bladder was begging me to empty it. I also splash some water on my face to help wake me up. While I'm doing this, the door creeks open and Billie peeks her head in.

"Good morning." Billie says to me, and I shift my gaze to look at her through the mirror.

"Rise and shine." I respond with a smile.

"How'd you sleep?" She asks.

"Like a rock dude. I forgot how good you sleep after smoking."

"It's the best. Want to go get breakfast?"

I pause at her suggestion, my mind leaning more towards wanting to go with her, but my heart knowing I should probably go back to our apartment.

"I'd love to, but I should really go home."

"No worries, I understand. Let's do a raincheck." Billie answers, smiling at me.

"Rain check for when we are both in LA again."

"You got it dude." Billie says, imitating Michelle from Full House.

"Fuck off." I tell her, and we both crack up.

She walks me down to the lobby and we hug goodbye. I thank her again for everything, especially for letting me stay over. She stays inside, watching me until she knows I got into the taxi safely.

On the ride home, I grow a little nervous, but then I remember Hailee is at work so I won't have to deal with out situation for a bit longer. Hopefully I can get a little work done before she comes home, as well as some cleaning up to do around the house.

I thank the driver, and I head through the lobby of our building and up the elevator to our designated floor. I dig for my keys in my pocket until I find the right one, unlocking the door. Martini immediately greets me, sniffing my shoes and licking my ankles.

"Hi there cutie." I tell her, bending down to rub her head.

While I'm closer to ground level, I notice the round pieces of dog food in her bowl which throws me off completely.

How is there food in her bowl if I wasn't here this morning?

I get back up from my squat position to look around the apartment. The dirty dishes in the sink also catches my eye, and the feeling that things are out of place.

The final clue that tells me everything I need to know is the keys on the hook by the door. They aren't my keys, since mine are in my hand right now.

They are Hailee's.

I place my own keys on the counter, taking off my sweater and placing it on the barstool chair. Since Hailee has to be home, she can only be somewhere upstairs since she isn't visible on the first floor. I slowly walk up the stairs, one foot at a time until I reach our bedroom door. Martini follows me up the stairs, and parks herself right in front of the door which signals to me that she's inside.

Not wanting to come into the room if I'm not welcomed, I decide to knock.

"Hailee?" I call out.

"Come in." I hear her reply, and my stomach ties itself into a knot hearing her voice.

I gently open the door until I see her sitting on the reading chair we have in the room, facing the city view from our window. I take a slight step inside our room, closing the door behind me.

"Hey." I say in an almost whisper.

"Hi." She replies, still looking out the window.

"No work today?" I ask, trying to make small talk. I take a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Nope. I called out."

"Okay. Cool."

A silence grows between us, and I'm left looking around the room to try and distract myself from the silence that is no where near comfortable.

"Thanks for the cake pop by the way." Hailee says, breaking our momentary silence.

"Oh." I reply, remembering that I got it for her. "Yeah no problem, um, I know you love them."

"You didn't have to do that, Jay. Get me the cake pop I mean." She tells me, and my heart flutters at the fact she called me Jay.

"What makes you say that?" I ask her, obviously knowing the answer. She finally turns her chair to face me, and it's hard to keep my smile down when I'm met with her beautiful face again. Even though we are in the process of sorting out what's been wrong, she is still the prettiest girl in the world.

"The party, what I said to you yesterday morning. None of it should have left my mouth." She says honestly.

"I'm glad you recognize that." I answer back, not knowing what else to say.

Silence fills the room once more, the both of us processing and figuring out our next steps.

"I um..." I begin. "I also have some things to apologize for."

"That's okay. We both do." She responds, and the corner of my mouth raises a little.

We both don't speak, trying to read one another in order to figure out who goes first. Ultimately I break the silence, volunteering myself to go first.

"I shouldn't have um, cursed at you." I start off, and she nods and listens to me wholeheartedly.

"I shouldn't have either." She answers.

"I also shouldn't have left like that, leaving you wondering where I was going. I just could not be around you in that moment, and I felt like we needed time away from each other for a little bit to cool off."

"That's okay, it was probably for the best. It gave me time to think about everything."

"Same." I respond, nodding. I don't pick my sentence back up again, since I felt like that's all I really needed to apologize for. Our conversation goes mute as Hailee figures out how to start her own apology.

"Um." She begins, her voice cracking a little. "The party."

"Go on." I tell her, reassuring her it's okay to continue.

"I shouldn't have drank that much. I just kept getting handed these beautiful drinks and I didn't notice how much the drinks were catching up to me." She starts off.

"That party does have the best drinks." I reply, and we both chuckle.

"Yeah. Um, not that drinking is an excuse here. What I said still left my mouth regardless."

"What do you think made you say that?" I question, trying to open up the conversation.

"I don't know, it sounds silly." She says, and I ponder at what she could say next.

"No answer is silly, my love."

The second Hailee hears those last two words, she turns her head away from me to hide the smile that grew across her face, along with the way her cheeks became tinted red.

"I guess sometimes I get a little insecure around Lizzie." She finally admits, and it becomes difficult for my mind to process why that would be the case. As I start to recall the times we have been together around Lizzie, it sort of starts to make sense. I take a moment to think about my next words before answering.

"Lizzie is great. She's a great friend and a great person." I start. "But you want to know the difference between you and Lizzie?"

"What?" Hailee responds, unsure of what I'm about to say.

"The difference is that you're mine. You're the one I get to love every day, the one I think about all the time."

Hailee begins to blush at my response, and I smile as I watch her struggle to hide it.

"No one can even compare to you. You're so extremely beautiful on the inside and out, so talented too." I add on.

"I don't know what to say." She responds, smiling at me.

"You don't have to say a word. Just accept it, because it's true."

We both look at each other while we smile.

"There's no one like you, Hailee." I tell her.

"Hmm." She hums at my last statement. I watch as she hangs her head again.

"I'm not done with my apology though." She notifies me, and I nod at her to continue.

"What I said about your Mom I-" She starts off, but I cut her off.

"Don't worry about that. I know you didn't mean it."

"Not at all." She responds. "We were just so in the heat of the moment in our argument that I just-"

"It's okay. Really." I reassure her, not even letting her finish.

I take a pause before speaking again.

"It still hurt though." I mention, and Hailee looks down, like as if she's not proud of herself.

"I know." She lets out lightly.

"I forgive you." I reply. "Just understand that I'm still learning to navigate life without her, and it's not easy.

"I'm sorry, really." She tells me, and I nod.

The conversation grows quiet once more.

"Is it okay if I..." Hailee says, pointing at the spot next to me on the edge of the bed.

"Not at all." I tell her, glad we are finally closing the distance between us. I feel the bed dip a little as she takes a seat next to me.

Both our thighs are touching, the most contact we have had in the last 48 hours. The two of us are both looking down at our legs, both a little unsure of where to go next. Finally Hailee places her head on my shoulder, and my stomach does flips.

"So..." She starts. "All good?"

"All good."

Hailee places her palm on my knee, signaling for me to intertwine my hand with hers. I do so quickly, remembering how much I missed holding her hand.

"Let's do something." She blurts out.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, anything. Something fun."

"Well, there's plenty of places to go. We are in New York after all." I reply.

"Okay then, let's go." She says, standing up and placing herself in front of me as I'm still sat on the edge of the bed.

"Wait, now?"

"Yes now, come on!" She tells me excitedly.

"Where are we even going?" I ask, a little shocked at the spontaneity.

"Let's just figure it out on the way."

Hailee and I head downstairs and we begin to walk in whatever direction our hearts desire. As we walk, we talk and laugh like we always do.

We end up coming across a small book store that has two levels, each self filled to the brim with books. Hailee and I decide to go inside, looking around at all the novels the store has to offer. We spend quite some time in there since we each picked a book to start reading. While we read together, Hailee sat in front of me with our legs extended out, our backs were up against the book cases. Every so often we would hear the bell on the door open, signifying a new customer came in, along with the sounds of the city outside. We both ended up buying the books we picked out, and we continued our walk.

Of course, our adventures are never complete without some form of dessert. From across the street, Hailee spotted the neon sign in the shape of a cone, and of course, she began to cross the street to go inside. Usually I just let Hailee get whatever she wants, but this time I said 'why not' and I ordered myself an ice cream as well. Too determined to keep walking, we both licked away at our cones while we walked.

Hailee and I decided to sit down for a while, and what better place to do that than Central Park. We found a nice quiet bench to sit at while we finished up our ice creams.

"You know one of these days we are going to film in Central Park?" Hailee mentions.

"Oh wow, really?"

"Mhm. Can't say much more than that, but it's true."

"Yeah, you better keep that mouth closed. Can't have you be the next Tom." I joke, and she laughs.

"I can't wait to start filming the outdoor scenes in December. Everything will be Christmas and snowy and ugh I can't wait."

"It will be our first Christmas together." I bring up, and she looks at me in shock.

"Isn't that something?"

"Sure is. And we have a birthday coming up!" I say excitedly.

"Stop." Hailee says, nudging my side jokingly.

Once we both finish our cones, we decide to keep reading the books we purchased just about an hour ago. We secretly made it a competition to see who could finish the books faster, but I'm clearly at a disadvantage since mine is way longer than hers, but I still agreed. How could I not?

While we are sat on the bench, we look at all the dogs that pass by, playing a game of guessing what the dog's name was based on how it looked.

"That one definitely had a human name, like Frank." Hailee jokes, and we both laugh.

"Frank? There's no way." I say back, and she giggles.

"What if we get another dog?" Hailee suddenly blurts out, and I look at her with wide eyes.

"Really?" I say, not sure I believe her.

"Yeah, Martini gets lonely you know."

"You're really going to say even though you know I like cats?" I answer back, and she rolls her eyes playfully.

"We can get another Yorkie, it would be so cute! We can name it after a drink, so it matches Martini! Something like..." She says, thinking.

"Margarita the dog... not very cute." I joke.

"Oh I know! Brando, like the drink!" She finally says.

"That's actually pretty good."

"So you're on board?"

"Never said that." I reply, and she throws me a fake frown.

After a little while, we decide to walk back home, as the sun was inching closer to the horizon by the minute. We didn't expect the air around us to get so cold once the sun was down, and I honestly didn't notice until I saw Hailee walking with her arms crossed.

"You look grumpy right now." I point out, and she look at me confused as we walk.

"Why? Because my arms are crossed?"

"Yeah, loosen up."

"I'm just cold silly." She tells me.

"Here."

On instinct, I take off my sweatshirt and I hand it over to her, since she's only wearing a long sleeve. It's one of my favorite crewneck sweaters, a nice burgundy color with cool white designs over it.

"Wait but if I take this you'll only have a t-shirt on underneath?" She mentions, but I shrug.

"No big deal. I would much rather you stay warm." I tell her. She asks me if I'm sure, and I tell her yes once more. I am a little cold now, but I would never admit that. As long as she's warm, the thought of her at my side gives me warmth inside.

The walk home ends when we reach our building, and after we step inside I let out a sigh of relief once we are indoors. Hailee opens our apartment door with her keys, and immediately greets Martini once the door is open as if the small dog was waiting for our arrival.