《Forevermore | Hailee Steinfeld》Chapter 12 - Are Friends Delight or Pain?
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It's now Sunday, the day I have plans with Lizzie. I'm sort of nervous, even though I shouldn't be. At the end of the day, she's my best friend, and has been for years. Sure we've had our ups and downs within our friendship, but time and time again, we've always found a way to restore that.
We decided on meeting up at our favorite coffee shop, Earl's, for lunch. I'm on the way now, it's only about a 10 minute drive from my place, but about a 20 minute drive for Lizzie. So I left my house a little earlier so I could grab us a table. The owners have known us for years, so whenever I, or Lizzie, come, he makes sure we are taken care of.
As I pull in to the parking lot, I don't see Lizzie's car anywhere to be found as I expected, so I shift my car into park so I can chill in here as I wait for Lizzie. While I'm waiting Hailee and I text for a little while.
Hailee: good luck with lizzie today, everything will be okay
Jayden: thanks lovee i'm here waiting for her
Hailee: okayy tell her i say hello
Jayden: will do. what are you up to?
Hailee: missing you
Jayden: me too, but what are you really up to
Hailee: just finished a meeting for Hawkeye, now im going to work out with my dad
Jayden: omg tell me about the meeting later. enjoy your workout, tell pete i say hi!
Hailee: you got it. enjoy your lunch with lizzie!
I like her message, shortly after receiving a message from Lizzie herself.
Lizzie: hi im at the front door
Jayden: omw
I turn the engine of my car off, and I head to the front of the restaurant. I see Lizzie standing there with her arms crossed, looking around nervously. I haven't seen her this nervous in a while. I approach her and she disguises her anxiety.
"Hi Lizzie." I say, calling her attention and opening my arms for a hug.
"Oh hi Jay." She replies nervously, hugging me timidly.
I contemplate saying something but I just follow her into the restaurant. We wave to the owners and head to the back of the restaurant, the most private area the facility holds. We take our seats and she immediately starts to play with her napkin.
"Lizzie it's okay, we are just hanging out like we used to, there's no need to be this nervous." I say, reaching my arm out across the table for her to hold, and she does.
We make small talk until a nice waitress approaches us to take our orders.
"Hi welcome to Earl's my name is Audrey, what can I get you guys to start?" She asks warmly.
"I'll just have a water." I reply.
"Same for me." Lizzie says.
"Alright two waters, and are you guys ready to order?"
"I'll just have the house salad with the Earl's famous panini." Lizzie orders.
"Um, I'll just do the same as her." I tell the waitress.
"Perfect, I'll get that in for you guys right away. If you guys need anything just let me know."
"Thanks Audrey." Lizzie says and I smile.
"That's funny." I say.
"What is?" Lizzie asks obviously.
"Her name sounds a lot like our friend Aubrey. Aubrey Plaza, you know her right?" I say sarcastically, and I notice Lizzie's cheeks start to flare up.
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"Stop it." She says embarrassed, now looking away.
"She's your friend right?" I ask again, trying to get her to say otherwise.
"Yeah, friend."
"Friends who hang out?" I say, extending the T. "You can share with me Lizzie, it's okay." I reassure her.
"I guess yeah, we've been hanging out."
"Ugh we knew it!"
"We?" She says, scrunching her eyebrows.
"Heh." I let out a chuckle.
"How are you guys?" Lizzie asks genuinely for the first time.
"Um, really good actually. I guess we are a thing now."
"But not officially?"
"Nope. I don't want to rush that. I want it to be special."
"I respect that." Lizzie says, and a silence grows between us, Lizzie staring at me trying to find answers in my face.
"Does she know?" She asks, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, as of a few days ago."
"How did it go?"
"Not the way I envisioned it to happen, but I couldn't have asked for a better reaction."
"Hailee is the last person I would ever imagine who would be unaccepting of that. Of course she was accepting of it."
"I know, but, you know how hard it is."
"Did anything happen after that?" She questions.
"Oh um no, no, we are going to wait that out." I respond, the silence growing again.
"What about you and Aubrey huh?" I ask cheekily.
"Can neither confirm or deny." Lizzie says as her cheeks turn a light shade of pink.
The waitress comes with our waters and food, and we thank her and she returns to the kitchen.
"So.." Lizzie begins.
"So.."
"We haven't quite touched upon why we are here today."
"Go on."
"I still um, feel really bad for everything that happened between us. Um, I know it was a while ago now but I still feel really shitty about it." She begins, and I nod for her to continue. Lizzie anxiously plays with the edge of her napkin, her eye contact frantically switching between what's behind me and momentarily landing on my eyes.
"I don't know what else to do except say sorry a million times. I shouldn't have said that, and being drunk isn't an excuse. I guess in that moment I didn't want to accept the fact that I wouldn't get to experience that aspect of our special friendship ever again, and that's selfish of me." She says, her eyes starting to become glazed with tears. I hold out my hand again and she takes it, and I slightly rub the skin on her palm to ease her anxiety.
"I guess it was silly of me to still be holding on to the hope that one day things between us would be more than just a hookup, but I guess I didn't realize what life was trying to tell me each time it didn't go through. I realized that I would never find anything else if I was still attached to that small attraction for you, and the second I let that go Aubrey slowly slipped her way into my life and it all makes sense now. And I see you with Hailee and I get it, I see it. Everything just clicked."
"Wow Lizzie, um."
"That was a lot I'm sorry." She says while looking away.
"No not at all, I guess that was just exactly what I needed to hear, and I'm glad you let that out."
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"It's okay if you don't forgive me."
"Lizzie, I already forgave you a long time ago."
"Oh I didn't know."
"I wanted you to tell me how you felt about everything first." I tell her.
"So, we are okay?"
"Always Lizzie." I reply, and we are now both smiling at each other.
We both continue to eat and talk, sharing recent stories and even reminiscing on the ones from our early school years. It's like as if the second Lizzie expressed how she felt, the uneasy tension dispersed into the air, allowing us to go back to being friends just like before.
"Oh um, I forgot to tell you."
"Tell me Lizziebear."
"I'm going to be away for a little while, you know, for Doctor Strange."
"Oh right! When do you leave?"
"Next week. I'll be in London for a while." She says sadly, and I can't help but feel the same.
"Well um, we will talk and stuff still. We've been away from each other for a while."
"Yeah it will be nothing. Maybe you and Hailee can visit."
"Oh yeah we would love too. I'd love to meet Xochitl."
"You'd love her, she's the sweetest. She talks about Hailee all the time, it's cute."
"She's just like me then." I joke, and we both laugh.
I ask Audrey for the check, and I push Lizzie away as she tries to slip her card into the bill.
"Come on Jay at least let me pay for the tip." She pleads.
"No chance Olsen. It's on me today, you can get me a drink in London when we go." I remark, and she rolls her eyes in agreement.
I finish signing the check and Lizzie and I head out back to our cars. I walk Lizzie to hers.
"Well, this is me." She says.
"So I guess I won't be seeing you for a while then." I state.
"Yeah."
"I'm going to miss you Lizzie."
"Me too Jay. I'm glad we cleared everything up. I missed you a lot." She says.
"Me more." I reply, and we connect into a big hug.
"You're going to kill it out there in London. I just know it. There's no one that can do Wanda like you Lizzie."
"Thank you Jay, that means a lot coming from my, best friend."
Hearing her say those last two words makes me smile, knowing we restored our friendship.
"You know I'll always be your number one fan." I reply, and we stay hugging for a bit.
"Okay I got to go now, I'll see you soon okay?"
"See you soon Lizzie, drive safe." I tell her, shutting the door after she gets in.
She drives away and I give her one final wave, watching her car until I can't see it anymore. I walk back to my car with a bittersweet feeling: one of happiness knowing that Lizzie and I are okay, but one of sadness knowing we won't be able to hang out for a while with our busy lives.
I get back home and plop into bed, a lot on my mind. Although I could stay in bed forever, I decide to get up and take an earlier shower than usual, the sun close to setting. As I lather the soap across my body, I let the water run aimlessly over my face, the water trickling down from my nose and chin. I didn't mean to wet my hair, but I just got so lost into thought that it just happened.
I change into a big shirt and boxers and return to the comfort that is my own bed. I scroll through social media for a bit until I receive an incoming facetime call from Hailee.
"Hi there." She says.
"Hello pretty face." I greet, and she blushes.
"How was your time with Lizzie?"
"It went pretty well actually, everything is all good now."
"That's awesome. So, did you get the scoop."
"Oh yeah they are totally messing around."
"I knew it!" She says, proud of herself that she had the itch to think so.
"Tell me about your meeting today I want to hear about it." I ask.
"It was such a good meeting. It was our first meeting with Florence!" She says excitedly.
"Florence? Florence Pugh?" I question, and she immediately realizes her mistake.
"Oh um... surprise, she's going to be in Hawkeye."
"No fucking way, you're going to work with the Florence Pugh?"
"You can't tell a soul Jayden please." She says and I pretend to zip my lips.
"You know, this is the second time this happens. The first time was the day we met."
"Ugh don't remind me that's so embarrassing. But I trust you." She tells me.
"What about your workout? Tell me about it."
"I'm so sore ugh, but I worked out my arms and did a little bit of cardio. I took a picture at the gym, want to see?"
"You don't even have to ask. Send it my way."
"Okay just sent." She tells me. I swipe up out of facetime and see the photo she sent me and I let out a gasp.
"Lord have mercy." I reply, almost needing to wipe the drool off my face.
"Just a little something for you." She says with a large smirk on her face.
"Well thank you very much, I appreciate this."
"You better do the same. I want workout pictures too you know."
"Your wish is my command." I tell her.
"Omg we should work out together one time!" She says excitedly.
"Are you sure about that?" I question her, both seriously and jokingly. My workouts are pretty intense since I'm an athlete.
"Are you questioning my strength Carter?"
"Not one bit."
"I would say my stamina is my strongest point though, just so you know for future references." She tells me cheekily, and I know where she was going with that one.
"Good to know." I reply, and my mind races with thoughts I'm glad only I can see.
"I'm glad we talked tonight Jay. We should facetime more often, I love it."
"Yeah me too, I always love talking to you." I tell her honestly.
"One last thing before I go, my parents want us to come over this week. Is Wednesday okay for you?"
"All good with me." I reply with a smile, but deep down I'm nervously losing my mind.
"Okay perfect. I'll tell them tomorrow. Yay I'm so excited!"
"Yeah haha same." I lie once again, but thankfully I have time to prepare.
"I'm going to go make dinner for myself now, and feed Teenie. I'll text you later okay?"
"Okay my love, bye bye." I say as she waves bye to the camera.
I shut off my phone, filled with what feels like a thousand emotions coursing through my veins. Feelings of sadness, uneasiness, nervousness, but one stands out from the other.
The slow moving, growing feeling of love.
2237 words
ARE friends delight or pain?
Could bounty but remain
Riches were good.
But if they only stay
Bolder to fly away,
Riches are sad.
- Emily Dickinson
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