This past week, April was welcomed after a busy March. Hailee and I have tried to see each other when time permits, which wasn't too many times but we made the most of it. I was traveling to different states for different away games, while she was busy with important meetings to prepare for Hawkeye production at the end of the year. Although apart, we made up for it by texting, calling, and even facetiming when possible. But April has given us more time together, and I couldn't be happier.

It's the second week of April, and I haven't seen Hailee in almost 2 weeks now, and we couldn't be more excited to see each other tonight. Before I step into the shower, I notice a text from Lizzie on my phone.

Lizzie: hi there. i know things have been so busy for us both, and we never got the chance to see each other in person. how does this week look like for you? i miss you

Jayden: lizzieee i actually have some free time this week. how does this weekend sound?

Lizzie: is sunday okay?

Jayden: works for me, i can pick you up and we can go eat at that coffee shop we like

Lizzie: sounds good. see you then :)

I put my phone away and hop into the shower. One thing about me is that I love showering. I used to hate it when I was younger, because every time I looked down, I saw the thing I hated the most hanging between my legs. But now, showering allows me to give time to my body, and to learn to accept it. When I go to grab the soap, I notice the razor next to it, and I question if I should shave down there for tonight. Hailee and I have been a thing for a while now, and when thinking about the steps in which a relationship happens, intimacy should be coming up pretty soon.

With the razor in my hand and water running down my face, I start to think about all the different ways it could go down with Hailee finding out. I don't even know if she's totally oblivious or has some sort of idea. I decide on shaving anyways, just in case.

Hailee said to come in comfortable clothes, since we planned on watching a movie and hanging out on the couch. I throw on some sweatpants and a t-shirt.

I arrive at Hailee's pretty quickly, the traffic was not as bad as I'm used to it being in Los Angeles. I let myself in and I find Hailee and Martini on the couch in the living room. She practically jumps out of her seat and runs up to me giving me a big hug. I spin her around a few times and she showers my face in kisses.

"Someone's happy to see me." I say.

"It's been two weeks too long."

"Well, I'm here now. I'm all yours."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it."

While we are talking, I notice a small dog sitting by my shoes.

"Looks like someone got mad you didn't say hi." Hailee says jokingly. I pick up Teenie and carry her in my arms.

"My apologies Ms. Martini, it won't happen again." I say while petting her.

"Ready for the movie?" Hailee asks.

"More than ready." I reply with a determined face.

"I got us popcorn, let me place it in a big bowl for us."

"Do you need help love?" I ask.

"Nope I'm good. Thank you though. If you want you can start picking out whatever movie you want since I chose last time." She shouts from the kitchen.

I take my place on the couch, taking off my Jordans and placing them under the table. Hailee comes back from the kitchen with a large bowl of popcorn and places it on the coffee table. She takes her seat next to me, which is more like right up against me in my personal space but I don't mind. When it's her, nothing bothers me.

Hailee scrolls through the different movie options, landing on Ingrid Goes West.

"Omg I love this movie! Lizzie and Aubrey are so amazing in it."

At first I'm apprehensive about watching a movie with Lizzie in it with Hailee, but I quickly realize how irrational that is. I agree to watch the movie and Hailee presses play. But just a few seconds in she pauses.

"I forgot to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"I have suspicions about Lizzie."

"What?" I ask confused.

"Her and Aubrey, I think there's something going on there." She mentions.

"Source?"

"The source is trust me." She says and I roll my eyes.

"So I wasn't the only one who saw that at the WandaVision finale watch party? I question.

"Nope, I saw it too. But they were together recently."

"Interesting. Good for her." I reply.

"Are you guys okay?" Hailee asks me, and it was a question I least expected her to ask.

"Yeah I think so. I'm seeing her on Sunday, I was going to tell you later."

"Oh yay how fun." She replies, genuinely smiling at me.

"You don't feel weird about it?" I ask.

"There's no reason to be Jay. I trust you. And she's your best friend, I'm glad you're getting out, I know how busy it's been for you."

I begin to process those words, and I can't wrap my head around the fact that someone like Hailee ended up in my life. She's so genuine about everything, and the fact she has trust in me makes me feel amazing. It's a rare occurrence to find someone who genuinely wants you to hang out with your friend, who used to be your hook up buddy. But the fact that Hailee is okay about it means she's already processed and moved on from that incident last month, and I couldn't be happier about it.

"Oh um. Thanks, that means a lot. We are just going to catch up and she still wants to apologize to me, even though I already forgave her."

"That's awesome Jay. Try and get some inside scoop about her and Aubrey."

"Oh you know it. I'm going to go full detective mode." I joke, and she scrunches her nose while smiling at me.

We continue the movie, both really enjoying it. I forgot how good this movie was. The longer the movie plays, the more comfortable Hailee and I sit next to each other. Currently, she's sat right next to me with her head on my shoulder, my arm wrapped along the top of the couch all the way to around her neck. The movie continues, but Hailee turns to look at me without pausing it.

"You know, I really like this movie but I don't want to watch it right now." She begins.

"Well, what would you want to do instead?"

"I have a few things in mind." She says, and when she completes her sentence, I notice an observable change in the look in her eyes, and I sense where she is going with this.

We both lean in to each other, our lips connecting in a hungry passion. I move my free hand to cup her face, helping me to stabilize the motion of our lips clashing together. I slowly start to shift my kisses to the right of her face, slowly kissing her cheek and jawline until I reach her neck. When my lips slightly brush against the frame of her neck, she lets out a soft moan so breathy, that it makes me shudder.

Things escalate from there, and both our hands are moving up and down each others bodies. We continue kissing steadily until Hailee places her hand on my thigh, slowly moving it towards my inner thigh. On instinct, I move my legs away from her hands, and she notices, which stops or heated kiss.

"Is everything okay? Did I do something?" She asks frantically.

"Oh um no sorry, everything's okay." I lie.

She apprehensively continues to kiss me, unsure of what the hesitation was just a few moments ago. She takes her shot again at moving her hand on to my leg, and once again, I move it away. Our kissing stops yet again.

"Jay, what's going on." She asks timidly, and my eyes start to gloss over with tears.

"Um." I begin.

"You can tell me anything, you know that right?" She reminds me.

"Yeah, um, yeah I know."

"Then?"

"It's just, I don't know how you will react to this."

"React to what?" She asks, notifying me she is completely oblivious like I thought.

"Remember when we were at the People's Choice Awards." I begin.

"I remember yes. You left suddenly, you never told me why."

"Well, do you remember Maya's speech?"

"How she mentioned something about real women?" She asks.

"Yeah well, she was referring to me." I admit.

"I don't understand." She tells me, and I drop my head.

"Hailee.." I say, looking her straight in the eyes. I grab her hand in my own, looking into her eyes for approval. She nods, and I slowly bring her hand over, resting it between my legs. She feels around, still unsure of what she is looking for, until her hand makes contact with my member. I look for a reaction but it's just a blank expression, but her mind is probably racing with thoughts.

"Say something." I plead.

"I don't know what to say." She answers, and I slowly lose faith in her accepting me.

"I understand if you think this is weird or strange, or if you don't want to be with someone who has this I totally get it." I ramble, beginning to cry.

"Jayden." She begins. "Look at me." She says as she places her hand on my face, motioning it upwards to make eye contact with her.

"Nothing, and I mean nothing, could have ever changed the feelings I had for you. And you telling me this, doesn't change a thing." As the words leave her mouth, a tear falls down my face.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Jay, yes I'm sure. I like you for you. For Jayden. Anything else that you think might change how I feel doesn't apply. You're beautiful inside and out and I'll tell you every day if I need to." By this point, I'm fully crying.

"I'm- I'm sorry if that was a weird way for you to find out." I say between sobs.

"There's no right way to do something like that Jay, and you telling me was so brave I'm so proud of you." She tells me honestly.

"So, you're okay with it?"

"More than okay my love. I think I like you even more now." She tells me, wiping the tears off my face with her thumbs, and I begin to smile.

"There's that pretty smile." She says, mirroring my own. I look away with blush on my cheeks, my nose still sniffling from crying.

"Come here." She motions for a hug, and I fall into her arms. I fall into that addicting scent of hers, the one I knew from the first night we met. The smell that feels like home. And in that moment, no part of me wants to leave.

"Do you um, think I can stay here tonight?" I ask out of the blue.

"Of course Jay, you can stay here any time."

"I just think in this moment I just want to be with you tonight." I reply honestly.

"I think I do too. Come on let's go upstairs I'll give you some clothes to change into." She says while grabbing my arms, motioning for me to get up. I follow her upstairs into her room. She digs through her closet until she finds a shirt that's larger than the rest. She holds it up to my body, checking to see if it would fit.

"This will work right?" She asks, and I nod.

She continues to look through her huge walk-in closet, pulling out some pants.

"I hope these fit, I know you're taller than me, and you probably have a bigger waist than me."

"It's okay Hailee I can just wear these sweatpants I have on now."

"Okay. I'll have to get some clothes to have here so that we are prepared for when you stay over." She says, and I can almost see her making a mental note in her mind. The thought of me regularly staying the night at her house makes me melt.

"I'm going to shower really quick, you can get yourself comfortable. My bed is your bed." She says while walking into the bathroom that's in her room.

I slowly pull back the white covers and I lay down carefully, not wanting to damage a single piece of her sheets. I open my phone and scroll aimlessly while I wait for her to finish in the bathroom. After about 15 minutes, she comes back outside to the bedroom. I turn my head to look at her in a big t-shirt with some small shorts on, and no makeup. I can't help but stare in awe at her natural beauty. She rolls into bed next to me, getting herself comfortable.

We are now both laying on the bed, both on our sides facing one another. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and I slowly rub her cheek, and she melts into my touch.

"Hey um, since you told me something brave tonight can I tell you something too?" She begins, and I start to ponder what she could be talking about.

"Go ahead, I'm all ears."

"I've um, never, done anything with anyone before." She opens up.

"Sexually?" I ask, just to confirm, and she nods.

"Yeah I just, never had the right opportunity with the right person. And with my career and everything it's just something I kind of brushed to the side. I feel kind of embarrassed you know, I'm almost 25 and I've never been intimate like that before." She admits.

"No Hailee not at all, it's not embarrassing. Virginity is just a social construct."

"You're right. It also sort of, scares me."

"In what way?" I ask.

"I've heard it, hurts sometimes."

"When you find the right person, everything is okay."

"I think I found the right person already." She says, and I freeze.

"Me?" I question, even though I already know the answer.

"Yeah, I think I would want to try it with you, I don't see it any other way than with you."

"Okay, um, yeah we can do that." I reply and she smiles. We lay together in silence for a few minutes, just admiring each other.

"How do you um, imagine it happening?" I ask. "I just want you to be as comfortable as possible."

"Well, I think I would be most comfortable in my own bed." She begins and I nod while listening to her.

"Own.. bed. Got it." I joke, pretending like I'm writing down her order like a waitress and she giggles.

"If it starts to hurt I'll tell you to stop."

"That's a good one, the last thing I would want to do is hurt you."

"What if I bleed? That's so embarrassing." She looks away nervously.

"Not at all Hailee. If it happens, we clean it up and it will all be okay."

"Okay." She replies apprehensively.

"Trust that I'm going to take care of you, Hailee."

"I trust you." She says.

"That's all you need then."

"You're right. Thank you for being so accepting."

"How could I not when you were so accepting of me just a little while ago?" I remind her, and she smiles.

"I feel like tonight made our connection even stronger. Every emotion I feel towards you is so strong."

"I think so too my love."

"My love. I like it when you call me that." She tells me while I play with a strand of her hair.

"I'll remember that." I tell her, and I notice her eyes starting to fall asleep.

"Good night Jay." She says sleepily.

"Good night Hailee." I reply, leaning forward to give her forehead a kiss.

Hailee turns over, her body plastered against mine. My hand naturally lays itself around her waist.

And like that, we welcome the moon and stars over our heads as we drift away in proximity of each other as we travel into our dreams.

2676 words

THE SUBURBS of a secret

A strategist should keep,

Better than on a dream intrude

To scrutinize the sleep.

- Emily Dickinson