Game days are always filled with mixed emotions. The first being excitement, since I get to play the sport I love for the fans that enjoy the game just as much as I do. The second being nervousness, knowing that there is a stadium full of people watching your every move. Everything is up to chance, you can never predict the outcome of the game. The only thing you can control is how well you play, and how much of your heart is in it, because at the end of the day, that's what separates you as a player.

My pre-game ritual is important to me, as it allows me to prepare myself physically and mentally for the 4 quarters of basketball that are to come.

I arrive at the arena in my pre-game outfit, which most of the time I just go for a casual look. It usually ranges from a t-shirt with sweatpants and some Jordans, or jeans and a nice shirt depending on the day. Nonetheless, I'm glad I get to show off my style before games, it allows me to express myself aside from on the court.

Once I reach the locker room, I change into my jersey and put on my game shoes.

I sit in the fold out chair in front of my assigned closet in the locker room and scroll through my phone a little before I have to head out to the court. I usually don't do this before games, only using my phone to select my pre-game music, but tonight is different.

I open the photos app and select the picture I took of Hailee last night in my car, wearing the In and Out hat. I can't help but smile when I look at the photo of her, smiling back at me to the camera. Butterflies begin to swarm my stomach, as I remember she's here tonight with her brother Griffin. I have to play good tonight.

Tonight's game is a big one. We are playing against the Phoenix Mercury, our rivals, so everyone is riled up, especially the fans. Even though it's a home game, a lot of Mercury fans came down to watch them play against us. The team and I walk out on to the court to stretch and put up some shots and layups. It's still early, the game not starting for another hour, but some fans are scattered across the arena.

I continue my usual rituals before the game, starting with ball-handling drills. I do drills with one ball and two balls, alternating between bouncing at the same time and alternating times. Being the point guard, my ball handling has to be at its best at all times, since I am the one who usually brings the ball down the court.

I then begin to put up some shots, starting at mid-range then extending out to the three pointers: the shots I'm most known to make. I have always been a good long range shooter, even since high school. My team knows to pass me the ball when I'm open in the corner, or up top for a deep three, the crowd always goes wild.

Once I finish putting up shots, I head to the sidelines to stretch with the athletic trainers. I lay on my back while they push my legs forward, stretching my hamstrings. They then tie resistance bands around my ankles so I can stretch out my ankles. Stretching is key for any sport, especially basketball where injury is so common.

Coach blows the whistle, signaling we need to head back to the locker room. I look over to the other side of the court and the Mercury are still warming up. I lock eyes with Maya for a few seconds, but I turn my head forward, continuing my walk towards the locker room.

All of us are stood in the center of the room, as Coach Williams talks to us about the game: what to expect, what to focus on, and the strategies we are going to implement tonight. He announces the starting lineup, calling my name first as Point Guard.

We all put our hands up in a fist position, and I do the honors of calling out the chant.

"Sparks on 3 Sparks on 3, 1 2 3 Sparks!" Everyone says in unison after me.

With that, we are all pumped for the game and we jog towards the tunnel. The announcers start to hype the crowd up with the anticipation of us entering the arena. He announces the Mercury first, as they are the away team.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the Phoenix Mercury." The announcer says unenthusiastically. I watch as they all jog to their side of the court.

"And now..... let me hear it for your Los Angeles Sparks!" He yells with enough excitement to get the crowd wild. We all run out on to the court. The small spark machines go off, as well as the flame machines. I manage to high five and fist bump a few fans who are seated on the edges of the bleachers.

I check the clock and see that there is 8 minutes left until tip off, so I look around to see if I can find Hailee. I have enough time to see her before the game. I easily spot her, court side, along side her brother Griffin. She's walking back to her seat and I catch her on the way. She looks stunning.

"Omg hi!" She says while running up to me and giving me a big hug. "You look so awesome in your uniform!" I laugh and thank her while she touches the material of my jersey.

"Oh yeah this is Griffin by the way, my older brother." She says while introducing us. He reaches out his hand and I shake it firmly.

"Griffin, it's a pleasure to meet you Jayden. I'm a big fan." I notice he's wearing a fan jersey of mine with an LA Sparks fitted cap.

"It's great to meet you too, Hailee has told me a lot about you. I'm glad you guys could make it out tonight." I tell them both.

"Are you kidding? When Hailee told me you got us tickets I couldn't believe it! This is an opportunity I would never pass up." He tells me, and I can't help but notice how much of a golden retriever type person he is, I like him a lot.

"Well, enjoy the game. I'll try my best to play well." I say, but he shakes his head.

"You don't even have to try man, you're a beast out there." He tells me and I smile.

"Good luck out there Jay. I'll be here cheering you on the whole game." Hailee tells me with those same sparkles in her eyes, and I can't help but smile at her widely.

"Thanks Hailee, just knowing that means a lot. I'll see if I can meet you after the game but I can't make any promises."

"No worries at all, I was actually hoping to see you again sometime soon." My heart melts right there when I hear that.

"Yeah of course, I'd love that. We will talk later okay?"

"Sure thing. Good luck Jay!" She says and I walk away while waving to them both. I notice the timer is down to one minute and I get myself seated on the bench, taking off my warm-up shirt and warm-up pants. The lights dim and the announcer calls out the starting lineup, signaling tip off is happening very soon.

"Give it up for our starting line-up! First up at center, we have number 1, Liz Cambage!"

Liz gets up and walks through the pathway with team members on both sides. She high fives the row and gets herself located on the court.

"At power forward, number 40, Jasmine Walker!" Jasmine does the same as Liz.

"Our small forward, lets hear it for number 12, Rae Burrell!

"At the shooting guard position, make some noise for Lexie Brown, number 4!"

"And last but not least, lets hear it for the crowd favorite, your point guard, number 3, Jayden Carter!" I sit up from my seat and high five everyone, waving to the crowd. Liz and the opposing center are in the middle, waiting to begin the jump ball once the referee blows the whistle. I notice Maya giving me a stare that isn't pretty, but I brush it off and instead, I lock in on the game.

The whistle blows and we get the opening tip. The ball is in my hands and I start to dribble down the court. I assess how the Mercury set up their defense, and from there I decide what plays to call. They start in a 2-3 zone, meaning two players up front and three in the back, making it harder to score inside closer to the basket. I am now in front of Maya as she's in defense position.

She smacks the ground with her two hands, signifying she's ready to defend me hard. It's not long before she tries to get in my head.

"Come on Carter! I can play D all night, you ain't gonna score on me." She tells me viciously.

I choose to ignore her, and I pass the ball to my left. I run opposite of the pass, making myself open in the corner. I put my hand up to call for a pass, and I am granted the ball. I take a risk by shooting a three as the first possession, but I pull up from the corner and the ball goes in with a swish.

The crowd goes wild and I run to the other end of the court with my hand still in the air, holding my follow through. I spot Hailee in the crowd and I can see her clapping and cheering. I give her a wink, telling her that shot was for her.

I stare down Maya as I run backwards. She has the ball now, our roles reversed. I am in front of her in defensive position, just as she was in front of me. Just like her, I smack my hands on the ground and tell her the exact same thing she told me.

"Come on Higgins, show me what you got." I say with a smirk.

And with that, she blows past me and scores a layup. Shoot. This is why I usually don't trash talk, it's distracting as hell.

The game alternates from possession to possession, and I'm playing pretty decent. I'm trying to focus as much as I can on getting the ball to my teammates.

The score is 34-27 at the end of the first quarter, with Sparks winning. Coach sits me out for the first few minutes of the second quarter so I can rest, playing a whole 12 minute quarter is not easy. I get tapped on the shoulder, meaning its time for me to go back in so I take a kneel at the sidelines. The referee blows the whistle and I switch places with another team member.

Maya is currently on the bench, so I now have this rest of the quarter without her distractions to really focus on stretching out the lead. But I do have to say, their defense has been pretty good this game, and we aren't able to easily create a larger gap between the points.

I start to run scoring plays, calling for screens and movements so I can get open in the corner. I get three open looks in the corner, each shot falling.

"Jayden Carter for three!" The announcer yells, extending out the ending syllables. "That's already her 18th point of the night! She's on fire!"

The second quarter ends and I'm already exhausted, more than usual. The score is now 48-44, Sparks still in the lead. Halftime is in progress, so both teams head to the locker rooms. Coach goes over more strategies, and talks about where we have been weak this game.

As we are walking back to the court, Coach Williams pulls me aside.

"Listen Carter, don't let her get into your head. You stay focused out there you hear me?"

"Yes Coach." I answer back sternly.

"Go get em Jay, come on." He says while patting me on the back.

We all enter the arena again, the timer for the 3rd quarter beginning. The Mercury start with the ball again. Maya and I are in front of each other again.

"Get out of my way she-freak." She spits. I don't respond. I instead pressure her more with my defense, trying to steal the ball a couple times.

"Don't get too close now you little freak. I don't know if your dick is contagious or not."

I start to become angry, but I still keep my composure. She starts to dribble and eventually makes her way past me to make a layup but I pound her down in an attempt to block her. The referee blows the whistle, calling a foul. She's laying on the floor now after over exaggerating how hard I "pushed" her. But when she gets up from off the floor, she stares me down.

Things escalate quick, and before I know it, she pushes me back a little with both hands. It's clear she wants to rile me up.

"Come on huh? Push me. Push me come on Carter. Or what, you're scared? I'll literally deck you in the head right now."

I don't respond.

"I know you know how to fight Carter. All those kids you fought in middle-school huh, you were angry your daddy left you huh." She says, inches away from my face. It takes everything in me not to hit her. People are trying to break us up at this point.

"I should have done this a long time ago you know."

Once she finishes her sentence, her fist connects with my face and I take the blow, almost falling over. Since she threw the first punch, I think it would be fair to hit back. But as my face is pushed to the left towards the seating area, I see Hailee out of the corner of my eye.

Before I know it, Maya pushes me again, saying more hateful words to me but everything is muffled at this point. I then feel my cheeks sting as another blow connects to my jaw. I want to hit back so badly, but I can't, not with Hailee watching my every move. I can't let her see the side of me that's fueled by anger. I can't let my past or my insecurities taint whatever it is we have going on, and by taking the punches I don't allow that to happen. I start to feel blood drip down my nose.

The referees pull Maya away by the arms, and my team mates pull me away to the bench. I'm sitting in one of the chairs when Liz hands me a rag to wipe my nose. The athletic trainers come and check me out, even though it's not necessary. This isn't the first time my nose has bleed like this.

The officials whisper to each other, and then announce that Maya is ejected from the game. All the Sparks fans clap and boo and she is escorted out of the stadium. The game continues, and I walk myself to the sidelines to sub myself in.

"Jay what are you doing? Get back to the bench you're not about to play with a bloody nose right now." Coach yells.

"I need to finish what I started in there Coach." I try to persuade him.

"Absolutely not Carter, sit back down."

A few minutes pass and we are now losing by 5 points. I need to get back out there, I can't be benched the whole game.

Im passed a new rag, since the last one was colored red. I need my nose to stop bleeding right this instant.

I'm staring down at my shoes when I hear a voice next to me.

"I'm proud of you for not hitting back Jay." Liz tells me honestly.

"Thanks Liz, that's just not me anymore, you know that."

"I know, that's why I'm proud of you." She says while patting my knee to show her encouragement.

The score is now 68-52, down by 16 points with only one quarter remaining.

"Jay, Liz, come on get in there. Let's start this 4th quarter right." Coach yells.

When the fans notice me kneeling next to Liz, they all start to stand and clap, showing their support of me reentering the game.

I wipe the dust off my shoes and get ready for the last 12 minutes of the game.

It starts off well, we score a few points here and there but our defense is weak. I decide it's time to start hitting the three balls. I try my hardest to get myself open anywhere on the three point line, and I make a couple, putting the score at 68-58.

Minutes go by and the score only gets closer and closer. I look up at the clock and scoreboard and I notice there are 4 minutes and 18 seconds left, and the score is 72-66. The gap is manageable.

Both teams go on a run back and forth, each one scoring one after another, keeping the gap consistent. There is now a minute left, the score being 78-75. Coach decides to call a timeout to reorganize the strategy. The Mercury start the possession with the ball, deciding to hold it for as long as they can to waste time.

However, I see an opportunity to steal the ball and I poke it out of the other point guards hand. From there, it's a fast break to the other side with no one near me. I take two steps then I jump in the air and my hand connects to the rim and I score with a dunk for two points, making the score 78-77 with 38 seconds left.

The Mercury have the ball again, and they hold it just like before. As the shot clock is about to expire, they take a shot but they miss. We grab the rebound, giving us 21 seconds to score. I scope out the defense, and try and think of the best course of action. Times like these in games are so anxiety provoking, but I can't let it get to me. I pass it around as much as I can to try and create an open space. The timer is now in single digits, counting down from 10. We have one shot, one chance to win the game if the shot goes in.

I find an open spot in the corner and I run to it, the ball flying my way. I catch it and take the shot. I watch as it is in the air, and it seems like it's on trajectory to go in.

But instead, it bounces off the rim and the buzzer goes off, giving the Mercury the win by one point. I curse myself out in my head, and I start to walk back to the bench. In that moment I feel like such a failure. I've practiced that shot so many times, but when the pressure it's on, the shot seems impossible to make. My confidence from the beginning of the game to now is a complete shift.

I follow the team and all the crew members to the locker room. We are all sat in silence. I can tell Coach is upset, because he knows we could have beat them, but unfortunate events happened throughout the game that caused out weaknesses.

I tell my manager to decline all post game interviews for the night. The last thing I want to do after a game like that is talk to reporters at a desk with a microphone. So instead, I walk out of the locker rooms with my headphones on, trying to hold back my tears. I make it to my car, putting my bag in the trunk.

As I'm driving home, I get a call from Hailee. It's connected to the cars audio. At first I'm apprehensive to answer it, but I press accept.

"Hey Hailee." I say after picking up.

"Oh um hi I didn't expect you to answer. How are you are you okay?" She asks concerned.

"Yeah I'm good, don't worry about it."

"How could I not?"

I frown. She really is worried.

"I'm okay Hailee. It's not my first rodeo I've had bad games before."

"I'm talking about your nose." She says in a serious tone.

"Not my first rodeo either." I say honestly, causing silence on the other side of the line.

"Why didn't you fight back?"

At this point, I made it to my house but I decide to stay on the line in the car.

"That's not me anymore Hailee." I say seriously.

"Oh wow." The silence grows again, I can tell she's thinking about that statement.

"Well, I'm proud of you." She says, and I become confused.

"Proud of me for getting hit in the face?"

"No Jay, proud of you for sticking up for yourself. It takes a lot of guts to be the bigger person and not hit back. I respect that. And not just that, you played amazing I could watch you play forever."

And just like that, a smile starts to creep up on my face for the first time tonight.