Ugh, I'm so, so sorry for the wait. Haven't been feeling motivated to write this story. I thank you guys for you patience!

I've been trying to edit the old chapters because I went back and it's so bad. So many spelling errors and just bad things. I apologize for that.

Thanks for reading and the recent comments I've received, love them!! Thank you so much!

Enjoy!

Words: 3,533

"I want to leave."

"I know." Spencer sighs, rubbing Ryder's arm as she out in her hospital bed. "The doctor said if the swelling has gone down, we can go." He knew how much she hates hospitals. She'd been in them a few times as a kid, never for a good reason. Not that there were many good reasons to be in a hospital. And it was where her mother died. They only held bad memories.

"It's already noon." Ryder complained. She knew that many other patients had been here longer, were in worse conditions, but that didn't change how much she wanted to get out of there.

"I come bearing gifts." Tommy says then, walking into the room, struggling to hold three cups in his hands. "Coffee for you." Handing a cup over to Spencer, Tom then turns to his sister. "And tea for you."

"Thanks." The couple mumbled as one. Spencer sipped his drink but Ryder only held hers in her hands.

"Steve and Nat are coming over tonight and making dinner." Tommy informed them both. "No arguing allowed."

"Probably won't have too, I don't think we'll be out of here by tonight."

Tommy shared a look with Spencer over his sister's head with a sigh. He wasn't a fan of hospitals either, but it was different with Ryder. "Don't get gloomy on us, sis." It reminded him of when she was a teenager. Sometimes she'd be having a good day but then just suddenly be all sad. But she had a good reason then and she has a good reason now. Didn't mean he liked to see her like this.

"I'm sorry, Tommy." Ryder let out a big sigh. "I'm just tired and I want to go home."

Just then a knock sounded at the door before a nurse entered with a wheelchair. "Hello, I'm just here to take you to your scan. You feel up to getting in the chair?"

"Yes." Ryder agreed readily, already throwing the blankets off her legs, not bothering to argue when Tommy and Spencer hovered like the over-concerned people they were.

"Ready to get out of here, huh?" The nurse asked with a smile as she situated a blanket back over Ryder.

"I don't like it here." Ryder blurted out, her eyes going wide as she looked back at the nurse. "No offense."

"Oh, none taken." She chuckles, turning the chair towards the door before looking over her shoulder to speak to the men in the room. "I'll have her back as soon as I can."

"They seem like very nice young men." The nurse tried to make conversation as she pushed Ryder to the elevators.

"They are." Ryder mumbled. "It's my brother and fiancé." At the word, Ryder reached down for her ring finger. Her ring wasn't there, Spencer was holding onto it for her until they left.

"It's good that you have them, family is important."

"Yeah." Ryder mumbled in agreement, a hand lying on her stomach while she tries her best to relax in the chair as they entered an elevator.

*****

"I'm perfectly fine, Spencer." Ryder reminds her fiancé for the umpteenth time. It's been a few days since she was released from the hospital, all of which Reid has taken off work to be with her. "The doctor said there was nothing to worry about."

"Doesn't mean I'm not going to." Spencer whispers to her, his arms wrapped around her waist, forehead resting against her own.

"I know." Ryder nods slightly, rubbing her thumb over his cheek. "And I love you for it. But you gotta go back to work eventually."

"I can always go tomorrow."

"That's what you said yesterday." Ryder reminds him with a fond smile. "And the day before that."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to get rid of me." Spencer jokes, giving her hip a light squeeze.

"It's a good thing you know better then." Ryder chuckles. "I'd keep you here forever if I could. But, sadly, I can't. We both have work and I can't get anything done with such a handsome distraction around."

"Oh, well when you put it like that." Spencer mumbles with a smile, leaning down to place a kiss to her lips. "You win." He says with a sigh. "I'll go to work."

"I love you." Ryder tells him in a sing-song voice. "I'll make dinner tonight."

"Okay. I love you." Spencer reluctantly pulls away then, turning to grab his bag and jacket from the kitchen table. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will, promise." Ryder nods while walking Spencer to the door. "See you later."

"Bye, love." Spencer says as he departs, planting one last kiss to Ryder's lips before walking out the door. Sighing into the now-empty apartment, Ryder goes to make tea before starting her work.

Dinner was ready when Spencer arrived home that night. The couple had a quiet night in and after eating, they cuddled on the couch to watch a movie, Spencer holding Ryder close to him. He reluctantly let her go when they got ready for bed, but once they'd settled under the sheets, he once again wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. It had been days, but the fear he felt when he thought he'd lost her, almost did lose her, was still there. He felt if he let her go, she'd slip away from him. If that happened, Spencer didn't think he'd survive.

Ryder didn't mind Spencer's sudden clinginess. She understood it. It comforted her as well. She felt bad, guilty, for putting him through everything with the accident. Even if it wasn't her fault. She knew how he was, he worried so much, had lost so much. She didn't want him to have to go through any more pain in his life and she'd caused him just that.

Maybe that's why, with everything going on, it took a few days before it hit her. A delayed type of trauma. She'd thought she was okay, until the dreams started.

The truck that hit her didn't just injure her. It killed her and her unborn child, leaving Spencer behind all alone. Or it didn't kill her but she lost the baby and she never recovers. In some versions, Spencer leaves her.

It turns dark then. She'd been crying in her dream, crumpled on the floor of her kitchen, sobbing as Spencer walks out the door, unable to look at her because she'd killed his child.

A voice flowed into her mind. Soft, comforting, familiar. Spencer. He was there, he hadn't left her. She didn't realize she was awake until a light seeped behind her closed eyes and arms encircled her, lifting her into Spencer's lap as he spoke to her.

She was still crying. Fat tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Pained noises left her as she was rocked back and forth. Spencer's voice flowed into her ears, she was aware that he was talking but couldn't make out his words for a long time.

"I'm here, I'm here." Spencer repeated, switching between different comforting words as Ryder slowly calmed down. He'd awoken to her shifting in her sleep, whimpering and softly calling out his name before she started sobbing. It scared him at first, he'd realized she'd had a nightmare and quickly pulled her into his arms, trying to comfort her. "It's okay. We're okay. I've got you."

"You left me." Ryder chokes out, fisting Spencer's shirt tightly in her fist.

"I'm here, I promise." Spencer whispers into her hair, continuing to rock her back and forth. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll never leave you."

"I know." Ryder mumbles. She knew that, of course she did but her dream had been so realistic, it still scared her, shot chills down her spine if she thought about it. "I'm okay."

"It's okay if you're not." He tells her softly, hand rubbing up and down her arm. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really." Ryder mutters, her voice muffled as she buried her head in the crook of his neck, allowing her to breathe in his scent. It instantly brought comfort to her. His arms around her, holding her protectively as she breathes him in. "Just wanna stay like this."

And they did. Spencer continued to hold Ryder close to him, whispering comforting things to her until they both fell asleep.

*****

When Eleanor adopted Ryder, the young teenager didn't believe it would last. She'd been moved from home to home her entire life, after having so many places not work out, she imagined Eleanor would've been the same. It took her a long time to see that it wasn't. Longer than Ryder today liked, she wished now that she had more time with her adoptive mother.

But she was grateful for what she did have. When Ryder got older and accepted her new family, the girl always imagined her mom would be there for big things, small things, important things. Like dress shopping. Wedding dress shopping to be more specific. She would've brought her fiancé home and surprised her. They would've celebrated with a simple but meaningful family dinner. And she'd be by her side when she picked out the perfect dress. She'd be there to see her walk down the aisle.

Ryder had cried that morning, when she remembered that the woman wouldn't be there. Her eyes had been red and puffy, she'd splashed cold water on her face before getting ready to go.

Eleanor might not be there, but she wasn't alone. Natalie and Steve picked her up. Ryder had given the man an out, but he claimed it was the best friends and man-of-honors duty to be there. It might be unconventional to have a male on the bride's side but Ryder thought, screw that, he was her best friend. He'd been there with her through everything, she wanted him by her side for one of the most important days of her life. Natalie would also be by her side as her maid of honor.

The three had then driven to meet Emily, JJ, and Penelope at the store. That word somehow felt off. Nat had made an appointment days before - because you needed an appointment to try on dresses. Ryder signed them in before they were allowed to look around at the bridesmaid dresses and the big, white, wedding gowns.

Yes, Ryder wished more than anything that her mother was there, helping her. But that didn't mean the smile on her face was so wide that it hurt her cheeks. She had some of the most important people to her by her side.

After a little goofing off and a few dresses picked later, everyone sans Ryder finds themselves sitting in chairs outside the changing room, waiting for the bride to be to appear in the first dress.

"Okay," Ryder calls out to everyone. "Honest opinions only."

"Of course, just get your cute little butt out here!" Penelope shouts, earning laughs from those around her.

"We wouldn't let you get a dress you don't look good in, if that's even possible, don't worry, sweetie." Nat tells her friend as the dark-haired girl peeks around the door at all of her friends.

"Okay." Ryder sighs before straightening up and walking out, twirling her dress as everyone lets out gasps. It was a simple dress, pearl white. A lace, sleeveless top with a deep V-neck. Around her waist was a tight silk band, the skirt following around her, stopping right past her feet.

"Did I die? Are you an angel?" Garcia asks and Ryder bends over laughing, her cheeks turning a deep red.

"That's stunning." JJ says as her eyes take in the dress.

"Took the words right out of my mouth, JJ." Emily nods her approval. "I kind of want to get married now."

Everyone laughs at the dark-haired agent before Ryder speaks again. "Well, I really like this one but I'm not sure, I picked a few more."

"Well, let's see them." Steve motions for her to go with a mock impatient wave.

Turning, Ryder lifts the dresses skirt to prevent her bare feet from stepping on it and makes her way back to the dressing room. Some of the dresses were complicated, there was a very nice employee who helped her if she needed.

The next dress wasn't as simple as the last. It was off the shoulder with lace sleeves to the elbow with a high neckline. The skirt flowed more than the previous one, and had a longer train, though it wasn't overly long.

It was truly a beautiful dress, everyone praised it like that last but Ryder still tried on more. One had an even longer train. One was backless. They were all beautiful, but Ryder new when she tried on the one she'd walk down the aisle in.

She smiles to herself in the changing room mirror, the lady who'd been helping her had a soft smile on her face as well. Ryder imagined it was her professional smile, she did do this al day, every day, after all. But her eyes did shine and Ryder couldn't stop herself from asking. "What do you think?"

"I think that's my favorite one so far." She informs the younger woman. Ryder thinks she's being honest, this wasn't the most expensive dress, if she was only trying to make nice to get her to buy things, she would've suggested one of those.

Smiling, Ryder casts the dress one last look before turning around. She didn't want to tell the others she liked this one best until she'd heard their opinions. And when she stepped out, she wasn't disappointed.

"Please tell me you're choosing that one." Nat says as she takes in her friend and the dress she's wearing. The thin straps over her shoulders were an invisible lace that led down into a V. The skirt was flowing with movement without being puffy. From the middle, leaf lace spread out and up, fading off before it went too far. It fit her, the model thinks.

"Well, I was leaning more towards this one, just wanted to know what you guys thought." Ryder shrugs, twirling the dresses skirt.

"Honey, you look like a goddess." Penelope gushes. If hit the woman then that this was the lady who was marrying one of her closest friends and she couldn't help but get emotional.

"Pen?" Ryder asks with wide eyes when she sees tears fill her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine." The blonde waves every one's concerned stares off. "I'm just so happy for you guys."

"Awe." Stepping forward, Ryder opens her arms and Garcia wastes no time accepting the younger woman's hug.

She gets the dress.

*****

"Red or blue." Ryder mumbles to herself, flicking back and forth between the two pictures on her phone. She couldn't decide between the two for her bridesmaid dresses. After getting her dress, which needed a few alterations, the group had moved onto the more colorful dresses.

She'd found two different ones she liked. But couldn't decide. So instead she'd taken pictures of both so the group could go get food, everyone had been starving. She had time to decide, she reasons, her dress wouldn't be done for a little while anyway.

Looking up, Ryder takes a step forward as the line does. She'd parted ways from the others, it was getting late, they all had places to be and things to do. Now Ryder was craving chocolate. She wasn't sure if it was a pregnancy thing or a stress-relieving thing. All she knew was that she wanted a fudge brownie and planned on getting one. Maybe she'd get Spencer one too. He'd spent the day looking at tuxes with his groomsmen, he deserved a treat as well.

Stepping forward once more, Ryder orders her food and drink before stepping side to wait for it. Her phone screen lit up once more and Ryder continues looking between the dresses. She was going to drive herself mad.

"Ryder Matthews?" A voice asks but not the loud one of the barista behind the counter. This was a male voice, one close to her.

Lifting her head in confusion, Ryder looks to the man who had spoken, her furrowed brows shooting up when she meets vaguely familiar eyes. "Mark?" She asks, eyes wide. Mark Weston, aka the dude she dated for five seconds in college.

"Yeah." Mark chuckles, looking pleased she remembered him. He stood tall, skinny but buff at the same time. A drink sat in his left hand and a smile sat firmly on his thin lips. "Wow, how longs it been? I can't believe I ran into you."

"Uh, yeah." Ryder says with a chuckle, the noise coming off more forced than she had meant for it too. She held no ill will towards him, they'd gone on a few dates before she broke it off as kindly as she could. He'd been upset but they'd been so close to graduating, she was able to leave and she never looked back. "It's uh, small world, I guess."

"Yeah." He nods and Ryder purses her lips. "So how you been?"

"Uh, good." Ryder shrugs. He seemed to be over the whole getting dumped thing, she didn't need to be so nervous. "You know, love my job. Everything's good."

"Cool, cool." He continues to nod as she talks. "Yeah, I uh, I'm doing good too. You know, great job, friends. Life's good."

"Oh, well, I'm happy for you." Ryder smiles a little more genuinely at him this time.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks." Mark says. He seems confident and nervous at the same time. Ryder wasn't sure what to make of him. "How about we sit, catch up."

"Um," Ryder faulters. He seemed nice enough but somewhere not so deep inside, she just didn't want to be in his company. "I would love to," She's definitely leid more convincingly before. "But I have to go, I'm meeting my fiancé."

"Well," Mark turns his head to the side. He tried not to look bothered, Ryder could tell but he clenched his jaw in between words and his hand tightened just slighting on the cup in his hand. She did live with a profiler, after all, it's hard not to pick up on things. "You're engaged to him, I'm sure you guys get plenty of time together. What're a few minutes with an old friend."

Wow, okay, Ryder thinks, trying her best to keep her face neutral. "Mark, I really don't mean to be rude, but I need to go." Her gut was telling her this was the right move, she planned on listening to it. "It was nice to see you."

Carefully moving past him, Ryder collects her things and ducts out of the store before he can protest any further. Luckily the little shop wasn't far from home and she makes it back in record time. And if she looked over her shoulder a few times, no one needs to know.

"Hey, babe, you almost home?" Ryder says into her phone after checking that the door was locked behind her.

"Yeah, sorry, Morgan says you can blame him for me being late." Come Spencer's answer, his voice immediately calming Ryder.

"That's okay." She chuckles. "I just got home, and I picked up brownies."

"Oh, I love you."

Full-on laughing, Ryder makes her way down the hall and into her bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes. "I'm too tired to cook, want to order in?"

"Yeah, I'll call on my way. Pizza with peppers?"

"You know me so well." Ryder smiles, happiness filling her body at the simple gesture. "So, how was tux shopping?"

"Went good. How was dress shopping?"

"Well, I'm proud to say, I found the one." Ryder squeals in excitement, jumping onto her bed. "It has to be altered slightly but it'll be done with plenty of time to spare for the wedding. But you can't see it until then."

"Of course not." Spencer nods affectionately. "Talk when I get home, love you."

"Love you." Ryder grins before pulling the phone away from her ear.

Spencer arrives home just as Ryder is climbing out of the shower. She dresses in one of his T-shirts and pajama shorts. "How was your day?" She asks when she sees him, not stopping until she was standing in his arms.