"I want..."

Lisa inhaled sharply, squeezing her eyes shut.

I want...

You out of my life?

To leave me alone?

To never see you again?

"I want to try," he said, his voice just louder than the white noise of the night. "I want to try loving again."

Lisa opened her eyes slowly, still not ready to put everything out there. "You want to try...with...me? Or with someone else?"

Namjoon cracked a small smile, his eyes warming. "Who else would take me?" He looked down, still smiling softly. "Of course, with you. I'm sorry I made you wait all these years. The timing was never right for me, I had-"

"Jimin, I know," Lisa said, also smiling softly and looking down, scared to meet his eyes, scared to smile fully in case it wasn't real. "You had your family to take care of. I didn't want to push my agenda in front of that. I still don't. I know that they'll always be more important to you, but I'd rather be second best than never run the race."

It was funny, Lisa thought to herself. She'd never been that sort of person. Usually, she was more keen on the philosophy If I don't think I'll win, I won't run the race at all.

But love was different. It had softened her, made her more vulnerable. It made her more susceptible to being hurt as well, but it also gave her a chance that she never would have taken otherwise.

"I don't want to do that to you," Namjoon said. "That's why my marriage didn't work out. Well, part of it. Also because she was screwing someone else, but that was probably partially my fault as well. If this...whatever this is...happens between us, I don't want you to end up like some cardboard box in the attic that you only take out every now and then when you need something you forgot, okay?"

Lisa still wouldn't look up, this time because she couldn't stop her tears and she didn't want Namjoon to see them as they rolled down her cheeks and fell to the blacktop, joining the small puddle near Namjoon's feet.

"Lisa, look at me."

She shook her head.

Then she felt a hand under her chin, gently but firmly lifting her face up.

"Lisa," Namjoon said softly, smiling at her, a smile she'd seen a thousand times but never once been the target of. "Lisa, don't cry."

"Too bloody late," she mumbled. "It's happening and I can't stop it now. It's your fault, you know."

Namjoon leaned down and kissed first her right cheek, then her left, taking some of her tears away on his lips. "You know, your eyeliner is smearing."

"Shit," Lisa muttered, but Namjoon just chuckled.

"It doesn't matter," he said. "You're pretty anyway."

Lisa looked up at him with an offended expression. "Pretty?"

"What?"

"Pretty is just like, I don't know, average. Mediocre. It's what a shy guy tells an even shyer girl, Namjoon. Like high school kids."

"Sorry," Namjoon said, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "I'm not smooth at this sort of thing, you know. Although..." He smirked. "The last woman I showered with my cringey awkwardness married me, so..."

Lisa rolled her eyes and smacked his arm. "I can't imagine why she married you when you're acting like a high school boy who's the captain of the football team."

"Does that make you a cheerleader?" Namjoon asked, squinting, and Lisa gave him another look.

"No, it makes me an adult woman who just so happens to be a cop and who'll arrest you if I find you tailgating on private property."

"Ouch," Namjoon said, wincing, but as he straightened up, his smile flattened out into a more serious expression, and Lisa stared back at him. "Can we..."

"Can we what?" Lisa asked.

"Can we, um...sorry, I'm not good at this...can I kiss you again?" he asked, cringing at his own words. "Damn, that was horrible."

Lisa rolled her eyes but sighed. "I suppose. But the first one was horrible so try harder."

"Hey!" he protested lightly. "I'm out of practice, okay?"

***

It didn't take too long for Namjoon to figure it out, and a few minutes later, he had pinned Lisa against the car without breaking their lips.

He finally pulled away, and Lisa blushed, avoiding his eyes. "Out of practice my ass," she muttered, and he just laughed.

"I should get back to my place," she said, looking back at Namjoon. "To fix my eyeliner." She rolled her lips inward, biting them slightly to hide her hesitance. "You're welcome to come with. If you want."

There was a long moment in which Lisa felt like she'd ruined everything yet again, but then Namjoon nodded, slowly with his eyes slightly downward, before looking back at her.

"All right," he said. "You drive and I'll follow?"

Lisa shook her head, smiling. "If my neighbors see another car in my driveway, they'll tease me about it for years."

"Why?" Namjoon asked, dense as usual.

"Because," Lisa said, looking up at him with her arms crossed. "I don't bring home every guy I go to dinner with."

"Oh..."

She nodded, satisfied that her understood at least half of what she meant. "How about you get in my car, I'll drive us there, and then I'll drop you off back here to pick up your car tomorrow," she suggested, freezing once she realized what she'd said.

Tomorrow.

Because I want you to stay the night.

Again, he was slow to answer, but his words didn't disappoint her. "All right."

He followed Lisa to her car and climbed in the passenger seat. "Let me just call home and make sure Mark's good for staying the night," he said, and she nodded while shifting the gear into drive and pulling out of the parking lot.

Namjoon hit the call button and held the phone up to his ear.