"A million words would not bring you back, I know, because I've tried. Neither would a million tears, I know, because I've cried."

-Unknown

***

"J-jungkook?"

"What's going on?" Lisa whispered, and Namjoon shook his head, confused.

"I don't know," he said, pulling the phone off his ear and cupping his hand over the speaker. "Jungkook said he remembered that he had something he needed to tell me." Namjoon held the phone back up. "Jungkook? What is it?"

"I didn't think it was a big deal but we were watching a show and it reminded me of something that I was going to tell you but I couldn't remember it but now I remember it and Jin made me call you because he said I had to because it could be important but I don't think it is."

Namjoon just listened and nodded. "All right, Jungkook. Just tell me what you remembered."

"It's nothing big. Just that Miss Song was going to have a baby, but the girls in my class said an accident happened and the baby disappeared."

Namjoon sighed. He'd been hoping that Jungkook would say that he remembered seeing Jimin out in the woods or leaving the classroom. 5 years too late, true, but at least it was something.

But this was nothing. This was something they'd already known.

"Thanks, sweetie," Namjoon said, disappointed and unable to hide it from his tone.

"See, I told you he wouldn't care" Namjoon heard from the other end of the phone before the call ended. He set the phone down with a sigh.

"What did Jungkook say?" Lisa asked, her pad and pen ready.

"Nothing new," Namjoon mumbled. "Just that Song Eungi had a miscarriage. But we already knew that."

Lisa frowned. She too had been hoping for a breakthrough, a miracle. But she couldn't tell Namjoon that because that would mean that she had given up. She hadn't. But it felt impossible.

"Thanks for your time," Lisa said to Namjoon's ex-wife, who nodded gravely before leaving, looking slightly disappointed as well that her information hadn't been of much use either.

"I'm sorry," Lisa said a moment later to Namjoon, who was quiet with lost hope.

He looked up with down turned eyes and said the same thing he always did. "Any progress?"

Lisa felt her heart swell with sympathy, but what could she do? "Maybe," she said, attempting a small smile. "Maybe it'll lead to something. I'll check it out."

Namjoon got up with a nod and left the room to pick his kids up from Mark's house.

Lisa, meanwhile, didn't move from the room, instead sitting in the same chair and staring at the pad and pen, willing words to jump out at her and finally make sense, but they never did.

***

"Come on, it's time to go home," Namjoon said tiredly, giving a nod to Mark, who smiled back sympathetically.

"They were good as usual," Mark said, and it wasn't a lie. The agreement between the kids to not make Namjoon worry included being on their best behavior. They were quiet, polite, and they all shared nicely.

Mark thought it was weird.

"Good," Namjoon said, giving a weak smile, and Mark sighed. He wasn't super close with Namjoon, but he felt bad for the guy, both as a friend and as a father.

"Can Bammie and Gyeommie play at our house?" Jungkook asked Namjoon, and all of his hyungs turned to glare at him for the suggestion.

Namjoon was surprised because none of his sons invited kids over very often. Jin never at all, Yoongi rarely with Wonho and Kihyun, Hobi rarely with Wonpil, and almost never with Tae and Jungkook. "Well..."

Jungkook ignored his hyungs and held his breath. It wasn't so much that he wanted to play but that he wanted other kids there to make the house seem fuller, more full of life. It was too quiet and dead when they were all home.

Namjoon shrugged, looking away. "I guess."

Jungkook smiled and nodded towards BamBam and Yugyeom, who grinned. "Yay!" they shouted. "Play date with Kookie!"

Jin frowned worriedly, but when Namjoon looked over at him, Jin smiled. "Are you ready to go home, Daddy?" he asked, and Namjoon nodded, walking towards the door, and Jin hurried to follow behind him. He wanted to take Namjoon's hand, but he knew that Namjoon would flinch, so he didn't.

***

When they got home, Jin made dinner while Namjoon stared blankly at the TV for a while. Now that Jin was 12, he didn't need to use a chair to stir the pot. But he still wasn't used to making only 6 portions. He usually made 7 on accident and had to quickly box up the extra one and hide it in the fridge, worried that Namjoon would see it.

The whole fridge was crammed with leftover meals, all for one portion size.

Jin set the table and called everyone, only Jungkook insisted on playing with BamBam and Yugyeom, saying that they'd get dinner later. Jin just sighed. He didn't feel like being a bossy big brother, not tonight.

Instead, Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi, Hobi, and Taehyung sat around the table, eating quietly serving themselves and starting to eat.

Dinner was silent until Tae asked, "What did Lisa have to say today?"

Namjoon shrugged, eating slowly. "An informant came in to say that she went to the same pregnancy clinic as your old preschool teacher and that the teacher's husband hurt her, so she had a miscarriage. But we already knew that she had a miscarriage because she stopped teaching later that year."

Tae was silent for another minute before he burst out, "What was it that Jungkook told Daddy?"

Jin sent him a look, but Namjoon just sighed. "It's fine, he can know."

Jin hesitated before shrugging. "Jungkook said that he heard in class that his teacher was pregnant but something happened and she had a miscarriage," Jin said, looking over at Namjoon as if to check that it was really all right that he told him.

"Which we already knew," Namjoon summed up, sighing.

"Oh." Tae was quiet. "But I thought you said she stopped teaching later?"

"Right. Because of the miscarriage," Namjoon said, sighing yet again. "Tae, can we just-"

"But the miscarriage happened earlier."

Namjoon stared at Tae. "What do you mean?"

"The last day we went to preschool was the day J- he disappeared. So if Jungkook heard about the miscarriage, it had to happen before that day, right? Not after?"

Namjoon stared at Tae for a long moment. "Say that again."

Tae swallowed, hesitant, and stared down at the table, pushing his food around on his plate. "Just that the miscarriage had to have happened before the day everything happened because Jungkook had heard about it, even if the school said it happened later. Maybe the school was wrong and Jungkook is right."

Namjoon closed his eyes, running it through his head, but another voice interrupted him.

"He's right," Yoongi said. "Or at least, it sounds like it. It makes sense. Somebody lied to the school."

Namjoon pulled out his cell phone with shaking hands and paused before dialing Mark. "I'm sorry," he said before Mark got in a word. "I have to drop your kids off. Something came up."

"O-oh, that's fi-"

Namjoon hung up and waited a beat before calling Lisa.

"Officer Li-"

"Lisa. We need to talk. I'll be at the station in 20."

"Nam-"

He hung up and looked again at Tae, who looked up, scared.

"I'm sorry, Daddy, I didn't mean to do anything wrong," Tae said, putting his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry for talking about it when I wasn't supposed to."

"No, you-" Namjoon began, cutting off as he crossed the room in two steps and hugged Tae to his chest.

Relax, Namjoon.

It could be nothing.

You don't want to get your hopes up again.

"You're a genius," Namjoon whispered urgently, pressing his lips to the top of Taehyung's head, but Taehyung was too terrified to respond.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," he kept repeating, unsure about Namjoon's actions, but Namjoon just hugged him tightly before letting him go.

"I love you," Namjoon said suddenly, and Tae went silent. "I love all of you," he said again, looking around the table.

Jin looked down at his plate. Yoongi looked away. Hobi was just fixated with pushing his food around and not eating much at all.

Jin, realizing that Namjoon needed a response and realizing that he was the oldest brother and it fell to him, looked up with a forced smile. "We love you too," Jin said.

It wasn't a lie. They all loved Namjoon. But the past 5 years had created wounds that couldn't be fixed with a few simple words.

But it was a start.