***

To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself.

-Burton Grebin

***

cold (kōld)

1. of or at a low or relatively low temperature, especially when compared with the human body.

2. lacking affection or warmth of feeling; unemotional

case (kās)

1. an instance of a particular situation; an example of something occurring

2. an instance of a disease or problem

cold case (kōld kās)

1. an unsolved criminal investigation which remains open pending the discovery of new evidence

***

5 years, and Jimin had never been seen.

Lisa had tried everything. After failing on Yoo Hyehyeon's account, she had gone back to the preschool teacher, sure that the teacher had tried to lead her astray, but the preschool teacher had told Lisa that she was pregnant. Why would she abduct a child when she had one of her own on the way? Lisa requested records of her doctor visits, which Eungi gave to her to prove her story. Without motive, Eungi was also crossed off the list.

Lisa had gone through everybody she could think of. She had questioned every parent who had a child in the class. She had gone through the videotape so many times that if she shut her eyes, she could still see the grainy tape, the time stamp in the lower right hand corner.

At the end of every day that she had failed in finding Jimin, she had gone back to the tape and watched the clip from when Namjoon had walked Jimin and Jungkook into the building to remind herself that Jimin was real, he had been there, he had been in the classroom.

And then he had been nowhere.

Lisa had posted pictures of Jimin, and with Youngjae's help as a sketch artist, she had posted a new sketch every year of what Jimin would look like one year older.

But the pictures grew older while Jimin did not. In Lisa's mind, he was still just a lost 4-year-old, confused and scared and alone.

But Lisa had overturned every stone. Hell, she'd even tracked down the woman from the grocery store who had given Namjoon a chicken coupon. No luck there.

She'd investigated the ex-wife. She'd listened to recordings of their phone calls, wincing as she heard them yelling at each other and sympathizing with Namjoon. She'd wanted it to be the wife. Not just because she wanted - needed - to find Jimin, but because it would have given her someone to blame, someone who deserved it. She would have been able to remove that woman from Namjoon's life. And then maybe she would have been able to step in.

But the ex-wife was clean. A bitch, probably, but not a child-snatching bitch.

When Lisa had overturned every stone, she'd gone back and done it all again. She had gone back to the preschool teacher, desperate to find the person who had done it, but she'd learned that the preschool teacher had had a miscarriage and wouldn't be returning to school while she grieved the loss of her child.

Lisa had gone back to Hyukk and Jongup and begged them to remember something, anything, but all they could tell her was that they hadn't seen Jimin after snack time.

And so Lisa had been shoved back to square one every time, and Jimin was never found.

***

"Hey," Lisa called out, stepping in through the door and closing it behind her.

"Lisa!" the kids cheered, and Namjoon chuckled softly.

"Don't attack her," he scolded, and they backed off a little.

Lisa smiled at Namjoon, holding up the bag in her right hand. "I brought takeout."

***

After the kids had eaten and gone to bed, Namjoon and Lisa remained sitting at the kitchen table.

"Any progress?" Namjoon asked, the same question he asked every time he saw her.

Lisa sighed. "I'm sorry."

Namjoon nodded, but there was a dullness to his eyes, as though his tears had eroded the sparkle that used to be there. He had never given up on Jimin even though everybody who knew Namjoon had already offered their condolences and asked when he would be having a service. He wouldn't, though, because he refused to believe Jimin was...

He couldn't let himself think it.

He and Lisa had grown closer, mainly because he had been at the police station every day or Lisa had gone to his house to check on him and update him of what was happening.

Jimin's abduction had become Namjoon's life. He couldn't get over it and instead obsessed and worried to the point where his other children felt insecure and a bit scared. Namjoon still loved them all and tried to be the best dad he could, but there was an extra chair at the kitchen table and an extra bed full of an empty nest of blankets and stuffed animals and Namjoon couldn't handle it.

"Jimin" became a taboo word just like "Mommy." They were scared that if they said it, Namjoon would be irreparably broken.

Jin had taken over most of the upkeep inside the house. He had gotten a lot better at cooking, and he made sure the other boys had chores to do to keep the house clean.

They were scared.

They were scared that by losing Jimin, they were slowly losing their dad, too.

Lisa had interpreted the moment of silence as an invitation, and she leaned in slowly until Namjoon blinked and backed away, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry, Lisa, but...I can't."

Lisa sighed, somewhat frustrated. She knew that it was a mistake to mix work and relationships, but she couldn't help it. By diving into Namjoon's case, she'd fallen deeper and deeper for him, a man who would sacrifice anything for his kids. She loved him, and he loved Jimin. "Why not, Namjoon?"

"Because to me, you'll always be the woman who was searching for my son," Namjoon whispered. "I just can't get past that. Not while he's still gone."

Lisa was silent. She didn't want to tell Namjoon that the odds of a child being returned home after 5 years were astronomically low. The odds of them even being alive were low. Lisa was morbidly sure that there was a 4-year-old's skeleton out there somewhere, undiscovered, maybe at the bottom of a lake or buried under years of leaves in the forest. She knew that it would break Namjoon's heart when they found the skeleton, but it broke her heart to see him pining away for a happy ending when she knew he wouldn't get one.

Jimin wouldn't get one. Hadn't gotten one.

"All right," she said after a long moment before standing up. "I have to get back to the office."

"The office? It's late, Lisa. Go home."

She shook her head. "I have some work to finish up."

She left Namjoon's house, to which she now had a key, and drove back to the station, going inside the empty building and going to her desk. On the wall above it was a large cork board covered in pins and string and notes, and in the center was a picture of 4-year-old Jimin, smiling shyly at the camera while his brothers leaned around him, grinning, and Namjoon stood off to the side, smiling at his kids and wearing a t-shirt that said something ending in "flower."

She had Youngjae's prediction of 9-year-old Jimin pinned underneath it.

5 years.

5 years that she'd been failing, 5 years on a case that she couldn't get past, 5 years for a little boy to be separated for his family.

5 years for the skeleton to remain undiscovered.