Hobi stared at the front of his school. Then he turned around to stare at the familiar car pulling away out of the parking lot, small hands in the window waving at him.

The he turned back to stare at the front of the school.

He wasn't sure when school had stopped being "fun" or when he'd stopped wanting to get out of the car or when he'd started dreading walking into his classroom.

It wasn't like the kids were mean to him.

They just...

Hobi didn't know how to describe it. He'd try so hard for their attention. He craved it. He wanted to be liked.

He wanted to be noticed.

But was that so wrong?

He always walked in with the same mantra going through his head. I won't share my lunch today. I'm going to be strong. I'm going to eat it for myself.

But then the morning classes always went by in a long tortuous descent of never being noticed, of just being that kid with the long face, and when lunch time rolled around, he didn't care so much as to why they paid attention to him. He was just happy to have it.

Even if it was only for the duration of time necessary to take his pretzels and his sandwich and his juice box.

***

"We have a new student today, class," introduced the teacher after all the students had taken their seats.

Hobi was in the middle, but he didn't feel included.

He felt isolated.

"Please introduce yourself."

"H-hi, I'm Wonpil," the small child introduced, raising his right hand and giving a small wave as he squirmed in front of the class, unhappy to be the center of everyone's attention. "It's nice to meet you all. I hope we can be friends."

Everybody ooh'ed and aah'ed over the pretty boy addition to the class.

Hobi smiled with everyone else.

He was happy.

He wants to be friends with us.

That means he wants to be friends with me, right?

***

It turned out that everyone wanted to be friends with Wonpil. Wonpil was all too happy to oblige, smiling and talking with everyone. Hobi wanted Wonpil to smile at him too, but everyone else was surrounding him.

That's okay. I don't want to be rude and try to keep him all for myself. I'm sure he wants to be friends with everyone. I can't be selfish. That would be mean. I can share Wonpil.

But you can't share something you don't have, and for the entire class period, Hobi found himself anxious to introduce himself to the newcomer, but he never got the chance.

Wonpil was always busy with someone else.

Why can't it be me for once? Hobi wondered before swallowing and shaking his head. That sounds selfish. I don't want to be selfish.

I just want to be noticed.

Lunch came and, miracle of miracles, Wonpil somehow ended up seated next to Hobi.

Hobi swallowed. It's now. Now is the time. I can do this. I can be brave. "Hi, I'm-"

"Hey, Wonpil!" one of the boys from Hobi's class said, and he moved to sit next to Wonpil, but that was where Hobi was sitting. "Hey, I'm sorry..." He paused, trying to remember Hobi's name.

He's probably just blanking. I'm sure he knows it. We've been in class together for months now. "Hoseok," Hobi said before smiling. "Hobi."

"Right, Hobi, can you move over? I told Wonpil I would sit with him at lunch."

Hobi hesitated. Normally, he was more than happy to do whatever his classmates asked of him, but he really wanted to get to know Wonpil. More accurately, he really wanted Wonpil to get to know him.

"But..I was sitting here first..." Hobi said, trailing off when the boy frowned at him.

"Yeah, but I want to sit next to Wonpil," the boy said, and Hobi hesitated, feeling his resolve crumbling. He was just about to stand up when Wonpil put his hand on Hobi's shoulder.

"It's okay, I'll sit with you some other time, okay?" Wonpil said to the boy, who turned away with a disappointed face. Then Wonpil turned to Hobi. "You said your name was Hoseok? Or Hobi? Which is it?"

Hobi smiled, glad to have his first conversation with his new classmate. "My name is Hoseok but you can call me Hobi. That's what my brothers and Daddy calls me."

"What about your mom?"

Hobi hesitated. "She's not here anymore."

"Oh." Wonpil smiled, patting Hobi gently. "Sorry for asking. Does your dad make your lunch then?"

Hobi nodded, smiling at his bag. "Yeah. He makes all of our lunches." Hobi pulled out his sandwich, fruit snacks, and juice box.

"Hey! That looks really good! Can I try?" Wonpil asked, and Hobi felt his hope fade.

"Y-yeah, sure..." Hobi said, his voice growing softer as he handed over his sandwich and watched Wonpil take a bit.

"Sorry, I know it's kind of weird, but we always steal each other's food in my family so it's kind of a habit," Wonpil said before smiling. "But it's really good!" he said, handing back Hobi's sandwich.

Hobi blinked. "You're not going to eat the whole thing?"

Wonpil tilted his head. "No? Was I supposed to? But then what are you going to eat?"

Hobi was trying to find an answer when some girl asked him for his fruit snacks.

"Since you don't like them," she said, and Hobi frowned.

Who didn't like fruit snacks?

Of course he liked them. He just never got to eat them because everyone took them.

Hobi handed them over wordlessly, and within a few minutes, his juice box and the rest of his sandwich were gone too.

Wonpil had turned to talk to someone else during this time and looked back to see Hobi with an empty lunch bag. "Wow, you ate fast. You must have been hungry."

I was. I still am. "Yeah," Hobi said, laughing uncomfortable because he didn't want Wonpil to dislike him on the first day.

Wonpil paused, looking at someone else farther down the table. "Hey, she has the same juice box as you."

Hobi just shrugged.

Wonpil's brows furrowed. "And that other girl has the same type of fruit snacks. Weird."

Hobi swallowed.

Wonpil frowned. "Hobi, why does that look like your sandwich?" he asked.

Hobi was just so happy that Wonpil - that anyone - had called him by his name that he didn't respond for a long moment before blinking. "Oh, I don't...I don't know..." He felt his stomach growl, and he stood up, neatly smoothing out his lunch bag and folding it, slipping it inside his backpack to save as always. "I have to go to the bathroom," he said, already feeling like Wonpil was starting to think that he was weird.

Well I tried, didn't I? Jin always says to try to make friends and I did try but clearly I'm not good at it because it didn't work and it just made me feel more lonely than I already do but that's okay because I'm happy anyway by myself and with my family so I don't really need friends I mean I guess they would be nice but-

His thoughts rambled on as he used the restroom and washed his hands, hearing the bell sound to signal the end of lunch.

He sighed. He was still hungry, but it didn't hurt as much as it had used to. He was growing more accustomed to it. Adapting.

Accepting.

***

"Is Hobi okay?" Wonpil asked as soon as Hobi left. The boy's behavior had seemed kind of abrupt and odd.

"Who's Hobi?" asked the boy who had stolen Hobi's seat as soon as he'd left.

"The boy sitting next to me. You talked to him earlier." Wonpil frowned.

"Oh, right, that kid. He's weird, Wonpil. For real. You shouldn't be friends with him."

Wonpil's frown deepened as he looked at the boy. "Why not? He seemed nice."

"Well, I mean, it's not like he isn't nice or whatever, but he's just strange. He doesn't eat. I've never even seen him take a bite."

The girl who had Hobi's fruit snacks nodded. "It's true. We try to help him by offering to take his lunch so he doesn't waste it by throwing it out, but we can't force him to eat it."

"I told my mommy about it and she said it's called bulimia, I think," said the girl with his juice box. "I'm pretty sure that's why he goes to the bathroom, to throw up what he ate for breakfast. My mommy said it's not healthy, that it's some kind of sickness."

"See?" the boy said, sighing. "I told you he's weird."

Wonpil just frowned.

***

Hobi went back to his classroom to find an apple on his desk. He looked around, confused, until he saw Wonpil waving at him with a smile, pointing to the apple and then at Hobi.

Hobi brightened.

Finally. Someone is sharing with me.

Hobi grinned.

Until the girl next to him tapped his shoulder. "Hey, can I have your apple? Since you're not going to eat it, I mean."

Hobi's smile dropped. He felt himself sinking again. He saw himself hand over the apple.

He sat down at his desk and laid down his head, his cheek flat with the cold surface.

Why does everything hurt so much today?

I thought I'd gotten used to it.

I thought I'd accepted it.

But now that Wonpil is here, I'm expecting...

What?

A friend?

Stop being stupid, Hobi.

Stop hoping for more.