kakorrhaphiophobia (n.) the fear of failure or defeat

It's 6 am and I still haven't slept. Fuck this. I'm going to go for a run.

I brush my teeth and put on a black nike sports bra and black nike pro spandex shorts. I tie my hair back into a high ponytail and throw on my tennis shoes. As I walk outside, I'm met with a grey sky and chilly weather. My favorite. There was still fog along the horizon and the clouds crowded the sky.

I'll only be gone for an hour. I need to clear my head.

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It's been two hours. What can I say, I got lost. When I get closer to the house, I can hear him yelling . 

Where the fuck is she? I'm going to fucking kill all of you, I swear to god! Fottuto pezzo di merda inutile! (You fucking useless piece of shits!)

Shit. Oh fuck me. He's speaking Italian, I'm in huge fucking trouble.

As I push the door open as quietly as I can, it creaks. All heads snap to my direction and I put on a nervous smile. 

"Oh good morning everyone, what a beautiful day it is." I try to sound as nice as possible. Alessandro's eyes are locked on mine and anger radiates off of his perfect body. 

He stomps towards me and pushes me against the door. "Where the fuck have you been?" His figure towers over me and I put a smirk on my face. I'm insanely turned on right now. "Everyone back to work now!" He orders the staff while he stares me down. They all scramble away.

"I just went for a run, calm down." I rolled my eyes at him. 

"You didn't ask for my permission." 

"I don't need your permission." Who does he think he is?

"Is that right?" His tone sounds amused but still laced with rage. "You respect and obey me in this house or else you will get punished."

"You earn my respect figlio di puttana, get that shit through your head." (motherfucker)

He laughs in a dark manner. He pulls out a pocket knife from his pants, and holds it at my throat. I could try to fight him off, but I'd lose, not easily of course. "You interest me Davina, truly." He runs the knife down my throat and then to my chest. It trails all the way down to my cleavage, and my body reacts with goosebumps. "You love to piss me off, and wear clothes that I would never approve of, if you were mine." What? Don't you dare get turned on by his words Davina. 

"Fuck off." I tried to say it with an authoritative voice but it came out as a shaky whisper. 

"Your mouth is saying one thing but your body is telling another." His lips graze my ear as he whispers in my ear. He pulls his knife back and turns around walking away from me. 

 "Gym. Now." He demands. Wipe that stupid smirk off your face. If he wants to play, I can play.

I groaned loudly, enough for him to hear. Why does my body react to him this way? It's infuriating. I readjust my ponytail and make my way towards the gym. 

I walk into the gym and I'm met with shirtless men. Sweating shirtless men. In the middle of the room is a boxing ring and there stands Lorenzo talking with another man. I walk more inside, towards the ring and every man's eyes are on me.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" They all turn away except Lorenzo. I climb inside the ring.

Lorenzo has an amused expression on his face. "What?"

"Nothing Davina, you just humor me." 

"How flattering." I said in a bland tone. "Alessandro told me to come here."

"Oohh you're in trouble amica." He laughed. 

"What the fuck does that mean?" Alessandro better not piss me off.

"You're going to fight today." Oh that's not bad.

"Oh. Is that supposed to be a punishment? I could easily kill everyone in this room."

"Yeah yeah we'll see about that." Lorenzo rolled his eyes at me.

The door slammed opened and Alessandro walked in wearing black basketball shorts and no shirt. He was wrapping tape around his hands. Am I fighting Alessandro? He walks towards me maintaining eye contact and stepped into the ring. He threw the tape at me and I caught it.

"You ready?" He asked me. I don't even know how to tape my hands, I just go in raw. I examine the tape and look up at him.

"Always." He smirked at me. "I don't need tape." I threw it back at him.

"Just put it on, we're just here to train, not kill. The tape will soften the blows." 

"No I'm good, I don't need it." Lorenzo looks at me puzzled.

"Davina, put the fucking tape on."

"No Alessandro, I'm not putting the fucking tape on." Lorenzo bursts out in laughter and Alessandro looks at him confused.

"Fratello, non sa come mettere il nastro." (Brother, she doesn't know how to put the tape on) Lorenzo laughs. That fucking prick.

"Yes, I do. I just don't want it." I focus my gaze on Lorenzo. Alessandro steps towards me with the tape and holds his hand out. 

"Give me your hand Davina." He has a slight smile on his face. 

"You guys are so damn annoying." I hold my hand out and he grabs it with his. I send a glare towards Lorenzo, but I can't help but feel tension as Alessandro is wrapping my hand with tape.

"You don't have to be so embarrassed Davina." He smirks at me. His large hand easily covers mine, and the veins from his arms distract me. 

"I'm not." I keep a straight face. Or at least try to.

His eyes study me as if he's trying to figure me out. "I want to see you fight more. You're going to face Lorenzo." 

"Okay." He grabs my other hand and begins wrapping it.

After he finishes wrapping my hands he signals Lorenzo back into the ring.

"Ready?" He asks Lorenzo.

Lorenzo has a stupid smile on his stupid face. "Of course I am."

"What about you Moretti?" Lorenzo asks me. 

"I'm always ready." I spoke with confidence. 

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Alone, for the last time

You're just a loner

Give it a try