kalopsia (n.) the delusion of things being made more beautiful than they really are

Right when we got home me and Alessandro parted ways to our rooms that were across from each other. I attempted to get some sleep after I showered. I suffer from insomnia unfortunately. When I do sleep, I get nightmares so I stay up. I hate feeling vulnerable. It's the worst feeling ever.

It's about 2 in the morning and I get up to get some water. As I open my door, I notice Alessandro's door wide open, and him absent from his bed.

I continue on to the kitchen, trying to remember what I was doing in the first place.

I open the fridge and pour myself a glass of water. I hear footsteps approaching and I grab one of the knives. I hear them getting closer. As they enter the kitchen, I throw a knife missing their head, purposely. Ugh its just Lorenzo.

"What the fuck?" He had an angry expression on his face and I smirked.

"I thought you were an intruder." I said amused. He rolled his eyes and opened the fridge and poured himself a glass of water as well.

"What are you doing up." His pants hung low and he was shirtless, revealing his toned body. He looks so different from his brother. They are both attractive but Alessandro has green eyes and dark hair while Lorenzo has light brown eyes and light brown hair.

"Can't sleep." He turned to me and examined me.

"Look Davina, I think we can actually be friends, since we're going to be working together now we can try to get along." And he's much nicer than his shitty brother.

"I don't do friends." It's true actually, I'd rather be alone than have a million disloyal fucks that I'd have to call friend.

"God you and my brother are so alike it makes me sick." He laughs lightly.

I just stay quiet not knowing what to say to that.

"But I respect your wishes I guess." He nods and starts to walk out the kitchen.

"I guess we can be civil." He turns to me and nods his head again, then disappears. I wasn't always like this. I punish myself by not enjoying things like friends, or fun.

I just sit on the counter top drinking my water admiring the moonlight. Sometimes I wonder if god hates me. I mean why else would he give me a shitty family and leave me all alone. I supposes he doesn't fully hate me if he gave me Scarlett. Scarlett is five years old and she is all I have. She was my mother's last child and the child that killed my mother. There was many birth complications with her so when she was born, my mother couldn't handle it and died. For that my father made her life hell. He use to beat her so bad and I would come in and try to help her but I ended up getting beat too.

My sister is my only motivation in life. I have done every single thing possible to protect her and shield her from this life. She's young, and I will do all and more too make sure she doesn't get hurt.

"Why are you up?" His voice boomed through the kitchen slightly startling me. Alessandro.

"I can't sleep." He stands leaning against the door way with no shirt and grey sweats. His hair is a bit disheveled and his arms are crossed at his chest making his muscles bulge out and his shoulders more broad. Jesus.

"Do you always wear things like that to sleep." I look down and forget that I'm wearing a tight black cami top with lace trimming and black silk shorts that had lace trimming as well.

I hummed in response. "Mhmm." I take a sip from my water. He starts to walk towards me.

As I'm about to get down from the counter he steps in between my legs and reaches behind me grabbing an apple from the counter.

I clear my throat and he shrugs at me walking to the fridge grabbing a water bottle.

"I'm going to sleep." I jump down from the counter and Alessandro stares at me with dark eyes. I almost feel intimated by his gaze.

"Goodnight Anastasia." His face is now blank.

"Don't call me that." I walk out of the kitchen and into my new bed.

I slipped under my covers and stared at the ceiling. About an hour later, I heard his door shut. I fucking hate not being able to sleep. I crave sleep, I admire it actually. You get to escape from the world. I know it sounds fucking corny but its true.I haven't got a good sleep in the last 11 years.

There's no one to blame but my father. He truly traumatized me. He started training me from the age of 4 and the first task he ever made me complete was to kill my pet bunny. He made me stab it repeatedly while he held my mother at gunpoint. I made my first human kill at 8. My father's idea of fun was locking me in the basement with my wrists tied with zip ties and me tied to a chair having to escape.

Anastasia is my real name. Anastasia Ivanov. I changed it after I killed my father because I couldn't stand having his last name. And my middle name is Davina so yeah.

The scars on my back are from my father hitting me with his leather belt. At a point, I stopped being scared of my father. At that point, I killed him. Yeah, I'm a strong woman, the most feared in the game, but I still have a story. I will tell you I don't give a fuck about anything, but I actually do. My pride will kill me one day, but until then I'm keeping my walls up.

At the end of the day, nobody really gives a fuck right?

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Face it

You want it, you crave it

Believe when I say that you'll know once you taste it