A feather tickled my arm ever so gently, soothing my skin. It was weightless. I opened my eyes to another pair staring back at me only a few inches away. I flinched, startled from the odd awakening until I realized that I didn't go to bed alone. She was propped up on her elbow, observing me for who knows how long. The moonlight from my window made it easier to see her concerned expression.

"Aria?" Squinting, I removed my hand that was resting under the back of my head and scooted up a bit. "Is everything okay?" I said, low. I moved some of her hair away from my arm, instinctively.

She nodded, suddenly shy.

"How long have you been awake?" I asked, alarmed. You fucking weirdo.

I wanted to make sure she was comfortable with me. It was odd to care for another human being. It was making me nervous, something I forced myself not to feel anymore.

"A little while."

Hm.

It took me a moment to realize that it indeed was still dark outside. Considering we went to bed at around three in the morning, she must have only slept an hour or two. I was damn tired.

"Do you need anything?" I rasped out, but she shook her head. "I'll go to the store if I don't have what you need here." The nearest store that would be open twenty-four hours was about a thirty minute drive.

She shook her head again and smiled timid.

I leaned up to her and kissed her lips, soft. Hi.

"I have a question," She admitted.

I flopped back down on the bed and chuckled. "There it is. I knew that was coming."

Aria bit her lip inquisitively. She was nervous. She didn't have to be, there was nothing she could ask that wouldn't give to her at this point. The girl was making me soft and I almost hated it. I wanted her to be completely open with me and not afraid to hide herself away, which is something I was so good at doing.

I rubbed small circles on her back while my free hand was behind my head, waiting patiently for her to speak.

I liked having someone to talk in the middle of the night with.

"Where um, where did all your scars come from?"

I paused my hands on her back and stared at her, stiffened.

Oh.

I glanced down at my chest for a moment, eyes trailing all the scars that rested on my skin. I almost forgot they were there. I thought in this moment, I'd want to cover my skin up and hide them from her wondering eyes, but I felt almost the opposite. I was comfortable.

I blew out a gust of air. Was I ready to tell her? Was she ready to know my deep, dark secrets?

"Uh..." I started. Nope. I wasn't ready.

She rested her delicate hand on my chest and slowly moved her thumb up and down. "It's okay," She bit her lip.

"Hm," I smiled, uncomfortable. "Most of them are from my father."

Her eyebrows darted upward, jaw slacking. "What...?" She moved her hand away.

Here we go.

I cleared my throat. "It's nothing," I said.

"That doesn't sound like nothing, can we try a different response?" Her eyes searched mine. "He did this to you?"

I reached up and put a strand of hair behind her ear. "It started when I was four, shortly after my mom died. At first it would be because I misbehaved or made a mess so he'd hit me to teach me a lesson." I squeezed my eyes closed for only a moment. When opened, her piercing eyes were watching me, somber. "But as I got older, it turned into something a lot more gruesome and dark than that." Thinking back to those memories were making me nervous. My breathing was hitched.

I took long breaths, trying to steady my breathing. Trying not to bring my PTSD out. Breathe. She's safe. Aria slid her hand to mine and entwined our fingers. She was patient, quiet. My head was screaming inside.

Run away... run away... danger.

Kick her the fuck out of the bed.

I squeezed her hand for security then rubbed my thumb against her soft skin. I was scared to look at her face but she was relaxing me with her touch.

"You can trust me," She softly spoke. "You're okay."

I offered her a smile, attempting to hide. "I think I was around eight years old when he started to train me."

Just get it all out, and over with. Then sleep for three days and forget about it.

"Train you?" She asked, voice small.

I nodded slowly and closed my eyes for a moment. "Yeah, he didn't just... Abuse me because he felt like it. He wanted to teach me to live a certain way - his way. So he trained me to become a certain person."

The memories slowly started to pool into my head.

Here comes the PTSD... Fuck.

This can't happen.

I glanced at our hands, looking at the crescent moon scars on my wrist from his fingernails. Sometimes it still stung when I paid attention to them for so long.

Anxiety reached my throat.

"I don't know why he wanted me to be like this. Everyday, I'd come home and begin training to be a fighter. He'd hit me until I learned how to hit him back. And if I didn't do it right, he'd attack me until I saw stars or passed out. Sometimes he'd burn me with his cigarette until I obeyed his actions."

Her hands instinctively touched the circular burn marks on my skin.

My initial reaction was to scream don't touch me, but I suppressed it.

She was safe.

She's safe.

I trust her.

"He taught me how to look for weak points, and blind spots, and how to win every time." I chuckled at the thought. "I wasn't very good until I became a teenager, probably around sixteen. Before then, it was just torturous pain. He'd lock me in the basement for days at a time, sometimes a closet, and I'd miss school a lot. He'd kick me out of the house with no clothes, money, fuck not even shoes, for sometimes weeks at a time. All types of weather, he didn't care."

Eli. Stop fucking talking.

I wish I had a cigarette. I'd probably smoke about seven or eight in a row because of this conversation.

"Um. Yeah. If someone came to the house, it meant it was time to prove how threatening I could be. The men he brought around were dangerous and I'd fight those guys for him." I frowned. "He was proud when I hurt people, it was like a trophy to him. But when we were alone, and no one was around, he'd show me that he was still top dog, and he wouldn't let me forget that.

"Because of that, I thought that's how I had to be in the real world too. I got suspended a lot for hurting people. I've been arrested more than once because of it. People aren't wrong about me. I figured out quickly that that's not how you're supposed to live but the darkness still follows me everywhere I go. I slip up. That's probably why Nash liked me so much."

I heard a sniffle which made me look back at her. Tears were streaming down her face continuously. It broke my heart to see her that way.

I cupped her fragile face in my hands and wiped her tears with my thumbs. "Why are you crying?" I murmured. I hoped that she wasn't changing her mind on wanting to be with me. "It's all behind me."

Excess baggage.

"It's not fair... That you had to go through that... You don't deserve it." Her voice broke.

"I'm okay," I assured. "I'm doing fine now." Kind of.

"You're a good person... Your father can't define who you are as a person, Eli... I don't even know what to say, I can't imagine... I-" She paused.

I searched her eyes for any reassurance but couldn't find anything. "I've done a lot of bad things, Aria. Things that I haven't told anyone before because they're that bad and I'm that ashamed of myself. I really don't want you to see me in that light," I muttered. "But you also deserve to know what exactly you're getting yourself into."

She kissed my finger and nodded. "I've known you for a little while now, Eli. I know who you are, just not the things you've been through... Tell me about Nash."

I guess I had to. I didn't want to hide certain parts of myself and have her catch on later when it was too late. She deserved to know who she was about to get involved with, if she still wanted to that is. It still sucked. I didn't want to trust her with my secrets.

"He's the one. He destroyed me more than my father ever could and that's saying a lot. Nash is the number one master manipulator. He will observe your character continuously before he plans an attack - to see where he can push your buttons and where you're weak or strong. He observed me for a long time before he actually started to accept me into his gang."

"So he's the one that started your addictions?" She asked, curious, more than a statement.

I nodded. "That and other things, yes." Her tears stopped streaming, which made things a little easier to say. "When I ran away from my dad, I was seventeen. Nash saw the vulnerability in me when he found me on the streets. He tested me more than once to make sure I was loyal. I had to do lines of coke, more lines than anyone else did. He kept feeding them to me until I was completely fucked up.

"When that was over, he and the others forced me to do a BnE while people were still inside. They told me it was empty and it wasn't. That's how Nash tested how well I worked under pressure and how threatening I can be. I got everything that I was sent to get.

"After that, I came home and Nash fed me some pills. Right after, he sent his buddies to beat the shit out of me until I forgot where I even was. They broke my rib and scarred my eye," I closed my eye to reveal the smallest white line on my eyelid.

"Why did you stay?" Aria frowned. She wasn't as close as she was moments before.

"Safety. Security. I had to do bad things, but I had a family who had my back at the end of the day. He fucked me up but he did save my life. He was my only family for a long time."

She bit her lip. "What's the worst thing you did while you were with Nash?"

I smiled and pulled her back to me. "Can't we just cuddle and go back to bed?"

She offered a small smile in return and shook her head. "Must be bad."

I contemplated my answers. What could I pinpoint to be the worst? "It doesn't matter, Aria. I'm not in that place anymore."

I could tell she didn't like my answer. She deepened her frown and squinted her eyes. "I need to know the truth, Eli."

I sighed. "Vince brought a prostitute home one night, and paid her for her business for whoever wanted some action- No, no. I stayed far away from the girls they brought to the house, don't worry." I reassured when I saw her face. I found cleaner lays. "When they were done with her... They beat the fuck out of her and left her on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere." I shook my head at the thoughts. "That wasn't the only time they've done that."

You're a monster. Let her walk away now.

I knew for sure that she was going to leave my room after I told her the truth. I guess there was no holding back now. I longed for her kiss, but I knew I wouldn't get another after this conversation.

"I broke into a house and terrorized people to get their most valuable items, and their kids were home. I was hyped up on god knows what. I beat the father in front of his kid who woke up from the commotion," I shuddered at the mental image of the poor child's face.

Nash wouldn't have let me just walk away.

"If people didn't pay what they owed, I'd show up and take care of things. I was the one that did a lot of the dirty work because my father taught me how to handle certain situations."

I sighed a deep breath and looked away from her. My hands were clammy but I was shivering. "I... hm... I sold tainted drugs to a guy and let him overdose without giving a single fuck about the concequences... He went to the hospital, and I don't know if he made it or not."

Fuck, it stung to say the words outloud.

"I hated being that way, I really hope you believe me." I don't even believe me. "It was such a high to just be on top, but I hated myself everyday at the things I've done." I took Aria's reluctant hand and placed it over a scar right above my right hip bone. "Feel this one?" She nodded hesitant. "I tried to leave and Nash stabbed me."

Aria shot her hand back to her body, away from me. "Stop," She said with a shaky voice.

"I'm sorry." I rushed. "I can never speak of any of it again if you can just forgive my past and see who I am now, and not who I was." I pleaded. "Please." I needed her more than she realized. I just got her, and she was already slipping away.

It was a few moments of silence. Her internally fighting against herself.

If I had slept with her a few hours ago she'd have still been sleeping. And we'd never end up here.

Aria leaned over to me and lowered my body back down onto my pillow. She towered over me and leaned her face down to mine, planting a smooth kiss on me. "I want to know. I just hate seeing the look on your face when you show me how hurt you are. I hate thinking about how hurt you've been, I feel like I'm bringing you back to a place you worked hard on getting away from." She kissed me again, then my cheek. "I want you to know, that I see you."

I gave a small smile and wrapped my arms around her. "You won't leave?"

"When is the last time you've done dirty work?" She asked, still hovering above me.

My first thought was Billy and Tony. But they were ammeter in comparison.

I glanced at the collar of the shirt she was wearing and could see down her top. Hm...

"Nash wasn't the last time," I muttered. I swallowed. "I'm tied no matter what, Aria. I'll always be apart of it somehow."

"I know," she mumbled. "But are you done?"

"Yes," I muttered the truth. "You're safe with me. Just please-"

"No." She ran her fingers through my hair.

"I will tell you anything you want to know, if you won't run away from me." I begged.

"How did you actually leave?" She asked, petting my face with an alluring look.

"I deceived Nash. threatened him, and stole from him. Didn't hesitate." I squeezed her and propped her body on top of mine. She was light on top of me. I didn't want to talk about it anymore, I just wanted to have a moment with her. Possibly finish what we started before we went to sleep.

"And what's this?" She trailed her fingers to the inside of my tricep. I shivered at the touch, already knowing what she was referring to. A biohazard symbol with a goat inside with the spikes turning into devil horns. Of course.

"That... Would be a tattoo." I chuckled at her annoyed face. "Nash, Vince, Darius, Marcus, and I all have one somewhere on our body."

She nodded. "Oh." She pet it a few times. "Do you still want it?"

I shrugged. "Technically no, but it's apart of me."

"Okay." She accepted, simple. She lifted her chest up which put more pressure on my hips. Hm, I was getting distracted. "What's the roman numeral tattoo mean?" She pointed to the tattoo on my chest.

I cleared my throat. "That's my mom's birthday. It's also the day I left my father and never saw him again. Sometimes I feel like she was there with me that day and gave me the courage to leave." I ran my hands up and down her sides, under the shirt. I felt so exposed talking about that; I'd rather be doing other things. "That sounds dumb, I know."

"It's beautiful. I'm sure she really was there with you, Eli." She smiled and kissed the tattoo.

I felt the urge to tell her something that I was nowhere near ready to say.

"Why do you wear this chain necklace everyday?" She placed one hand on my chest and the other looped her fingers around the chain resting around my neck.

"It was my fathers."

She frowned and let it go, disgusted. "What? Why would you. What?"

I touched the chain. "My mom gave it to him before she died. My dad used to wear it everyday and it really bothered me. He didn't appreciate its value. The clasp broke during one of our fights and he slashed me in the face with it."

Aria ran her fingers along my temple. "Right here?" She asked, soft. Another scar on my face in a straight line.

"Mhm," I nodded. She kissed the scar, lovingly. "I took it and fixed it after that, and started wearing it when I left. It belonged to a monster but it's still a part of me. A simple reminder of how far I am now compared to where I was."

Her eyes strayed away from mine, and she gave off a sorry expression. "It all makes sense now, why you are this way. You're so strong."

"Thank you," I smiled and squeezed her sides. "For understanding." Enough talk about that.

Aria smirked, feeling me get excited with her presence. "Hm," She bit her lip.

I flipped her off of me and got on top of her, securing her hands above her head with one of my hands. I breathed hot air down her neck kissed her skin which rewarded me with her hitched breathing and small moan. It was too easy to find her sensitive spots. I don't even think she knows where they are.

I trailed kisses up her neck and nibbled her earlobe. Some kisses were ghostly, she'd barely be able to feel them, but others were pressured onto her skin, keeping a surprise. She squirmed at my touch and arched her back. "You have no idea how fucking bad I want you right now." I hissed in her ear.

She breathed satisfied air, suppressing a sound from her throat. I released her hands and she took the opportunity to run them through my hair. Her face was flushed in a pink color, noticeable even in the darkness, desire was evident. She trailed her nimble fingers down my bare chest and tugged on the band of my boxers. I smirked and demanded a kiss from her, slipping my tongue inside her mouth with no warning. I explored her mouth while lifting her shirt up her toned stomach. Fuck, she looked so good.

The only thing in the way was her lace thong.

Aria moved her hips into mine and smiled in between our kiss. I put my bodyweight on her and wrapped my arms around her body and pulled us on to our sides. I kissed her forehead and groaned at my decision. "I'm gonna take you out on a nice date," I announced.

Aria giggled and bit her lip. "I'd like that, just make sure it has a different ending than the last time." She kissed my lips, attempting to deepen it once again.

"Hm," I whined and nuzzled my face in her neck. I could control myself to prove myself worthy.

She pet my hair. "Elias," She breathed. Just the sound of my name on her tongue was turning me on.

I kissed the dip above her collarbone, causing her goosebumps. I trailed my fingers down her side and stopped short on her thigh. To my satisfaction, she opened her leg for better access, which had me moving my hand to her inner thigh. I ran my fingers up and down her inner thigh, each time inching closer and closer to where she wanted me to go. She whimpered at my teasing her, unable to stay still.

I closed her legs and rested my hand on her ass, giving a light squeeze. I pouted against her skin, but she couldn't see.

Soon, but not tonight.

I closed my eyes, feeling drowsiness. I could sleep off my horniness, that way I didn't have to keep suppressing urges. If we continued, I wouldn't stop. Why must I choose to be a good guy now?

The last thing I wanted to do, was fuck it all up with her. She was a safe haven.