There's a burning sensation on my skin that I can't get rid of. I scratch, and scratch, but no matter how much I try to ease the sting, it only causes further irritation. It's as if I've been thrown into a fire, allowing my body to scorch into flames and bubble up into nothingness. How do you ease the anguish?

Just Jump. To ease a burn, soak it in water. My body is one big wound in need of freezing cold liquid to take the suffering away. I let my head face down into the water and open my eyes. It's murky and the ripples of splashing waters make it hard to see what's beneath me. I can't breathe anymore, and yet it calms me. Water takes over, my skin, my hair, my mouth, my lungs. It makes its way all through me, becoming me, and I can finally feel sedated, free.

The taste of cigarette smoke pooling down my throat was always relaxing. It was as if the feeling of suffocation soothed me. I continued to puff on it, while staring out into the distance. The view of various buildings and the night sky was tame and still. The cars at the bottom looked to be the size of ants, each headlight lighting the ground in a yellow glow.

I was damn cold, but I didn't care. It was a new year, and I wasn't off to the best start. Should this be the year that I make a resolution that I'd come to break within a week? A day even?

I want her to be with me.

"E?" A small voice called from behind me, followed by the sound of the large, iron door closing.

I didn't say anything, I didn't have to.

"I thought you might be up here," She said, standing beside me now, at the rails of the edge of the roof.

"How'd you know I was here?" I said and puffed on my smoke.

She took the cigarette out of my hands and took a drag herself. "I saw you inside."

I glanced at her momentarily before looking back at the night sky. I took the stolen bottle out of the pocket of my suit jacket and removed the jacket, placing it over her bare shoulders.

"Why didn't you stay?" She asked, confused. A shiver in her throat.

"Not my scene."

She covered herself securely in the jacket, an attempt to keep warm.

"You should go inside, Lacey." I said, low.

"I don't want to right now." She defended and flicked the cigarette to the ground. "Something is bothering you."

I remained quiet, but sipped on the rum.

"Your lip seems to have taken a beating," She commented. "There's still a bit of blood on your knuckles. Is that why you were so late?"

"Don't worry, Lace."

She smiled, small. "I'm not worried about that."

"Is Tyler mad I ditched?" I asked, feeling ashamed. I most likely let him down tonight.

"He didn't see you. And he wished you came, we all did. But he isn't mad. He's too preoccupied.."

"You all did?" I asked, turning in her direction slightly. I leaned my elbow on the top of the slicked rail.

"Mhm," She nodded. "Aria was waiting for you, you know."

I frowned and took another swig. "Is that right?" I said, sarcastic. "I'm sure she was doing fine without me there."

"That's not true, Eli. She wanted you there. I don't understand why you left." She frowned, voice suppressing a whine.

I laughed. "Look at me, Lace. I'm not the most put together guy."

She shook her head. "That's what makes you so appealing," she grinned. "You think she gave a single shit about any of those guys in there? No."

"They could provide her with things I never could, Lace. You know that."

"Yes but... She doesn't want those things." She defended. "Deep down you know that's true. Otherwise she wouldn't spend time with you. You think she's doing that for me? No. You gave me that sad excuse before too and it was a lie. She wanted to see you tonight. She wants someone who can protect her, and make her feel all these things that she keeps telling me about."

My ears perked, momentary hope arising. "What does she say?"

"I think you should ask her that yourself. And if you would have just stayed and spent time with her tonight, I think you would have figured it out," she said with a scold.

I sighed. "Well either way, I guess it doesn't matter." I didn't even want to think about what happened at midnight. It made me feel sick.

"I think it does." Lacey disagreed.

"It doesn't." I sternly over talked her. "Trust me."

Lacey digested my words for a moment, as did I. Was I really about to close that door? "So that's it then?"

I swallowed. "That's it." I muttered.

I hated the words that came out of my mouth. I wanted to retract them, but I couldn't once they were said. It was for the best, I seemed to be walking into anarchy and that's the last place she belonged in. Still though, even if I had to keep it a secret, she could hold a place in my heart. Something that I'd share for myself only.

Lacey sighed. "You're too stubborn for your own good."

I shrugged, passing off that I didn't care when really I did.

"Honestly, Eli. I want you to be happy. But I can't keep wishing and encouraging it when you're choosing to push it all away. I can't tell you what to do, and lord knows you wouldn't listen." She was wrong though, I listened to Lacey more than she realized. "But I just wished you would swallow your pride. If you want to be alone, you need to clarify that with her. She deserves it. But I know you have feelings for her, it's clear as day."

I nodded slowly. "She deserves the world..." I mumbled to the night sky.

Lacey didn't respond, but instead hugged my side. I instantly began to shake and wanted to push her off of me but I needed the contact more than I wanted space.

"I love you," She whispered. "You're more than you give yourself credit for. I hope you can see that one day."

I shifted away. "Go inside, I'll see you at home."

Tyler was right, all those months ago. It wasn't smart of me to go back to the shop and befriend Tony like I did. If I hadn't, I would've been able to be in that party, laughing with everyone. I would have been able to be a good man to Aria without hiding part of myself. I might've found happiness.

The following few weeks were odd.

I wanted nothing more than to talk to her, and be with her, but I didn't allow myself as much as I had been. I would stay true to my word and still be her friend, but I couldn't allow myself to step over that line anymore. It was fun while it lasted.

Instead of focusing my pure attention on her, I resulted back into my old ways. Except this time, sober. I threw myself back into work, legal work. The shop was busy with each snowfall, due to accidents on the roads. People were dumb and reckless sometimes.

If I wasn't working, I threw myself into music again. Hours upon hours, playing piano to perfect the craft as I had once upon a time ago. I played guitar when I was frustrated with the piano, and I sang little notes when I was bored with guitar. It was a useful distraction, one that was recommended to me in rehab.

When I was frustrated with music, and bored, that's when I'd take the time to hang out with Aria. This time, it wasn't me who'd call her up and ask to hang out, but I'd wait until she contacted me. Which was often. And I hated it.

I glanced down at my phone, hopeful for a text message but disappointed when there was nothing. Was it weird to not have a lock screen image? Just black.

"Kingsley, the car isn't going to fix itself!" Shawn yelled throughout the shop, causing a few of the guys to laugh.

"Why don't you get off your fat ass and help us out then?" I called back with a smirk while putting my phone back into my pocket. A few guys whistled while Shawn's deep belly laugh erupted.

I was thankful to have a boss like him.

"Fuck off, Eli!" Shawn yelled back just as he disappeared into his office again, a shake to his head and a playful grin plastered on his face.

"I attended my first meeting yesterday," Tony shuffled up to me, a timid grin on his face. I still wanted to hit him for bringing Sam to me.

"How'd that go?" I asked, uninterested.

"Man, I bawled," He confessed. "When I got one of these, I cried in front of everyone. And everyone hugged me. Did you know everyone hugged that much in meetings? It's like a warm family in there." Tony held up his white Day One tag, proud.

I nodded. I never let those hug me when I attended meetings, and it was a large reason why I didn't attend them anymore. One on one meetings were recommended to me, and even then, I hated going and rarely did.

"That's great, Tony. Does that mean your lady friend is going to talk to you again?" I asked. Talking to him would keep my mind off other things, so why not invest?

Tony smiled wide. "Uh huh," He nodded repetitively. "She and I spent two hours talking on the phone last night."

I sighed and focused on the car again. I never thought I'd be jealous of Tony.

"She's so hot, man. You'll see. I'm going to bring her around soon and we should all go out one night, and no one has to worry because I'll be clean now and-"

I nodded occasionally to Tony, showing interest, but I barely heard a thing he was saying anymore. He was off on a rant again and I couldn't be bothered to pay attention. He could talk to a wall and keep a conversation.

She was on my mind again.

I glanced up at the garage doors, mentally cursing. Why must they be open in the middle of winter? I was about to go back to my work when I double took a figure.

I squinted my eyes, so focused on outside that I hadn't even realized that I took a few steps towards the doors. A man, standing in the distance.

It was freezing out and yet he seemed to only be wearing a sweater with a hood up. He was so far away that if he wasn't wearing all black, he would've blended into the snow. I wondered if he needed help with his car and perhaps that's why he's staring at the doors, broad shouldered and alert.

"Tony," I called from behind me. He was still rambling about his new love interest. "Tony, shut the fuck up," I demanded, to which he stopped talking completely.

"What?" He asked and skipped up to me.

"Who is that?" I nodded in the strangers direction, making it as discreet as I could.

Tony cocked his head to the side and lifted his shoulders. "I can't really see his face."

"Hm."

"Should we go see if he needs help?" Tony perked, about to step forward.

I grabbed him by the hood of his work sweater and yanked him back.

"Hey!" He whined and coughed out.

"Leave him." I muttered and motioned back to the car. "I'm sure he's just passing through."

Tony picked his tools back up and started working on his car again, starting up his conversation about his girl. I didn't even learn her name and there was no way I was going to ask him and risk him knowing that I hadn't been listening.

My eyes traveled up to the strangers direction again, only to see him walking in the opposite direction. Who the fuck was he?

The day was dragging longer than I wanted. I hadn't even realized that the sun set and the moon was high, protecting the stars all around it.

I set my tools in my toolbox. My toolbox used to be worth about twenty thousand dollars, but I had a habit of selling my tools to get blow and it's worth got low. It would take some time to gain back what I once had.

I headed out towards the door. "Kingsley!"

I turned around to face Shawn who was jogging up to me, already out of breath.

"Yeah?" I asked, unimpressed. I was hoping to sneak off before he could ask me to work longer, as he usually did.

"Did you finish Justin Moore's BMW?"

I nodded. Moore; Rich executive who worked with Tyler. Snobby, spoiled, and flaunts it. "Finished it yesterday, Shawn."

"Oh," He scratched the back of his head.

I started to leave again.

Shawn grabbed my shoulder. "Wait!"

I sighed dramatically. "The fuck you want, Shawn? Spit it out."

"I just wanted to tell you that you're doing really well. A lot better now that your hands are clean."

I looked down at my dirty hands confused, then clued in on what he was actually saying. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Anyway," He huffed. "Even though you're a fowl mouth with a hot temper-"

I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm increasing your pay. You're a hard worker, best I've got." He admit. "And I need you."

I kept my cold face and nodded again. "Thanks."

I felt the urge to show James my raise like a child shows off their report cards. He'd be so proud, yet continue on telling me that it wasn't good enough. I couldn't be more relieved that I wasn't related to him.

The house wasn't quiet as I hoped it was. Lacey was making dinner in the kitchen, a smell of beef stroganoff in the air.

I gave her a simple wave to which she waved back happily. Before she was given a chance to start up a conversation, I slipped into the garage, skipping my shower altogether. I'd take the grease off after I take some frustration out.

It must be hard on Lacey to be home alone a lot. Tyler worked all hours of the day. I often wondered if that's why she always attempted to talk to me, but I realized overtime it's just because she's snoopy and loves company.

She'd be great with a baby.

I sat down at my new toy and began tapping on random keys until I figured out what mood I wanted. Playing felt weird today.

The image of laying on a beige carpet as a child was wavering in my imagination. My rainbow xylophone was one of my favorite toys that I'd constantly play, making what I thought back then was the best music. My father smashed it after he grew annoyed with my constant playing.

I sighed and smashed my fingers on the keys to make a dun dun dun sound for dramatic effect. I was annoyed.

"Rough day?" A familiar, angel sound appeared behind me.

I didn't have to look at her face to know what she looked like. My heart instantly ached.

"Just a long one," I mumbled and released the dragged out sound, dropping my hands.

Aria skipped over to me and pulled a chair beside the one I was sitting in. I glanced at her momentarily. Fuck she was beautiful.

"You have some..." She wiped my cheek with her thumb and inspected it. "Grease, on your face." She teased.

"I got home not long ago."

She nodded and I held my breath. She was dangerously close to my face. "Go on," She smiled. "Play something. Pretend I'm not even here."

I wanted to. I wanted to pretend she wasn't here, I wanted to pretend I didn't feel this awful way, I wanted to pretend.

"Hm," I hummed. I wanted to tell her to just go away.

But I couldn't help but give her a warm smile. I lifted my hands and began playing, a song I'd have been working on for about a month. It started slow, quiet, and gloomy, and gradually turned into a soft and sweet tune with a quickened pace. Just as I hit the highest note, I dropped back into a deep note, letting the melody slip into darkness again. I stopped playing, but didn't bare to look at her.

"That was beautiful, what does it mean?" She asked.

I didn't want to tell her it was my emotional roller coaster that I felt towards her.

"I made it up," I said, settling on the half truth.

"You're really good. It was sad, but happy. Very bittersweet, but calming to listen to."

I chuckled at the accuracy.

"Can you teach me a song?" She asked and poked one of the keys in front of her. The sound of the key broke my gaze.

"Sure," I smiled, but wanted to take it back. I was supposed to be distancing myself.

But she was too addicting.

"Touch this one," I pointed to G and she hit the key. "Again," I said and held her finger there for slightly longer than the first note. It gave me chills. I pointed to the D key. "Repeat on this one," I murmured. "Again on this one," I pointed to the key beside it, F.

I pointed to D again and held her finger there for a moment. "Then double tap this like we did before," I pointed back to C, B, and A. "This one," I whispered and moved her finger to G.

I released her finger and she turned around to face me. "Did you just teach me the beginning of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?"

I nodded, boring into her eyes.

"That's so cool!" She smiled, giddy. She focused back on the keys and placed her fingers on top. "I'm a professional!'

I shifted her fingers slightly over to the proper keys. "This one," I pressed her index finger down. I pointed to the keys and let her do the notes until she got the hang of it.

"I'm doing it, I'm playing piano!" Her lips stretched from ear to ear. "The most simple song but look at me go," her laugh mixed with the keys and created a beautiful song.

I felt my own lips tug into a smile, happy with her excitement. I would be content spending the rest of my day's with her, easily.

As she continued to play, I hit a few notes in between to add some excitement to the song.

She hit a wrong note and pouted. "Oops."

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it." I threw her off by adding extra.

"How did you learn how to play?" She asked, dropping her hands to her lap.

I shrugged. "I taught myself when I was younger. I bought books to teach me how to read music. Nothing special."

"You sound professional." She urged. She nudged my shoulder with hers. "You're amazing."

"No Mozart," I commented. "But thank you."

She made a face. Even when she distorted her face like that, she was still as gorgeous as an angel.

"Are you staying for dinner?" I asked, a tiny of hope showing more than I intended.

"No," She shook her head. "I was just dropping off some of Lacey's things that I borrowed."

I nodded. Should I ask her to stay? I wanted her to.

"When I come back though, can you teach me a song? Maybe the one that you wrote for Colson?"

I narrowed my eyes. "You stole that, remember?"

She laughed. "And I still listen to it. It's beautiful."

"That was guitar, not piano."

I didn't know how I felt about her listening to a song that I wrote for my dead friend. I still shuddered at the fact that she still has the lyrics.

"Okay, can you teach me the song you showed me today? I really liked it." She grinned with puppy dog eyes.

I smirked. "Maybe. We'll see."

It'd be ironic to have her play a song that I unintentionally wrote for her.

She laughed and shook her head. She stood up and reached her hand out to touch mine. "Have a goodnight, Elias." She smiled.

I squeezed her hand in mine before releasing it. I instantly craved that touch again. "Drive safe, Aria."

I waited until she left before I retreated inside. When I did, Lacey gave me a look. Since a few weeks ago, she decided to stop scolding me for my behaviors, but that didn't mean she was still judgmental about it. I knew what she wanted, she wanted me to swallow my pride and make a move, or man up and release her.

I couldn't do either. I hated myself for it.