She was gone and I was missing her. Over the last twenty-three years of my life, I have never had someone run through my mind as often as she was. What an odd and frustrating feeling. I wondered how she was and if she's broken down by her parents yet. Is her brother softening the blow at least?

I fought the urge to text her, mainly because I don't think we've ever texted. She liked to call me a lot, to annoy me as per usual.

I sat across the table at a small, deserted bar and gave him daggers. In return, he sat back and fiddled with his dirty fingernails, unsure of himself.

"So..." He said, dragging out the word in an awkward tension.

I haven't talked to him since that night. It had been almost two months.

I sighed. "Why'd you call me here?" The last place I wanted to be at was a bar where there was booze and potential drugs floating around.

"Well, I'd still like to think of us as friends."

I raised an eyebrow. "Friends, hm?" The twinkle in his eye faded. "We're friends," I assured.

Tony gave me a half smile. "I really didn't mean to get you involved." He mumbled. "Sam's a traitor, I really didn't think he'd involve you like that."

"He's a coward," I muttered. "Have you been in contact with him?"

Tony shook his head. "Nope. I'm terrified."

I creased my forehead.

"You bailed me out, but it will come with consequences. Billy will seek revenge for that, and I can't sleep because I keep waiting for it to happen." He winced at his own words.

I couldn't help but laugh in disbelief. "Tony, they're not going to come after you. I was the one that caused shit. I was the one that insulted and humiliated Billy. If he was going to come after anyone, it'd be me." I said. "You're free."

"It shouldn't be you." He muttered.

"You wouldn't stand a chance," I smiled. Then frowned. "So don't think about doing something stupid." I warned.

"Maybe all he wants is a win."

I locked my eyes. "Then my money would be wasted, and we'd be back where we started."

Tony nodded and sighed.

"I wish I was more help." He whispered.

His eyes were bloodshot, his nose was dripping. He was constantly fidgeting. It was weird to see Tony act differently than a gerbil on a running wheel; Constant energy. He was shaken up, as he should be. Hopefully a lesson was taught.

"Get yourself clean, Tony. It'll help you sleep at night." I said.

Standing, I placed a bill on the table and readied myself to leave.

"Where are you going?" He asked suddenly.

"I said we were friends, Tony. But I won't stick around to see you deteriorate, and I won't implicate you any further in the mess you created. You worry about yourself. It's all over for you now."

I exited out of the bar without looking back.

Maybe I felt bad for leaving Tony in the dust like that, but I can't be involved anymore. I had suspicions that my troubles won't be over so easily. I specifically felt bad because last time I left someone, he killed himself.

Slaps of guilt pierced through me but I fought through my urges to turn back. Tony wouldn't wind up dead, he'd be safer away from me. And it wasn't like I completely cut ties from him... We still worked together.

It's hard to depicture what the right and wrong choice is.

*

I felt good, for once. I didn't know what it was, but I didn't want to question it. Despite the rocky road I've gotten myself into since being back from rehab, the rest has been relatively decent.

I've been an angry person for so long, since I was a child... I forgot how it felt to release that energy. Refreshing.

I walked across the quiet road, slicked with the rain. It was surprisingly busy in town today, people seemed to be scrambling around, buying various items. The weather was getting colder by the day, it was hibernation season, and the bears were gathering their food.

I recognized many, and many recognized me. I felt like I had a neon bar sign attached to my head. I shouldn't be surprised that most steered clear of me and walked on the other side of the street of me; I hadn't exactly had the best reputation.

Flicking my cigarette to the ground, I walked inside the floral shop and immediately, my nose was polluted with the scents of fresh, sweet tulips. My eyes scanned the various colors and shapes, suddenly unsure and overwhelmed.

I wove my way through the various flowers, and caught myself touching a few of the soft petals of red roses. They were vibrant, gentle, and pure. I smiled at the thought of them, and couldn't remember the last time I really touched a flower and admired its beauty.

One day, I will return back to this shop, and buy all the roses inside. All for someone special.

I wasn't the only one in here, and I felt out of place. I was wearing all black, with a black beaked hat to cover most of my face from the rain and from the constant staring. I was a dark cloud on a gloomy day right before it was about to collapse with thundershowers, surrounded in a colorful place that reminded me of rainbows.

I lifted my head, peaked interest in the sound of a young girl singing to herself as she stumbled her way to each individual flower. She had her brown hair in pigtails, and she delicately touched all of the flowers, singing to each individual one. She reminded me of Tyler's sister Kimmy.

I brought a smile to my face and continued my own personal shopping. But the smile faded at the reason why I was here. Each flower had a meaning, how do you know which one is right?

I sighed. None of these seemed right enough.

I walked up to the counter of the small shop, quiet.

"Excuse me?" I asked softly. The older lady who ran the shop, I think her name was Martha, looked at me with a weltered face.

Jumping, she said, "Hello, Dear," She paced around her counter top, rearranging various pots that rested on top. Her voice was restrained, nervous. She was audibly exhaling which each step she took.

I smiled, kind. "I was hoping to ask for your advice," I said, but she didn't look up from her fiddling hands.

"Oh, um," She rambled. She stopped what she was doing, but kept her eyes averted. "I don't know if I'm best suited." She looked down at my attire, observing my pockets. "Maybe you should hang your leather jacket up. It's dripping from the uh rain."

I placed my fingertips on top of the counter, a habit made when you're unsure what to say. She flinched at the gesture, and I immediately dropped my hands away. "You see, there's this family I know-"

"Sweetie, you should go stay near your parents." The lady said as the young singing girl approached the flowers beside the counter, beside me. Martha looked at me with a wary face, then settled back on the girl. Clearly uncomfortable.

The young girl smiled at me, and started singing to the flowers. I watched her for a moment, content with her imagination. She had innocence just as the flowers did.

After Martha repeated herself and muttered words when she didn't listen, she continued to fiddle with the flowerpot again.

I contemplated leaving, knowing I wasn't welcome here... But I really needed to get this done.

"What do you need, Dear?" Martha said, less compliant, more rushed.

I smiled again. "I would like to send out a bouquet of flowers, to another City."

She paused for a moment, then reached under the counter and pulled out a large book, filled with scribbles of writing. She opened to a recent page and wrote down today's date.

"Where is it going?" She asked, strained.

"Alberta."

She scribbled down the address I gave her, as well as the phone number.

She glanced at the little girl, still singing to the flowers only a few feet away from me, then to her mother who was admiring a pile of sunflowers. She then looked at me with a nervous composure.

I looked away, but I could see Martha frowning from my peripherals. When I looked back at her, she replaced it with worry.

"And what would you like to send to the family?" She asked, distracted.

"What do you send someone who's lost someone?"

For the first time since standing in front of the lady, she looked directly at me, in my eyes. Her face was uncertain, and I could tell she was questioning herself in many directions.

"How did they go?" She demanded.

What a personal question. If it were a year ago, maybe even a month ago, I'd have told her off, and maybe even kicked a flower pot out of resentment and grief. Angry that she had the courage to ask me that.

I knew the reason behind her question.

But still, I kept my calm face. "He was a firefighter," I lied. She didn't need to know the truth; He died a hero in my eyes.

Her eyes softened, and her face followed suit. Sympathy.

"I know just what you should send," She said matter of factly, and walked to the back of the shop, behind a door. When she returned, she had a bouquet of white flowers with antennas sticking out of the middle of each one.

"They're beautiful," I said quietly. "What are they?"

"These are lilies, dear." She replied, and handed them to me. "What was his favorite color?"

I paused. "Purple."

She stuck a finger up to me, and grabbed a deep purple lily, then put it in the center of the bouquet. "What do you think?"

"It's perfect."

She handed me a card and directed me to write a message that I wanted to send to the family. I blanked. What do you say to someone who's lost their child? I hadn't thought this through, and I felt more overwhelmed than ever.

I pondered just asking Martha to write something for me. I wanted to call Aria and ask for her help, because she was so good at giving me the best advice. Partly, I just wanted to hear her voice, and I wanted her to walk me through closure. I couldn't disrupt her, she had to be busy.

I contemplated asking Lacey, because she knew all the right words to say, and she knew me so well that she could make it sound like it came from me. But she wouldn't understand the friendship I had with him.

I wanted to ask Tyler, but I already knew what he'd say. It had to come from me.

I sighed.

𝓦𝓸𝓻𝓭𝓼 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓮𝔁𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓶𝔂 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓸𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼. 𝓘 𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓼 𝓱𝓲𝓶 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓭𝓪𝔂. 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓭 𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓲𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭... 𝓣𝓸 𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓹 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓽𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮. I̶ ̶h̶o̶p̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶e̶l̶l̶. 𝓘 𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓮. 𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓱𝓲𝓶, 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓿𝓮 𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓶𝓮.𝓔𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓼 𝓚

I handed her the card, and she placed it inside an envelope that had floral water prints all over.

"How will it get to them?" I asked, then chuckled at my stupid questions. "I mean, it's a different City."

She glanced at me from the envelope. "These specific flowers won't go to the family. I will mail your card to a floral shop in the family's area, with all the given information. They will deliver the flowers accordingly."

I nodded slowly.

"Will that be all?" She asked, still unsure of me. Her eyes were still focused on my jackets pockets, but the only thing that was in there was my cellphone and smokes.

I reached over and picked up a yellow tulip. "I'll take this too."

Martha lowered her eyebrows, puzzled.

I paid for her services and the flower. As I walked out, I bent down at eye level with the singing girl and gave her a wide smile. I handed her the tulip and she gasped in response.

"Mommy, look what I got!" She ran away and proudly presented the flower to her mom.

I walked out of the small building, feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders for the first time, in a long time.

*

Lacey and Tyler were listening to music and laughing over who knows what by the island of the kitchen. I slowly entered the house and removed my shoes. I wanted to slip away without being noticed.

"E!" Lacey called out to me, louder than intended and with full excitement.

I gave a soft smile. "Hey guys." So much for sneaking away.

"Come join us!" She jumped up from her seat and scurried over to me. She grabbed my hand and yanked me forward to the kitchen with her.

"You got the wine out," I raised an eyebrow. No wonder she was more energized than usual.

"Sure did," Tyler said, a happy buzz was evident on his face.

"Am I interrupting date night?" I teased.

"Pft," Lacey said.

"That was earlier, now we're celebrating." Tyler smiled, eyes peering towards me while he poured a glass of wine in a brand new glass.

I raised my eyebrows. That bastard proposed without me. I glanced at Lacey's hand, realizing she had no ring on. Confusion spiked.

"Which is?" I asked, taking the glass from him.

"My good friend, does there always have to be a reason?" Lacey asked while sipping.

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm your best friend." I stated. "Right?"

She smiled, wide. "Of course."

Tyler stared at me.

"And yours," I corrected.

I looked down at the wine glass, at the red liquid. Suddenly, seeing a flashback of blood and wine flooded my vision, waking up from being hit over the head with the bottle. My hand twitched on instinct, almost dropping the glass in front of me.

My two friends stared at me for a moment, but I replaced my distorted face with a smile. "Cheers," I said, raising my glass.

After a third glass, I was feeling quite buzzed. Lacey turned up the music, as well as the beat, and found herself doing what she always did when she was tipsy - dance.

She has always been graceful in every step she took, and it showed in her dance. Tyler on the other hand, never danced. But when he was with her, he found himself doing a lot of things he's never done.

I was the third wheel, as usual. But they didn't try to make me feel that way.

I was happy to see my friends. I hadn't in a while. Even though we lived together, lately, all I did was spend time to myself, or with someone new. I pushed them aside, and they knew it. I felt bad, but I couldn't help myself. I feel like they're so much better than I, and I don't deserve them in my life.

"We haven't had a night like this in a long time," Tyler smiled, genuinely. He had no stress lines, and he looked satisfied.

"I'm sure you've done many nights like this since I left," I made a funny face.

"Yeah, but not with you! The original three," Lacey chirped.

I didn't want to waste time away from people who had meaning to me. I wouldn't take advantage again.

The front door clicked with keys.

Eli heard it first, before Lacey did. She was still sipping her wine and having a deep conversation with him, but I knew that he was distracted, on high alert by the foreign sound. Lacey didn't even notice, God I loved her.

Aria peeked through the door with a wide grin on her face, immediately catching the attention of Eli. His eyes lit up and twinkled at the sight of her. He wasn't listening to a word Lacey was saying anymore.

"Guys!" Aria exclaimed. "It's snowing!"

Lacey laughed and said hello, while Eli kept his happy gaze, both of them tipsy and loose.

I narrowed my eyes. Since when was he looking at her that way? I shook my head and smirked.

Only friends my ass.

Aria was home from her parents earlier than I expected, and by the look on their faces, no one expected her to be back so soon either.

"Surprise," She smiled. Her face switched, a new idea forming. "Guys, we have to go outside!"

My beautiful girlfriend strode towards the Aria. Eli was already on his feet before she insisted we should go in the snow. Lacey hugged her friend, and used Eli's arm as a support while she put on her boots.

I checked my phone, seeing six new emails from my father about work. But when I looked up, Lace gave me a knowing look.

I immediately put my phone away and gave a sympathetic smile. Work would have to wait, but pushing it off will mean a very late night for me.

I followed everyone to the door and greeted Aria.

Outside didn't disappoint. The ground was being coated with white, large, puffy snow. The first snowfall of the year.

Lacey brought her speaker outside and continued playing music that was once blaring throughout the walls of our home.

It was nice to not have neighbours, it was easier.

"It's so pretty," Aria flashed her teeth.

"Why are you so interested in the fact that it's snowing?" Eli asked, actually sounding interested in something. Peculiar.

Aria looked over from a dancing Lacey, gliding her feet along the slippery parts of the ground.

"Have you been drinking too?" She smirked at his loose body. His hands took hers gently and directed her arms to sway in slow, graceful waves in the air.

"I'm feeling good," With twitched up lips, his head dipped, attention solely on her.

"My first white winter ever was last year. This is all so new to me, it's beautiful!" Aria looked up at the sky and let the snow fall in her face.

"Miss Winter," he muttered.

"Yeah yeah, ironic I know," she grinned.

Eli was smiling a lot more than usual, I noticed. And his smile appeared at the answer Aria gave him. To think he swore to me that he wanted nothing to do with her...

Sometimes it was difficult to tell whether he was invested, or if he wanted to use her for ulterior motives - but this was clear as day, no matter how much he'd deny it to anyone who asked.

He bent over and started collecting the snow off the road. He formed a snowball and handed it to her. She watched as it began to melt in her hands, completely mesmerized.

I ran up to Lacey and grabbed her waist, pulling her close to me. I danced to her beat and planted kisses all over her face. She was so beautiful, it was sickening.

"My love," Lacey kissed me gently.

"I love you," I whispered. I knew she was going to be my wife the second I saw her back in town after leaving for two years. I never turned back from that thought, I never will.

Lacey gave me a teasing look and pulled away from me and twisted her hips into a seductive dance. She was more teasing than usual once she had a few drinks in her. Before I had a chance to grab her, she trotted away from me.

She formed a devious look on her face and threw a snowball at Eli, laughing when it hit his shoulder and shattered onto the ground.

Aria giggled and threw the remains of her snowball at Lacey, hitting her on the side of her face. I heard Eli comment about her aim, but Lacey's joyous laughter caught my attention.

I could look at her forever, I couldn't believe she was mine.

But, my eyes distracted. I glanced at my friends, Aria had her hand in his, arms length apart for only a moment, before he pulled her in and whispered something I couldn't hear.

"Would you look at him," Lacey snuck beside me and gazed at them with a content look on her face. "Smitten."

"Crazy, isn't it?"