I flashed her my usual, trademarked smile that everyone seemed to fall for. It was one that I used often that reminded me that I had a persuasive look. It was the only way I could hide my true emotions and fool those around me into thinking I was everything that I wasn't.

The illusion didn't break away from the fact that I was insane and people knew it. A smile though; Mastered so well that it could give temporary deception toward anyone I chose for my victim.

All but one, it seemed.

Although she was in the same room as me, she felt so far away. Her eyebrows pulled together, showing off a small frown while she remained the the door frame of my room - Uncertain.

I didn't move from my position. I leaned against the busted wall that I destroyed only moments ago. The smell of alcohol reeked up the place so badly that it seemed possible to get drunk off the fumes.

I kept my smile but I felt it switching off my face as I admired her features. It turned psychotic, maybe because I felt psychotic. Could she be the reason? She tended to force me into showing my true colors.

Interesting, I thought.

If she came any later, I would be driving somewhere far away by now with a knife in my pocket.

Our staring contest remained in silence before I broke it by chuckling and running my hands through my hair to push it out of my face. My knuckles stung at the touch of strands of hair tickling along them.

After what felt like forever observation, she silently closed the door behind her. Her actions made me nervous and when she turned back, her expression was completely unreadable. I knew she was attempting to mask her true emotions with deceit. If only I could get inside her head.

Even in the dim lighting of my room, the only light source being from my bedside lamp, her eyes were bright. I liked that about her. You could almost be mistaken of where the actual lighting of the room was.

Boring into them, I felt an odd sense of sorrow wash over me. Those big doe eyes were making me vulnerable - something I almost never felt.

I frowned and broke my eye contact, looking down at my bloodied hands.

For a moment, her presence made me forget why I was so angry. The feeling of emotional relief didn't last long though.

The news of my once best friend dying was still as fresh as an open wound. Piercing through my heart, languish overcame me. I was responsible for his death, his pain, his hurt. If I wasn't so arrogant, if I didn't leave him, he'd still be here - succeeding in life as he should have been.

Finally, I looked up at her with glossed eyes. She was in the same position she'd been in since she got here, her hand clutched on the wall as if she was using it for safety. I sniffed, my nose stuffed up, causing a stinging in the nasal passage.

Don't show emotion.

Her hair was dry which meant it wasn't raining out. You'd think of all days, it'd be pouring. Maybe that's just my opinion on the subject.

She was wearing her usual signature style of ripped blue jeans. The realization that she was wearing the sweater I gave her stopped a single a tear from falling down my face.

Don't be weak.

"I don't know why I called you," I stayed quiet. I wished I didn't. She needed to leave.

Silently, she dropped her bag on the floor of my room. Her kind eyes detected the room, the holes in the walls, the smashed bottle of booze. I looked down at my bloody knuckles, tightening and untightening them, letting the blood flow back into them a little easier - Slightly amused every time they turned white. Trying to do anything that kept my mind off of the devastating news. Anything to keep my eyes off of her.

The focus on my hands didn't last long before I was looking at her once again, unable to help myself. She was so goddamn beautiful. It baffled me that she was here, standing in the mess that I created as if it didn't bother her at all. Did it? It boggled me that she remained so calm throughout the whole time she was here. But I couldn't get inside her head, she hadn't said a single word.

"Seriously, you should probably go. I shouldn't have called you." I almost laughed, a nervous breakdown coming through. Soon as she left, I could plan my attack.

She didn't look my way, which only drove me mad. She continued to snoop around my room before her eyes traveled to the framed photo on my nightstand. I stiffened when she picked it up and examined it further. Defenseless.

Finally, she set it down and twirled her body around slowly to face me.

Her eyes burned into me but my eyes were blurred, staring through her, I stared at nothing in particular. A single tear streamed down the side of my face but I flashed a smile as an attempt to cloak my emotions.

She walked up to me slowly, cautiously. I remained still, gazing at the hole in the wall across the room. Her delicate fingers reached up and touched the side of my face, tracing down my cheekbone and wiped the salty tear away. I repressed a flinch.

I forced myself to look back at her and when I realized her body was close to mine, oddly putting me into a relaxing state. Her touch sent chills all throughout my body.

"You're fine," She murmured.

I'm fine. Am I? Those were words I was not expecting her to say. Perhaps if I called Tyler, things would have been easier to dissociate, but the last thing I would want is to worry him with my weird behavior. If he came here, he'd see the rage.

I closed my eyes, feeling a small radiation of peace with her beside me. My eyelashes stuck to the skin beneath my eyes, drenched in salty water. I reached my hand up and grasp my hand around her small wrist gently, keeping her hold on my face. I liked having that there. I was never touched, and as much as was uncomfortable, it felt soothing.

"Do you really believe that?" I whispered.

I gave her an apologetic smile and softly removed her hand away from my face. I stepped away from the wall, and walked a few steps forward, leaving her behind me. "I'm such a fuck up," I muttered. "You don't even want to know what I'm thinking."

"Why? What's going on?" Her voice echoed behind me. Compassion oozed in her sound.

I laughed. "Christ, Aria," I spat. "How could you possibly stand here next to me and think everything is fine?"

"Because I know better," She retorted. "Whatever it is, you can work past it."

"I killed someone," I muttered, angry enough for her to hear me say the words out loud.

Soon to be multiple people.

I let her digest the words, expecting the sound of a door opening and closing, but I heard nothing. How is that possible?

"Uh," She started, an uneasiness spiked in her pretty voice. "Come again?"

My hands shook from the nerves and anxiety that had overcome me. Finally, I turned around and faced her, to which she just stood there, gawking at me. Her eyes, buggy, making them bigger than they already were. I almost got distracted by them.

I gave a distorted smile and raised my bloodied hands in surrender.

She stared at the blood and I watched as her mind wandered into a different place. She was thinking about something horrifying but it only lasted a moment. Her composure switched back to calm.

Fascinating.

"Does that not make you terrified?" I frowned.

Her quiet, steady posture was enough to drive me insane. What's going on in that head of hers? Why hasn't she called the cops yet?

She blinked a few times and gave me a blank expression. "I want to know the circumstances first, I think," She gave a simple nod.

I raised my eyebrows. "Maybe it's you that's crazy..." I mumbled. "I guess I should clarify," I said and gave a long sigh.

She remained still.

How do I find the words? Once said out loud, it would make it true...

"My friend died." I said. My friend died. "And it's all my fault. He, he... He killed himself - because I wasn't there for him..." Blood started to boil again. "If I was just there for him, he'd still be here. If I wasn't so fucking selfi-"

I got interrupted by her body crashing into mine. Her arms wrapped around my neck, her body squeezed against me.

I let my muscles take over and wrapped my arms around her waist, taking in the hug. I hadn't realized that I had tears falling from my face until I watched them soak into her sweater. I buried my face in the hair that was resting along her neck, and breathed in her hair. She smelled of vanilla and honey.

"I'm so sorry," She whispered.

Her response forced me to hold her closer to me. I let out a quiet sob, all my regrets, guilt, and grief poured into her. Her fingers played with the locks of hair at the nape of my neck, giving me chills.

When I scraped my knees as a child, I received no sympathy. When I was bullied in elementary school, the touch I'd get was a beating and the comforting words I'd receive is to toughen up. When I ran away from home, when I missed her, when I felt like my life was going to end... Every moment in my life where I was missing physical contact, I drowned Aria with.

"It's okay," she whispered.

I let her go even though I didn't want to. Her pupils were dilated, twice the size than usual which somehow made her eyes look larger.

"I feel so guilty," I said, quiet. "He just needed a friend and I was the only one that was a friend to him. I abandoned him."

"Was he lonely?" She asked softly.

Nodding, I said, "Quite. But that wasn't the issue. He was heavily bullied throughout high school. He didn't deserve the way he was treated." My jaw locked, frustration coming back over me to the thought of the losers we walked the halls with.

I could really use a smoke.

"No one does," She gave a sympathetic smile.

"Fuck," I sigh. "They'd beat on him, Aria. They'd hit him and push him down. They'd emotionally destroy him and he just took it, every single day." My voice matches my mood; aggressive. "No one deserves to be treated like that. No one. When I saw that, I just know how it feels... And I couldn't watch it-"

"You know how it feels?"

Fuck.

She caught me off guard, her once calm face now filled of wonder. I had messed up somewhere in my banter.

"Nevermind that," I said, restrained and callous.

"You can't control other people's decisions," She replies, earnest. She must have caught my reaction and decided to drop that part of the conversation. "He obviously needed professional help to deal with his problems, you can't put the blame on-"

"Stop. If I was there, he'd still be here." I cut her off. "Everyday I protected him from those fucked up people. He-He helped me too. I should've just taken him with me, he'd still be alive."

"It's going to be okay," She touched my tricep. "It's not your fault, Eli."

I moved my arm away, forcing her to release her hold on me. "You don't know that," I mutter. "Fuck, you don't know anything."

"I know you're upset, but-"

"Aria, you're not helping. You're too naive to fucking see what's happening here." I exploded. I couldn't help myself. She didn't understand this feeling. "I shouldn't have called you, you should just go."

Colson made me feel less psychotic and got me out of the house when I needed to the most. He was there the whole time for me and the least I could have done was be there for him but I was too fucking selfish.

Colson helped me forget that my father was training me to become a villain - I felt heroic around him.

It didn't even feel right to call him by his nickname anymore.

"Christ, Eli. Stop. Can you not just have a civil conversation at least once with me? Please?" She raised her voice.

"I would but you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Aria!" I walked passed her and stared at the door in front of me. My hands shook and my teeth started to grind together.

Memories flooded in my head of my teenage years and I couldn't help but feel tears well up in my eyes. I had made so many mistakes in life and this one had got to be the biggest. I almost cost the lives of many, hell I was probably responsible for at least a handful for being involved in previous gangs, but this... This had got to be the worst feeling.

Aria huffed and grabbed me by the arm, to which I submissively turned around to face her. "No, Eli. That's not fair. You act like no one goes through shit, like you're the only one who goes through shit. You think you're the worst person on this planet when you're not. Stop hiding who you are through this... This character you've created," She began waving her arms around in the space between us. "You need to start trusting people... You need to trust me if you're going to call me over and ask for my help." Her frown deepened. "Cut your bullshit, I'm not buying it."

I stared at her, surprised. There she goes, calling me out on my shit, just as she had every right to. I sighed. "You're right," I whispered. "You're right. I want to, to trust you," I sat on my bed, defeated. "I just-"

"You just can't." She finished.

"You don't get it." I rubbed my hands over my face before I rested my chin over my clasped hands.

"It's not fair, what happened," She sat beside me. "Dwelling in what could have been, won't make it disappear."

She didn't realize that I was talking about more than just Colson. And I couldn't expect her to catch on to that because I couldn't tell her about these things.

There was things I haven't even told Tyler that I kept buried inside. How could I possible explain that I liked the times where I'd get beaten by my father because it gave me an excuse to seek revenge? I wondered how he would react if I told him I laughed when I knocked Nash unconscious because he pissed me off and picked a fight with me. Nash said himself that he hasn't met anyone more psychotic and sociopathic than me before... I had to be. Would Tyler think the same thing?

"I just don't want to lose anymore people." I whispered. "I've already lost so much. He didn't deserve this fate."

"Sometimes things happen and we can't understand why they happen. It happens for a reason, and you'll be stronger from this. I'm sorry this happened Eli, truly. I wish I had the right words to say." She observed my face.

"I don't need them anyway." I mumbled.

"Do you want me to call Tyler up, maybe I can see where him and Lacey are?"

The last thing I needed to do was ruin his night. "He's busy," He's out planning for his proposal while she's off with her family.

I stood up and looked around my room, feeling lightheaded and drained.

"Where are you going?" Aria stood up with me.

I grabbed my smokes that were lying on the floor across the room and put them in my back pocket. "I'm not sure yet," I muttered a lie. "I just need to get out of the house."

Before I had a chance to grab my keys on the island counter of the kitchen, Aria darted towards them and snatched them first.

"What are you doing?" I asked, annoyed.

"I'm driving." She dangled my keys in her hand and leaned her weight onto one leg.

"Who said you were invited?" I retorted and walked towards her.

Aria stepped away from me and enclosed her hand with the keys inside. "Me. I want to take you somewhere."

"No."

She gave me a devious smirk in return. "I don't think you have a choice."

I narrowed my eyes and stared her down but she seemed to be unthreatened. It only pissed me off more. If she knew the things running through my mind.

"Fine." I muttered with arrogance and walked towards the door.

The two of us walked to my truck that's on one end of the driveway in silence. Aria skipped ahead of me with a smile on her face while she continued twirling my keys in her hands while I slowed my pace to haul on as much of my cigarette as I could. I noticed my sweater has been tied in the back to actually fit her small frame a little better.

When she hopped inside, I flicked my smoke on the ground and exhaled the last of the pollution that entered my lungs. I huffed in annoyance and walked around to the passenger side.

Aria turned the truck on and started driving down the quiet road to who knows where.

"And why do you insist on driving?" I asked.

Aria kept her eyes on the road but cocked her head to the side slightly. "Because you're not in the right head space."

"Hm." I muttered quietly. "Where are we going?"

"Be patient."

The rest of the ride was mainly quiet. I didn't want to say anything further and give her the opportunity to pick me apart and get further inside my head. It was so corrupted that she'd most likely vomit or cry.

I tried my best to keep my mind off Colson. Memories of us doing puzzles together that I once found boring, I now wished I had. He used to be in my mind all the time, especially when I was with Nash. When I ran away from that situation and found Ty, I slowly started to push him out of my head. I ignored the guilt I felt for years and forced myself not to think about it. I should have followed my gut. I should be a man and face my problems instead of constantly running away.

Aria parked the truck on the side of the dirt road right beside a forested area and got out. I followed suit and allowed her to lead me into the forest on a small pathway made from multiple walking patterns.

"You going to kill me?" I muttered a dark joke.

"I come here sometimes when I have a lot on my mind." Aria casually weaved around trees.

"You come here alone?"

She laughed and nodded her head. "No one knows about it, that I know of anyway. I created this pathway myself."

"So you must come here a lot." I scratched my head.

"I have a lot on my mind." She looked up at me and smiled.

What could possibly run through her pretty mind?

After a few more minutes, she stopped walking right in front of a cliff. My surroundings were a lot more breathtaking than I thought they'd be. The cliff was a far drop down and connected to a large body of water with waves crashing into the sides of the bottom of the cliff. The sky was clear and the only thing that clashed with it was various trees from the surrounding forest. The water looked like it was endless but if you squinted far enough, you could see life on the other side.

"What do you think?" I heard her call out behind me.

I hadn't realized I almost walked right off the edge. I turned around and see her sitting on a rock that was almost the same height that she was. Her face, calm and relaxed as she wrapped her arms around her knees.

"How'd you find this?"

"I was frustrated from a phone call I just had with my dad. I hung up on him and left to go on a walk to let some steam out. I almost walked right off that cliff because I was so clouded in my own mind." She laughed, realizing how ridiculous her own words sounded. "I sat on this rock and my anger disappeared."

I walked up to the rock and leaned against it, keeping my eyes focused on the view.

"Is it helping?" She asked after a few moments of silence.

"A little."

I still would much rather do crazier things than look at a nature scene that looked like Bob Ross has painted it.