《Dust ✔️》Chapter Seven -- Erratic
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I sprinted to the door in the pitch black room and stopped the door hard with my hands, keeping it mid open.
"Ah..." I heard a small voice call out.
Frowning, I allowed the door to open a little further to Aria standing on the other side.
"What...-"
"What are you doing here?" I growled in a low tone.
"Jesus, Eli." She put her hand on her chest, above her heart.
Aria pushed past my hold on the door and walked into the dark house, without a care in the world or a thought in mind.
"Why are you standing here in the dark?" She turned the lights on.
I sighed. "Why are you here?" Giving her my, as per usual, pissed off tone.
"I left my phone here... I didn't know I had to give some form of warning every time I came over."
With the lights on, I saw she was sporting a lace black shirt where the collar comes right to her neck, but swooped low on the sides, revealing her rib cage. The light blue jeans outlined her legs perfectly.
"It'd be better that way," I muttered and leaned against the door.
I couldn't always help myself when I got angry. I wouldn't say that I saw red like a bull and lose all control of myself, I can't say that I was exactly safe and peachy to be around either. My blood just begins to boil.
"Oh." Was all she said. "Lacey gave me a key months ago with an open policy rule."
"Great."
She walked over to her phone and quickly checked to see if she had notifications before putting it into her back pocket.
"Hey, are you okay?" She looked up and asked.
I looked up from the floor to see her investigating my face.
She was very compassionate person. She liked to see the good in people and pushed out the bad. It was clear by the first day I met her. Petty Traits.
Not a lot of people shared compassion anymore. Everyone was so rushed in life nowadays that no one ever stopped to think of another person if it didn't benefit them. It was really quite a shame.
Empathy will hurt you.
I calmed my breathing and let out another sigh. "Yeah. I thought you were someone else," I muttered quietly.
"Who?" Her body leaned against the kitchen island. A safe distance.
"Don't worry about it," I dismissed her, angry, before sitting down on the couch.
"You look like you've seen a ghost, Eli." She commented while following me into the living room.
I looked away from her because I hated to show any form of weakness. How could you possibly explain to someone that you're scared of your own thoughts sometimes? I thought my shadow was a person just moments before she arrived. How pathetic was that?
Aria set down her bag and keys on the floor beside the couch.
"Fuck," I spat.
She remained silent and gave me a brooding expression.
"I'm just having a bad day," I said, absent.
"I can see that."
She must've thought I was crazy. I already bounced from three different emotional states, scared, angry, apologetic, and she hadn't even been here for more than a couple minutes.
Aria approached me and sat on the floor in front of the couch, parallel to where I was sitting.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Sitting," She replied nonchalantly. "And you?"
I stared at her with a blank face.
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"So what happened?" She asked with pep. The way she spoke this time, was not like how we first met. This time she cared less. Her voice wasn't as held back as before and she was expressing more confidence and less fear.
"Am I living in a nightmare right now?" I let the words slip under my breath.
She narrowed her eyes. "Pardon?"
"Were you not just supposed to grab your phone and head on home?" I was unamused. I disagreed with the idea of spending time with her alone when I could really just be in bed sleeping or having a few drinks to myself while smoking a joint. Maybe crash a car into a tree.
"I hadn't realized my presence was such a nuisance to you." She whispered. Oh but it was. We didn't know each other. We weren't friends. She shouldn't be here.
"Well it is."
I didn't bare to look at her face because I already knew that her big, curious eyes were filled with rejection. Something I'd usually live to see. It felt oddly cruel when it came to her.
I shook my head and stared at the wall in front of us. My jaw was grinding, dangerous thoughts coming over me.
Nash slept with a knife under his pillow...
If I could sneak in while he was sleeping, he wouldn't hear me.
I'm a master at B&E's.
He's a light sleeper though, and Darius would catch me before I had a chance to save myself.
I'd be dead before I even got two feet through the bedroom window.
"Alright then," she muttered and stood up.
I groaned out loud. "It's not you."
Her eyes were burning a hole in my face as I continued to say nothing. She was expecting me to continue speaking but she didn't want to know what was going on inside my head.
After a few moments, she finally said "Are you always going to be this way?"
Why hasn't she left yet?
I laughed, cynical. "It's not that. But yes, probably." I sighed. "I just wouldn't even know how to explain myself." I said, while checking my pockets for my smokes. "And I don't want to."
Stop giving her the time of day, she's nowhere near worth it.
"I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult to put the pieces together." Aria pushed.
If only she knew. The type of girl Aria was, was the complete opposite of the type of guy I am. I wished I knew how to show her that better, so she could drop her fascination of wanting to get to know me go.
I knew that's what she's been wanting - to be friends - because Lacey has mentioned it to me many times, and has urged me to be a little more open minded. Not that I'd listen. I didn't want to be friends. I didn't want to get along.
Aria, Aria. She should be running for the hills, not sitting in a living room with someone who's about to snap at any moment. Poor girl had no idea.
Aria was the type of girl who grew up in a nice family in a nice house, with little to no fear of financials or walking down the street alone at night. She was the type of person who would never make it in a neighborhood I grew up in, and she'd never even think of opening her mouth to any of the people I've spent time with in my life. She was just too diametric.
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If I didn't kill Nash, it was only a matter of time before he had Vince track me down.
Vince was tiny but violent. He'd have no issue with slaughtering me the second he laid eyes on me.
What was it again that my father taught me? Eyes on the prize? No. Hesitation is weakness. The second you think you've won is the second you've already lost.
"Go away," I muttered. "Please."
"No."
"No?"
No one ever says no to me.
"No." She repeated herself. "If I leave, then you will probably never have another excuse to talk to me alone. And I'm scared you might... " She paused.
"Might?"
She fiddled with the threads on her ripped jeans and smiled, embarrassed. "I don't know... Do something you might regret." She stopped smiling and stared at her jeans with a grave look.
I snickered. "You think I'll hurt myself?" I asked, almost in disbelief.
She shrugged and finally looked up. "Among other things."
"I'm not weak, Aria." I sternly said. I sat up from my comfortable position on the couch and digested her words a little more thoroughly. Among other things.
"I know you aren't." She said and scooted up from her position as well, turning her body to face me. "But you're also extremely unreadable. I never know what I'll be walking into when I come around you." She rambled. "Sometimes I wonder if the rumors are true."
I raised my eyebrows.
"Rumors..." I muttered to myself and cracked a faint smile. Of course. "What have you heard?"
She looked at me for a moment and just smiled. "It doesn't matter."
"Why's that?"
"Because I don't believe them to be the full truth." The words that fell out of her mouth, astonished me. What could she see that no one else did?
Maybe I was wrong about her.
Or maybe, she's even more naive than I thought.
I guess I could always find out. "I'm sorry," I mumbled.
The one thing I had to teach myself was to respect women. I haven't been the best at it, especially when it came to complete strangers. I still tried though, more often in my adult years than my teenage years.
I've given Aria such a bad experience so far. She hadn't seen any single good side of me. I figured if I just stuck shining my bad sides, she would eventually stop coming around here, and I'd finally be at peace. Maybe she could still give that to me, I just have to push a little further.
"Pardon?" Her eyebrows raised, a look of shock formed on her face. Her blue eyes widened, snooping.
I narrowed my eyes, "What have you heard about me?"
She remained silent.
I laughed.
She was doing the same thing that I was doing to her, giving her absolutely nothing to work with. "Fine," I said with slight annoyance but high amusement. "I'm sorry that, well, every time we meet - I'm a mess. I'm an ass." I was talking out of my ass that's for certain. I didn't even know how to explain myself for being this way. "I guess I'm sorry for scaring you all the time. Maybe I'm sorry for doing it on purpose."
Aria started to play with the carpet on the floor.
"I don't believe you." She shrugged casually. "That you're sorry, that is. But, I do believe that everyone's entitled to... a mess."
I was intrigued to observe her. She had balls sometimes, and others coward away. I must get inside her mind - maybe give her a glimpse inside mine.
I smirked and raise an eyebrow. "Do you?" I pressed.
Would she be okay knowing what I was thinking about just moments before she came here? That I had thoughts of tracking down those who done me wrong and causing wrath in their universe? Would she be okay with what I did with Nash and what my father did to me?
Would she finally leave me the fuck alone?
"Not everyone is perfect. I've made a mess of things before too." She observed. Her eyes twinkled with curiosity and brilliancy. Her arm rested on the cushion of the couch while she remained seated back on the floor, a safe distance from me.
"I've made plenty." I muttered.
Crossing Nash might've been a big mess.
"I wont put that past you." Aria gave a toothy smile. "But the best thing you could do is just learn from it and move on."
"It's easier said than done." I muttered coldly. My early bursts of paranoia made my jaw harden and my eyes unfocused. I can't just move on.
Not when the game isn't over yet.
"I don't really expect you to talk to me about anything." She raised her hands at me in surrender. Her features remained calm, but almost rushed to make herself seem less of a nuisance. But we were just getting started. "Not anything to do with yourself, that is. But it's not hard to tell you're having a bit of a battle with yourself."
I laughed but said nothing. My eyes remained fixated on hers. Suddenly interested in her presence. Was it natural to have eyes that bright? That had to be a deformity.
"I know a lot more about you than you think I do," She stated, serious tone.
My eyes widened and I froze in my position, unsure of how to respond to that. I knew Lacey couldn't keep her mouth shut. Not with her new best friend. I'd have to confront her about that later. Demand to know why. But wait, why was she here then?
After a moment, I recollected myself. "Hm... If that were true, you wouldn't be here." She wouldn't be here if she knew that I could be aggressive to even the closest people to me.
There wouldn't be any chance that Tyler would tell anyone about me and who I am as a person because he was loyal. Tyler reminded me of a golden retriever because he's just that phenomenal at friendship. He wouldn't push boundaries by gossiping.
Tyler's wouldn't say anything.
Lacey on the other hand. I knew she meant well and she tried not to do or say anything that might be crossing the line in friendship, but sometimes she just didn't think and said things that most people would be pretty upset about. It really could go either way with her.
I glanced over to her and see her squirm uncomfortably. Calling her bluff was too easy.
"Oh."
"Does that make you nervous?" I asked.
"No." She whispered.
Here we were with that word again.
"No, hm. How old are you, Aria?"
"Twenty" She replied, clear. Her cheerful smile returned but looked more faint than usual.
I shifted closer to her. "Do you live alone?"
"Yes..." Aria looked at me with confusion.
I smiled. "That's not very wise of you."
For a moment, she sat there in her own thoughts. I could almost see it in her eyes that she was scanning all the possible reasons.
After a long pause, she sighed. "Why do you think I'm here all the time?" She grinned, flashing her perfectly white teeth.
"To torment me."
Aria laughed. "Besides that."
I shrugged, uninterested in her conversation. My attention span was fading fast.
"It feels safer here than when I'm alone at home." She continued.
"Being alone for awhile can test your sanity." I agreed. Or make you an easy victim.
"That and other reasons." She said and looked away casually at her hands.
What does that even mean? Tyler wasn't a fighter. I suppose having plenty of security cameras surrounding the perimeter of the house and a hightek alarm system would be comforting. I knew how to get around those tiny inconveniences.
"What made you feel that way?" She persisted suddenly.
"Hm?" I replied, too lost in my own thoughts.
"Today."
There was just something about her composed nature, she made the essence of the room turn from bitter to sweet and I hated it. Who did she think she was?
"I really don't know how much they've told you about me," I started. She had to know at least something. Rumors and all.
She'd be here for a long time, and I had to start accepting that for my friends sake. I didn't want to. I'd rather just go back to being alone - it was easier.
"Everything." She said, in the most serious tone while keeping her wide eyes directly on mine.
I gave her look and cocked my eyebrow.
Aria tittered and crinkled her nose. "No but really, pretty much next to nothing."
I clenched my jaw and began to grind my teeth. "Well, that's probably a good thing."
"Why?"
"If you knew the things I've done, who I am, you wouldn't be here," I said in a bitter toner. "Then Lace would kill me." One last attempt to offer her to leave while she can.
If only she knew the blood on my hands. It's just how it was sometimes, you either grow up on one side or the other.
"I highly doubt that. Try me." She challenged, her brilliant eyes brightened with anticipation.
Maybe I could tell her. Maybe I could tell her every detail and by the time I made it through, she'd already by starting her car and driving home. That's what I wanted, wasn't it?
"No." I said.
"I don't find you intimidating, Eli so you can drop the act now and save us some time and energy."
Was I going soft? Was being away from that lifestyle starting to change me into a normal person of society?
Well fuck my life then.
"Is that so?" I frowned. "You do realize, I'm a lot bigger than you, and capable of doing things that could stop your breathing within seconds, right?"
She bit her Lip, then smirked. "But you won't, so..." she trailed off. "Those words mean nothing."
"And how do you know that?"
She chuckled. "Because Lacey would kill you. And because I know it's not me that you're pissed off with, it's yourself."
I sighed, deeply. She wasn't going to let this go.
"You're a lot more insane than you look," I muttered. "I didn't get along with..." I paused. I decided that telling her about my father was a little too much for our first conversation. "Some friends." I frowned, collecting my thoughts. "And I got mixed up in their lifestyle. To stay protected, I had to do some pretty awful and questionable things in exchange."
As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I instantly wanted to take them back. I felt nothing but regret. Maybe she didn't hear me.
"What kind of things?"
Shit.
"Hm... I don't think that's something you need to know, Aria." I stood up and walked towards the kitchen to grab water for my now extremely dry throat.
How would someone tell someone else that you've threatened lives for fun?
Aria of course followed me.
"But you left, obviously." She motioned her hands out in front of her by the fact that I was standing in a nice house with her in the middle of practically nowhere.
"It took a while," I filled my glass up from the tap water. "One time," I laughed in disbelief. "I tried to leave and ended up getting sta-" I cut myself off.
She paused for a moment. "Are you afraid of the consequences?" She's leaned close on the counter, in my direction.
"Sometimes."
Consequences. It wasn't something I usually thought about when I was doing something I shouldn't be doing. But what I've done to Nash in the end, that caused for some serious consequence.
"What about your parents?" Her eyes filled of wonder.
I flinched with a grimace. My parents. I grabbed another cup and filled it with water, then slowly slid it towards her as a form of peace offering. For now. She cupped the glass with both of her hands and leaned further onto the island counter top, her on one side of the island, me on the other.
"I only ask because mine, well, let's just say they're not much help when it comes to certain scenarios."
I smiled dry. "Maybe another time."
Something that I hated about people, was the expression they made when someone else told them bad news. It was supposed to be a form of sympathy and respect but I only saw it as pity and regret - Regret of asking about it in the first place.
Aria was now grinning with pure excitement. Pure innocence. I couldn't help but examine her. So pretty.
Wait, no. Stop.
"What?" I finally asked, shaking my previous thoughts away.
"You said another time as if you will talk to me again." She pointed out, keeping her grin on her face.
"I also said maybe," I hinted.
"You still processed it into a thought, which I will take," She bit her lip.
"You sound so surprised." I eyed her while she put her long caramel hair in a high ponytail. Such long hair she had.
"Will it stick?" She dropped her arms.
I thought about that for a moment. Talking to her on a daily basis and actually becoming her friend - not trying so hard to make her hate me and leave me alone. To be civil? For a brief moment, the thought felt easy and breathless. It'd be simpler to act this way towards her. My friends would be able to breathe again, and I'd rather stop breathing so they can inhale fresher air.
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