I wake up to the monitor flat lining and nurses rushing into the room. I look at the time and it's 1:49 a.m.. She's lucky to have made it this long. They put pads on her chest and shock her. It doesn't work. They try CPR and it doesn't work. She's gone. My Tris is gone and it's all my fault. "I'm sorry Mr.Eaton." a nurse says,even though she isn't sorry and she doesn't care. I sit next to her and I hold her hand. Her hand goes cold. I pull her eyelids over her eyes and I cry. She's gone.

After an hour of saying Goodbye,I give her a kiss and walk back to Dauntless with my head down and tears streaming down my face. I walk to Zeke's apartment and knock on the door. He opens it and I just shake my head. I collapse in the agonizing pain of losing her. I look inside and see that Chris is here too. We sit down and cry together. She was perfect. She didn't deserve to die. I did. We cry for hours before I return to our apartment.

I look at all our pictures. At her smiling face. At her beautiful eyes and I long to see her smile one last time. I bury my head in the bed and cry until there are no tears left to cry. I can't even bring myself to get up. I cry myself to sleep. I just want to wrap my arms around her and hold her in my arms. But I can't and it's all my fault.

*

I can't take this anymore. People say it gets easier,but it doesn't. It really doesn't. I miss her more than anything in the world. Everyday, I think about what would've happened if I had let him take me. Tris would still be here. My Tris would be in my arms. The gang tries to distract me, but it won't work. I can't live without her. She was my everything. She is my everything and I'm not about to let that go. Caleb is still mad at me and I understand. I'm still mad at me too. I know that she'd want me to move on and be strong, but a can't. She is what kept me strong. Now I'm just weak. I spend all day, every day, in my room. I barely eat or drink. Zeke tries to come and cheer me up, but it never works. I quit all my jobs and I'm just living on all my saved money.

I can't stand to train initiates because it reminds me of when she came and I can't do control room because it reminds me that I could've saved her if I saw her. I'm just waiting to die now. I don't see the point in life. They all tell me that I'll get over it, but I won't and they just won't accept that.