I step off the train. I can't live with myself anymore. As I fall,I feel a hand grab me and pull me into the train car. I look up. It's Tobias. He pulls me into him and we jump. Our feet hit the ground and we separate. "Why the hell did you do that?" I scream. Tears start to fall from my eyes. He says something,but I'm not listening. I run to my apartment and lock the door. I need to be alone. When I walk in,I feel an overwhelming sadness within me. I flop on to my bed and cry. The blanket is wrapped around my head. Tears soak the blanket and pillow. After a while I hear a knock on the door. I can't bring myself to answer it. They try to get in,but I locked the door. "Tris,please open up." It's Christina. I don't deserve her either. I killed her boyfriend. My friend.

That night,I cry myself to sleep. We are supposed to pick new jobs in a week. Should I even bother? I open my eyes and see my mom,dad,and Caleb. I run to them,but their body's dissolve and reappear somewhere else. "Look what you've don't to your family." They say together. They're trying to taunt me. After what feels like days,I wake up. There is sweat dripping down my neck. I get up to go to the bathroom and back to bed. I hear talking outside of the room. It's Tobias, Christina,and either Zeke or Uriah. I roll over and resist the urge to go see them. My hands hold the pillow over my ears. I hear my doorknob moving. Finally,I see people walk in. My body stays still. It's Tobias, Christina,Zeke,and Uriah. Why are they here? They all sit on the edge of the bed.

"How did you get in?" I ask with anger in my voice. "Well,we were worried and we got the extra key that's kept with the others." Zeke says. "Why would you come here?" I ask and shove my face into pillow. How I would love to suffocate right now. "Tris we came because we were worried about you. You tried to walk of the train." Tobias days. "Nobody told me that." Uriah says. I get a little smile.

"Please just leave me be." I say and nobody moves. "Leave!" I scold. Still nobody leaves. I finally sit up. "No, we are worried about you." Christina says. "You of all people shouldn't care about me." I say. She looks confused. "Why?" She asks. "I killed him." I say and even more tears fill my eyes. "Well, would he want you to wallow around in guilt and us to stop being friends?" She shakes her head. Everyone except Uriah gets up and leaves. "Uriah,why won't you leave?"I ask as the door closes. "I need to make sure that you're okay." He says and gives me a weak smile. I'm glad. If one person had to stay with me,it would be either Uriah or Tobias. Uriah can always make me laugh. I lay back down and cry. He still sits on the bed. His hands start to rub my legs. I have such good friends. I don't deserve them. I never did and I especially don't now. I just don't understand why Uriah stayed and not Tobias. Sleep pulls me in and I gladly accept.

When I wake up,Uriah is gone. There is a note on the bed. 'Candor or Dauntless party at Zeke's. Come if you want. 8:00' It's in Tobias' handwriting. I need to distract myself. The clock shows 7:30. I decide to go. I need a distraction. A tear rolls down my cheek. I walk to the bathroom and get in the shower. The warm water engulfs me like a hug. I throw on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. When Caleb died,I took his watch. I needed a piece of him. I put it on and checked the time. 8:00. I'm late. I slip on some shoes and walk slowly to Zeke's. My shoes drag on the concrete floors. I raise my hand to the door. Do I really want to do this? I ask myself. I knock on the door and it opens.