This is the exact reason why you don't get involved with Dauntless leaders. Or men in general. Fuck it, I'm marrying myself.

I wallowed in self pity for the rest of the day, not even going to dinner. Hemy didn't question it. It was probably because I pretended to be asleep everytime she came in.

"Okay, initiates, it's time to get up!" Eric yelled, banging loudy on the wall with something metal. Then he came in front of me, a sour look on his face.

"Since you diddy-dallied your way over the line with my help, you are fighting me after your round today." I rolled my eyes and turned over, ignoring him. He ripped my blanket off then wished that he hadn't. I was only in a t-shirt and lacy navy colored underwear. He turned red in embarrassment while the other guys in the room gave mating calls.

"Damn, girl, you have got an ass and nice legs," Conner, a strange albino looking boy, said. I'm not saying that since his time here that he hasn't filled out nicely but he was as pale as a ghost.

"Thanks Conner, maybe I'll show you more later," I said, winking at him. I headed to the bathrooms, giving the others a good view of my backside. It was covered but an imagination does wonders.

I felt a body next to me and stiffened when I recongnized the familiar scent of aged vanilla and sweat.

"Why are you doing this to me?" With that, him and the scent left, leaving me confused with my own thoughts.

*

I tapped my foot nervously. Screams kept coming from behind the closed door and the only thing I could thing of is an electric chair. Eric opened the door, letting out a terrified Molly who was muttering incoherant things to herself as she left.

"Looks like it's just you and I, Nose," he said, grimacing at me. I felt sick at that look and his eyes didn't help matters.

I followed him silently into a room. There was machines everywhere and a chair in the middle.

Oh my god, I was right. Electric chair.

"Relax, Gabriela," Eric said in a soothing voice and taking my hand in his.

"You didn't call me Nose." He nodded, staring intently on my hand that was in his.

"I like calling you both. Now, this is called a fear landscape. Most people have about fifteen to twenty. You have to think like a Dauntless during this, okay? I'll be watching the whole time." I pulled away from him.

"You get to see my fears?" A feeling of dread came over me. He took my hand with one of his, the other hand had a serum ready to be inserted.

"It'll be okay, I promise. I will never judge your fears. You could be scared of hair and it would be okay." I nodded then gave my neck to him. One minute there's a feeling of pain then I'm in a different world.

It was my home. I don't know what I was afraid of here.

"Hello, Darling," I spun around to see my mother holding a hand of a little girl. She was practically the spitting image of me. What was even weirder was that my mother called me Darling. My mother loved me, she usually called me her bookworm as a term of endearment.

"Mom!" I yelled, running to her but getting pushed back by the little girl-hard.

"Don't touch my mommy! She isn't yours, she's mine!" I looked up at my mother, having her to stand up to the little brat.

"Oh, don't look to me for help. She's going to make her mother proud, since you failed to miserably."

"Mom, you said you forgave me!" I screamed at her, falling to my knees in dispair.

"I'm not talking about the child you lost which is a sorry excuse of a woman in my opinion, but I'm talking about changing factions. Pity really. Now this child, Gabby will take your place like the wonderful daughter that she is." I lunged at the little girl with fury that I've never felt before. I slammed her head into the ground, hearing a loud crack. I looked down in horror. The girl wasn't moving and it was my fault. Oh my god.

"Mommy, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry," I blubbered, sobbing. She came at me, punching me with her weak arms. It wasn't enough, though. I wanted to feel worse pain. I ran to the kitchen, quickly finding the cutting knives and slicing my arm vertically from my wrist to my elbow. Then I blacked out.

*

I awoke sobbing into Eric's shirt.

"It's okay, Gabriela," he said softly, rubbing my back. I only cried harder, turning into a blubbering mess.

When I finally calmed down, I was dead tired. "Eric, do we still have to fight each other?" I murmured, my eyes on the verge of closing.

"Only if you explain what you meant by Dauntless bitch." I sighed and sat up straighter.

"My friend said that you had eyes on someone in Dauntless," I replied. Eric all of a sudden started laughing.

"Have you ever stopped to think that it might have been you?" I crinkled my eyebrow, acting like he had just told me that my hair was purple.

"Really?"

"Really." I laughed myself this time.

"So you like me, Mr. Dauntless Leader?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck. He gave an 'uh hum' in my neck before pushing me back against the seat and kissing as if our lives depended on it.

And right now, it felt like it did.