"What the hell's wrong with you Eric?! You let your younger brother do this to her?! If she wasn't in hell then she is now" Four yelled in a hushed voice at Eric. I lightly lifted my hand that wasn't broken to feel cords and wires connected to machines. I think I had a bandage or something over my eyes because I knew for a fact they were open I just couldn't see anything. "You should've seen her before she passed out. We thought she had given up" he said, purposely being a dick. "Jackass the only reason I said any of that was because I thought I was as good as dead" I mumbled not loud enough for anyone to hear me. I would've been making some amazing jokes about me dying if I didn't feel like crap. My right arm was in a cast as far as I could tell. I found it strange you never saw any dauntless in casts you would think with them being all brave. I thought no one had heard me but Four and Eric had gone silent. Well up until Four said: "and apparently you're suicidal" I shut up real quick. "No I'm not I hoped they would take pity on me and maybe even kill me faster but no I died in the arms of someone I truly hate" I told him. I couldn't stand not being able to see so I took it into my own hands and pulled the bandage off. To which my brother slapped my hand away and fixed them enough to where I could see. Eric and Four were directly in front of me, Eric looking squeamish. Tris and Christina were asleep in chairs and Will was by my side snoring. "Four? Where's Al?" I asked. Shaking his head he told me what had happened Peter Al and someone else tried to push her down the chasm only for four to see and help her. The next day Al was found at the bottom. The day I'd woken up and died. Well technically I can put rising from the dead on my resume considering my heart stopped and started again. Not the time Al's dead. Al wouldn't jump off a cliff even if he did try to push Tris over. The three asleep teens had spent all night with me waiting for me to wake up only for all of them to fall asleep. It used to be us five. Me Tris Christina Al and Will we got our first tattoos together. The first people I met in Dauntless. Now I'm a mess. Tris is bruised, Christina is worried about us and Will. Will misses Al and it's pretty obvious. We were all pretty much broken and destroyed because society hates us. 2 out of 5 of us were divergent. Me and Tris. Maybe it wasn't society but fate. I missed Al and it donned on my face. I missed everything. I missed his funeral and his death and our last day of stage 1 and it donned on me. I didn't even have tears to cry. Just a hole where Al filled. I ignored the aching pain and looked back to Four. "Who won the war games?" I asked sarcastically. Based on Eric and Fours expressions I knew I shouldn't have asked with my current state but I did and it earned me glares from both boys. "Stop staring, I probably look horrible, '' I said laughing. Laughing to break the tension that hung in the air. laughing was how I lived almost as if it was a lifestyle. Laughing with my older brother was how he cheered me up back in abnegation. Silence hung in the air creating a tense atmosphere. I could feel tears forming. The realization of Al not being here had hit me hard. The realization of what Molly Drew Shane and Kai did hit me harder. As if someone could see how long I've waited for this as if someone could see the pain I've bottled up all these years. Four leaned in and held me. Well hugged me but I was kinda unable to move. I kept my face straight until he let me hear the few words I had been waiting for. "It's ok to cry" he whispered. I took in his familiar scent. The same one he had all those years in abnegation. I didn't sob. No, I didn't make any sound. My father once told me if you were crying and you meant it you wouldn't be making sound. I lived by that sentence. But still I cried into Fours chest. I felt emotionally exhausted like when you wake up in the middle of the night just to fall back asleep again. It became harder to breathe through my tears, harder to see. "He's gone and I missed it" I said through voice cracks. "What day is it?" I said, wiping my tears that were left on my cheeks. I wanted to stay in his arms. They were the only place I was safe. He got up. "First day of stage two but with recent discoveries Max is letting all initiates have a day off" I scoffed at him. "Recent discoveries? What the hell do you mean?!" He gave me a look telling me to shut up. "I'm in a goddamn hospital bed Four! Is Max letting them walk around free?!" My shouting woke a very tired Will. "You almost killed Kai, they took that into consideration and decided not to press charges against the five." Al moved off my shoulder making me realize how much more pain I was in. I groaned as I felt a sharp pain erupt in the arm Will was putting pressure on. "This has been happening for" I stopped myself. I didn't want my over protective brother to know I hadn't been telling the truth. "Charlotte how long has this been happening" Four used precaution in his voice up until I didn't answer. Then he repeated his question with more authority. "Before you left. I barely know Molly or Drew though. The only ones I know are Peter Shane and Kai. I got in a fight about a month before your choosing ceremony over Shane threatening a friend, honestly no big deal the Erudites broke us up before we were able to actually harm each other" I kinda went on my own 4 months before Four left. Figuring I needed away from Marcus I stayed at a friend's house. Although the erudite teachers were a little late to the fight because when they broke us up I had a black eye and split lip. "The point is this isn't the first time this has happened and I know damn well it won't be the last" my raised voice was tired and towards the last words it gave up. I sure as hell wasn't invincible but I wouldn't submit to the five no matter what they did or do to me. Four gave in and ended up leaving Will woke the others up and they went to get coffee and Eric left too. I couldn't fall back asleep because my thoughts were wrecking my head so I just rested my eyes hoping I'd fall asleep or find something to do.