09/04/2017

You know the feeling where you can sense that it's morning, and you should get up, but you're so comfortable you don't even want to open your eyes?

The feeling of your head against the soft cushion of your pillow. The feeling of the warm blankets protecting you from the chilly morning air. The feeling of having someone's arm wrapped securely around your waist, making you feel safe and content.

But then you make the mistake of opening your eyes.

And then you know you won't be able to go back to sleep.

When Kristin opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a muscular arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her into the chest of someone she really didn't want to guess who.

She felt the closeness of Ryder behind her, she could feel her pressed against him.

The warmth radiating off his body admittedly felt nice, and his arm around her waist--

No no no no no no no.

This wasn't supposed to happen, what had made this happen?

She had never planned on falling back asleep last night.

The worst part, she was only wearing his tshirt from yesterday.

Sure, it was long enough to reach mid thigh. The only problem was that she was sleeping in the same bed as Ryder. With his shirt on. With his arm around her.

It was too much for her to handle.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she grabbed Ryder's arm and tried lifting it off of her.

Tried.

His arm was really heavy.

Deciding to try to roll out of his hold instead, Kristin slowly scooted away from him.

She was almost out of his hold when he reached out and pulled her back to him, losing all of her progress.

"Ryder!" she whined, trying to squirm out of his hold.

Why was she enjoying this so much? She really needed to get some space.

She felt his breath fan across the back of her neck as he chuckled.

"You know you like it," he said, his voice still full of sleep.

"Let me go," she said grabbing his arm and trying to pull it off of her again.

He slowly let go of her and she moved to the other side out of his reach.

She watched the muscles in his arms and shoulders flex as he stretched them over his head.

"Why are you not wearing a shirt?" she scowled at him.

He gave her a weird look, "Am I not allowed to sleep without a shirt?"

She tried to ignore his husky voice and scoffed at him.

"I do like your shirt though," he smirked, his eyes trailing down to her exposed legs.

She pulled the covers back over her quickly, narrowing her eyes at him.

She wanted to go take a shower but there was absolutely no way she'd stand up with only his shirt on.

She felt guilty, like they had actually done something although she knew for a fact they hadn't.

It was probably because of their current location, in bed, along with her current apparel.

She looked back at Ryder who was tiredly rubbing his eyes and tried not to look down at his-- of course perfectly carved-- abs.

Not fair.

"Hey," she heard him snap, "My eyes are up here."

"A rose?" she heard herself replying, trying to cover for herself.

Her cheeks still tinted pink but he glanced down at his side where there was a small tattoo of a rose.

She watched him look back to her and roll his eyes.

"What's it for?" she asked, silently pleading for him to tell her with her bright blue eyes.

He shook his head, sighing, "Its--"

Then he glanced towards the door groaning, "I have to get that."

"Get what?" she asked as he quickly hopped out of bed and left.

She held her breath so she could listen and faintly heard a phone ringing.

"Nice diversion," she muttered, taking this chance to walk into the bathroom.

After her shower, Kristin almost preferred to stay pant-less in Ryder's shirt than to wear the same pair of jeans for a third day.

Instead she walked back to Ryder's room with a towel wrapped around her body.

It was a really big towel so it almost reached her knees.

Finding Ryder inside with his phone she cleared her throat, causing him to look up at her.

He inhaled as his eyes took her in.

Don't be so dramatic, she rolled her eyes at him.

"I need clothes," she began, holding up a hand when he interrupted, "Women's clothes, Ryder."

"I think you look fine in that," he smirked.

"Ryder!" she snapped, catching his attention again.

He stood up from his bed and walked over to her, "I can call Evelyn and have her bring something over?"

"Yes, that's a good idea," she agreed, relieved.

"Alright I'll call her," he said, looking down at her.

"Can I help you?" Kristin raised her brow when Ryder stayed silently in front of her.

He rolled his eyes, "I'm going to take a shower," he pointed behind her.

"Okay then go," she challenged, pointing to the space beside her that he could clearly walk through. He was acting like she was blocking his path.

"I will," he stated, walking past her.

Kristin rolled her eyes at how close he stayed to her side, but froze when she felt his fingers lightly trail down her arm.

Before she could find her words to snap at him, he was already out the door.

Kristin put on another shirt from Ryder's dresser, so she wouldn't have to walk around in a towel.

She found a charging cord in his room and plugged her phone in, sitting on his bed to wait for Evelyn.

He better have called her.

When Ryder walked back in with only a towel around his waist, Kristin put her hands over her eyes, "Ryder!"

"What? This is my room."

"Okay but let me leave before you..."

"I don't mind."

Even with her eyes closed and her hands over her face, she still could tell he was smirking.

"Ryder?" she exclaimed, too afraid to open her eyes.

"What? You did the same thing."

"Because I had no clothes!"

"All of my clothes are in my room, genius."

"You've got to be kidding me," she mumbled, keeping her eyes shut tight.

"Don't be so dramatic," he chuckled.

Kristin felt the bed dip beside her, pulling her hands away from her face.

"You better have clothes on," she opened one eye hesitantly.

Seeing that he was fully dressed, she sighed in relief.

"Kristin, we're mates," he gave her a pointed look.

"That doesn't mean you can just--" she waved her hand to explain what had just happened. She was admittedly pretty flustered from what had happened a moment ago.

Ryder rolled his eyes, "You are such a drama queen. How do you expect us to complete the mating process? With our clothes on?" he laughed.

"Ryder!" Kristin slapped his arm, her face going red.

"I told you that's not going to happen," she struggled to get her words out.

"Kristin, if you're telling me that's never going to happen then I might as well hand over the Alpha title to someone who is mated so they can make the pack stronger."

His voice was still light but Kristin knew he was frustrated with her.

"You know what I mean. Not right now."

"I never said we had to right now, you just freaked out," he pointed out, shrugging.

Kristin sighed, pulling her knees to her chest.

"Can I at least mark you right now?" Ryder teased, already knowing her answer.

"Seriously, Ryder?" Kristin closed her eyes, rubbing her temples, "Not funny."

This was stressing her out.

She felt Ryder move over the bed and opened her eyes to see him sitting beside her, facing her.

"I'm just messing with you, you know that right?" his lips twitched. "Well, mostly."

Kristin rested her chin on her knees, looking up at him unamused.

Ryder reached over and ran his thumb over her pouting lip, causing those stupid butterflies to erupt in her stomach.

He pulled away and rested his hand on the other side of her waist, leaning towards her slightly.

"Can we talk about..." his face was serious as he spoke hesitantly, "... last night?"

Kristin made a face, "I'd rather not."

"If it's going to happen again, I need to know what's going on," he kept his voice low.

Kristin remained silent, not knowing what to do.

"It's going to happen again, isn't it?" he continued, wanting her to admit it.

"You don't have to be here when it happens, Ryder. You don't have to try to help me," she spoke, slightly defensive.

"Kristin I just want to try and understand it," he shook his head.

"Understand what? It is what it looks like Ryder. I have nightmares," she was frustrated and embarrassed that he had to see her like that. It was too late to change anything now. She just wanted to make everything seem normal, like she had been doing for so long. If she convinced herself what happened every night was just normal, she wouldn't feel as crazy.

That plan was ruined when another person was suddenly around. Especially Ryder, who wouldn't give up until he knew everything that was happening with her.

"That wasn't just a nightmare Kristin. You had a panic attack."

Kristin looked up at Ryder's expressionless face, trying to match it with her own.

She didn't have panic attacks. Sure, she had anxiety and stress before, but that had never caused her to have a legit panic attack.

She tried convincing herself that Ryder was wrong. Maybe waking up screaming and feeling like she was going to die were just normal symptoms of bad dreams.

Maybe when anxiety and fear inhibited her from getting air into her lungs, it was just something everyone went through every once in a while.

Every night, though?

Kristin knew she was really just trying to convince herself that nothing was wrong.

"--Kristin."

Snapping back to reality, she now noticed how her breathing had picked up, a heavy weight on her chest.

"No," she shook her head, trying to breathe normally.

"Kristin, it's okay," Ryder brought his hand to her thigh and the skin to skin contact pulled her from her thoughts of panic.

She looked down at his hand around her thigh, letting her realization sink in.

"I know I'm messed up, Ryder. You don't have to try and understand me, or whatever you're trying to do."

"I'm messed up too, Kristin," Ryder brought his face closer to hers so she would make eye contact, "I want to help you."

"I don't want your help," she spoke quietly, not wanting to let him in.

"I don't care," Ryder said with a hint of a smile on his lips, "Kristin, you always say 'we don't know each other enough.' I'm asking you to let me in, to let me help you. Trust is the only way we can actually 'get to know each other.'"

Kristin knew Ryder was right. She was surprised at how deep he had gotten, but she knew what he had said was true.

It was just easier said than done.

Before Kristin could over think his words, Ryder brought his lips to hers, softly kissing her.

Her thoughts melted away as she focused on the sensation flowing throughout her body at Ryder's touch.

Ryder pulled away to look at her.

"Promise you'll try to let me in?"

"Promise you'll open up and let me in?" Kristin asked, wanting to make sure this was a two sided deal.

"I promise I'll try my best," he grinned.

Kristin took a deep breath.

"Okay, I promise too."

•. •. •. •. •.

Chapter Thirty Six!

"Awwwww." Go ahead, comment it. I know you want to.

Chica_2016