Jennie sleeps – locked in Lisa’s arms – that night. The comfort she never knew she needed being given to her.

She’s been crying for quite some time then. Until Lisa decides for Jennie to just sleep it off – since Jennie doesn’t speak, or even tell a hint why she’s crying.

But Jennie doesn’t let Lisa go, not even for a second. Not even until they reach Jennie’s room, and she’s still holding on to Lisa, and Lisa’s too nice enough to let her. Jennie doesn’t let Lisa go, even when Lisa lays her to bed, and assures her that everything will be fine. It only made Jennie hold onto Lisa tighter.

Because Lisa had no idea that Jennie’s crying because of her.

Because Lisa has no idea that Jennie’s in love with her.

Though Jennie thinks that maybe Lisa senses that something really is wrong because Lisa lies down with her and pulls her closer – closer than they already are – in a tighter embrace.

“It’s alright, Jennie,”

Jennie feels Lisa’s breath hit her ears, and she can’t help the shudder that her body brings when Lisa’s this close. More so when Lisa adds, and repeats with that same comforting tone,

“I’m here.”

It seems Jennie’s tears have lives of their own, for she cannot control them anymore. It seems her mind has its own life as well, because the image of Lisa with Rosé and her family all looking so happy keep on repeating and repeating. Taunting her over and over.

Over and over until she can’t take it anymore and her sobs will all be what she has.

And Jennie clutches harder to Lisa, her head sickeningly bowed to meet Lisa’s chest just to hide her tears.

Jennie feels Lisa’s hand smooth her back up and down. She hears Lisa whisper tender words as to calm her, to assure her, but Jennie does not stop,

Because even the calmest touch cannot calm her aching heart.

Jennie wakes up with an unbelievable sting on her eyes. She silently curses as she tries to rub it, but then she finds out that she can’t move her hands to meet her eyes,

Because she finds herself cradled into Lisa’s arms.

“Good morning,” Jennie sees Lisa smile, and when she’s that close to Lisa – so close she can practically confuse her heartbeat with the other girl’s – she can’t help but feel the pain in her eyes be replaced with the blood on her cheeks, “Are you feeling better now, Jennie?”

Jennie feels worse, but she can’t help but nod at Lisa.

With Lisa’s smile, how can her senses not leave her?

And Jennie guesses she’s wrong because then she feels a sense of pain shoot through her heart when she remembers why she’s cried too much.

That that smile Lisa’s been giving her wasnowhere near as bright when Lisa was with Rosé.

So Jennie detaches herself slowly, turning her back on the other girl so she won’t see that darned smile.

And Jennie’s sure she wants to leave her bed already. She can’t bear to be on the same space as Lisa right now. She can’t stand to be breathing the same air, to be feeling the same touches.

And Jennie’s sure she’s about to stand up, that is, until she feels Lisa hug her from behind and pulls her close once more.

“L-Let’s,” Lisa starts to speak, and Jennie doesn’t want to get ahead of herself but she swears she can feel Lisa’s heart pound against her back, “Let’s stay like this for a little bit more.

“… Please.”

And just how can Jennie resist?

When Lisa said it so softly?

Not a word was exchanged during their drive to school.

Not even when she knows it’s confusion in Lisa’s eyes that she sees when the blonde notices it’s Jisoo instead of Kai by the school gate, waiting for Jennie.

Jennie’s sure Lisa wants to ask, because Lisa turns her head to Jennie, but Lisa did not speak.

And Jennie remains speechless as well when she sees Jisoo talking to Rosé, laughing with Rosé, as the tall girl waits for her.

Feeling somehow betrayed even if it should not feel or look like what it seems.

And Jennie’s sure it’s loathing inside Rosé’s eyes when they glare at each other for a moment. She knows Rosé was about to say something, but was quickly stopped when Lisa greets her and they walk on their own way.

Like Jennie wasn’t even there.

And Jennie’s sure it’s pain inside her eyes when that happened.

Because even if Jennie was the one who set the boundaries right from the start, when she’s the one who made it specifically and crystal clear that she doesn’t want to be seen with Lisa in school, when she was the one careful not to get too close, when she was the one who built the barriers and walls between Lisa and her from the beginning,

It feels like shit when it actually happened.

When Lisa actually did not acknowledge her anymore? When Lisa follows her orders of being strangers? When Lisa acts like they really are nothing?

And Jennie knows it’s stupid, she feels stupid for even thinking that.

Because why should it feel like that?

Why does she let herself feel like that?

Jennie feels herself being turned around when she was about to leave the wash area, and Jennie smirks a bit because she’s correct about a while ago,

That it was distaste and hatred written all over Rosé’s face.

But her smirk quickly falters when Rosé asks –questions,

“How much do they owe you?!”

Jennie only scowls at the question, not sure if Rosé even got the right person to ask that.

So this only urges Rosé to point a finger by Jennie’s shoulder – demanding an answer to a question that Jennie has long forgotten,

“How much does Lisa’s family owe you?”

It eats at Jennie because how did Rosé know? And it eats at her more when she thinks it’s because of her dinner with the Manobans last night.

“Dad-,” Rosé exhales first before correcting herself, “Mr. Manoban slipped about it and they won’t tell me what really happened.”

And Jennie resists all the urges to slap the hell out of the other girl when Rosé dared call Lisa’s father her own father.

But Jennie can’t control the hatred in her words, because she spits the words out,

“Why the hell do you care?”

Jennie feels the bit triumphant when she sees the flare light up in Rosé’s eyes, and so Jennie only continues,

“Mind your own business, Chaeyoung.”

Jennie honestly thought that Rosé would slap her by then, would scrape her, or at least yell at her, but then it was Jennie who was slapped across the face,

Slapped with the words that hurt more than a thousand hands striking her,

“I am,” Rosé smiles – a smile that puts Jennie to shame, shamed because Rosé just has to rub it against Jennie’s face one more,

“Lisa is my business.”

Jennie grits her teeth in irritation, in anger, in pain when Rosé has said that. Like Rosé is the one who owns Lisa.

“So now, tell me how much their family owe yours.” Rosé takes a step closer, as to stand her ground, or as to intimidate Jennie. Jennie doesn’t know, because she feels like Rosé’s doing both.

But Jennie decides to be firm as well, “Why don’t you ask Lisa instead?”

And Jennie decides to be the one scorning Rosé when Jennie asks,

“I thought you two are so close?”

Jennie sees Rosé squint her eyes with what Jennie said, and so a smirk forms on Jennie’s face.

“I may not know the whole story,” Rosé starts to speak, her eyes still squinted, “But do know that Lisa will be out of your clutches.”

And it was Jennie’s turn to narrow her eyes, because she feels enraged again.

So Jennie spats the words as she spitefully glares at Rosé, “Are you threatening me?”

“Why?” Rosé maintains her glare at Jennie, and it’s Jennie who can’t return the glare anymore,

Because Rosé just has to mock,

“Are you threatened?”

Jennie pushes pass through Rosé. It wasn’t Jennie’s intention to knock her shoulder with Rosé’s when she walked pass the other girl quickly, afraid that any moment she’ll break down again.

Jennie quickly walks, not knowing where to go, just knowing she has to get out from there. Because Rosé’s words suffocate her, Rosé’s wordshurt her.

Because Jennie does feel threatened.

She feels pained again,

Because she knows it’s true.

That one way or another, Lisa will be out of her reach soon. That Lisa will only be a memory burning at the back of her mind.

That Lisa will finally live her life like she wanted to, will enjoy her life again,

A life without Jennie.

And Jennie doesn’t know what to feel anymore.

Because her own thoughts are hurting her.

When she knows that Lisa will be perfectly fine without her but she…

She can’t even think of her life without Lisa anymore.

Because Lisa had always been what she saw, because Lisa had always been who she’s with.

Because Lisa is the one she sees first every morning, and the last that she sees before drifting to sleep. Because Lisa is the one who makes her heart beat incredibly fast, because Lisa is the one who makes her blood run like crazy to her face, because Lisa is the one who makes her bite her lip in excitement, or in distress, or in awe.

Because Lisa is the reason why she feels different things.

And for Lisa to not even know of them.

So Jennie doesn’t know what to feel anymore, because there have been a lot of things to feel by that point.

Jennie doesn’t know what to do anymore, because then she sees Lisa pass her by the hall – passing by her like she’s nothing but the wind, like she’s nothing at all. Not even looking at her, not even a glance.

And Jennie doesn’t know what to fucking do anymore,

Because Lisa was looking for Chaeyoung.