Jennie never thought that mornings with Lisa can be so awkward – not with how one of them doesn’t plan on breaking the ice between them.

Jennie thinks Lisa doesn’t like to speak because of how Jennie shouted at her last night.

Jennie doesn’t like to speak – afraid that she’d sell Sehun too high to Lisa and Lisa would finally realize that she really likes Sehun.

But Jennie remembers how she agrees – much to her heart’s disagreement – to help Sehun win Lisa over tonight.

At dinner. When he takes Lisa out for the last time before he leaves tomorrow.

When he finally confesses his feelings to Lisa.

When he finally says the things Jennie can never say to Lisa.

What am I even thinking?

And so she pushes the thoughts aside by shattering the eerie silence between Lisa and her, “So, Sehun…” How hard it was to mention her cousin’s name now, “Y-You say you like him?”

Jennie clears her throat because, did she stutter just now?

Lisa is quick to look back at her, but the former looks back at the ground just as fast, “I-I said I think I like him. I-I didn’t say I really like him.”

Jennie doesn’t understand why that suddenly made a jolt of happiness run through her, but then she remembers her promise to Sehun, “But… But he’s a good guy.”

She tries not to vomit after what she said.

Lisa looks at her with confusion, Jennie knows it’s confusion because she knows that Lisa knows that she’s usually bashing on her cousin instead of glorifying him.

“I-I know.” Lisa replies quietly.

“He’ll be leaving tomorrow.” Jennie says as she walks by the taller girl – her hands fisted and lips bitten. She gathers all her strength and all her will to say to Lisa, and to say it as firm and as convincing, not in any way looking at the other – afraid that she won’t be able to say it,

“You might as well say your feelings to him.”

And Jennie tries not to sound as brackish so she continues to walk, only to be stopped when she hears Lisa ask, a question Jennie herself can’t answer,

“Do you want me to?”

Jennie quickly turns back to Lisa, and Jennie sees the same hesitation in Lisa’s eyes that mirrors what is in hers.

Her chest only tightens – with the question and with the way Lisa looks so… so sad at her.

“If… If that’s what you want.” Jennie averts her gaze.

Only for the question to be thrown back at her,

“Is that what you want?”

No. I don’t want you to be with him.

Jennie gulps.

What are these thoughts?

Jennie shakes her head, “Wh-Why are you asking me? You’re weird.

“Do whatever makes you happy.” Jennie finishes as she bites her lip.

And Lisa doesn’t reply anymore, Jennie only sees Lisa nod slowly.

So Jennie only bites her lip harder.

--------------

Jennie swears time stopped.

Jennie swears her throat went dry.

Jennie swears her heart ran laps – and continues to race.

Jennie swears her eyes can’t remove themselves from Lisa.

Lisa who wears a dress because Sehun asks her for a formal dinner date.

Lisa who steals Jennie’s gazes, because Jennie finds herself gawking at the beautiful girl in front of her.

With how the red dress hugs Lisa’s body in the most perfect way – the most perfect way that is never for her.

How can Jennie not stare and her heart not race when Lisa’s this beautiful?

And Lisa’s heart only stops racing hard when Sehun asks out of excitement,

“Would you mind if I kiss her, Jendeuk?” Sehun marvels at the sight in front of him,

“You can’t not kiss a girl this beautiful when you see her.”

He continues to speak but his eyes are attached to Lisa.

Lisa who only slaps him lightly as she tries to hide the blush forming on her face – the blush only for Sehun.

And so Jennie looks away to not see it.

Because why is it suddenly so painful to look at?

“We’ll be going, Jennie.” Sehun smiles at his cousin. Because why would he not? When a very beautiful girl will be his at the end of the night?

Jennie clenches her hand as her heart clenches with it.

Jennie likes to think Sehun also smiles because he’s sure she helped him. So Jennie only nods, she can’t bring her eyes to look at him and Lisa.

“W-We’ll be going, Jennie.” Lisa turns to her, with Sehun’s hand lying comfortably around Lisa’s waist – like he owns her already.

And Jennie tries to brush off the same heat brimming in her eyes once more as she nods,

“… Yeah.”

And she nearly chokes on her next words,

“Have fun.”

------------------

Jennie seems to lose control of her feet as they won’t stop shaking up and down in anxiety. And why does she even feel that way?

She can’t help but let her wandering mind wander and imagine things. Things that she shouldn’t even think about. Things that she doesn’t even want to think about.

Things like what are Sehun and Lisa doing now?

Is Lisa laughing? Is he making her laugh?

Or maybe he’s feeding her the way Jennie used to ask Lisa to? The way Lisa used to?

And Jennie can’t help but let her wandering mind continue to wander.

To think about worse thoughts,

Are they holding hands? Are they hugging?

And Jennie’s mind goes beyond the extreme when her thoughts start to exaggerate themselves – not helping the tension already residing in Jennie’s soul,

Is Lisa clinging to him? Is he putting his hand around her shoulders? Around her waist – like a while ago and like all those other times?

Are they that close?!

But the worst thought that Jennie’s poor mind comes out with is,

“Are they kissing?!” Jennie suddenly blurts out loudly.

And just when did Jennie start to care where Lisa goes or who Lisa’s with? Or what Lisa does to and with other people?

Jennie’s train of thoughts halt when another train crashes her mind – and it’s the worst of all her thoughts,

Is she jealous?

Is it jealousy pooling inside her?

When anyone else comes close to Lisa? When someone else makes Lisa happy?

When Lisa starts to care about someone else?

Is this what being jealous really is?

She shakes the thoughts off,

Am I really jealous?

And Jennie can’t help but wish hard that she’s not,

That she never will.

---------------

But Jennie guesses her feelings are stronger than her thoughts.

So strong that she calls Kai up to ask him to pick her up, despite that it’s evening already and that they just spent time a couple hours ago.

So strong that she’s the one who kisses again.

So strong that she pusposely kisses hard so her lips would swell, so that the aching, longing feeling of the simple thought of Lisa’s lips on hers would vanish.

But Jennie guesses her feelings are really stronger than her thoughts,

Because even after she asks to be dropped home, and she finds that Lisa is still not there, her chest starts tightening again.

And her feelings are stronger than her thoughts – she finally acknowledges,

Because after a few more minutes, and she hears the front gate opens, she can’t help but peek outside.

And her feelings burst out,

Because she sees how Lisa’s the one who kisses Sehun’s cheek goodbye.