《Hate Me Now, Love Me Later》Chapter 54
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Jennie allows Rosé to go inside, she's not that heartless.
Or maybe she doesn't have the heart to disagree anymore.
So she leads Rosé to the blonde's room, and truth be told, there was Lisa. Lying on bed, fully covered with her blanket and with the form of her knees hugged close to her chest.
Jennie instantly feels the guilt bite at her when she remembers how Lisa got sick. When Lisa braced the rain for Jennie not be the rained one instead.
"Lisa," But it was Rosé who calls out first, it was Rosé who calls out with so much concern and so much endearment. It was Rosé who hurriedly walks to Lisa first to attend to her. It was Rosé who helps Lisa sit up straight. It was Rosé who caresses Lisa's face first. It was Rosé who Lisa calls out first.
"Chaeyoung,"
It was Rosé who Lisa calls out first, it was Rosé who Lisa calls out with the same amount of yearning and affection. It was Rosé who Lisa smiles at first.
Jennie tries to look away, to look away and not see how Lisa looks at Rosé.
So full of longing.
And delight, and happiness.
So... so full of love.
And Jennie may look away, she may close her eyes and choose not to see things she doesn't want to see.
But she cannot close her ears, she cannot close her ears to not hear things she doesn't want to hear.
"Are you feeling better?" She hears Rosé ask Lisa.
"Yes, why did you even go here? I told you I'm fine."
"You're not, silly."
A giggle...
Oh, how suddenly painful that was.
Because it was from Lisa.
"I even made soup for you." Rosé speaks.
Jennie looks back at them.
Rosé even went through the trouble of making soup for Lisa.
When Jennie could have done it herself.
When Jennie had already done it the first time Lisa got sick.
When Jennie was the one who tended to Lisa.
When Jennie was the one who fed Lisa.
When Jennie was the one who took care of Lisa.
When Jennie was the one who Lisa teased.
When Jennie was the one who received those smiles!
And Jennie really wishes her system shuts down for a moment, so as not to feel even for a while.
Because even after she leaves and closes her eyes,
It was still Lisa she sees.
-------------
Jennie stares at the ceiling instead.
She tries to take her wandering mind off the silly thought of those two silly girls having a silly good time together.
But those silly thoughts really like pushing her buttons, because then she hears someone knock at her door.
And those silly thoughts really like pissing her off, because it has to be Rosé on the other side.
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"What do you want this time?" Jennie spits the question..
"May I know where your bathroom is?"
Jennie sighs, but she does point it out to Rosé.
Rosé nods and had the least bit of courtesy to say thanks to Jennie.
Now Jennie has a choice, either she'll go back to her bed and stare at the ceiling, or drag her feet and pay Lisa a quick visit.
Because it was clearly the only time she'll have Lisa alone, that she'll have Lisa for herself.
And it was the faint sound of Rosé's footstep that signals Jennie's nerves to move on their own and walk to Lisa's room.
--------------
"Hey."
Jennie limply peers through the door.
She sees Lisa turn and mindlessly ask, "Back already?"
Jennie clutches at the knob, "No, it's me. Jennie."
"Oh," Lisa tries to sit straight after that, "H-Hi, Jennie."
"Don't move too brashly." Jennie cautiously walks inside. Like she doesn't own the house.
She only sees Lisa lean back to the headrest as the taller girl nods.
Jennie asks, "Have you eaten already?"
"Yes."
"Rosé fed you?"
"... Yes."
"Have you taken your medicine?"
"Yes."
"Are you..." Jennie feels the tension between them again as she tries to look for a question to maintain the littlest of their conversation, if it was still considered as a conversation, "Are you feeling better?"
And she knows Lisa feels the tension too, for Lisa awkwardly nods, "Y-Yes. Thank you for asking."
Jennie nods as she wipes both her hands to her sides, why was she even feeling like this?
"So... you're sick." Jennie walks closer, carefully.
"It, It seems." Lisa looks down.
Jennie doesn't reply at once. She only did after she had sat down by Lisa's bedside and was now facing the blonde, "You didn't tell me."
Lisa stares at her, then stares back at the blonde's palms, "It's no big deal."
"You're sick. The rain was pouring hard. You shouldn't have done that."
Jennie only sees Lisa smile as the latter closes her eyes.
"And what? We'll be stuck there?" Lisa asks, still with her eyes closed.
"We could have waited for the rain to at least get weaker." Jennie reasons.
"You... You and Kai were practically at each other's throat."
"Yeah," Jennie sighs, "We fight a lot."
"But you already made up anyways."
Lisa stares at her again, and Jennie would like to fool herself that there's disappointment with how Lisa said it, before throwing – to what seems to Jennie – an awkward smile.
"Y-Yeah, I guess." And it was Jennie's turn to return that awkward smile back.
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They finish their uncomfortable talk with simple nods.
"Well, I'll be on my room again." Jennie stands up as she nods once more, "Rosé's here, so..."
Jennie trails off before saying – and desperately trying not to sound as bitter, "I guess you don't need me."
Lisa shots her head upwards to look at Jennie.
And Jennie wishes hard that Lisa say something. That Lisa say that what Jennie said is wrong.
That Lisa needs Jennie.
That Lisa wants Jennie.
But it was only a jab at her chest that Jennie gets when Lisa timidly says a simple word – so simple and yet so painful,
"... Okay."
-------------------
Jennie's not resentful, no she's not.
At least she's trying not to come off as resentful.
She tries not to seem as wound up when she goes to Lisa's room – and find that Lisa's already sleeping – to remind Rosé that it's already getting dark and the visitor needs to go home already.
"Okay." Rosé agrees quicker than Jennie expected.
"She already took her medicine," Rosé says as she adjusts the blanket covering Lisa, "Have her take it again later.
"She also ate already, and there's still some soup in your kitchen," Rosé turns to Jennie, "I hope you don't mind that I left it there, you may also have if you want." She shrugs.
Jennie only nods.
"Lisa also had a change of clothes," Rosé says, and Jennie tries not to imagine how Rosé helped Lisa change because Jennie doesn't think her mind can handle it. No, not with how loud her heart is already pumping and clenching.
Just the thought of Rosé seeing Lisa like that, or worse, touching her.
No, Jennie tries not to imagine that.
"And Jennie," Rosé adjusts the face cloth on Lisa's forehead, "Kindly replace this face cloth time to time so her fever will go down. Can you do that at least?"
"Of course, what do you think of me?" Jennie controls herself, "I already done this before, you don't have to worry."
Surprisingly, Rosé doesn't argue. She only nods.
"Okay, that's good." Rosé looks at Lisa first, then back at Jennie, "Well, I'll be taking my leave."
Jennie doesn't reply, only a nod of her head.
"Once I step out of this house, I dislike you again." Rosé tugs a corner of her lips.
And Jennie scoffs, but she does return that small smile, "Good. I don't plan on befriending you anytime soon, anyway."
Rosé snorts before turning to Lisa again, "Please tell her to get well soon, and to not do anything rash again."
Then she looks back at Jennie and asks, "Can you do that?"
Jennie stares back at Rosé, and she feels the familiar clenching at her insides, "Of course."
Rosé nods, "Good."
And that clenching inside Jennie tightens and tightens because she sees Rosé kiss Lisa's cheek,
"Good night, Lalisa."
It's unfair, Jennie thinks. When Rosé can touch Lisa, hold Lisa, hug Lisa, kiss Lisa whenever Rosé wants to. And Jennie can't even as much so place a finger on Lisa.
It's unfair, Jennie thinks.
But she can't do anything about it.
So she lets the pain inside consume her.
And it continues even after Rosé left.
The pain continues to clamp on her guts as she goes back to Lisa's room and sees how peaceful the blonde looks while sleeping like that.
And even with the pain crunching inside,
she can't help but smile.
She sits beside Lisa as she takes the face cloth off.
She was supposed to change it, she knows.
But she can't help herself staring at Lisa.
Because she knows she hasn't seen Lisa like this for a while now. Because she can't even look at Lisa properly anymore now.
And Jennie thinks it's unfair.
When she's left there, slowly letting herself lay beside Lisa – desperately tangling her fingers with Lisa's hair, terribly wanting to at least touch Lisa's cheek as how Lisa lets Rosé.
And Jennie thinks it's unfair.
When she's left there, laying beside Lisa – imagining how it would feel like if she was to kiss Lisa, to have feel Lisa beneath her touches.
It won't do any harm, would it?
A single touch won't harm. A single kiss won't harm.
Lisa doesn't even have to know.
Lisa won't even know.
Yes, Lisa won't even know.
And maybe Jennie thinks that's unfair.
Because she's the only one feeling like this.
To be the only one feeling a mixture of pain, anger, sadness, happiness, and every other crazy things she never knew she could even feel.
That when she was finally able to have her palm feel Lisa's cheek, that when she was finally able to lean a little bit closer – just a little bit more,
Her heart drops.
For she hears her phone ring.
She hears her phone ring over and over that she can't help but answer it.
That when she was supposed to answer it, it stops.
Only for her to receive a message from the exact same caller.
And she feels her heart drop yet again, harder that the first time it did,
'Hey, Jendeuk! I'll be visiting next week!'
Jennie feels heat build up all over her body when she finishes reading the message,
'How's Lisa? :)'
And Jennie swears her heart stops beating for a second,
Because the message was from Sehun.
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I edited each chapters guys! I found a lot of mistakes ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ I'm sorry for that. Happy reading everyone!
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