The question lingers on Jennie's mind even after she wakes up the very next day, and the next day, and the next, and the day that followed, and the days after.

It doesn’t help when the same question affects her thinking and her actions.

Her behaviour.

That even when days passed that she had that talk with Lisa, and she starts having the same damned feelings hitting her insides every time she even simply thinks of the other girl, she still seems troubled and disturbed and uptight.

That it affects her relationship with people.

That she becomes more irritable whenever Jisoo purposely pisses her off by merely mentioning Lisa’s and Rosé’s name together.

That when Jennie knows it shouldn’t bother her in any way – even if Lisa’s and Rosé’s name were mentioned separately – she still can’t help but flinch.

And the bothering feelings affect her relationship with people because then she becomes more short-tempered when it comes to Kai.

That even the slightest of arguments they have turn to big fights.

That even the littlest of slip-ups turn to endless days of throwing hurtful words.

That even the smallest bickers turn to furious scuffles of pointing, accusing fingers.

That even the least of faults turn to huge clash of countless times in blaming each other.

That the smallest of misunderstandings always transform into a bigger one that will take them days – or in some cases, weeks – to fix.

And in those times, Jennie is the most thankful that they’re actually not committed into a real relationship or things will turn out to be uglier and messier.

That Jennie knows too well why they didn’t work out the first time, that they only remained as always a ‘more than a friend, but less than a lover’ kind of relationship.

Because Jennie knows him too well.

Because Jennie knows herself too well.

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And Jennie hates that feeling.

Of course, she does.

That when she and Kai fight because of trivial things – and they’ll forget who started what – it makes her feel more uneasy and the feeling in her chest heavier than it already was.

That feeling when both of them stop trying to make up with each other.

When the both of them give up on the other.

No, Jennie hates that feeling.

So even if she knows she’s too prideful, she does try her best to patch things up between them.

Yes, she will mend things because she hates that feeling.

And maybe – just maybe – along with it will be the nuisance of a feeling she suffers when she’s with Lisa.

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But Lisa seems to make it hard for Jennie all the time because just when Jennie thought that whatever weird things she feels inside are gone, Lisa just have to smile at her first thing in the mornings.

And that is all it takes for those strange feelings to come running back to Jennie.

And those strange feelings keep on getting stronger and stronger when she sees Lisa turn her head time to time to look outside during their drives to school.

Jennie doesn’t know how simple gestures – simple gestures that show how Lisa’s uneasy, or how Lisa’s anticipating something, someone – can ever mean so much to Jennie.

How it can easily send Jennie seething mad.

For Jennie knows who Lisa’s looking for.

“There’s Rosé.” Jennie tries not to sound as bitter as she lets that name roll off her tongue.

And like it was what Lisa’s waiting for someone to say, the blonde snaps her head to where Jennie’s referring to.

Jennie doesn’t look back, because she doesn’t know what expression Lisa’s wearing. Afraid that any of the smallest smiles or littlest glints of restlessness is already smudged on Lisa’s face.

And Jennie doesn’t need look back, for she hears Lisa timidly say, “Oh.”

It irks Jennie, because she knows – she’s sure – that it’s Rosé who’s Lisa’s looking for, and yet, Lisa acts like it does not matter.

It irks Jennie, because she suddenly remembers all that Rosé had said to her the previous day about information she never even knew about Lisa.

It irks Jennie, because Lisa doesn’t care as much about her anymore.

“What?” Jennie quickly snaps at Lisa, “Isn’t Rosé the one you’re looking for?”

She might have asked it in a tone that it sounded like she’s demanding Lisa to answer, for she sees Lisa cower a little with how she said it.

But Jennie continues with her cold, callous tone, “Don’t you want to walk with her to school again?"

“Don’t you, Lisa?”

She sees Lisa blink a few times from shock, but Lisa manages to stutter, “J-Jennie…”

“Don’t you?!” Jennie shrieks, “Go! Walk with her!”

Jennie starts to feel the heavy emotions budding in her chest again. Her deep breaths and frayed sighs prove how much control she has to not shout anymore.

And Lisa really might be dense, Jennie thinks.

Because then Lisa decides to hurt Jennie once more,

For Lisa smiles.

Like how she smiles lately – genuine, bright,lovely.

And Jennie clenches her teeth as she stops the gnawing at her heart,

For Lisa says,

“Thank you, Jennie.”

And that is all it takes for those strange feelings to come running back to Jennie.

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And Jennie decides to push, to shove, those weird feelings out once more.

That when she sees Lisa and Rosé by their usual table, she gathers all her strength to walk to them and say to Lisa,

“Accompany me and Kai later.”

Lisa looks at her first, clearly dumbfounded, before looking to Rosé and then back at her. Lisa says, “But… Chaeyoung and I will go somewhere later.”

Jennie feels her mouth twitch, and it only intensifies the anger seeping through her.

She doesn’t know where she feels angrier, the fact that Lisa won’t go with her, or Lisa going with Rosé. And so she demands, “Do it some other time.”

And her anger was at its highest when she hears the annoying voice of Rosé saying – defending Lisa, “Didn’t you hear Lisa, Jennie? She said we’ll be going somewhere.”

Was pulling Lisa closer even necessary, Rosé?

“Back off, Rosé.”

“You back off, Jennie.” Rosé tugs Lisa closer, closer than they already are.

And that was enough for Jennie to slam the table with her palm.

“Damn it!” Jennie screams, as she starts to breathe rather loudly again.

She takes a moment to at least calm herself when she sees the shock on the other girls’ faces, and when she sees confusion on Lisa’s as well.

Jennie says in a weaker tone, but it’s still firm enough, “Listen, Rosé. I don’t have time for any of your shit, but once I say that Lisa will go with me,” She brashly pulls the taller girl away from Rosé – completely detaching Lisa off – and closer to Jennie, “She will go with me.”

Jennie sees Rosé glare back at her, before the latter calmly – mockingly – says, “Why don’t you ask if that’s what Lisa wants?”

The question catches Jennie off-guard. For Jennie backs away a bit.

She unintentionally looks at Lisa and she can see how the same question had the same impact on the other girl with how Lisa looks back at her.

“What, Jennie?” She hears Rosé speak once more,

And she feels the hard thumping of her heart against her chest when Rosé continues,

“Ask Lisa if she wants to go with you,” Rosé shrugs, “If she even ever wanted to.”

“Chaeyoung,” She hears Lisa mumble, and she sees Lisa softly tug at the girl called.

She also sees Rosé hold Lisa’s hand, but Rosé’s stares not leaving Jennie.

“Go ahead, Jennie.” Rosé narrows her eyes, “Ask her.”

Jennie feels a sting by her throat when she tries to swallow. She hasn’t noticed how it had gone dry already.

She exhales first before going back to her composed state.

She stares at Lisa, and she dreads for her poor heart.

Because she can’t ask that stupid question.

Because she’s afraid to ask.

Because she knows that it’ll hurt. That it’ll somehow does.

That she somehow already know where this was leading.

For she somehow knows the answer, the truth.

That she’s nothing but the girl that Lisa was forced to serve, that Lisa was forced to be with. Because Lisa needed to, because Lisa was asked to, because Lisa was forced to. Not because Lisa wanted to.

Never because Lisa wanted to.

When Jennie realizes this – accepts this – she can’t help but surrender in defeat once more.

She looks at Lisa one last time before turning and walking away.

Afraid that the constant sting in her eyes – and in her heart – makes its way out.