Jennie asks not be dropped home.

“But it’s almost midnight.” Kai reasons, “Won’t you want to rest?”

Jennie closes her eyes as she stays seated by the passenger’s seat, “You may go home already, but leave me somewhere else.”

She hears Kai sigh, “Jennie, you know I can’t do that.”

“I just…” Jennie sighs back, “I just don’t want to go home yet.”

Silence.

“Is something bothering you?” He asks, worry evident with the way he did.

But Jennie stays quiet.

“Did you and Lisa have a fight?” He asks.

And it made Jennie turn to him.

She wants to say ‘no’, she knows she wants to say ‘no’.

But the word itself doesn’t want to come out of her mouth.

She only sighs again.

“Jennie,” He calls to her softly, “You can tell me anything.”

Jennie turns back to the window, “I don’t… I don’t have anything to tell.”

“Something happened, what is it?”

“I don’t know, Kai.” Jennie mumbles, “I really don’t know. I’m just sure I don’t want to go home yet.”

“And I’m sure Lisa’s worried sick about you.”

Jennie scoffs, “Right. That’s why she’s not sending me a message or giving me a call.”

“See? Something did happen between you two.” Kai tries to make her speak.

But Jennie knows she doesn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry, Kai.” Jennie submits, “I’m being a bother, aren’t I? Kindly drive me home now.”

“Jennie.”

“I’m fine.” She takes his hand as she looks at him, Jennie smiles,

“Thank you.”

----------------

Jennie dawdles by the front door. She doesn’t go in yet, even after she kissed Kai goodbye, apologizing once more for having him up so late.

Jennie inhales and exhales as she holds the doorknob.

Why is she even anxious about it?

This is her house.

So she sets aside the discomfort she’s feeling.

“Alright, Jennie. Calm down.” She reminds herself, “Lisa’s asleep, Lisa’s asleep.”

And her heart sinks a bit when she remembers how Lisa didn’t wait for her the night before.

It somehow still chews on Jennie, of course. But she also knows she needs to get in the house.

So she nods one last time as she finally turns the door open.

And Kai might be right.

Kai might be right that Lisa might have been worried about her.

For she sees Lisa by the sofa – sleeping with her phone on hand.

And it warms Jennie’s heart – both in a good way and in a bad way.

Both of the thought of Lisa waiting for her, and for the thought that maybe Lisa fell asleep talking to Rosé instead.

She walks closer – quietly – to Lisa. The blonde color of Lisa’s hair still bringing out the already striking features Lisa has.

Those doe eyes that – even she herself feels digusted to admit – those eyes that Jennie can’t help but start to love.

That cute nose that scrunches upwards when Lisa smiles too much.

Those soft-looking lips that stretches wide when Lisa’s happy.

Those lips that doesn’t as much as call to her tenderly anymore.

Because she says Chaeyoung’s name more affectionately now.

And Jennie can’t help but ball her hands into fists again, her nails sinking deep on her palm as she remembers how Rosé just rubbed it to her face that Jennie doesn’t know Lisa as much.

That what Jennie said to Jisoo earlier about her not knowing Lisa may be true.

Because she does not know anything about Lisa as much.

As much as Rosé does.

That Rosé knows a side of Lisa that Jennie didn’t – that Jennie doesn’t.

That Jennie would never know of.

It hurts Jennie. It somehow does.

And worse, she doesn’t know why.

She only lets her teeth nibble on her lips as throbbing by her eyes starts happening.

Only to be stopped when she takes one last step near Lisa, and like Lisa’s waiting for it, for her, – Jennie sees Lisa instantly open her eyes.

“… Jennie.” Lisa takes more time to adjust her eyes to focus on the girl she just called – making sure if Jennie’s really in front of her.

“… Lisa.” Jennie calls back, how hard it was to even say Lisa’s name now.

Because Jennie feels like she really doesn’t know who she just called.

“What time is it already?” Lisa softly asks as she scratches her head as she checks her phone.

“It’s almost midnight.” No need because Jennie states the time already.

She sees Lisa’s eyebrows raise upwards for a mere second before lowering back to Lisa’s unfazed state, “Oh, that late already?”

“… Yes.” Jennie timidly replies as she sits beside the taller girl.

Jennie sees Lisa turn to her before Lisa says, “Well…” Lisa rubs her own nape, “… It’s good that you’re back already.”

Stabbed.

That’s what Jennie feels like. When Lisa doesn’t sound as concerned anymore.

That Lisa says it so easily now, so easily like Lisa doesn’t mean it.

But Jennie’s tired already. She is mad, but she doesn’t feel the anger rushing crazily to her brain anymore.

She only closes her eyes as she tries to at least protect herself from these infuriating feelings.

“I…”

She hears Lisa start to speak, and so she opens her eyes and looks at Lisa – who’s already looking down.

Lisa continues, “I… was about to call you. But…”

Jennie sees Lisa’s stares trail off, “But… I was afraid…”

Jennie only slightly crunches her eyebrows. She doesn’t speak as she wants Lisa to continue,

And Lisa does, “I was afraid… that I’ll be ruining your moment with… Kai.”

Jennie sees Lisa bite a lip.

Lisa continues, “You might be having a good time that maybe I’ll disturb you if I called. Well, like what you said…” Lisa nervously shrugs, like what she’ll say next affects her, “… It’s not my business.”

“Were you worried about me?” Jennie blatantly asks – briefly cutting Lisa off.

Because Jennie needs to know.

She only sees Lisa jerk a bit from the sudden question.

Jennie continues to watch Lisa as the latter fidget, and Jennie can’t help but feel the same gnawing at her insides.

And it stops when Lisa says a soft,

“… Of course.”

Jennie lets out a breath. She nods as she honestly says,

“I’m sorry.”

She’s been saying it to Lisa repeatedly for the past while now,

“I’m sorry for making you worry.”

Lisa stays silent for a while, until she’s able to come up with, “It’s okay.” She breathes out a laugh as she turns to Jennie to tease, “You never listen anyway.”

Jennie turns to her and she sees Lisa softly smiling, and so Jennie can’t help but smile back.

“Why were you even this late?” Lisa brings out a new topic.

“I just…” Jennie shrugs, she shrugs the memories of Rosé slapping her with a bitter truth Jennie doesn’t even want to face. So Jennie sighs once more, “I just… had some thinking to do.”

“Is something bothering you?” Lisa asks – and Jennie knows in herself that she’s somehow happy. Because the same tone of care is obvious in Lisa’s question.

But Jennie also knows in herself that she’s confused once more because she wonders how the same question – one that Kai had asked earlier – sounds different and makes her feel different when it’s from Lisa?

And Jennie can only take so much, so she lets herself fall into the pit she’s desperately trying to avoid.

“Lisa,” She says, disregarding what Lisa just had asked her, Jennie says, “Tell me something about yourself.”

“W-What?” Lisa turns away, “What is this all of a sudden?”

“Just answer me, Lisa.” Jennie’s serious.

And Jennie thinks Lisa knows that she is.

So Lisa says, turning back to her, “Well, what do you want to know?”

“I don’t know,” Jennie thinks first, “How many are you in the family?”

“Oh, we’re three.” Lisa sits comfortably to face Jennie, “I have my parents, and me.”

Jennie nods. This is good. She’s slowly learning more.

More about Lisa.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Jennie asks without second thoughts.

“What?” Lisa suppresses a laugh, “Why are you asking as such? This is embarrassing!”

“Answer it, monkey.” Jennie lets out a smile as she lightly taps Lisa’s leg.

“Well, my Dad likes for me to be a singer,”

Stab, stab, stab. Rosé’s correct, but Jennie brushes the thought off as she continues to listen,

“So maybe I picked up from his dream so I guess I want to be a performer, if ever?” Lisa finishes.

Jennie hums, “That’s nice.”

Lisa meekly smiles, “Thanks.”

And Jennie tries not to blush. So she gives a follow-up question, and she’s not thinking clearly when she does. For Jennie asks – shocking herself as well with the question, “What do you look for in a person?”

And the blush transfers to Lisa.

“I-I…” Lisa stammers, “What’s with the question?!”

Jennie giggles when she sees Lisa bury herself in a pillow from embarrassment.

“Lisa!” Jennie slaps her leg again, her giggle only getting longer as she looks at Lisa, “Answer me!”

“I don’t know!” Lisa muffles on the pillow.

“Come on!” Jennie starts teasing, “Do you like them rich? Smart?”

When Lisa recovers from the shame, she sits straight again while fanning her red face.

Jennie then sees Lisa turn to her – the same glint of longing, or so Jennie will like to fool herself, already on Lisa’s eyes.

Lisa says, “I like someone who I feel comfortable with, and who laughs a lot – and still look adorable when they do.”

Jennie stops giggling.

For then their eyes meet.

Only to be broken by Jennie.

Because she feels her blood betraying her once more by coloring her face.

“Jennie,”

She hears Lisa call to her when both their laughter subdues and silence takes over. She hums as response, but she does not turn to face Lisa.

She only hears Lisa continue, “Did something happen?”

Jennie closes her eyes first before turning back to Lisa.

She knows she wants to say how Rosé’s words bothered her in more ways that they should. She knows she wants to say how having realized that Rosé does know Lisa more than her, it makes Jennie feel somehow… sad.

That Rosé knows Lisa longer than Jennie ever had, than Jennie will ever have.

That even if more years will come that she’ll know Lisa, Rosé will always have those extra years before Jennie knew Lisa.

All those things she wants to say, but none of it made their way out of her already dry throat.

So Jennie only – hopelessly and hopeful both at the same time – rests her head on Lisa’s shoulder.

Jennie says, lies with some dose of unaccepted truth, “I’m just tired.”

She hears Lisa hum as Lisa rest her own head over Jennie’s.

Jennie closes her eyes as she desperately and carefully reaches for Lisa’s hand. She feels her heart threatening to burst its way out but she tries to keep it in place. She feels the desperation in her as she wishes that Lisa does not pull away.

And Jennie thanks the heavens because Lisa does not.

Lisa says instead, “Do you want to go to your room and rest already?”

Jennie continues to feel Lisa’s warmth eclipse hers.

She also feels her emotions overwhelm her in a way she cannot control them.

So overwhelming that Jennie unexpectedly says, “No,”

So overwhelming that Jennie pleads,

“Let’s stay like this for a little bit more.”

And those same feelings keep on overpowering her when Lisa holds her hand tighter as she’s reassured with Lisa’s same, loving, “Okay.”

And emotions are powerful things.

So powerful that it makes Jennie’s clear mind at its haziest, that it makes Jennie’s cold heart at its warmest.

So powerful that it makes Jennie clutch on Lisa with complete joy and happiness.

That even with her eyes closed, she sees Lisa smiling sincerely at her.

That even with her heart pounding loud, she still hears Lisa’s own heartbeat matching hers.

But even with those things, Jennie’s not able to know what runs through Lisa’s mind.

When they’re this close, when they’re this affectionate.

And Jennie admits that emotions are powerful things.

Because then she can’t help but ask herself – her self bothered and confused in all the right and wrong ways,

She can’t help but ask herself the question she’s been trying hard to steer clear of, to evade, to desperately avoid,

What is this feeling?