But feelings don’t go away very easily.

Rather, feelings don’t stay away.

Because the moment Lisa opens her eyes the very next morning, Jennies already standing by her door.

The spare key still jammed on the doorknob.

How stupid of Lisa, of course Jennie has an extra key.

“You slept pretty early last night.” Jennie says as she walks closer to a disoriented Lisa.

Lisa doesn’t answer. She only covers herself with her blanket and turns the other way. Hoping it would send Jennie mad and stomping off.

But Jennie really loves confusing Lisa, because Jennie does the exact opposite.

Because Lisa feels the blanket be brashly taken off from her as her knees instantly curl near her chest from the sudden cold.

Because Lisa feels weight being put on the other side of the bed.

Because Lisa prays hard that her heart stop beating for a while when she feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist.

“You didn’t even check up on me.” Jennie says in a soft voice.

Lisa feels Jennie’s breath hit her neck with every word, so Lisa shuts her eyes tight as she bites a clenched finger to hitch her breath.

Just why must Jennie do this to her?

Just why must Jennie play with her feelings?

The still push-and-pull game Jennie had been playing with Lisa all this time.

When all Lisa thought that Jennie will be doing by now would be to push her away and away, until they had far good a distance that they would not be able to even breathe the same air.

Far good a distance that they would not be able to make up the other’s silhouette.

Far good a distance that they would not be able to hear the other’s voice.

Far good a distance that they would not be able to even say each other’s name.

“Hey,” Jennie pats Lisa’s stomach lightly, making Lisa shiver for a moment, “Reply.”

Lisa still feels the butterflies taking flight inside her. She keeps her eyes closed as she replies, hoping her voice won’t give her off, “What do you want me to say?”

Lisa feels Jennie snuggle closer by her back as she hears the older girl say, “Anything you want.”

Lisa scoffs.

Anything I want.

So Lisa can say that she’s raging mad for being the third party? So Lisa can say that she’s bottled up with hot, fuming jealousy over Kai? So Lisa can say that she’s built-up tired of Jennie’s hot-cold treatment. So Lisa can say the love she has for Jennie? The love that she desires to leave her being?

Anything she wants?

All those thoughts run through Lisa’s mind, but she’s not brave enough to say any of it.

So she simply lies, “I have nothing to say.”

“Liar.”

Lisa stiffens when she heard that simple word came out of Jennie’s mouth.

Was Jennie able to see through her?

Lisa clamps the end of her pillow as she waits for what Jennie will have to say next.

Her heart starts beating normally – yet still painfully – again when Jennie adds, “You don’t like being a chaperone, am I correct, Lisa?”

Lisa hears the teasing in Jennie’s tone, but she couldn’t tease back so Lisa plainly admits, “Who likes to be, anyway?"

Jennie sighs, her breath still sending tingles on Lisa’s nape. Jennie says, “I know. I’ll tell Mom and Dad. I already told them from the beginning, but they wouldn’t listen. You know how they are.”

Lisa stays silent. So Jennie continues, “But I’ll tell them again later. If they still refused, you don’t have to go anymore. I won’t force you.”

Lisa stays still. She’s afraid that any movement she commits will send Jennie removing the latter’s hands on her.

Because even if Lisa doesn’t like the physical contact, she knows she longs for it.

“Hey, monkey.” Jennie calls to her softly.

Lisa swallows hard, “Yes?”

But she doesn’t hear Jennie say anymore after that.

She only feels Jennie hug her tighter.

--------------------

But that doesn’t mean they’re back to what they were in Anyang. If things can get worse, it did.

Because even if Jennie did say that Lisa may not accompany them anymore, they are still what Lisa thinks.

For when Jennie decides to go home late, Lisa knows too well who she’s with.

For when Jennie does go home late, Lisa can’t even throw a word at her as scolding afraid that it won’t be mere sermon that she’ll say.

For when Jennie talks to someone on her phone, and she smiles, Lisa is sure who it is.

Lisa sighs. This shouldn’t affect her.

No, not anymore.

But the simple thought of Jennie and Kai, is enough to send her back to the emotional wreck that she is.

Just the simple thought of Jennie, and Kai.

Her smile that she only gives him, that only he can see. Her lips that only he can feel.

The way she softly calls his name that only he can hear. The soft giggles only he can make her do.

It hurts.

Lisa has never seen Jennie this happy before.

So she decides, she forces herself, to cast aside whatever damned feeling it is blazing inside of her.

She forces herself to do what she’s asked to do in the first place.

Serve Jennie.

----------------

Lisa practices in front of the mirror.

She practices her smile, her greeting, her teasing, her words.

Everything that she used to do even before having these emotions.

She will start a new. It’s stupid to say and admit it, but she’ll move on.

And she’ll start by treating Jennie the way they had been treating each other.

Casual strangers.

--------------

“G-Good morning, Jennie.” Lisa yanks her lips upward.

Making Jennie turn to her and study her face. Jennie scowls, “Why are you chirpy?”

“Ch-Chirpy?” Lisa asks nervously, “I’ve always been like this.”

“Not these past few days, you’re not.” Jennie turns back to eating.

Lisa sits across the older girl, “S-So, where will you go after school?”

Jennie stops eating and looks at her, “Why do you ask?”

“I’m just curious.”

“Why? You’ll go with me?”

Lisa gathers all her courage, hoping to turn a new leaf, “Want me to go with you?”

Jennie stares at her, to what seems to Lisa like an eternity. Jennie then says, “Kai will be going.”

Lisa feels the same heaviness shove her heart.

Why did she even hope?

“Oh,” Lisa looks down, “Okay. I’ll just wait for you to come home, then."

Lisa’s eyes wander the floor.

She hopes with the littlest of what she still has, that Jennie changes her mind and goes with Lisa instead.

But, alas.

No.

Jennie prioritizes him.

Because then Jennie only says, “Okay.”

So Lisa only nods again, like the obedient servant that she is.

-----------------

Lisa looks at the clock.

8PM.

With Jennie still not back.

Nothing new.

Lisa watches television in the living room as she awaits for the older girl’s arrival. She knows Kai will bring her home. She just wants to make sure.

Part of her job, right?

So Lisa waits, and waits, and waits.

Until she yawns and turns the television off.

She says she’ll sleep for only five minutes. Five minutes and Jennie will be back.

Lisa hopes in five minutes, Jennie will be home.

That in five minutes, Jennie will be with her.

--------------------

Though five minutes is a very long time.

Five minutes include the moment that she wakes up at 10PM with the sound of the front gate opening. Five minutes include the time she hears a car wheel screeching the road. Five minutes include the moment Jennie opens the door and they shared glances.

Five minutes include the moment they did not greet each other and went to their respective rooms. Five minutes include tomorrow that came. Five minutes include the days after that. Five minute include the weeks that came after.

Five minutes.

Five long minutes.

And still Jennie is not with her.