Lisa sits on her usual table. She tries to take her mind off things through sketching. Tracing roughly patterned lines and figures, trying to make at least something out of it.

Something that is not Jennie.

Even the smallest orbs remind Lisa of Jennie’s eyes, even the slightest curves remind her of Jennie’s smiles.

Lisa scratches her head as she buries it on the table instead. She gives up all thoughts of giving up on the brunette.

It doesn’t help when Lisa raises her head back up and sees no other than the girl she’s trying to avoid.

Why must life be against her?

When Lisa sees Jennie, she quickly bows her head again and forces her shaking hand to trace anything on the paper.

When she still slyly gazes up and sees Jennie walking to her direction, she buries her head lower as she takes the paper out the sketchpad and crumples it hard.

She tries to do anything just so she won’t look up anymore.

But all attempts fail.

“Lisa.” Says the voice that makes her heart tick and stop both at the same time.

Lisa only sighs as she brings herself to raise her head, but not look directly at Jennie.

“Yes?” Lisa compels her voice not to tremble, her eyes still on her sketchpad.

And Lisa finally brings her eyes to look at Jennie – oh, how hard it was to do so – when she hears Jennie say,

“Go with me later.”

Lisa studies Jennie’s face before saying, “Excuse me?”

She wants to make sure she heard the brunette right.

She – Lisa – to go with her – Jennie?

Something’s not right.

No, the equation of Lisa and Jennie in a sentence is not right.

Not anymore.

“Go with us later.” Jennie says, eyebrows already burrowed because she had to repeat herself.

“Us?” Why did even Lisa ask?

“Yeah,” Jennie shrugs, “Kai and me.”

Lisa’s eye twitches by the mere mention of Kai’s name, but Lisa already trained herself in not showing dismay. So she skilfully asks in a monotone voice, “Why?”

Jennie’s eyebrows only meet further, “Because I said so.”

“Why not go with him alone?” Lisa sighs as she doesn’t want to hear anymore of this conversation. This is pointless, she thinks.

Lisa hears Jennie click her tongue in irritation, “Mom said go with me whenever I’ll go with Kai. A chaperone of some sort, maybe. I don’t know. Go ask ‘Mom’.”

Lisa grips her pencil harder as she tries not to let her feelings get the best of her again. Though she feels her ears get hot as her heart thumps harder in her chest.

What torture is this?

She bites her lips hard so the anger seething inside of her won’t reveal itself.

She sighs – along with her frustration – as she closes her eyes.

She puts on her best smile before finally looking up at Jennie again,

Lisa says – words bitter but not to Jennie’s ears,

“I’d love to.”

-----------------

Lisa doesn’t.

She doesn’t ‘love’ any part of it.

Walking way more behind Jennie than she already was doing before is stupid.

She feels more stupid because now, she walks behind Jennie and Kai.

Her hands keep safe inside her pockets as she lowers her gazes at the ground she walks on because it’s easier and less painful to look at.

Apparently, she becomes the third wheel.

She knows her presence brings discomfort to all of them with the way Kai would turn his head time to time to check on Lisa, looking if she was still able to follow or asking if she was still fine.

But Lisa was never fine.

How can she? When she sees how Jennie’s shoulder brushes against his, or how Jennie whispers something so close to his ear?

How can she be fine when she witnesses how Kai makes Jennie laugh, or how he tugs her closer when they walk?

Lisa can only roll her eyes in disbelief that this was happening to her.

She thought being a servant out of her own will was hard enough, but with the way things turned out – her unintentionally harbouring feelings for Jennie but not Jennie having the same,

Lisa now thinks that being the neglected one is harder.

--------------------

Lisa thanks the heavens that the torturous day was over.

She groans as she flops to her bed, the only haven in this hell of a mansion with Jennie.

She crawls up to reach her pillow – kicking off her shoes in the process – as she muffles her face on the soft cushion.

She just wants this to end.

She doesn’t know what it is she wants to finish – her feelings or her jealousy or her anger, or all – but it has to stop.

Lisa admits that she had herself got out of hand, that she let the situation get out of control.

So, why,

Did she let herself?

--------------------

When Lisa thought that it would only be the first and last time that she’d accompany Jennie and her lover boy,

Lisa is once again proven wrong.

“You’ll go with us on Saturday.” Jennie says as they answer one of Jennie’s assignments, “Kai wants to watch this movie and my parents don’t like the idea of us alone yet, so you’ll go with us for the meantime.” Jennie finishes it without a problem, not even budging from her place, nor even looking at Lisa.

So it makes Lisa uneasy again, because Jennie has no problem.

When all Lisa has are problems.

Problems on seeing Jennie, problems on looking at Jennie, problems on living with Jennie, problems on being with Jennie.

How can Jennie be so nonchalant about it?

“Can I say ‘no’?” Lisa raises her eyebrows, she knows the answer, she just can’t help herself.

“Do you think you can say ‘no’?” Jennie replies.

Lisa sighs for the hundredth time that day,

The day that seemed longer than any other days.

---------------

Saturday comes and Lisa has never loved her bed more than she did that darned Saturday.

She doesn’t want to get up and get dressed and go anywhere but her bed.

She’s only forced to finally stand up when she hears Jennie shouting at the other side, yelling at her to get going already.

The blonde only grunts in annoyance and defeat as she pushes herself to get up and get going.

-------------------

The last time they had a movie – back in Anyang – Jennie held her hand.

The last time they had a movie – still in Anyang – Jennie handed her purse for Lisa to hold.

The last time they had a movie – still back in sweet Anyang – Jennie sat the farthest to Lisa.

None of those happened that darned Saturday.

For Jennie held – not Lisa’s hand – but Kai’s arm.

For Jennie handed her purse – not for Lisa to hold – but for Kai to keep safe.

For Jennie sat – not farthest to Lisa – but the nearest to Lisa as Jennie sat herself in between Lisa and Kai.

Lisa’s pretty sure the movie’s interesting, but the constant whispers from Jennie to Kai and vice versa that she hears – and she knows the whispers were soft enough – irritates her.

Doesn’t Jennie feel as stupid as Lisa with Lisa hanging around? Doesn’t Jennie feel as awkward and as off with someone tagging along?

Why can’t Jennie just reason herself out to her parents that it’s as awkward as fuck to have Lisa around Kai and her all the time?

That even when they eat after, Lisa would be on the other side alone. That when they walk and shop after, Lisa would be behind alone. That even when they need to ride Kai’s car, Lisa would be silently be sitting at the back alone.

Does Jennie hate Lisa that much to do this? If ever Jennie was aware. If ever Jennie was aware of Lisa’s feelings.

Which Lisa convinces herself that Jennie was not aware, because if Jennie was,

Then maybe Jennie would not have let Kai steal a kiss from her in front of Lisa.

---------------

Lisa’s sure she’s going to cry.

Once they stepped foot in the house – right after Jennie slapped Kai’s arm for kissing her – Lisa runs to her room.

She quickly locks the door as she bites her lower lip to stop it from trembling. She jumps to her bed and immediately silently sobs on her pillow.

She doesn’t care if Jennie will call to her – if ever Jennie will, which the brunette doesn’t do as much anymore.

She doesn’t care if Jennie will knock at the door, or command her, or shout at her.

Lisa just needs to vent all her pent-up frustrations out. She just needs to let all these pathetic feelings out.

She just needs a good cry and hopefully, hopefully,

Along those would be her feelings for Jennie.