I stare at the familiar trees of the small town of Charlotte as we drive to school. I feel a fuck ton weird as we all sit here, and no one says anything. None have even tried to say anything to me since we landed. It's like they are all tip toeing around me. I mean, I don't want them to talk to me but also, I want them to talk to me so I can be mad, you know?

At this point I am not sure what I'm feeling as my feelings go in all directions every other minute. This minute I wish I could hear them and listen to their explanations but next I get angry remembering what a fool they made of me. But I'm pretty sure the former is the baby's doing. They just want their fathers but fuck them kids.

They need to feel even a fraction of what I've felt. How they hurt me can never be forgotten. And it was only a month ago, so I am allowed my anger and bitterness.

And I hope my horny hormones keep at bay. I always get intensely horny at random times but especially at night. I usually go a few times with the vibrator. I am just all over the place; emotional, snappy, hungry, feeling clingy and horny as fuck. And it's only been 3 months. The next 6 months is sure to be hell.

My phone beeps and I check, it's a reminder from the OB-GYN for the first ultrasound. I black the screen quickly. I was forgetting about that, but I need to go next Wednesday.

I have avoided doing the scan so far. I think a part of me felt like it wasn't fair to do it without them. I may be at odds with them, but I know they would like to go. Now I have to find a way to tell them.

I decide I don't want to stress myself; I'll text them on Wednesday. I'll create a group chat and tell them at once like I did when I found out they placed security detail without telling me anything.

My mood drops a little when I see the black iron gates of St. Francis. My phone rings as I shift a little, feeling a bit uncomfortable seeing us back in this hell hole.

I really don't want to answer seeing my father's name.

Its then I realize I have never had a picture with his contact. With mom I always had our pictures or hers, but with my father I never did. I guess my subtle 'fuck you' to the man. I decide to exhale before I answer. I haven't talked to him in a week, and he has been checking in every couple of days even when I don't answer mostly.

"Father." I am glad my voice comes out strong.

"Willow. Why do you not answer your phone?" that's his greeting and I want to drop this damn call. I guess we are back to this bullshit again. He thinks he can still just yell at me, after what he did.

"Hello to you too, dad." I decide to hold my beast

He sighs. "I know you are angry, baby girl, but it was a difficult situation. And listen, we need to talk about you." He really means the baby

"What about?" my tone doesn't come out friendly even to my own ears

"Don't give me that attitude. We are all in this, Willow. You weren't the only one affected. You shoul-"

"I'm the only one who got heartbroken and is pregnant dad!" I snap

I hear a growl on the other end before I drop the call and I immediately block his number.

Fuck him. It's all his fucking fault.

They think that now because they are good with his friends then I should also forget everything. How when I am the only one bearing the consequence of everything. I got heartbroken and I am pregnant. All of them are fine. They made up. I'm sure they are back to their old schemes.

And I am left here to deal with these fucking cravings alone and I will bear the judgments alone and I will have to take a break from school to look after the baby. I am the one who will have to put my life on hold to be a baby mama.

So fuck him and fuck all of them.

A phone ringing in the car disturbs my thoughts about rampage, and I want to scream because I know its him. I wish I could collect all the phones and throw them out.

Leo stops at my dorm, and I don't wait for anyone. I get out the car and I head straight to my dorm. They'll see about my luggage. I don't look back or anything and I head to the lift.

Some girls attempt to make conversation with me, and I try to smile and give friendly conversation. But I am honestly an angry tide inside and I want to bite someone's head off.

"Willow, are you excited about the talent show next month?" one of the girls asks

I furrow my eyebrows. The talent show? Oh, that talent show.

"That's still happening?"

I know it's a stupid question and the girls look at me like I just said I eat spiders.

"Yeah, you are one of the short listed, you know you are performing, right?" one of the other girls says like I'm a child

My face loosens as I get ready to fuck her whole day, but the elevator opens, and they both rush out.

"Fucking bitches." I mutter to myself.

Just as the lift is closing, I see Simba coming out of one of the rooms and I stop it.

"Dude!" I call and his head turns to me. He smiles and comes. Finally seeing someone who isn't full of shit.

"Zahara. My own friend who left me to go to Switzerland." He smiles and he hugs me when he gets in the elevator. It's a warm hug. I missed this boy.

"How are you? And how was that wild country you hail from?"

He groans a happy groan. "Hot and the beach was amazing."

"I hate you." I say to him

"I told you to come with me." He gives me a playful smile. He is kidding. He knows why I had to go to Switzerland. But I honestly want to go to South Africa. Simba has sold me on it.

"So where are the douchebags?"

I smile. Simba is the only one who understands everything that's happened between us and my pregnancy. He knows it all. We step off the elevator.

"I left them in the car. They may bring my things."

He furrows his brows in question.

"My dad called, talm'bout, 'I wasn't the only one affected by the situation'. I hung up on him."

"He didn't? You are the only one who got their heart broken." He says.

And I turn and give him a high five.

"That's what I said!" we make it to my door, and I open. I immediately go to the window to let fresh air in. Simba goes to open the ones in the bathroom. He fires up the coffee machine afterwards.

"So how was your trip?"

"We were texting literally every day." I take a seat on the bed.

He rolls his eyes. "You know it's not the same. Now tell me about Betha and the hot male nurse, Mr. Koch." He wiggles his eyebrows. But his face falls when a very pissed of Mason walks in with one of my bags.

Mason and I have been weird since the lap incident and I don't know how we'll get over the weirdness and I feel bad, I feel like shit knowing he thinks I was upset by that. I mean, I sort of was but not really. I am still mad overall at our situation but I'm not mad specifically at that. You know?

But he's been distant. I think he is just trying to give me space and it sucks. Even though he probably deserves it because he was the one adamant to lie to me.

Simba disappears to the bathroom when Mason won't stop looking at him like he wants to crush his spine and it's made worse when the others come in. I smile a little when I hear the lock twist. It's weird that they'd have locks when its a single person dorm but who knows, maybe they were thinking about serial killers.

I am pulled from all that silliness when the coffee machine signals a full cup, and the smell of latte fills my small room. The guys move around. I scoot as Leo sets the suitcase on the bed and he unpacks my things. They just move around situating me without saying anything. It's weird to watch. Its really weird. But I say nothing. Jose knocks in the bathroom; I think for the cosmetics. But Simba doesn't open.

"Simba, I will break this fucking door and I don't care if your dick is out. Shit elsewhere." Jose says and I can't help the chuckle. We all do, even Mason.

"Promise you won't harm me if I do." Simba says from the other side

"I can't give those promises, when you are in support of Swiss assholes dating our pregnant girlfriend."

I sigh and roll my eyes when he looks my way. He just wants a reaction from me. I just take my physical diary and I make a note for the appointment on Wednesday. I also slot the talent show I had forgotten I registered and auditioned for when Mason dragged me to it. I didn't even think I'd get it. I got the key wrong the first time, but it was okay the second time. But I guess I have to rehearse for that. I don't even have a band. But maybe I can just play the track.

"Zahara, talk to your boyfriend." Simba says from the other side

"Just for that I will ask him to give you a wedgie." I yell

Jose turns. "Oh, when you want something you talk. I feel used."

I shrug and I bat my eyelashes at him. "Will you say no?"

He turns back with a head shake. "Cele, open this fucking door, I'm losing patience."

Simba finally does and he bids me goodbye soon and he rushes out. I let them settle me in as I read a book on my kindle, and they leave when they are finished. I am glad they don't want to talk. I don't want to talk. I'm not ready to talk. Because only ugliness can come from that.

They can't say they didn't mean to hurt me, they did. They can't say they didn't know what they were doing or were manipulated into betraying me, they knew what they were doing. They can't say they didn't lie to me every day and tell me lies every day and give me false promises, because they certainly did that too.

Late at night I sit on my desk, and I journal my day and my feelings on my normal journal. After, I take the other journal I bought to write letters to my mom, and I write to her about my feelings. Since I can't talk to her, I decided to take an example from what she did and write her letters too. I say all the things I'd tell her. I always end up writing on that journal more than the one that's my normal one. Being motherless sucks.

When I get in bed, I rub my belly and I sing for my kid and I talk to them, promising them to do everything I can to protect them and give them a happy life.