I drag myself out of the bed. I need to take those books back. The sun is almost gone. Fuck. I can't believe I've been asleep for most of the day and afternoon.

I brush my teeth and I wash my face and get in sweats. I tie my hair in a ponytail. I apply gloss and I take the bag.

I walk to campus. Simba is in town getting me garlic bread and a lamb curry. I am looking forward to that with my whole life. I can hardly wait.

Having him around has been such a blessing. I don't know what I'd do without him.

I enter the library and I hand the books back. The librarian looks annoyed. I smile a small smile. Exam time is the busiest time here and there was a line.

When I am finished, I browse the shelves. I'm done with exams and maybe I can find a fun novel to read. I find the novel section.

As I touch the spines with my hands, I feel my hairs stand to attention and I want to groan from annoyance. I stifle the urge to turn. I don't turn back, and I go straight. As I'm about to get to the passage, Bas materializes.

His eyes have dark circles, and he looks like the weight of the world is on him. I wish I could soothe him. He is holding a book on his hand. He looks so sad.

"Zar, I know you want us to give you space but...I need...I just, baby please....just....we..." his eyes blink a few times but he doesn't get to say what he has to say. Everything squeezes my heart. I want to jump in his arms so we can comfort each other.

"Mr. Cirillo, I don't have all day." The librarian's annoyed voice breaks our moment. My phone rings and he gives me an apologetic smile. "Don't go." He pleads before he disappears.

It's my father. I contemplate not answering. What if they've told him and he is just going to yell at me? I sigh. I guess I will have to face the music sometime.

I answer the phone.

"Father." I answer, hoping I sound unshaky and confident.

Silence.

"Father."

Then I hear a sniffle. My heart drops. Tears fill my eye. But I try to calm myself.

"Father..." I breath out, not sure I sound steady.

"I'm so sorry, my baby girl."

Silent tears fall.

No.

My world shatters.

Everything loses meaning.

"No." I whisper shaking my head.

"Yes."

"No, dad. No." I tell him calmly, tears falling everywhere but my voice steady.

"She loved you very much, our beautiful girl." I hear my father's shaky voice. I don't know what happens, but I start walking. My gaze down as I walk out of the library. I just need to get out of here. I need fresh air. I blow a breath out and I take shaky quick breaths. I am panting not long after. Air struggles to get in my lungs.

Fuck.

I can't breakdown here. I need to get out of here.

My feet carry me, and I run. I collide with a hard chest I didn't see before I turn the corner. Strong hands steady me.

"Zara?" I hear that familiar voice, but nothing registers. Nothing makes sense. What's wrong with me. My mind is running wild but its also frozen. What's going on?

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I blink tears and more fall. I see him but he's blurry. I smile a devastated smile as all manner of liquid oozes out of my face.

My father.

The phone call.

"She's gone, Mason."

My mouth opens after but nothing, but pants and loud breaths come out.

I try to breathe. I need to tell him. Maybe he'll tell me it's not true.

"She left me." I emit a sob like I, myself, am dying. My world gets black as warmth envelops me. But nothing can make better the gaping hole that's expanding in my chest. It hurts so much.

Mason crushes me in his chest, and I shake. I feel more warmth as more bodies surround me.

They are all here.

We stand there for over half an hour and she doesn't stop crying. None of us know how to help her, so we just stand there. We will give her whatever she needs.

"Sweetheart, lets go so you can sit down." Mason whispers to her. She doesn't respond. Mason nods to us and we move. He picks her up and we head to the car Jose and I came with.

I open the door and I get in. I help him get her in. She lays her head on his lap and he comforts her. I place my hands on her too and I try to rub her in comforting strokes.

Mason's shirt is wet but none of us care for nothing. Our girl just lost her mother, and we will be here for her no matter what. Bas drives us back to our house. We get her out and we follow as Mason carries her inside. He takes her to his room. She sniffles but she stopped wailing.

I go to the bathroom to prepare a warm towel for her face, and we all get to work. Bas gets her a clean shirt to wear and Jose rushes down to make her tea. We are all back in lightning speed and we all hurdle around her. She is sitting up looking at nothing. So much going on but none of us ask anything.

"I talked to her this morning." She sniffles and blows a breath. She moans a tortured moan. "She was just..." she sighs. "She was suffering. I feel selfish for wanting her to hold on because I needed her. Living was too hard for her." She speaks into space. I don't think she's even talking to us.

"She loved you, and if she could have, she would have stayed, Hoshi."

"I know." Her voice comes out small. "But what do I do now. I have... aah" then she sobs again. She cries into Bas's shoulder.

"We are here, baby, we aren't going anywhere."

After a while she calms down and we all wipe her tears. My fucking heart is in pieces for her. I know how much she loved her mother and how close they were. They were best friends.

"She wanted us to work things out." She lets out after long episodes of silence. She smiles a sad smile. "I hadn't told her what you did. But I see why she kept pushing me to you. She knew....she...oh mommy." Her swollen face trembles with a silent sob.

"We fucked up, love, but we will work to prove to you how much we want this." I say to her, and she stares back at me. She really focuses on me. My words settling into her. She swallows and she looks at a spot on the wall behind me.

Daggers rip all our hearts open. She thinks we still record her. She really doesn't trust us. We really fucked up.

"We removed everything. Baby, it's all fucked up, but we want to make it up to you when the funeral is over." Bas says, eyes pleading.

"It's broken, Sebastian." She says in a low voice and our chests split open as her words slice at us.

"Baby, no, we can work on it. Just let us be here for you, we'll talk after when you are ready. We'll wait, no matter how long it takes."

She shakes her head as if shaking his words before they settle in.

We sit in silence for long minutes before she gets off the bed to go to the bathroom. We all get up to follow her before she turns and we all halt. "I can pee by myself."

Then she goes. We all sit back down on the bed.

"Fuck." Jose mutters

"We should call her father. We need to fly her home." Mason says and we all nod.

Bas pulls out her phone. "She dropped this in the library. I don't even think she knows she did." His face houses the agony we all feel

I blow a breath. "I think we need to pack a few of her things, and we can fly in the morning."

"What if he doesn't let us in?" Jose asks

"I don't give a shit what he wants. We aren't there for him and his stupid position." I say, my conviction strong. That would be the time I punch his face if he doesn't let us stay with her.

She comes out and we all stand. She stands there and stares at all of us for a few seconds before she moves and gets in bed.

"Can we fetch a few of your essentials in your dorm?" Bas asks next to her

She nods. She sits leaning on the headboard. She knits her hands together and just focuses on them. I get up. I take her bag and I get her keys.

I take the car and I am in her dorm in 2 minutes. I run up the stairs of her building. I wasn't in the mood to wait for the elevator or see anyone. I may just go berserk on a kid. I unlock her room.

I look through her things after I get a bag. I take a few clothes. I try to look for a black dress she could wear at the funeral. I take her journal. My hands itch to open and read it but I don't want to invade her privacy.

I place it on the bed where I am laying everything out. I take and pack her cosmetics. When I pull the drawer, something catches my eye. I take the pack. Why would she need this? Could she?

My heart gallops. I open the packet and I look at the stick. I stare at the single thing that was definitely going to change everything.

She's pregnant.

She's having our baby.

Sadness clouds me and I feel even shittier. Everything we put our pregnant girlfriend through.

Fuck.

We are lower than the scummiest scum. How are we going to make this right?

She hasn't even told us, probably doesn't trust us after betraying her. I find four more. I take the one test with me, and I will hold on to it until she is ready to tell.

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