12 days till the wedding...

"Table for two please?" I smiled at the waitress. I was currently at a diner downtown about to meet my mom. It felt weird even saying that, I have a mom - never thought I would see the day.

"Naala he keeps sniffing," Amir complained over the phone. Saint had a flu so he was highly irritable at the moment, so I couldn't bring him with me.

"His nose is blocked Mir, try using the nasal wash," I said lowly into the phone, following behind the waitress to the table.

"Aight I'ma try it now, remember to ask your mom about what we spoke about," He replied. When I started planning the wedding, I thought about who would walk me down the aisle. I no longer speak to my dad and I don't have any male relatives so I decided I would ask my mom.

"Do you think she'll say yes?" I asked taking a seat at the table,

"I'm positive she will baby," He responded, "Say everything we practised with Dr Black," I looked at the front door and saw my mom walking in the door, with a young girl at her side.

"I'll try, I can see her coming, I'll call you when I get to Walmart," I said into the phone. We said our goodbyes and I put my phone on the table.

"Naala," She smiled widely, "This is Bailey, your sister," She said moving back so I saw the girl properly.

"Hi," I replied blankly with a fake smile. I thought this was meant to be a private lunch,

"I see the baby is growing," My mom said pointing at my stomach,

"Yeah, I made 5 months last week," I said putting my hand on my belly,

"Are you having a boy or a girl?" Bailey spoke staring at me with a mug. I squinted my eyes at her because she didn't even say hello and now she wants to know the gender of my baby,

"I'm not sure yet, my fiancé thinks it's a girl," I responded. I was trying to be nice,

"Oh, fiancé? When did that happen?" My mom asked with wide eyes,

"On my birthday," I smiled showing her my ring, "That's why I invited you here today actually,"

"This ring is beautiful," She gushed, "When do I get to meet the man that wants to marry my baby girl?"

"Hmpf," Bailey scoffed under her breath. My mom obviously didn't hear it because she was still waiting for me to reply,

"Well one of my close friends has planned a bridal shower, it's not a traditional one because he will also be there with his groomsmen. I would love for you to come," I said, remembering everything Dr Black taught me,

"You want me there?" She asked with a shocked expression,

"Yeah I do," I nodded, here goes nothing, "I- um- I, woo is it hot in here?" I asked fanning myself with a napkin,

"No it's actually quite chilly," She laughed at me, "Is there something you want to tell me?" She asked softly,

"It's to ask actually. Would you, sorry no could you walk me down the aisle? You don't have to if you can't but it would be nice if you would. I don't have anyone else and you're my mom so —"

"I'll do it," My mom smiled, "Stop rambling, I'll do it."

"Really?" I asked suddenly feeling emotional, "This baby makes me so emotional," I sniffed wiping my eyes,

"It would be my honour to walk you down the aisle," My mom said placing her hand on top of mine,

"Mark's outside, I'm leaving," Bailey said standing up. My mom tore her eyes away from me and looked at her,

"Your sisters getting married, aren't you excited?" She quizzed,

"She's not my sister," Bailey said rolling her eyes, "she's your daughter, not my sister,"

My mom gasped and held her chest, "Why would you say such a thing?"

"Miani it's okay," I said holding my hand up, "I know how it must feel, thinking you were the only child," I said making eye contact with Bailey,

"That doesn't allow her to be rude. I did not raise her to disrespect me," My mom responded, her accent more prominent, "We'll talk about this when we get back to the hotel and I will be telling your father,"

"Whatever, can I have your card so I can go?" Bailey asked rudely sticking her hand out,

I sat in shock at the whole encounter, if this was any other mama, her head would be rolling. What surprised me even more was that my mom started fishing through her purse and pulled out a platinum black card.

"Thanks," Bailey said snatching it out of her hand and walking off.

"I apologise for that," My mom said to me looking embarrassed,

"It's okay, would you like to order or you could come and meet Amir?" I said to her. Wow Naala - Growth!

"Is that okay with you?" She asked with a smile,

"I'm sure he would like to meet you too," I replied, picking up my purse. I pushed my seat out and got up carefully,

"So when is the wedding, next year?" My mom asked also standing. She was dressed in a button down Chanel pantsuit, with Chanel heels and a matching purse.

"It's in two weeks," I said biting my lip,

"Two weeks?" She asked blinking, "Naala have you even got a dress?"

"I'm going to have a look at some tomorrow, I know it's so soon but we wanted to do it before the baby comes," I responded. We walked towards the exit and I led her over to where I parked my truck.

"Well what have you sorted out? What can I do to help you darling?" My mom asked standing by the passenger door,

I laughed nervously and got in the car, waiting for her to join me.

"You're laughing, is that a good thing?" She asked looking over at me,

"I've sorted out the flowers," I said quietly, "That's it,"

"Oh Naala," My mom replied matching my tone,

"I need help," I groaned putting my head on the steering wheel. I knew I should have said no when Amir suggested we do this so soon.

"Hey don't do that," My mom said placing her hand on my arm, "I'll call up a friend, she plans weddings and she owes me a big favour,"

"You would do that for me?" I asked lifting my head up,

She was tapping on her phone before she dialled a number, "Of course my angel," She smiled,

"Who is it?" I asked as the phone rang,

"Sharon Sacks," She replied nonchalantly. Wait a damn minute. Sharon Sacks was only the best wedding planner in the world and here she was about to plan my wedding.

"Is this Miani Simmons? It couldn't be!" A voice rang through the phone,

"Sharon, good to hear from you," My mom chuckled,

"No good to hear from you! To what do I owe this pleasure?" Sharon replied,

"Well Sharon, my daughter has gotten herself in a bit of a problem. She's due to get married in a few weeks and we need your help," My mom said looking at me. I gave her a thankful smile and started the car,

"Oh that's nothing - what's the budget?" My mom looked to me for an answer,

"There is no budget," I spoke loud enough for them to both hear me,

"That's my favourite type of wedding! Let's set up a meeting tomorrow and bring your partner," She added,

"We'll be there Sharon, thanks for this," My mom said before wrapping up the call,

"Thank you Mo- Miani," I said correcting myself, "I really appreciate that,"

"My pleasure, you can call me mom Naala,"

"I know, I'm just not there yet," I admitted,

"That's okay," She responded sadly. Instead of saying anything else, I started the car up and headed to the direction of the house.

"Will your dad and his wife be in attendance?" My mom asked after a few moments of silence,

I shook my head quickly, "I don't want their bad energy around me,"

I saw my mom nod but she didn't say anything. I turned up the radio to fill the awkward silence. You would think that as my mom we would have more things to talk about but we didn't.

I pulled up to a red light and stopped the car. I heard sniffling and I glanced over to my mom who was in full blown tears. Now what am I meant to do? Dr Black didn't teach me this,

"Erm are you okay?" I asked softly, "Would you like a tissue,"

Come on Naala, your mother is crying and you asked her if she wants a tissue.

"No ignore me," She mumbled wiping her face,

"I can't because you're crying quite loud," I replied without thinking.

My mom giggled, "At least you're being honest,"

"Sorry that came out wrong, why are you crying?"

"I feel terrible. To hear that your father wasn't there for you makes me feel physically sick. To think that you went through your childhood without me upsets me," She responded with more tears falling down her face,

"Oh." I said quietly. Is this where I hug her and say it's okay?

"You probably hate me right?" My mom asked with a sad expression.

"For a long time, yes I did. I hated you when everyone brought their mom's into school and I had to bring daddy. I hated you so much when I gave birth on my own but I don't hate you anymore. I don't have space in my heart for hate anymore." I answered truthfully,

"I'm so sorry Naala, I wish things could have been different," She sniffed, looking over at me. I looked up and saw the green light so I drove on,

"I've forgiven you," I said simply. "It wasn't your fault, we were both lied to. When we first met, I was angry at the wrong person - you didn't do anything to me,"

Wow no tears from me, this has to be something.

"Oh you don't know how much I've wanted to hear those words from you," My mom said covering her face,

"Let's start afresh." I suggested. "Hi mom, my names Naala," I said with a light smile,

Her eyes lit up when I said mom and with a wide smile she replied, "Oh my angel baby,"

"Okay no more tears," I laughed wiping her face with one hand and my other hand on the wheel,

"I'll stop," She chuckled.

After about 20 minutes, I was pulling up to the gates of our house.

"Wow this is extravagant," She muttered as we parked up,

"I've told you about that word," I laughed, "We don't say those kind of things in America,"

"Okay what would you prefer I say dear?" She asked seriously,

"Ion know but not that," I replied,

"What's I-on?" My mom asked when we got out of the car, "Is it an abbreviation of something?"

I burst into laughter, "It means like I don't,"

"Well that's strange, why can't you just I don't?" She quizzed,

"It's slang," I chuckled. "Don't you have British slang?"

"Ahhhh we do," She smiled, "Like a 'cuppa'"

I screwed up my face, "What the hell is that?"

"Language Naala, you're a lady," She warned with a smirk, "It means a cup of tea,"

"You actually drink tea?" I asked with a surprised look,

"Yes but not with the Queen or with crumpets." She said as we walked up to the door,

"Just like Bridgeton?" I asked hopefully,

"Bridgeton is nothing like life in London." My mom said standing beside me, "You should come some time, I'll show you around,"

"That would be nice," I nodded unlocking the door. The intercom spoke loudly alerting everyone that we had entered the house.

"Here we go," I mumbled. I heard rumbling and I just knew it was them running down to bother me. Everytime I left the house, they acted as if they couldn't function.

"Mommy!" "Baby!" I heard at the same time,

Sinai was the first to make it to the door, almost tackling me off my feet,

"Oh my God Mommy you took agessss," She said hugging my waist. She looked behind me and then back at me. She made me come down to her level and then whispered in my ear,

"Who's that lady over there?" She whispered pretty badly,

"If you let me up, I'll tell you," I whispered back,

I stood up straight and before I could speak Amir came down the stairs with Saint on his shoulder and handed him to me straight away,

"Take your son before I throw him out the of the window," He grumbled,

"Oh papa bear what did you do to daddy?" I cooed at him,

"Okay Amir, this is my mom," I said stepping back, "Sinai this is your grandma,"

My mom stood sheepishly behind me, staring at Sinai.

"Mom say something," I nudged her shoulder,

"Oh right, hello I'm Miani," She smiled.

"You don't have to stand all the way back there," Amir laughed,

"This is all so new to me," She replied. "Can I give you a hug? You seem to make my daughter very happy - thank you,"

Amir smiled and stepped forward and hugged her, "She makes me happy, I'm just doing my job,"

"Aw Mir," I pouted. He stood beside me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"She talks funny mommy," Sinai said quietly,

"That's because I'm from England dear," My mom spoke before I could say anything. "And who is this little guy?" She asked smiling at Saint,

"This is Saint," I smiled, "He's not in the best mood today," I commented when she reached out for him.

Surprisingly, Saint let her take him and snuggled onto her chest.

"Wow, my two grandchildren," My mom mumbled with tears in her eyes,

"Erm can I call you Nana?" Sinai spoke looking up at her,

"Yes darling you can," My mom smiled,

"Okay Nana," Sinai said excitedly, "Do you want to come and see my room?"

"Of course," She turned to me and handed Saint back over,

"I'm Nana!" She said to me with a wide smile making me laugh,

"Yes you are," I replied as Sinai dragged her to her room.

I set my purse down and made my way to the kitchen bouncing Saint in my arms,

"Mir where's Niya?" I asked looking back at him when I caught him staring, "What is there something on my face?"

"No I'm just proud of you," He said walking over to me, "You've grown so much and it makes you ten times sexier,"

"Thank you," I smiled at him, "Kiss," I said sticking my lips out.

He leaned down and kissed me softly followed by three pecks.

"What do you want for dinner?" I asked putting Saint into his Walker.

"You didn't pick up the chicken?" He said sitting behind the counter,

"Shit," I cussed, "I forgot, I'm blaming your child," I said pointing to my stomach,

"Don't blame my daughter," He mugged me making me chuckle,

"It's baby brain though," I shrugged, "Think of something other than chicken please?"

"Lamb chops," Amir said tapping away on his phone.

"Ooo my mom got us a wedding planner," I said facing the refrigerator. I heard him chuckle so I turned back and he was still texting,

"Who are you talking to?" I asked glancing at him,

"Nobody," He laughed putting his phone down.

Now see this is where we go ten steps back. How can you be laughing at your phone but you aren't speaking to nobody?

"Mmm, I want to know the joke," I said pulling the lamb chops out. I moved around the kitchen getting the things I needed,

"You don't want to hear what this nigga is saying," He laughed,

I ignored him and carried on what I was doing. I could hear him still laughing at whoever he was talking to but I wasn't about to let him bring my mood down.

"Naala," Amir said as I busied myself around the kitchen. Choosing to ignore him, I opened the cupboards looking for the seasoning I needed.

"Love, you ignoring me?" He asked standing directly in front of me - blocking me from moving.

"Whoever your texting seems to have your attention," I said simply crossing my arms.

"It was Priest baby," He sighed putting his hands on my waist.

"You don't have to tell me," I shrugged, "I didn't ask so please move out my way,"

"You got an attitude?" He asked still not moving,

"No but I will get one if you don't move," I replied quickly,

"What were you saying about the wedding?" Amir said wrapping his arms around my waist. I stared at him for a long time,

"Do you want to do this?" I asked quietly. "Because everytime I mention it you don't hear me, please tell me now if this isn't what you want because we —"

"What's got you all worked up huh?" He asked holding my face, "I want to marry you Naala,"

"Then why aren't you listening to me?" I asked him biting my lip, "You never listen to me." I said coming to a realisation,

"I told you how I felt about Millie and you didn't listen to me. I asked you to check your mom and your Aunty about how they speak to me but did you do that? You're sister spoke to me like shit for at least 6 months but did you say anything? I told you I feel uncomfortable around Mateo yet he still follows me everywhere," I said stepping out of his arms, "You don't listen to me Amir. You're just like all of them," I said quietly.

Amir scoffed and stood back, "I can't stand when you bring up old shit. What the fuck has any of that got to do with what we've got going on?"

"Amir please don't shout at me," I said lowly, "I'm not shouting or cussing at you,"

"Aight I'm sorry." He mumbled, "But fine, if Mateo bothers you that much then he's gone."

"Don't do that," I spoke, "Don't make it out as if I'm crazy. You're just like all of them." I repeated.

"You treat me like I can't think for myself, that I'm weak. That if you push me too far I might kill myself right?" I said tears building up in my eyes,

"Naala what the fuck man?" He groaned walking away. "Why do you do that?" He spin around with an angry expression,

"Do what?" I said wiping my eyes,

"That!" He shouted, "We've been doing so good Naala. So fucking good and then you tank, you go back into that hole. I can't keep doing this with you, I swear I can't,"

"Stop shouting, my mom is down the hall," I replied, trying to keep my tears at bay.

"Do you know what? I'm gonna leave before we go too far," He said before leaving the kitchen.

"Daaa," Saint squealed trying to follow behind him. I caught him before he could get too far and lifted him into his high chair.

This is what I didn't want. I didn't mean for this to happen, why can't I have one good thing? I'm not capable of happy, not for long and that was my problem.

When I heard the front door slam I let my tears fall freely as I leaned against the counter. The tears soon turned into sobs, racking through my entire body. It was like it'd been building up and I finally let the dam break. Everything hit me at once, and it was crippling.

"Mommy," Maniya said coming closer to me. I didn't even realise that she came in. She pulled me into a hug and let me cry on her shoulder.

"I-I'm sorry," I weeped,

"You don't have to apologise mama," She whispered holding me tightly.

Maniya let me cry until I couldn't cry anymore. I pulled away from her and sat on a stool. I checked on Saint who was in his own world, playing with his blocks.

"Where's daddy?" Maniya asked looking at me,

I shrugged pulling my tank top down.

"My mom is in there with Sinai," I said to her,

"Really?" Maniya asked with a surprised expression, "Is that why you were crying?"

"No," I shook my head, "I'm happy about that,"

"That's good, I'm happy that you're happy Ma," She smiled, "So why were you crying?"

"I thought I was over it, I thought I could look past the bad things but I can't. I keep ruining everything," I said softly,

"I know this might not be the right time mom but I'm really sorry about Atlanta," Maniya started, "I was upset but that doesn't mean I had a right to speak to you that way. I really appreciate you and Daddy for all you do,"

"I'm over it," I said waving her off, not wanting to get into all of that.