"Here baby, eat these," I said placing cut up strawberries in front of a two year old Sinai. My entire body ached as I reached to pick up the toys scattered on the floor. I had to approximately 30 minutes to clean up before Darnell got home. I had just picked Sinai up from daycare after work but he wouldn't care, he expects the house to be spotless.

"Ms Naala, I'm leaving now, the food is in the refrigerator," Rosa smiled standing before me clutching her bag,

"Thanks so much Rosa, what would I do without you?" I said lowly. I saw her holding something in her hand,

"Ah, I found these in Mr Jones laundry," It was a pill box, my pill box to be exact. I knew he had them, I'd been looking for them all morning,

"I can take them," I rushed out, lunging forward. She looked at me weirdly but handed me the pills.

"Also, your eye?" She said pointing to the cut above my eye,

"Sinai threw a toy at me," I lied. Darnell gave me that when I didn't answer his question.

"Mmm, Sinai doesn't throw at me," Rosa replied with a sympathetic look. I know she probably knew I was lying but what could I do? I didn't want her to feel sorry for me, this was my fault.

"Thanks Rosa," I said with a tight lipped smile. She returned the smile and then walked over to the front door and left.

I looked at the time and realised I only had 25 minutes now. Fuck.

I sped around the entire house making sure there was no sign that Sinai was in the living room, he hated her in there. As I was cleaning up it was like the pills were calling my name,

"Not when Sinai's here Naala," I coached myself. I promised myself that I wouldn't get high around her anymore but it was so hard, I needed them. They gave me peace, in my world of chaos that was the only time I felt at peace.

Sinai squealed, mashing her strawberries into the plate and rubbing her hands on the high chair. Great, another thing I had to clean.

"Just one," I mumbled picking them up off the counter. I poured one into my hand and stared at it. I knew this wrong, but I also knew that I needed it.

The door slamming shut jolted me out of my thoughts. I put the pill back in the bottle and stuffed it into my sweatpants pockets. I looked around and realised that I actually managed to clean up the majority of the things.

"Baby?" Darnell's voice boomed through the house making me jump,

"In here," I replied, I learned my lesson ignoring him. He rounded the corner with a big bouquet of roses, this was new. He walked directly up to me making me step back and lean against the counter,

"Happy birthday baby" He smiled handing me the roses, with everything going on I didn't even remember my own birthday. My 21st birthday,

"You remembered?" I said taking the roses. He sat his briefcase down and unbuckled his suit jacket,

"Of course," He replied leaning down and kissing my cheek, "I've booked us a table at restaurant downtown,"

"What about Sinai?" I asked setting the roses down. My voice was low because I didn't want to upset him,

"I've asked your sister to come and take her," Darnell spoke, he wrapped his arms around my waist making me tense up. He analysed my face and ran his finger over the cut, making me hiss.

"You know I hate hurting you, I'm sorry ," He whispered leaning down to kiss my neck. I let out a breathe and hugged him back,

"This can't keep happening Nell, you can't keep doing this to me," I replied, sniffing. He lifted his head up and looked at me, for the first time, his eyes were soft.

"I'm sorry Miani, I mean it," He said to me, he didn't know but I hated that name. I hated that it came from my mother and that she left me in this world all by myself. "Come on, look at what I got you," He said unwrapping his hands from my waist.

He took my hand and led me out of the kitchen, "Sinai," I said looking back.

"She'll be fine," He reassured me. I nodded and didn't protest. If he was in a good mood I didn't want to do anything to change that.

I saw a few gift bags by the door, he reached down and picked them up, giving them to me.

"I want you to wear this tonight," Darnell smiled as I pulled out a dress. Firstly, the dress was definitely something I wouldn't wear and then secondly it wasn't my size.

"Thank you but this won't fit me,"

"I told you to slow down on the food but you didn't listen," He said patting my stomach, "You're wearing it," With that he walked up the stairs and into our bedroom,

This wasn't the first time he's spoken about my weight and I knew it wouldn't be the last. Instead of arguing, I took the dress and went back into the kitchen to clean up after Sinai.

"Maaaaa," Sinai dragged out when she saw me, I smiled lightly and lifted her out of her high chair,

"My baby," I said holding her close to me. I walked up the stairs and took her into her room to get her ready. After I finished getting her ready I sat her in her play pen so I could get myself ready.

Walking into our room, I overheard Darnell on the phone, "I have to spend her birthday with her baby, come on,"

I raised my eyebrows at him calling someone baby over the phone. I know this nigga wasn't cheating on me. After everything, I would think that he would have just an ounce of respect for me.

He saw me enter the room and got up, going into the closet so I couldn't hear his conversation. Ignoring him, I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. After showering for 20 minutes I got out and wrapped myself in my plush white towel. I went over to my vanity and started my makeup, making sure to cover every bruise or cut that was on my face. I decided to straighten my hair out, instead of leaving it in it's curly state.

"It shouldn't take you this long to get ready," Darnell sneered, fixing his watch,

"I was too busy trying to cover up my bruises," I mumbled, straightening the last strand on hair.

"What did you say?" He asked walking up behind me. I watched him in the mirror with a mug,

"Who were talking to when I came in?" I asked, feeling brave.

"How is that any of your business Miani? Don't start our evening like this,"

"Don't call me that," I snapped turning around to face him, "Are you cheating on me?"

"Stop being stupid before we don't go anywhere," He waved me off, picking up the dress and throwing it in my lap. "Get dressed,"

And with that he left the room. Tears gathered in my eyes because I was right. He didn't even try to lie or deny it, meaning he was cheating on me. That was the last straw, after today I was done - I was going to leave him.

I put the dress on and I could barely breathe but this was the last time I was going to listen to him. I slipped into some heels and grabbed my Chanel clutch. The doorbell rang and I heard chatter moments after, so I'm guessing Azure was here to pick up Sinai.

I walked into Sinai's room and lifted her out of her play pen carefully, "I'm gonna get us out of here baby," I whispered to her, kissing her cheek. She stared back blankly at me, tugging on the neck of my dress.

"You shouldn't still be carrying her around, she can walk Miani." Darnell said as I got down the stairs. I ignored him and placed her on her feet, watching her waddle off towards Azure.

"You good Naala?" Azure asked me, pulling me into a hug. I nodded and hugged her back tightly,

"I'm fine, thanks for watching her," I replied as we pulled apart.

"It's your birthday girl of course," Azure smiled at me, "Enjoy yourself, you only turn 21 once,"

Darnell cleared his throat and stood by the door, with his hands in his jeans. Azure looked at him and gave me a sympathetic look, "Enjoy yourself Naala,"

"I'll try," I mumbled leaning down and kissing Sinai's cheek. Azure took her overnight bag from me and left with Sinai in her arms,

"We're gonna be late now," Darnell said pulling open the passenger door for me,

"I'm sorry you didn't give me much time," I said getting into the car. When he got in he slammed the door and sped off before I could even put my seatbelt on.

"This is the shit that pisses me off," He said turning to me, I stayed quiet, "You sitting there and you don't know what I'm talking about right?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked loudly, "I've not said a word to you so what could I have possibly done to you?"

"It's that shit right there!" He shouted, making me jump, "Those sly remarks, the acting all sad and shit that's what makes me beat your ass,"

I turned to the window and let the tears that I've been holding fall, this was an everyday occurrence. We start the evening well and then he just explodes.

"Don't fucking cry," He shouted pushing my head into window, making me wince and bite my lip.

"Then you wonder why I fucking cheat on you. You're a piece of shit, a fucking drugged out single mother, where the fuck is her father? He left you because you're disgusting," He sneered trying to get a reaction out of me,

The rest of the drive, I laid my head on the window and silently cried whilst he muttered things under his breathe. When we finally pulled up to the restaurant, he turned off the car and pulled my wrist, forcing me to look at him.

"You're gonna wipe your face and come in here and have a nice meal with me and then when we get home, I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you," He grumbled grabbing my chin,

I sniffed and looked away making him squeeze my chin harder,

"Did you fucking hear me Miani?" He screamed in my face. I nodded quickly and wiped my face to the best of my ability,

"You look ridiculous," Darnell laughed as I pulled down the visor to look in the mirror. He wasn't wrong, all my mascara had leaked down my face. Luckily I bought my powder with me, so I cleaned up my face a bit.

"Hurry up," Darnell said getting out of the car. I let out a breathe and bit my lip,

"Just one more night Naala," I coached myself. I had made a plan months ago and today was the day. I had a bag packed for me and Sinai in the back of the closet, when he finishes raping me he'll fall asleep and then we could escape.

I checked my makeup once more before getting out of the car and smoothing out the painfully small dress. Darnell pulled me into him and wrapped his arm around my waist and leaned down to my ear,

"Smile," He said roughly before covering it up with a kiss on the cheek.

We got into the restaurant and a hostess approached us,

"Reservations for Jones," Darnell said squeezing my waist, to remind me to smile,

"Ah Mr and Mrs Jones, just this way," The hostess said. My fake smile dropped, never will I ever have his last name, over my dead body.

The man sat us down and handed us two menus. Darnell took mine and handed it back to the waiter,

"She won't need this," He said looking over his own menu. The waiter looked at me for confirmation and I smiled weakly,

"He'll order for me," I said lowly, playing with my bracelet,

"Ok pretty lady," The waiter said winking and then walking off. Now why did he have to do all that?

Darnell scoffed and put down his menu, "So now you flirt with waiters?"

"I wasn't flirting, I didn't even look at him," I replied quickly,

"Naala don't get fucked up in this restaurant," He said leaning forward. I nodded and looked off, I saw all the couples that looked genuinely happy to be with their significant other, I wondered how that felt.

The rest of the meal was painfully long especially because the whole night that waiter made it his mission to stare at me or make comments about me,

"It's because of this slutty dress you have on," Darnell said opening the door for me, now wait a damn minute,

"I didn't want to wear this!" I exploded, "You made me wear it and now you're complaining, you are just unbearable," I exclaimed,

Darnell laughed and slammed my door. He got in on his side and looked at me, "Run that back,"

I sat back and stayed quiet, before I could even put my belt on he punched my face hard as hell.

"That's for shouting at me," He said pulling out of the restaurant. My jaw throbbed as I held it, trying not to cry,

"I hate you," I mumbled, "I hate you so much,"

"I hate me too baby girl, you won't be the first person to say that to me," Darnell replied driving fast down the freeway,

"Can you slow down?" I said gripping the seat,

"I thought you hate me?" He said stepping on the gas more,

"Darnell seriously slow down," I screamed as he swerved in and out of lanes. All I could think about was Sinai, I couldn't die.

"I thought you hate me Naala?" He screamed, "I hate me too so let me kill myself,"

"Stop," I screamed as he got closer to other cars, tears were streaming down my face,

Suddenly he slowed down and then burst into laughter, "Was you scared?"

I ignored him and carried on crying, how did I end up here?

When we got to the house, my heart dropped because I knew what was happening next, "Go and have a shower, I'll meet you in there,"

I didn't reply and opened the door running into the house. I went straight to the closet and pulled the bag out. I stuffed a few more clothes in there and then went into Sinai's room to get a few of her toys out. When I was done I left the bag in Sinai's room because I knew he wouldn't go in there.

The door slammed downstairs so I rushed back into the room and into the bathroom, locking the door. I turned on the shower and got in. I started to wash my body until I heard banging on the door,

"Yes?" I called out, rinsing the soap of my body,

"What did I tell you about locking doors in my house?" Darnell's voice boomed through the house,

"I-I'm coming out now," I rushed out turning the shower off. I wrapped my towel around my body tightly and unlocked the door. Darnell was leaning against the wall with a glass of scotch,

"Why you hiding from me?" He said walking towards me,

"I'm not, it's just habit," I lied. I knew exactly why I locked the door,

He set his glass down on the dresser and took of his top, "You look so good baby,"

I bit my lip and let him touch me, I couldn't act up or he would know something was up. His hands explored my body and I shivered at his touch,

"You're scared of me," Darnell said running his hands through my hair, "Why?"

I looked at him like he was talking another language, "Because you hurt me,"

"I only do it because I love you Miani, and I want you to be a better version of yourself," He said lowly, "That's why I found these for you," He said lifting up my pills,

"I didn't take any," I said shaking my head,

"Shh, I know baby. But you've been good tonight so you can have one," He said pouring one into his hand,

I shook my head and turned my head, "I don't want it," I couldn't get out of here if I was high, I could get high tomorrow, right now I needed to concentrate.

"You never say no to them," Darnell said stepping back, "What's going on?"

"Nothing I-I, I'm not in the mood," I mumbled trying to get around him. He stepped in my way and held the pill up,

"You sure?" He said waving the pill in my face. I tried to look away but he kept showing it to me,

"No Darnell," I said pushing his hand back a bit,

"Take it," He whispered, "Here have two," He said pouring another one in his hand.

"Naala take the fucking pills," He screamed making me jump, "For me," He said in a quieter tone,

The voices in my head started up, "Take them," They taunted, "You can leave tomorrow,"

"I know you want them," Darnell said into my ear, "Don't they look so good?"

I bit my lip and brushed my hair out if my face, "I can have two?" I asked to be sure,

"You can have them all baby," Darnell smiled,

"Okay," I nodded giving in. Darnell's eyes lit up and he lifted them up,

"Open up," He smiled, using one finger to pull my lip down. He popped them into my mouth and held up his glass of scotch to help me swallow them. I took a big gulp of the drink, swallowing them and instantly feeling at peace.

"Good," He chuckled, "Now come," He said leading me over to the bed. I let him lead me away and all I could think of as he had sex with me is that today could have been the day, I could have left. Little did I know that I would be stuck for another 3 years.

I felt shuffling and the blinds being drawn in the room, pulling me out of my dreams.

"Go away," I groaned turning over in the bed,

"Come on baby, it's your birthday," Amir said getting into the bed and planting kisses all over my face,

"I don't care," I replied truthfully. He sucked his teeth and patted my butt,

"Get up mama, the kids have a surprise for you," He said pulling me up. I pouted and threw my head back, "Is your belly okay?" He asked rubbing my growing stomach,

"Yeah, I slept a bit better," I said which was a complete lie, that dream put me on edge.

Amir nodded and pulled me into him, "Happy birthday baby," He smiled leaning down and pecking my lips,

I pulled away quickly, "Ew I haven't brushed my teeth," I said covering my mouth,

"Ion care about your dragon breath," He mumbled rubbing my back,

"Move," I laughed getting out of the bed. I walked into the bathroom with him hot on my tail,

"Hurry," He groaned in my ear as he played with my butt,

"Amir you're making it longer," I said with a straight face, he ignored me and started kissing my neck.

I moaned unintentionally as I started to brush my teeth. He bothered me the whole time, making it hard for me to even concentrate,

"Stop," I whispered when I felt him pulling at my shorts, "Where are they?" I breathed out referring to Saint and Sinai,

"Maniya is with them in the kitchen," He mumbled pulling down my shorts.

"Quickly," I replied, he lifted my up onto the counter and got down,

"So pretty," He said before licking the inside of my thigh, he spread my lips apart with his tongue and started to suck on my clit,

"Shit," I cursed throwing my head back, "Stop playing," I moaned as he licked and sucked like crazy. My stomach started to tighten meaning I was close,